For the People Who Champion Lifetime Singleness - What's Your Advice for Dealing with Single Sexuality?

There really is no subjectivity to being a child of God. Either you are or you aren’t, haha. Yes how people define a true Christian may differ, but objectively we have scripture as the standard to give us the tenets of the faith.

When I say a “real Christian” I am not judging the heart of another but rather the lack of fruit in repentance. A complete disregard for righteousness and people will say they believe in God (deity) without actually having believed in Christ (the Son of God). They say they love God but they do not love their neighbor (1 John 4:20).

Their definition of a Christian is loose, and not grounded in truth. A profession in identity but not expressed in character. It reminds me of the question, what good is your faith? You carry His name but live as if He doesn’t exist. It’s sad. Both for their experience in life and for God, who desires that they know Him and experience His goodness.

I understand what you're saying, Ben. I'm sure that to God, there is certainly no subjectivity to being a Christian, and He would say you either follow Him or you don't as well.

But I have to politely disagree with the statement, "You either are or you aren't (a Christian)" when it comes to what people define in each other as being Christian or not. And the thing is, most people won't leave it at that -- they believe it's their Christian duty to change the other person into what they personally follow and believe, or that person's faith doesn't actually count.

Now, I agree with you that the basic foundation, and the one that DOES count, is believing in God as the ultimate being of the universe whom we must all subject ourselves to, and because we were all sinful from birth, we all need to have faith in Jesus whom God sent as the Savior of our sins, who died to take the punishment of sin for us.

HOWEVER, for most Christians, that's just not good enough (and it's been that way from the very beginning, as laws were piled on top of laws.) Take a look at this very forum -- look at all the ways people here define each other as being a "Christian" or not (I'm not taking any sides here, I'm just presenting some of the subjects I see argued over daily, both here on the forum and in real life.)

These are just a few things that will easily get a person thrown into the "not a Christian" pile:

1. If you smoke, drink, do drugs, have tattoos, unnatural hair colors, piercings or ones considered unusual -- you're not a Christian.

2. If you're Republican or Democrat; if you vote or don't vote; if you support government or anarchy -- whichever side you take, you're not a Christian. If you're not prepping, you're not a Christian. If you ARE prepping, then you don't really believe that God will protect you -- and therefore, you're not a Christian.

3. If you wear a mask or don't wear a mask; if you get the vaccine or don't get the vaccine; if you choose to social distance or go to packed indoor gatherings anyway -- there are mobs of angry people on both sides of either issue, each one accusing the other of not being Christians. Look at all the people here who will tell us if we wear a mask, we don't really trust Jesus; and on the other hand, another group of people will tell us that if we don't wear a mask, then we don't really love Jesus because we're not loving our neighbors. Again, I'm not judging or taking sides. I'm just saying, Christians only say you're a Christian if you're following what they personally feel is being a Christian.

4. If you were baptized one way and not the other -- you're not a Christian. If you don't believe in taking communion the same way we do or believe the same things about it as what is taught in this particular church -- you're not a Christian and are not allowed to partake of it here. If you speak in tongues, it's from the devil; if you don't speak in tongues, you're not a real Christian.

5. If you have a certain amount of money (or not,) you're not a Christian, because having money means you'll turn into one of the camels who can't get through the eye of a needle; if you have a lack, it must be because you're lazy or just don't have enough faith that God will provide.

And of course, the list goes on indefinitely

Now, God certainly has His own standards as to who and what His people really are.

The problem is, we human beings then go on to decide that's just not good enough and so along with believing in Jesus as your Savior, you have to jump through everyone else's individual hoops in order to get their stamp of approval as being a Christian.

It shouldn't matter all that much to us -- only what God says to us or how He defines us should matter -- but unfortunately, we do have to face and sometimes even pander to this to some extent. We could just close ourselves off from everyone, which I know some do, but unfortunately, we don't learn very much about other people or how to help them if we don't actually have regular contact with people. (Believe me, if there was a way to do it, I'd be one of the first to sign up.)

There really is no subjectivity to being a child of God. Either you are or you aren’t, haha. Yes how people define a true Christian may differ, but objectively we have scripture as the standard to give us the tenets of the faith.

There are surely judgmental Christians and I too have pondered, ‘cause of certain beliefs (say they are a professing Christian who is a liberal Democrat) if someone is a genuine believer. How can they reconcile the two world views? They seem diametrically opposed to one another.

But yeah, I think you agree more than you disagree with me here. A Christian, a true one, is painted clearly in the Bible. Our judgments however can be very subjective.

Please bear with me as I give just one more very personal example.

I'm very open about struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts throughout my life because I know I'm not the only one who has them, and I want others to know they are not alone, and that God loves them despite their struggle. Depression to that point will most definitely get you aggressively flagged as "not being a Christian," as one woman blatantly told me, saying that I couldn't possibly be a Christian if I was having those thoughts.

Another told me I just needed to stop all medical treatment and just "trust Jesus for healing."

Now I understand that this has worked for some people. But at the time, it did not work for me.

I generally find that the people who seem most adamant about deeming me a non-Christian are Christians who:

1. Don't struggle with the same things, so they have no understanding of what it's like and think it's a switch you can just turn on and off; or,

2. They're very familiar with the things I've gone through, but because they've found their own way to cope that's different from what I do or they've found healing, they assume there's something spiritually wrong with me because I'm following the same path.

I know most Christians have their own opinions when they hear the names Rick Warren and Toby Mac (both very well-known in the Christian "celebrity" scene.) I haven't researched this very much (as I'm actually afraid of the answers I'll find,) but both of these Christian-identifying men have had sons who committed suicide.

From the little I did read, I believe both of their families believe their sons went to heaven.

In my childhood church, we were taught that suicide is an instant ticket to hell because you are unable to ask for forgiveness, unless you somehow survive long enough to repent, or else God makes some other very rare sovereign decision.

The reason I am afraid to read what other prominent Christians say about their own family members committing suicide is because:

1. If they say they believe their loved one went to hell because of killing him or herself, this will, of course, reinforce all my childhood fears (and perhaps rightly so, as it's helped keep me in line all these years.)

2. If they say they believe their loved one went to heaven anyway, it's very scary to tell people (at least, in my opinion,) that it doesn't matter if you commit suicide -- you can still go to heaven -- because it will encourage some people to contemplate it even more, believing they now have nothing to lose.

And the whole reason I'm mentioning this is because the very fact that I think and wonder and talk to people about these issues often gets me branded as a non-Christian, or at the very least, one that surely doesn't truly believe or have "real" faith in God.

For me, it's not a matter of, "You either are a Christian, or you aren't," because apparently, in many of the circles I have come across in the past, I am not even A Christian to them, let alone, a "real" one.

I would say, having dealt with and dealing with the two (anger and depression) that obviously they are not of God. They do not come from God and God would have us above them. He would not forsake us for them, but instead we should understand why we feel as we do.

For example, is our anger justified? Am I right to be angry and is the person I am angry at guilty? For depression, do I have a reason to be sad? Do I have a reason to be hopeless? In truth.... if I have God I have no reason to be hopeless and therefore while my depression may be reasonably reached, it is unreasonably accepted. I cannot neglect to consider that God has created me with purpose and while I may yet feel incapable, my ineptitude is temporary. Why? Because I was created with purpose.

That is unfortunate that you have been labeled as not being a Christian due to the struggles you face and the questions you ask. It sounds to me as if those people lacked compassion, first off, and secondly understanding. They were wrong Seoulsearch to dismiss your walk in respect to your struggle. They instead should’ve encouraged you.

Thank you as well for the conversation.

I found that working environments are the toughest places to keep clear of sin. The daily time together and proximity is not easy. Same as volunteering in a church charity on weekends.
There's little accountability support in such cases.

It is not that complicated. If you don't have the gift you should get married..

I don't think it's that black and white. If we go by your definition of what it means to be called to celibacy/marriage, then there will be people who will believe they are called (by your definition) but fail to find a mate. So shouldn't the advice be to marry if you feel the need, stay single if you feel the need, and for those who feel the need to marry but are single by circumstance, seek God and find the joy/blessing in singleness and servitude to God? Because just because a person feel called to marriage doesn't mean that they will actually be married.

I found that working environments are the toughest places to keep clear of sin. The daily time together and proximity is not easy. Same as volunteering in a church charity on weekends.
There's little accountability support in such cases.