For the People Who Champion Lifetime Singleness - What's Your Advice for Dealing with Single Sexuality?

[CS1]

Hey Everyone,

We have a range of opinions about singleness here in the forum -- some people very adamantly want to get married, while some very adamantly want to remain single, and some people are in between -- which seems perfectly normal. I would say that for myself, I would fall into the in-between category -- how about you? I think God calls us all to different situations, with no one-size-fits-all answer.

Even though I sometimes feel I could go in either direction (whether to marry or to stay single,) I definitely pay attention to posts by users who seem to be perfectly content as a single, intend on being single for the rest of their lives, or are at peace with the thought, because I always wonder how they do it.

The one question I always want to ask them is, "But what would your advice be for singles who struggle with sexuality?" After all, absolutely everyone in the Christian community always quotes the infamous passage that it is "better to marry than to burn with passion" (1 Corinthians 7:9.) First of all, I'm sure I'd have a ton of money in the bank if I could count the number of times I've seen that advice given to singles. Secondly, the people who give that advice don't seem to acknowledge the other side of the coin -- well-meaning Christians who do get married and even convince themselves that they're in love, but if you go far enough below the surface, the driving motivation to get married was sex (and you see this mentioned sometimes in the Forum Family threads as a reason for the breakup of a marriage.)

I have nothing but admiration for those who fight to remain to protect their singleness at all costs. But I also feels it's important that when strongly advocating a point of view, it should be pertinent to offer well-rounded advice on how to live out that decision.

We now have a thread asking divorced people to disclose the extremely personal issues as to why they are divorced; I felt it was only fair to ask those who plan to remain single forever how they deal with sexuality, and what their advice would be to other singles who struggle with it, because to ignore this topic and act like it doesn't exist just keeps people in a place where they suffer in silence. It tells people what to do, but doesn't realistically tell them how to do it, or acknowledge the struggles they are going through.

As a long-time single myself, sexuality is the number one question I get asked about by other singles.

It's fine and dandy to never get married. But what's your game plan on dealing with things like porn and knowing that if you stay single, you are never, E.V.E.R. allowed to have any form of sexual expression for the rest of your life? Even for singles who don't outwardly mention it, this is usually the question that's always hinging in their minds (at least from my experience in the single Christian community.)

For anyone who is brave enough to answer, it's fine to just give generalizations and not personal details about yourself.

It's that it sometimes feels like there is a very strong anti-marriage sentiment here in Singles -- as if wanting to find someone and get married is wrong, or anyone who wants to do so is some kind of moron. While I agree that getting married be wrong for some people -- maybe sexuality isn't an issue for them, and that's why they can do it -- I definitely believe that God still calls others to be married, and it would be wrong to try to stop them from doing so.

However, for those who insist that the single life is the only way to go -- what suggestions and advice do you have for others who want to adapt to long-term or permanent singleness?

The word of God is very clear for the youth but, the leadership and parenting as well as the public school system has misused and abused the ability to edify, comfort, and exhort.

Sexual desire will never go away it is the strongest emotional feeling next to having you're heartbroken.

Young people Must be instructed not only in "thou shall not" but also IN "God Need you!!!"

take that strong sexual desire and put it into the gifting and talent God has given you to serve HIM NOW !!! before you settle down.
Many say that High school is one of the greatest times in a young person's life, I disagree. it can be fun and satisfying but school is supposed to prepare you for your CALLING!!!

You need to know: 1. what is my gift? ask God. 2. what is my talent? Again ask God. When you know what they are pursue them wholeheartedly.

one of the most terrible questions as a young person is" where do you want to go to College ?"

I assure you the where is not as important as the WHY you want to go.

When a young person leaves school God, family, teachers, and Pastors have provided tools and insight to equip you for what God has called you to do.

Then go do it. Serve Him with all your heart. Sex will be a desire but while you are out doing what God made you do ask HIM to send you the wife or husband who knows why they want a wife or the husband over the reason satisfy a sexual desire they have not even masted in self-control.

Matthew 6:33
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

 

[Lanolin]

many teens drop out of school BEFORE graduating, I dont think its a given that evryone even gets to college, because it does cost, and sometimes family circumstances mean that the eldest has to earn money to out food on the table, which cuts out on attending college.

Things like this happen...parents divorcing or separating, one parent falling ill and unable to work, or having an addiction problem.

Because young teens may start being attracted to each other after puberty and have no clue on how sex even works, its possible they get taken advantage of, and pregant before their time, although a few decide they want children young, and forgo higher education anyway.

 

[montana123]

Hey Everyone,

We have a range of opinions about singleness here in the forum -- some people very adamantly want to get married, while some very adamantly want to remain single, and some people are in between -- which seems perfectly normal. I would say that for myself, I would fall into the in-between category -- how about you? I think God calls us all to different situations, with no one-size-fits-all answer.

Even though I sometimes feel I could go in either direction (whether to marry or to stay single,) I definitely pay attention to posts by users who seem to be perfectly content as a single, intend on being single for the rest of their lives, or are at peace with the thought, because I always wonder how they do it.

The one question I always want to ask them is, "But what would your advice be for singles who struggle with sexuality?" After all, absolutely everyone in the Christian community always quotes the infamous passage that it is "better to marry than to burn with passion" (1 Corinthians 7:9.) First of all, I'm sure I'd have a ton of money in the bank if I could count the number of times I've seen that advice given to singles. Secondly, the people who give that advice don't seem to acknowledge the other side of the coin -- well-meaning Christians who do get married and even convince themselves that they're in love, but if you go far enough below the surface, the driving motivation to get married was sex (and you see this mentioned sometimes in the Forum Family threads as a reason for the breakup of a marriage.)

I have nothing but admiration for those who fight to remain to protect their singleness at all costs. But I also feels it's important that when strongly advocating a point of view, it should be pertinent to offer well-rounded advice on how to live out that decision.

We now have a thread asking divorced people to disclose the extremely personal issues as to why they are divorced; I felt it was only fair to ask those who plan to remain single forever how they deal with sexuality, and what their advice would be to other singles who struggle with it, because to ignore this topic and act like it doesn't exist just keeps people in a place where they suffer in silence. It tells people what to do, but doesn't realistically tell them how to do it, or acknowledge the struggles they are going through.

As a long-time single myself, sexuality is the number one question I get asked about by other singles.

It's fine and dandy to never get married. But what's your game plan on dealing with things like porn and knowing that if you stay single, you are never, E.V.E.R. allowed to have any form of sexual expression for the rest of your life? Even for singles who don't outwardly mention it, this is usually the question that's always hinging in their minds (at least from my experience in the single Christian community.)

For anyone who is brave enough to answer, it's fine to just give generalizations and not personal details about yourself.

It's that it sometimes feels like there is a very strong anti-marriage sentiment here in Singles -- as if wanting to find someone and get married is wrong, or anyone who wants to do so is some kind of moron. While I agree that getting married be wrong for some people -- maybe sexuality isn't an issue for them, and that's why they can do it -- I definitely believe that God still calls others to be married, and it would be wrong to try to stop them from doing so.

However, for those who insist that the single life is the only way to go -- what suggestions and advice do you have for others who want to adapt to long-term or permanent singleness?

I believe it depends on the time frame for people's behavior is worse than years ago, and selfishness is abounding more, and people do not trust as much as in the past.

This is not Little House on the Prairie anymore for those days are over.

I like to be single because in today's world I think it is superficial and selfishness, and believe people are only out for themselves.

I look at it as it more of a bother to be married than single.

People say why have you not married and I say because this world is a joke.

But I have been this way ever since I was in grade school I thought the world was a joke and I never understood the world for all they do is exalt themselves and fight.

People have to fight over every thing that there is possible to fight over and now it is time for the men and women to fight for it was inevitable.

Also being single to me is better because I like to do what I want for I can get up in the morning and do what I want which being married I feel like a bird in a cage.

My attitude concerning dating and marriage is I just want to be left alone for being single is better than being married.

Marriage does not offer me more than being single.

I can be married for 2 days a week that is about it.

So I have no problem with being single.

 

[Dee77]

Hey Everyone,

We have a range of opinions about singleness here in the forum -- some people very adamantly want to get married, while some very adamantly want to remain single, and some people are in between -- which seems perfectly normal. I would say that for myself, I would fall into the in-between category -- how about you? I think God calls us all to different situations, with no one-size-fits-all answer.

Even though I sometimes feel I could go in either direction (whether to marry or to stay single,) I definitely pay attention to posts by users who seem to be perfectly content as a single, intend on being single for the rest of their lives, or are at peace with the thought, because I always wonder how they do it.

The one question I always want to ask them is, "But what would your advice be for singles who struggle with sexuality?" After all, absolutely everyone in the Christian community always quotes the infamous passage that it is "better to marry than to burn with passion" (1 Corinthians 7:9.) First of all, I'm sure I'd have a ton of money in the bank if I could count the number of times I've seen that advice given to singles. Secondly, the people who give that advice don't seem to acknowledge the other side of the coin -- well-meaning Christians who do get married and even convince themselves that they're in love, but if you go far enough below the surface, the driving motivation to get married was sex (and you see this mentioned sometimes in the Forum Family threads as a reason for the breakup of a marriage.)

I have nothing but admiration for those who fight to remain to protect their singleness at all costs. But I also feels it's important that when strongly advocating a point of view, it should be pertinent to offer well-rounded advice on how to live out that decision.

We now have a thread asking divorced people to disclose the extremely personal issues as to why they are divorced; I felt it was only fair to ask those who plan to remain single forever how they deal with sexuality, and what their advice would be to other singles who struggle with it, because to ignore this topic and act like it doesn't exist just keeps people in a place where they suffer in silence. It tells people what to do, but doesn't realistically tell them how to do it, or acknowledge the struggles they are going through.

As a long-time single myself, sexuality is the number one question I get asked about by other singles.

It's fine and dandy to never get married. But what's your game plan on dealing with things like porn and knowing that if you stay single, you are never, E.V.E.R. allowed to have any form of sexual expression for the rest of your life? Even for singles who don't outwardly mention it, this is usually the question that's always hinging in their minds (at least from my experience in the single Christian community.)

For anyone who is brave enough to answer, it's fine to just give generalizations and not personal details about yourself.

It's that it sometimes feels like there is a very strong anti-marriage sentiment here in Singles -- as if wanting to find someone and get married is wrong, or anyone who wants to do so is some kind of moron. While I agree that getting married be wrong for some people -- maybe sexuality isn't an issue for them, and that's why they can do it -- I definitely believe that God still calls others to be married, and it would be wrong to try to stop them from doing so.

However, for those who insist that the single life is the only way to go -- what suggestions and advice do you have for others who want to adapt to long-term or permanent singleness?

Dealing with sexually as a single who wants to marry is a daily struggle, especially in this world which is permeated with sexuality. I desire a godly wife and find that I need to continually surrender my sexual desires to the Lord. Failure or success in this matter depends on how willing I am to set my mind on things above, not on carnal desires. Every day I remind myself that God’s Grace is sufficient for me.

 

[Dee77]

Now, it seems only fair that since I am asking such a personal question, I myself should take the initiative to try to give an answer.

My reply might seem rather boring, but this is the way God tends to deal with me (not just regarding sexuality, but basically with most everything, including bitterness and unforgiveness, which I probably struggle with even more.)

1. Conviction: Have you ever been in a situation where God will tell you, "You don't need to go there. You don't need to watch that. You don't need to read that, or have that conversation"? Yup. That's me, to about the nth degree. God has always very strongly convicted me and if my brain has a leaning to want to swerve into some other lane, He will literally keep me awake at night until I confess to another Christian and ask my for forgiveness. To add to this, HE picks the person I need to go to (He won't let me go to just anyone,) and sometimes it's been my own parents. The thought of disappointing them has a tendency to keep the guardrails strongly in place.

Even though I'm a grown adult (or at least claim to be,) God still makes me accountable to my parents. I had a suicide attempt at one point in my life, and God struck my conscience so badly one night that I was awake the entire weekend until I finally called my Dad and asked him to forgive me. Something like 10 years had passed, but that wasn't going to cover it -- time did not excuse my sin.

2. Isolation: For much of my life, I have been extremely isolated, for various reasons. Even when I've had times that I tried to make friends in real life, they were usually busy, had their own families, or sometimes God just didn't allow that to happen, and there was always a reason (sometimes new opportunities would come up and I'd wind up having to go to a different place.) I haven't had to worry much about dating since there's never been an opportunity. The churches I join always seem to have congregations I don't really fit into. But I have made amazing friendships online (many of them here,) and that's what's helped sustained my faith and my spirit.

3. Distraction: There are a lot of things in this world I'm pretty terrible at. Numbers, technology, and even putting things together have never been my forte. And wouldn't you know, I have long-distance friends and a local relative who are all trying to teach me about those things. And I know God is telling me, "If you will work on emptying your head of A, B, and, C, I'm going to replace it with helping you to understand X, Y, and Z."

For me, it's a matter of choosing what I want to hold on to, and what I want to let go.

Now, your situation might be nothing like mine, and God might work very differently with you, but these are just a few examples of how He works in my life.

I would be very interested in hearing what you all have to say, and I'm sure your advice would be helpful to others (including me.) Don't feel like you have to delve into your own personal life in too much detail.

But how does God help you navigate some of the more difficult aspects of being single?

You encourage me with your frankness. I have dealt with much isolation too, which helped lead me into drug and alcohol abuse years ago. Though Christ delivered me out of that lifestyle in a miraculous way, regrets and co-dependent tendencies linger. The times I have succeeded most are times when I trusted God: the times of failure were marked by a fear of trusting Him, but instead relying on my own resources.

 

[Gojira]

I believe it depends on the time frame for people's behavior is worse than years ago, and selfishness is abounding more, and people do not trust as much as in the past... I like to be single because in today's world I think it is superficial and selfishness, and believe people are only out for themselves.

....Also being single to me is better because I like to do what I want for I can get up in the morning and do what I want which being married I feel like a bird in a cage...

Hmm...

 

[Lanolin]

Going back to OP

Seoul asked 'what is game plan for dealing with things like porn'

Porn doesnt actually figure at all in my life. So Im blessed I dont really need to 'deal' with it.
However, if you go to places or in situations where you are exposed to it, like maybe you watch a movie and suddenly without warning people go at it like dogs.

what do you do?
Well heres a few things Say its netflix. On netflix every movie has a rating thing and it tells you if theres any explicit content, like sex scenes, violence, bad langauage eg . So all you do is read that before watching anything and youre ok. Forewarned is forarmed. Just dont watch anything you are not going to be comfortable with seeing. Cos you cant unsee it!

but what if you are watching netflix with a friend, say, and you havent chosen what you want to see. Then suddenly you see naked people. well that is awkward.

You can just turn the tv off, or walk away, go and make yourself a snack!

OR close your eyes.

I cant really think of other situations where you might be exposed to porn. In literature. well. You can close the book. In the library, there used to be a run on adult erotica, but it was sometimes shelved in the stacks or separate. It wasnt put in the childrens section for example.

I noticed it was usually plump ladies that read a lot of those books with naked men on the cover. Dont ask me why.
apparnetly, men arent so brazen. What they do is hide the books under a different dustjacket.

But for the most part, porn doesnt figure much in a singles life if they are in Gods will and doing the stuff He wants them to do.

The only other thing is. If you are taking a bath, or shower, make sure that no spying neighbours can see you. Bathsheba, Im a talking about you.

Fending off lecherous suitors, well...thats another thread.

 

[godskidisfree]

The desire and yearning will always be there. Cannot do much about that. It’s the acts that bring about the sin. It’s a battle the will always rage on, but we have to learn to control our bodies.

The desire and yearning will always be there. Cannot do much about that. It’s the acts that bring about the sin. It’s a battle the will always rage on, but we have to learn to control our bodies.

first off I would like to say I am not in the singles group because I am married, separated and living apart but married. There is another verse I believe in Corinthians but Paul says it and it is whoever finds a wife finds a good thing but he goes on to say who remains single finds a better thing. he was referring to when your single you can concentrate totally on GOD and not being side tracked on attending to a wife a kids needs.

 

[Lynx]

first off I would like to say I am not in the singles group because I am married, separated and living apart but married. There is another verse I believe in Corinthians but Paul says it and it is whoever finds a wife finds a good thing but he goes on to say who remains single finds a better thing. he was referring to when your single you can concentrate totally on GOD and not being side tracked on attending to a wife a kids needs.

Howdy godskidisfree and welcome to the forum. Don't worry about it. We got married people here too and it's all good.

This was started as a singles forum, and it still is mostly, but it has evolved into the default chill place for people to hang out. Some of the married people here were single when they first started coming around. Some were married from the start of their stay here, but they have good advice and good attitudes. We kick them out, we lose some great friends.

So don't worry about being married and being here.