For the People Who Champion Lifetime Singleness - What's Your Advice for Dealing with Single Sexuality?
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why you dont hear people talk about it in church is its a painful and delicate topic and not really one to be discussed in front of the entire congregation. (ie could be trigger?)
But if you seek counsel from elders Im sure they would be happy to discuss anything with you.
There are quite a number of books about the topic, one I recall seeing was 'every mans battle' and there is probably one for women as well, about staying or keeping pure in heart and body.
I mean its not a topic that you can really do a sermon on with men and women in the same room, I think as with sex education in schools what usually happens is the boys get the talk and the girls also separately.
I have some books about growing up in the library for girls, not any for boys as girls tend to develop and go through puberty earlier, some as young as nine. One was called The girls file (it was pink covered of course) and a girl picked it up and asked me what the pictures were as she had never seen what the inside of a girls body looked like. It had a picture of a womb and fallopian tubes. This is what happens inside your body I said. She was like oooh. She didnt borrow the book but its not like its anything thats kept from anyone wanting to know in that sense.
But if you seek counsel from elders Im sure they would be happy to discuss anything with you.
There are quite a number of books about the topic, one I recall seeing was 'every mans battle' and there is probably one for women as well, about staying or keeping pure in heart and body.
I mean its not a topic that you can really do a sermon on with men and women in the same room, I think as with sex education in schools what usually happens is the boys get the talk and the girls also separately.
I have some books about growing up in the library for girls, not any for boys as girls tend to develop and go through puberty earlier, some as young as nine. One was called The girls file (it was pink covered of course) and a girl picked it up and asked me what the pictures were as she had never seen what the inside of a girls body looked like. It had a picture of a womb and fallopian tubes. This is what happens inside your body I said. She was like oooh. She didnt borrow the book but its not like its anything thats kept from anyone wanting to know in that sense.
I havent been matchmaker though for ppl in church.
Usually the ones that I fellowship with would rather stay single, and are happy to be thats fine as I dont REALLY want to be the one providing consolation or to those that dont. Someone else can be in that role.
Im supposing if someone didnt want to stay single then I would be helping by coordinating dates or setting people up, planning weddings etc. though that is way stressful I would actually rather do flowers for fun than something like a wedding. Though I would encourage those that are single and have already had children to marry their partner, as the right thing to do. They might already be living with them for a number of years as was the case with one of my friends.
Usually the ones that I fellowship with would rather stay single, and are happy to be thats fine as I dont REALLY want to be the one providing consolation or to those that dont. Someone else can be in that role.
Im supposing if someone didnt want to stay single then I would be helping by coordinating dates or setting people up, planning weddings etc. though that is way stressful I would actually rather do flowers for fun than something like a wedding. Though I would encourage those that are single and have already had children to marry their partner, as the right thing to do. They might already be living with them for a number of years as was the case with one of my friends.
Speaking of that. My wife and I were driving down the highway through Kansas City today and we saw a billboard that read, "sex robots are coming" and there was a website and it’s just like it sounds. 
Sex robots, or "companion" robots -- the more market-friendly, sanitized label enthusiasts like to give them -- have actually been around for many years.
Japan and a few other countries are known for trying to perfect them. They are within reach of the average person, starting at a few thousand dollars, with the sky being the limit for add-ons or variety.
Some now have interchangeable personality chips, eye color, hair color, voices, ethnicities, and even body parts. Or of course, one can just buy/collect several dolls according to preference, curiosity, or fetish.
If someone fantasizes about a sassy blue-eyed, athletic Australian blonde one night and a demure Asian girl the next, a fiery redhead on the weekends... It's all possible -- with dolls. They even have doll brothels -- that charge just as much as for humans -- for those who want a trial run or don't want to commit to owning one.
Japan is having problems with young people not marrying or having kids. Why bother with another disagreeable human being when you can have a fantasy? And some of the men in the documentaries had or wanted both -- a human wife or girlfriend to talk to, and a collection of dolls for sexual variety.
It's an alarming but very popular trend I've been reading about for several years, because as singles, this is what we have to compete with in today's world -- the marketed perfection of instant gratification.
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My church has addressed that verse recently and people really need to look at the context. It is for widows and the unmarried and it is simply saying if they do desire intimacy and marriage then pursue it. There is no clause here of urgency. It is better to marry than to burn with desire. No reason to be careless in this pursuit.
Like “go and get married if you cannot control yourself” is horrid advice. Essentially the teaching said for people to not rush into marriage but instead establish proper boundaries. It’s rather simple, if you desire sex and don’t want to sin (read: fornicate), then the marriage bed is where this happens; beautifully set up by God.
Like “go and get married if you cannot control yourself” is horrid advice. Essentially the teaching said for people to not rush into marriage but instead establish proper boundaries. It’s rather simple, if you desire sex and don’t want to sin (read: fornicate), then the marriage bed is where this happens; beautifully set up by God.
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Scripture says to “reckon yourself dead to sin and alive unto God.” It says you are a slave of righteousness and not sin. But I hear you saying you are an addict of sin. Are you enslaved or do you just believe you are and for that reason you’re stuck? You’ve gotta renew your mind to God’s truth.
And again, you say you’ll just go to Hell and that’s it, but scripture says Jesus paid for all of your sins. Another lie.
I hear people talk about their hopelessness and in their speech I see the web of lies that the enemy has them believing.
Renew your mind, ask the Lord to expose to you why it is that you entertain what you do. Often times sin is not the problem but the heart. It is a symptom of something deeper.
And again, you say you’ll just go to Hell and that’s it, but scripture says Jesus paid for all of your sins. Another lie.
I hear people talk about their hopelessness and in their speech I see the web of lies that the enemy has them believing.
Renew your mind, ask the Lord to expose to you why it is that you entertain what you do. Often times sin is not the problem but the heart. It is a symptom of something deeper.
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I wouldn't want to compete for someone's attention who is "in to" or would even consider these types of robots. I am quite happy to leave them alone. That is a major red flag The world is going insane!!
The world is going insane!!
I was having a conversation with a friend a long time about how people seem to become addicted to their own sexual patterns. They become attracted to specific things, and it becomes very difficult, if not impossible in this lifetime, to break these attachments, whether to something good or bad.
We were discussing the fact that this is probably why God is so strict about the boundaries -- marriage, and marriage only -- in which sexuality is expressed. We talked about how God knows how powerful He created those connections to be once they are formed, which is why God wants us to develop them only with and to a lifelong, God-fearing spouse.
It's ironic that singles are often seen as being single because of the assumptions that something is wrong with us and we're not "working hard enough" to find someone.
I can only speak for myself, but one of the biggest reasons I'm single is because I know what I'm up against (and have run into it before,) and I finally hit a breaking point to where I just haven't convinced myself to settle for being seen as a small consolation prize next to everyone -- and everyTHING else -- that's out there and readily available.
Post Script to the post above:
First of all, I want to say that I greatly appreciate all of our married friends here who listen to us, are supportive, and share with us what marriage is really like. We singles really need to hear the realities of marriage, not just the fluffy spiritual benefits people try to tell us we'll get without mentioning all the hardships that go into it.
And then there are other married people who look down at us for having The Singles Disease.
Now granted, I understand that sometimes people are single for a reason. Any of my friends (and even my own mother) will tell you I have enough issues to fill an entire (and very large) basket, which more than qualifies me as being a basket case just as much as anyone else.
But I find myself getting especially frustrated when older married people look down at singles and blame our condition solely on laziness and personal character flaws.
Sure, we all have them, but I want to ask these people, "Did YOU have to compete with things like sex dolls, virtual reality, and 24-hour porn on everything from billboards to commercials to daily television when you were courting your spouse?"
And better yet: "Do YOU know what your spouse is looking at -- when you're not?"
First of all, I want to say that I greatly appreciate all of our married friends here who listen to us, are supportive, and share with us what marriage is really like. We singles really need to hear the realities of marriage, not just the fluffy spiritual benefits people try to tell us we'll get without mentioning all the hardships that go into it.
And then there are other married people who look down at us for having The Singles Disease.
Now granted, I understand that sometimes people are single for a reason. Any of my friends (and even my own mother) will tell you I have enough issues to fill an entire (and very large) basket, which more than qualifies me as being a basket case just as much as anyone else.
But I find myself getting especially frustrated when older married people look down at singles and blame our condition solely on laziness and personal character flaws.
Sure, we all have them, but I want to ask these people, "Did YOU have to compete with things like sex dolls, virtual reality, and 24-hour porn on everything from billboards to commercials to daily television when you were courting your spouse?"
And better yet: "Do YOU know what your spouse is looking at -- when you're not?"
Hi Ben!
Well, let me ask you to think of it from this perspective.
* Have you ever been in a situation where you were romantically involved with a woman who was addicted to porn, and wasn't remorseful about it or even trying to fight it, treating it as a "natural" part of being human and having sexual feelings? (While she is still saying she is a Christian, talking about God regularly, and praying.)
* How would you feel if she left pornographic things out and commented how hot the men were in them? And what if you walked into her room and found it decorated with pornographic pictures of men?
* Have you ever gone to pick someone up for a date, found them sleeping on the couch, and then saw that they were watching a hardcore pornographic movie to fall asleep to on their TV -- because it's still playing?
* Have you ever noticed that Japanese porn (which seems to be a big draw for a lot of guys) features women with porn star bodies -- and the faces of 12-year-olds? How would you feel if your girlfriend was attracted to men who look like adolescent or prepubescent boys, but are expected to have fully-grown adult -- and highly exaggerated -- bodies?
* Have you then tried to find a romantic partner who wasn't into porn, because you were tired of having your heart shocked and broken?
* Have you ever considered self-harm and/or suicide because you are tired of only finding more of the same?
It doesn't matter how much you study the Bible, or how firmly you believe in your own value in Christ. Unless you are a much stronger and much different person than I am, these things are going to shake you to your core.
Now, I'm most certainly not wishing these things on anyone.
But unless you've been through them, I honestly don't know how to explain it to you any further.
Well, let me ask you to think of it from this perspective.
* Have you ever been in a situation where you were romantically involved with a woman who was addicted to porn, and wasn't remorseful about it or even trying to fight it, treating it as a "natural" part of being human and having sexual feelings? (While she is still saying she is a Christian, talking about God regularly, and praying.)
* How would you feel if she left pornographic things out and commented how hot the men were in them? And what if you walked into her room and found it decorated with pornographic pictures of men?
* Have you ever gone to pick someone up for a date, found them sleeping on the couch, and then saw that they were watching a hardcore pornographic movie to fall asleep to on their TV -- because it's still playing?
* Have you ever noticed that Japanese porn (which seems to be a big draw for a lot of guys) features women with porn star bodies -- and the faces of 12-year-olds? How would you feel if your girlfriend was attracted to men who look like adolescent or prepubescent boys, but are expected to have fully-grown adult -- and highly exaggerated -- bodies?
* Have you then tried to find a romantic partner who wasn't into porn, because you were tired of having your heart shocked and broken?
* Have you ever considered self-harm and/or suicide because you are tired of only finding more of the same?
It doesn't matter how much you study the Bible, or how firmly you believe in your own value in Christ. Unless you are a much stronger and much different person than I am, these things are going to shake you to your core.
Now, I'm most certainly not wishing these things on anyone.
But unless you've been through them, I honestly don't know how to explain it to you any further.
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Thank you for the thorough walkthrough there and I am sorry that you’ve gone through that stuff Seoulsearch.
I just didn’t understand what you meant by a consolation prize in respect to everything else and what you were up against.
I hope you dropped those... “Christians” like hot potatoes 🥔 as soon as you saw them justifying the so called normality of their lust. Not to say Christian men haven’t struggled with lust but excusing sin and justifying it as natural without any intention of changing suggests to me that you were dealing with professing Christians/worldly men. “This is who I am.” No. That is who they accepted to be.
I do wonder, you seem to have some bizarre stories of men who entertain unrighteous things or behaviors. Where are you finding these “Christians?” Do you have a vetting process? Are you listening to the Lord? Are you getting God’s go ahead? Do you have friends who can vouch for or approve of the men you encounter? In other words, wise counsel?
It’s like you’re telling one horror story after another, lol. We want a romance flick now, where love is in the air and it is God ordained. If your methods aren’t working, as the saying goes “doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.” Maybe try something else, if you keep getting fake Christian men?
I just didn’t understand what you meant by a consolation prize in respect to everything else and what you were up against.
I hope you dropped those... “Christians” like hot potatoes 🥔 as soon as you saw them justifying the so called normality of their lust. Not to say Christian men haven’t struggled with lust but excusing sin and justifying it as natural without any intention of changing suggests to me that you were dealing with professing Christians/worldly men. “This is who I am.” No. That is who they accepted to be.
I do wonder, you seem to have some bizarre stories of men who entertain unrighteous things or behaviors. Where are you finding these “Christians?” Do you have a vetting process? Are you listening to the Lord? Are you getting God’s go ahead? Do you have friends who can vouch for or approve of the men you encounter? In other words, wise counsel?
It’s like you’re telling one horror story after another, lol. We want a romance flick now, where love is in the air and it is God ordained. If your methods aren’t working, as the saying goes “doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.” Maybe try something else, if you keep getting fake Christian men?
I wouldn't want to compete for someone's attention who is "in to" or would even consider these types of robots. I am quite happy to leave them alone. That is a major red flag The world is going insane!!
The world is going insane!!
The song "Jolene" keeps playing through my head.
I'm begging, please don't take my man
Don't take him just because you can
Dude... if he's that much of a wimp, that you're afraid he'll jump ship just because Jolene beats you in some area, let the guy go. You don't want him!
Why? Because going after his fantasy, whether with another girl that is "more" than you in some area or with fantasy assistance in porn or sex dolls, is selfishness personified. This is the antithesis of what makes a relationship go! If you can't find a guy who loves you, not just loves how you can meet what he wants from you, it's better to be single than tied to a selfish one.
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You're missing the whole point of this thread... but you're illustrating it beautifully! Keep up the good work.
The point of this thread is, what you have been saying is the only thing we get out of church leaders when we bring these problems to them. IT'S NOT HELPING for the reasons already listed in this thread.
Where are we finding these Christians who struggle with addictions and sometimes try to rationalize them as "not such a big deal"? All around. Where have you been that you have not yet met any Christians like this?
If you got your nose so stuck in the clouds that you have NEVER met any Christians like this... you're just too hifalutin to deal with common folks, I guess.
The point of this thread is, what you have been saying is the only thing we get out of church leaders when we bring these problems to them. IT'S NOT HELPING for the reasons already listed in this thread.
Where are we finding these Christians who struggle with addictions and sometimes try to rationalize them as "not such a big deal"? All around. Where have you been that you have not yet met any Christians like this?
If you got your nose so stuck in the clouds that you have NEVER met any Christians like this... you're just too hifalutin to deal with common folks, I guess.
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You're missing the whole point of this thread... but you're illustrating it beautifully! Keep up the good work.
The point of this thread is, what you have been saying is the only thing we get out of church leaders when we bring these problems to them. IT'S NOT HELPING for the reasons already listed in this thread.
Where are we finding these Christians who struggle with addictions and sometimes try to rationalize them as "not such a big deal"? All around. Where have you been that you have not yet met any Christians like this?
If you got your nose so stuck in the clouds that you have NEVER met any Christians like this... you're just too hifalutin to deal with common folks, I guess.
The point of this thread is, what you have been saying is the only thing we get out of church leaders when we bring these problems to them. IT'S NOT HELPING for the reasons already listed in this thread.
Where are we finding these Christians who struggle with addictions and sometimes try to rationalize them as "not such a big deal"? All around. Where have you been that you have not yet met any Christians like this?
If you got your nose so stuck in the clouds that you have NEVER met any Christians like this... you're just too hifalutin to deal with common folks, I guess.
What things have I said that church leaders say that do not help you?