Seoulsearch Tries To Date Multiple People At Once -- Ending In Epic Failure!
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You, Lynx, and several others here have been a tremendous blessing in my life.
And I'm so thankful that every now and then, we get to carry things out in person! 😍
Have we ever mentioned that Rodney makes the best burgers any of us had ever had!? 😎🍔
If only we could get them to go. 😬
And I'm so thankful that every now and then, we get to carry things out in person! 😍
Have we ever mentioned that Rodney makes the best burgers any of us had ever had!? 😎🍔
If only we could get them to go. 😬
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Dating is an activity whose end goal is marriage.
And the prima fascia evidence of your admissions is a failure in your endeavor of dating.
I did NOT say that you did not have opportunities for marriage in your life....
Stop putting words in my posts that do not exist or psychanalyzing my statements.
I'm not a cardboard cutout....I'm a person here. Please try to remember that. I KNOW that it's difficult for you....but make an effort at least.
And the prima fascia evidence of your admissions is a failure in your endeavor of dating.
I did NOT say that you did not have opportunities for marriage in your life....
Stop putting words in my posts that do not exist or psychanalyzing my statements.
I'm not a cardboard cutout....I'm a person here. Please try to remember that. I KNOW that it's difficult for you....but make an effort at least.
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I guess I was never truly dating then -- I was making friends.
And that, I think, has been a big success.
It's funny that you accuse me of treating you like a cardboard cutout, when you always put singles into one big lump -- of which you always point out you are glad to not be part of, as if we are some how lesser for being so.
It would be nice to see you treat singles like fully-formed people who have just as important of God-given callings as marrieds do, but I know that isn't going to happen.
And you always come here to single and speak to us the lower-level beings you see us as.
And that, I think, has been a big success.
It's funny that you accuse me of treating you like a cardboard cutout, when you always put singles into one big lump -- of which you always point out you are glad to not be part of, as if we are some how lesser for being so.
It would be nice to see you treat singles like fully-formed people who have just as important of God-given callings as marrieds do, but I know that isn't going to happen.
And you always come here to single and speak to us the lower-level beings you see us as.
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I remember your posts of how you view singles very well.
And you accuse me of treating you like a cardboard cutout... Hmm. Because surely none of the statements you've said about singles are treating them like cardboard cutouts at all...
When this is what you think of them, and you yourself have stated that you "don't want to return or turn to these people," why do you keep coming here?
Again,
I've said NOTHING SIMILAR TO THIS. STOP PUTTING EXTRA WORDS IN WHAT I POST.
STOP PSYCHOANALYZING PEOPLE. You aren't any good at it.
I am very happily married....I never thought that I would be....but I am...and I'm extremely grateful to God that I finally found the correct formula. I am happy to have a ministry partner and wife who helps me as I am also glad and excited to help her with her endeavors. And since you have ZERO EXPERIENCE WITH THAT you really have no basis upon with to judge the nature of our relationship despite you having once been married. Because if you did....you would understand what I'm relating.
And yes, most definitely you treat people as cardboard cutouts as a sum total of whatever attributes you check boxes on some list you use on them. Whether in person or long distance. It does seem to matter.
Just as a possibility....you might be hanging around and being influenced by people who despise marriage to begin with despite their claims to the contrary. I'll grant you that grace and suggest that if it is so you are then you need to make better friends.
And finally.....
I'm ignoring all your backpeddling as another bit of grace....which is more grace. Because if I were to call out your huge disingenuousness it would really point out that whole cardboard cutout thing you want hidden about yourself.
I've said NOTHING SIMILAR TO THIS. STOP PUTTING EXTRA WORDS IN WHAT I POST.
STOP PSYCHOANALYZING PEOPLE. You aren't any good at it.
I am very happily married....I never thought that I would be....but I am...and I'm extremely grateful to God that I finally found the correct formula. I am happy to have a ministry partner and wife who helps me as I am also glad and excited to help her with her endeavors. And since you have ZERO EXPERIENCE WITH THAT you really have no basis upon with to judge the nature of our relationship despite you having once been married. Because if you did....you would understand what I'm relating.
And yes, most definitely you treat people as cardboard cutouts as a sum total of whatever attributes you check boxes on some list you use on them. Whether in person or long distance. It does seem to matter.
Just as a possibility....you might be hanging around and being influenced by people who despise marriage to begin with despite their claims to the contrary. I'll grant you that grace and suggest that if it is so you are then you need to make better friends.
And finally.....
I'm ignoring all your backpeddling as another bit of grace....which is more grace. Because if I were to call out your huge disingenuousness it would really point out that whole cardboard cutout thing you want hidden about yourself.
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This should be in midnight confession page, but this might be a better place at the moment after reading the dialog from @seoulsearch and @JohnDB. My confession is that I tend to think more in terms of perception than I do in perspective. I used to think those two words were much the same, but they're miles apart - and there's the rub.
My perception is ..... I guess my sensory concept of how I organize my thoughts. It's my capacity of how I view a thing or a person according to my experience or my memory (or countless other senses) and developing conclusions about the thing or the person based on those personal thoughts. But perspective is an actual view of a thing or person so that my senses are no longer a concept but rather a reality and so my conclusions are usually completely different. - and there's the rub too because perceptions are easy for me and perspectives are hard.
So, which is better. Well, in that my perceptions are personal and debated and concluded by my own head with only the prosecution present and no defense, I'd have to say my perceptions are usually flawed.
This was a long way of understanding the two most important commandments of God. Matthew 22:34-36
My perception is ..... I guess my sensory concept of how I organize my thoughts. It's my capacity of how I view a thing or a person according to my experience or my memory (or countless other senses) and developing conclusions about the thing or the person based on those personal thoughts. But perspective is an actual view of a thing or person so that my senses are no longer a concept but rather a reality and so my conclusions are usually completely different. - and there's the rub too because perceptions are easy for me and perspectives are hard.
So, which is better. Well, in that my perceptions are personal and debated and concluded by my own head with only the prosecution present and no defense, I'd have to say my perceptions are usually flawed.
This was a long way of understanding the two most important commandments of God. Matthew 22:34-36
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I'm not sure why you say I keep speaking for you. I didn't add a single word to your posts. I deleted some things for brevity, but the quotes I posted are your own posts, made in a different thread:
https://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/trouble-with-friends.211054/#post-5081375
Post #6 and Post #13.
All I'm doing is I'm quoting you, back to you.
In Post #18, someone even responded to your posts, "OMY, did you have to pay extra for that oh so broad brush?"
This is in response to your talk of treating people like cardboard cutouts, because in these posts, you are doing this very thing.
My threads and posts are an open book, so I'm not sure what you think I'm trying to hide about myself. But you certainly have a right to call out what you see as my disingenuousness.
And most exchanges like this make for useful thread ideas in the end.
After you get that all out -- and you are welcome to do so -- I would actually like to ask you to place me on Ignore.
The reason I don't use the Ignore function is because in order to write threads, I have to keep up with conversations. Another user in another thread recently demonstrated what happens when they have everyone on Ignore but try to start threads and then answer without knowing what's going on, so Ignore isn't useful for me.
But I know (and I think it might have been in the same thread as in the link,) that you said you put Lynx on Ignore, then posted the song "Dead to Me" for emphasis, so I know you use yours. Again, if you think I'm speaking for you, I can find the posts and put them up.
And I would be very honored if you would put me on that list.
If not, I understand.
I used to think you were like a cool father figure who came in to hang out now and then, but it always feels like for you, marriage is the one and only answer. But we have lots of other married people who also come here and don't see us all as failing for not being married.
I can respect that this is your experience, but mine is much different, and I will continue to write from the vantage point of where I feel God has me.
It's an interesting thing. I know that I myself annoy a lot of people, but yet, those same people always flock to my threads.
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I should mention that I did indeed write my responses specifically with John's posts in mind, both the ones written here and also in the other linked thread. My responses were centered around the framework of answering John, not married people in general. I had a little extra energy this morning and it all went into frenzied writing.
I certainly understand that not all married people have the same views, and I apologize to those I may have offended.
It makes me very thankful for the married people who come here and encourage singles, even those who stay single.
I also understand that John is going to say that I'm backpedaling and it's his and anyone else's right to feel that way.
I always invite anyone I offend or who doesn't like my threads and posts to put me on Ignore.
I certainly understand that not all married people have the same views, and I apologize to those I may have offended.
It makes me very thankful for the married people who come here and encourage singles, even those who stay single.
I also understand that John is going to say that I'm backpedaling and it's his and anyone else's right to feel that way.
I always invite anyone I offend or who doesn't like my threads and posts to put me on Ignore.
I wish I was the originator of the statement....but I heard it from another missionary at the time talking about someone on our team. (And she wasn't talking about me even though I felt like the odd man out with no skills to contribute....but I did actually to my surprise)
Missionary work is NOT for everyone. Real Fasting is the training wheels for mission work. It's hot or sometimes cold....it's often brutal on your body. Creature comforts are practically non-existent...and sometimes necessities are that way too. You get aged quickly in the mission field. High stress situations are constant. Situational awareness and good snap decisions are necessary skills. Flexible dietary needs are also a requisite because eating never happens on a consistent schedule and food is never things you get at home.
Mainly because it's NOT ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. But having a friend helping you with your tasks? Absolutely priceless beyond measure.
Because that bit of missionary work you are doing means so much to those who are receiving it....more than you can imagine. And on rare occasion, the good words and dedicated attitude you bring can change an entire community or nation for generations to come.
A person who complains "they don't like my cooking" or "they don't demonstrate their love for me in ways I want" do NOT need to be missionaries as they are still the mission field.
I've been lucky/Blessed with my Ministry Partner/wife....we've changed lives, advocated for those who couldn't speak up for themselves, and preached the Gospel(Good News) Message to EVERYONE...including a few who were supposed to already know it. And then we left the country and fulfilled some missionary work outside of America. Got our minds blown with what God did out there through us. (I think I accidentally changed a nation....dunno yet but some noise was made)
Currently I'm in the middle of nowhere GA....living on a fruit and nut farm. We cause a LOT of mischief.
Missionary work is NOT for everyone. Real Fasting is the training wheels for mission work. It's hot or sometimes cold....it's often brutal on your body. Creature comforts are practically non-existent...and sometimes necessities are that way too. You get aged quickly in the mission field. High stress situations are constant. Situational awareness and good snap decisions are necessary skills. Flexible dietary needs are also a requisite because eating never happens on a consistent schedule and food is never things you get at home.
Mainly because it's NOT ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. But having a friend helping you with your tasks? Absolutely priceless beyond measure.
Because that bit of missionary work you are doing means so much to those who are receiving it....more than you can imagine. And on rare occasion, the good words and dedicated attitude you bring can change an entire community or nation for generations to come.
A person who complains "they don't like my cooking" or "they don't demonstrate their love for me in ways I want" do NOT need to be missionaries as they are still the mission field.
I've been lucky/Blessed with my Ministry Partner/wife....we've changed lives, advocated for those who couldn't speak up for themselves, and preached the Gospel(Good News) Message to EVERYONE...including a few who were supposed to already know it. And then we left the country and fulfilled some missionary work outside of America. Got our minds blown with what God did out there through us. (I think I accidentally changed a nation....dunno yet but some noise was made)
Currently I'm in the middle of nowhere GA....living on a fruit and nut farm. We cause a LOT of mischief.
Yep, I remember. 
While we're on that side of this subject; if you're willing to talk about it; we're you 'burned' by someone (or more) that you were seeing? If so, what was the gist of the most impactful one?
One focus of psychological research would suggest that you had a close and secure relationship with your father.
Absolutely yes, me keeping me from getting prematurely attached. Mainly because they are a bad match, or someone who would be bad for anyone. Not so much because they may ultimately choose someone else. Pain and rejection come with life. We have to leave room for God, right?
Everybody has different life (dating) experiences. Perhaps some dating experiences were directed by our good God, or maybe none. Or maybe God has created good from them in the form of discernment and caution. I'm sure it's a mix of many things; and we just have to do our best to listen to God and gain wisdom.
I've been so blessed with knowing so many good people. And I know very well everyone is imperfect; otherwise, I wouldn't have so many close family and friends. But by-in-large my dating partners have been a disappointing contrast.
Is my selection process dysfunctional, poor luck of the draw, cultural issues, supernatural intervention?
Commonsense-wise, statistically, I would agree, if you somehow know a guy is meeting/talking to other women, it's less likely he prematurely attaches to you.
But you do have me curious, how do you define a guy getting inappropriately attached to you?
Inappropriate attachment exists of course. But what is it? It's something worthwhile to think about. Is it only when you don't feel the same way? Is it time? Is it how much they really know you?
We know about love at first sight, and couples getting happily married for life after a few days. A very good match can happen, right? I think we can discern when it's too soon based on the shared experience and commonsense; but is it inappropriate for someone to like you a lot before you like them? Surely that alone doesn't make it bad, evil, toxic, or a "red flag", right? People can tap any necessary relationship brakes without a breakup, right?, without the need of you "pushing them away" as you put it? To make space for a healthy relationship, can you imagine a scenario where it's okay, and one where it's not?
While we're on that side of this subject; if you're willing to talk about it; we're you 'burned' by someone (or more) that you were seeing? If so, what was the gist of the most impactful one?One focus of psychological research would suggest that you had a close and secure relationship with your father.
Absolutely yes, me keeping me from getting prematurely attached. Mainly because they are a bad match, or someone who would be bad for anyone. Not so much because they may ultimately choose someone else. Pain and rejection come with life. We have to leave room for God, right?
Everybody has different life (dating) experiences. Perhaps some dating experiences were directed by our good God, or maybe none. Or maybe God has created good from them in the form of discernment and caution. I'm sure it's a mix of many things; and we just have to do our best to listen to God and gain wisdom.
I've been so blessed with knowing so many good people. And I know very well everyone is imperfect; otherwise, I wouldn't have so many close family and friends. But by-in-large my dating partners have been a disappointing contrast.
Is my selection process dysfunctional, poor luck of the draw, cultural issues, supernatural intervention?
Commonsense-wise, statistically, I would agree, if you somehow know a guy is meeting/talking to other women, it's less likely he prematurely attaches to you.
But you do have me curious, how do you define a guy getting inappropriately attached to you?
Inappropriate attachment exists of course
. But what is it? It's something worthwhile to think about. Is it only when you don't feel the same way? Is it time? Is it how much they really know you? We know about love at first sight, and couples getting happily married for life after a few days. A very good match can happen, right? I think we can discern when it's too soon based on the shared experience and commonsense; but is it inappropriate for someone to like you a lot before you like them? Surely that alone doesn't make it bad, evil, toxic, or a "red flag", right? People can tap any necessary relationship brakes without a breakup, right?, without the need of you "pushing them away" as you put it? To make space for a healthy relationship, can you imagine a scenario where it's okay, and one where it's not?
. Been on a memory trip all day as a result. But I don't want to derail Seoulsearch's thread. Also, I'm not sure if the questions were rhetorical and just meant as food for thought (if so, they have achieved their objective! ). If they aren't rhetorical and you're wanting to hear the answers, I could Private Message them or post in my Fear of attraction thread.... or if Seoul doesn't mind I can reply here but there's a lot going on and I'm trying not to butt in. -
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Hi Sculpt, your questions kinda blew my mind . Been on a memory trip all day as a result. But I don't want to derail Seoulsearch's thread. Also, I'm not sure if the questions were rhetorical and just meant as food for thought (if so, they have achieved their objective! ). If they aren't rhetorical and you're wanting to hear the answers, I could Private Message them or post in my Fear of attraction thread.... or if Seoul doesn't mind I can reply here but there's a lot going on and I'm trying not to butt in.
. Been on a memory trip all day as a result. But I don't want to derail Seoulsearch's thread. Also, I'm not sure if the questions were rhetorical and just meant as food for thought (if so, they have achieved their objective! ). If they aren't rhetorical and you're wanting to hear the answers, I could Private Message them or post in my Fear of attraction thread.... or if Seoul doesn't mind I can reply here but there's a lot going on and I'm trying not to butt in.
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