Your failure to understand they answer is in God's Word and getting upset at me for pointing people to God's Word is very telling.
Thanks for sharing!
Anxiety and Depression are Real.
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Your failure to understand they answer is in God's Word and getting upset at me for pointing people to God's Word is very telling.
Thanks for sharing!
The person who has been through tough times that God helped him overcome, and so now he seems to believe that everyone else needs nothing less than his own best tough love -- and is in sin if they don't achieve what he claims to.
I'm not upset at you.
I'm thankful that you remind me of what I never want to be, and give me a reason to keep striving ahead on God's path for me.
I'm not answering you to answer YOU.
I'm answering because I know there are people out there reading this interaction, and those are the ones I am truly speaking to through this exchange.
Being Present with My Son is so Difficult because I don't want him to see me struggle and I know that he can tell. I Thank God that he has Always been a Happy Person. He always cheers me up and I feel guilty that it is not the other way around. I fight back the tears constantly. As I Am typing this with everyone I would like for us ALL to decide to Choose right now to decide to Free Ourselves once and all from the enemies lies and Live our Lives with self Compassion and Truly be Happy with our Children and Relationships knowing that we have the same Love within Us that God has given us. We don't have to be defined by our past or current issues.
And to be clear, I have Always Cheered My Son Up and am Always Positive about his Feelings. I was only referring to when I am feeling down. Especially here lately...Being Present with My Son is so Difficult because I don't want him to see me struggle and I know that he can tell. I Thank God that he has Always been a Happy Person. He always cheers me up and I feel guilty that it is not the other way around. I fight back the tears constantly. As I Am typing this with everyone I would like for us ALL to decide to Choose right now to decide to Free Ourselves once and all from the enemies lies and Live our Lives with self Compassion and Truly be Happy with our Children and Relationships knowing that we have the same Love within Us that God has given us. We don't have to be defined by our past or current issues.
For those who might not know me, I've been blessed to be a part of CC for almost 16 years. I mention that because I wanted to share something God has taught over the years that I've been here.
Throughout the years, we've had many sinless perfectionist-type advocates come through the site. I grew up in a conversative church where it was emphasized that we were all forgiven through Jesus's sacrifice, but you'd never really know it, because anything you did wrong or any bad thing you did was often seen to be your own fault. You just didn't have enough faith, you didn't believe hard enough, you didn't pray enough, you didn't read your Bible enough, you weren't a good enough Christian (or maybe not even a real Christian at all.) It was supposed to be about Jesus, but instead, it always felt like it was all about how everything was somehow your own fault.
And, you were to be a good, submissive servant (especially if you were a girl,) who didn't ask too many questions, didn't push back very hard, and just sat back and took every lesson you were given without ever asking why (after all, the Bible says that rebellion is as witchcraft.)
All my life, I've questioned troubling things I've seen in the church. My biggest area of concern is spiritual manipulation, because it never gets talked about, and it is rampant, especially among those talking to singles.
"If you were a REAL man or woman of God, you would (do whatever I say or want, because what God wants for you is really what I want from you.) I could go on and on with examples. And yet no one talks about how evil this is.
People often wonder why I bother engaging in conversations with certain members on the site.
Over the years, many people have written to me trying to explain that they too have suffered under spiritual abusers and manipulators but never know how to stand up for themselves -- or that they were even allowed to. One young woman said it really helped her recognize that she had a right to discern -- and refuse -- things that were being said or demanded of her "in the name of the Lord."
Her message has always stuck with me. Most times, I pass by most of the strife and don't say anything. But sometimes, I get the feeling that there are people out there going through the same thing and need to see an example of such a situation. Most especially those who are new, curious about, or discouraged with their faith.
When I have exchanges like the ones in this thread, it's not necessarily to talk to the other person, because we are both going to stand our ground and not budge. Rather, it's for the people out in the audience who are reading.
Do I always get things right? Absolutely not, and believe me, I know God deals with me about that. Are my posts for everyone? Definitely not. Some will see me as the one to disagree with, and that's ok. But I'm pretty sure this conversation is speaking to at least someone.
And if I help anyone else from some of the church-based anxiety, depression, and hopelessness I've had throughout my life because of these types of approaches, I can certainly going to try.
Also, Something that I would like to share that helped me is that we can look at things that we feel, like our emotions and actions for what they are. Without Judgement, to help us better discern those actions or feelings without feeling overwhelmed by them.Being Present with My Son is so Difficult because I don't want him to see me struggle and I know that he can tell. I Thank God that he has Always been a Happy Person. He always cheers me up and I feel guilty that it is not the other way around. I fight back the tears constantly. As I Am typing this with everyone I would like for us ALL to decide to Choose right now to decide to Free Ourselves once and all from the enemies lies and Live our Lives with self Compassion and Truly be Happy with our Children and Relationships knowing that we have the same Love within Us that God has given us. We don't have to be defined by our past or current issues.
I'm sorry if you've told us before and maybe you don't want to share (totally understandable for his privacy,) but how old is your son?
I was just thinking that maybe if he is of age, it would actually be helpful to tell him a little of your struggles at a level he can understand?
I always appreciate when people are honest about their challenges. I can't relate well at all to people who put on a face of everything being just fine when it really isn't. I understand that some people feel they have to do that or it will damage their witness for Jesus. But I've always been someone who needs to hear what others are really going through, or else their "highlight reel" presentation of faith doesn't mean anything to me. I can't find anything to learn from someone who already has a perfect walk.
But maybe that's just me, and if none of this applies, please just ignore my post.
He is 13, And I have had members and pastors at my Church tell me not to be so hard on myself when I can not hold it together because it is teaching him compassion. He already understands that the separation from his mom and obviously us all not living in the same house anymore hurts us all. I don't feel the need to directly tell him that I feel responsible for it all. Even though I am learning to accept half. I do understand what you are saying though. Thank You for Caring and taking the Time as usual...I'm sorry if you've told us before and maybe you don't want to share (totally understandable for his privacy,) but how old is your son?
I was just thinking that maybe if he is of age, it would actually be helpful to tell him a little of your struggles at a level he can understand?
I always appreciate when people are honest about their challenges. I can't relate well at all to people who put on a face of everything being just fine when it really isn't. I understand that some people feel they have to do that or it will damage their witness for Jesus. But I've always been someone who needs to hear what others are really going through, or else their "highlight reel" presentation of faith doesn't mean anything to me. I can't find anything to learn from someone who already has a perfect walk.
But maybe that's just me, and if none of this applies, please just ignore my post.
I agree, 13 is a rough age to take it all in.
I applaud you for your self-accountability but there is always faults on both sides.
I'm glad to see you getting through, day-by-day, as hard as it is. I pray that God will comfort you and pull you out of the miry clay one little baby step at a time.
And, I'm glad to see you here posting with us, as long as you are comfortable.
Little efforts that seem so hard -- and impossible at first -- but eventually add up to milestones...
B
Blue155
Guest
No problem. As scared, frustrated, overwhelmed I can get, as if there’s no reason to go on, I know I’m not alone in the storms, hurts, fears, and pains in life. There was a man who walked a perfect and sinless life, who went through His own feeling of loneliness by being abandoned and or feeling forsaken. He didn’t look forward to the cross, but He finished what He started…and in doing so endured unimaginable pain and suffering, yet through all that, He left us with a source of encouragement..knowing pain and suffering is never wasted or has the final word for the one who loves Him, and also gives us motivation. Knowing that if He walked down a path of pain, suffering, loneliness, mistreated, etc etc out of love…so we wouldn’t feel like we are alone, and or have do it alone, then we ourselves can be sources of light in the midst of our own sufferings. We can be a shining light the way the light of the world was while on the cross, still radiating His love for mankind, reaching down with compassion out of love and mercy to even those who despised Him, even in His most agonizing state. Instead of allowing life to darken our light in our darkest moments, we need to try to be able to be the best example to others as Jesus was in His. The light of the world outshone the darkest moment in history by defeating death. If it takes us going through hard times, yet glorifying God through it all, showing His love to others in the process, then we are blessed to be able to do so.
A Realization that just Finally Sunk in a Real Positive way is this. My recent past relationship with my Ex Girlfriend has taught us both some serious truths about ourselves regardless of what it took to get to there. I don't need her validation or approval to know who I really am. I have let myself believe that what she thought of me defined the person that I am. I have had a real identity confusion issue. Even though I know that I Am a Good Person. I had let it hinder me from moving forward with my responsibility to better my life for God, Me, And My Family. And what is really important is that I now know who I am meant to be as a Man to serve My Purpose for the Lord. I Am Rising up and becoming the Strongest that I have ever been to Glorify God. For My Son and the World to see that Anything is Possible with Faith and Trust in Jesus Christ. AMENI agree, 13 is a rough age to take it all in.
I applaud you for your self-accountability but there is always faults on both sides.
I'm glad to see you getting through, day-by-day, as hard as it is. I pray that God will comfort you and pull you out of the miry clay one little baby step at a time.
And, I'm glad to see you here posting with us, as long as you are comfortable.
Little efforts that seem so hard -- and impossible at first -- but eventually add up to milestones...
O
OLDBUTNEW
Guest
@seoulsearch : Well, sister: You would have to be one of the most caring persons I've ever seen on this site! So keep up your great work!
Thank you so much for the kind words!!
I greatly appreciate it.
I'm a bit rough around the edges sometimes (just ask the old-timers here!
,) but I have a very soft spot for newcomers who are earnestly trying to share and integrate into the community. After all, our group can't grow unless we are feeding people in love, encouragement, and faith. I've seen you around a bit @OLDBUTNEW and I want to thank you as well for the thoughtful, caring posts you have been leaving for others.
We are glad to have you here!
O
OLDBUTNEW
Guest
Thank you so much for the kind words!!
I greatly appreciate it.
I'm a bit rough around the edges sometimes (just ask the old-timers here!
I've seen you around a bit @OLDBUTNEW and I want to thank you as well for the thoughtful, caring posts you have been leaving for others.
We are glad to have you here!
@seoulsearch : Thanks so much for this, sister! What a lovely, true Christian young lady you are!!
That was very well said, Blue155 — honestly, so well put that I have to ask… was a bit of AI help involved? — It's true that Christ’s suffering gives us both an example and a source of strength. Scripture reminds us that our suffering is not meaningless, because we share in His — “that I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings” (Philippians 3:10 KJV).
At the same time, His suffering wasn’t only to inspire us but to accomplish our redemption. Peter reminds us:
“Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.” (1 Peter 2:24 KJV)
So even as we find encouragement in His endurance, our ultimate hope rests not in our ability to shine through pain, but in the finished work He completed on the cross. From that assurance flows the grace and strength to face our own trials and to show His love to others.
Grace and peace
B
Blue155
Guest
Some days are more better than others. It is difficult, you know, to try and find some source of humor when you have the blues, but practicing gratitude can help. But it is difficult in the midst of panic, depression, etc etc, but I’m going to try to do that regardless. I haven’t given up, don’t plan to, and neither should anyone else. The prophet Elijah wanted to die (1 Kings 19), Job got so low he cursed the day he was born (Job 3), saying he loathed his life (Job 7), and said the days of affliction take hold of him (Job 30). Jeremiah said My eyes fail with tears, My heart is troubled (Lam. 2). Habakkuk cried out in faith (Hab. 1). David thought God seemed far away to him at times (Ps. 13, 22).
But Job was still able to say “I know that my Redeemer lives” — Job 19:25; “But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.” — Job 23:10. Despite saying sad and depressing things, even out of anguish and frustration, deep down he knew God would help him to come forth as gold, knowing his Redeemer lives.
Same for Jeremiah, as He was able to say
“Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not.23 They are new every morning; Great isYour faithfulness.24 “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!”25 The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him.26 It is good that one should hope and wait quietly For the salvation of the LORD.” — Lam. 3:22-26
Despite watching his nation crumble, Habakkuk was still able to “rejoice in the Lord.” (3:17-19).
David knew the truth of how good God is and said “But I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, Because He has dealt bountifully with me. (Ps. 13:5-6).
For Elijah, despite being in despair of wanting to die, after he had eating and drank, and having went into a cave, and spent the night in that place, the Lord’s word still came to him (1 Kings 19:9).
Despite being betrayed by his own brothers, Joseph was able to say this of God “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” (Gen. 50:20).
But Job was still able to say “I know that my Redeemer lives” — Job 19:25; “But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.” — Job 23:10. Despite saying sad and depressing things, even out of anguish and frustration, deep down he knew God would help him to come forth as gold, knowing his Redeemer lives.
Same for Jeremiah, as He was able to say
“Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not.23 They are new every morning; Great isYour faithfulness.24 “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!”25 The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him.26 It is good that one should hope and wait quietly For the salvation of the LORD.” — Lam. 3:22-26
Despite watching his nation crumble, Habakkuk was still able to “rejoice in the Lord.” (3:17-19).
David knew the truth of how good God is and said “But I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, Because He has dealt bountifully with me. (Ps. 13:5-6).
For Elijah, despite being in despair of wanting to die, after he had eating and drank, and having went into a cave, and spent the night in that place, the Lord’s word still came to him (1 Kings 19:9).
Despite being betrayed by his own brothers, Joseph was able to say this of God “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” (Gen. 50:20).
That’s beautifully written, — and a needed reminder. The same thread we see running through all those examples is how faith endures in suffering, not apart from it. Each of those men came face to face with despair, yet they still held to what they knew about God when their feelings told them otherwise.
Job’s “I know that my Redeemer lives” wasn’t spoken in comfort — it was spoken in ashes. Jeremiah’s hope in Lamentations rose out of the ruins of Jerusalem. Habakkuk’s joy came not because the fig tree blossomed, but because it didn’t (Hab. 3:17-18 KJV). That’s the kind of faith God refines — one that clings to Him when there’s nothing left to hold onto but His Word.
It’s also a reminder that emotional struggle doesn’t mean spiritual failure. Even Elijah’s despair became a moment where God met him in a whisper, not in the wind or fire (1 Kings 19:11-12 KJV).
Grace and peace
Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dearie me...
I could say something very EXTREMELY catty right here. It would feel so good to say it, and it would be hilarious.
But it's not the kind of thing I should say, so I won't. But it's very hard to not say it.