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I
God,plz turn me into a Cylon or a handsome Sam Worthington version of a Terminator so that I won't have to deal with this back pain anymore.
A/S/L? I jokingly said that to a friend on the phone earlier tonight when I called them.
Sometimes I say "LOL" now instead of laughing, if in person someone says something to me that I find only halfheartedly humorous.
If I were an actor I'd want to have the ability to act as insane or as evil as Gary Oldman & as cool,wise & unshakable as Edward James Olmos.
and I cannot seem to get the words to this song out of my head the past few days.....
*The wisdom of the world holds a candle in the wind. Assuming that the flame is so important to defend.
At least they have conviction and will stand by what they do. So many times we'll hide until the confrontation's through.
How many times we've crucified the gift God gave us all. So many times we've magnified the things that make us fall.
Over and over we pull away in shame. Our work leaves out Jesus yet he receives the blame...and I think he's crying.
When we attempt to stand alone our hearts grow cold. Conviction seems to fade and then our love's on hold.
There's no power within ourselves to prove what's right or wrong.The only way to be a light's to stand where we belong.
It's impossible to travel when we've thrown away the keys. We cannot feed the forest until we fight our own disease!*
A/S/L? I jokingly said that to a friend on the phone earlier tonight when I called them.
Sometimes I say "LOL" now instead of laughing, if in person someone says something to me that I find only halfheartedly humorous.
If I were an actor I'd want to have the ability to act as insane or as evil as Gary Oldman & as cool,wise & unshakable as Edward James Olmos.
and I cannot seem to get the words to this song out of my head the past few days.....
*The wisdom of the world holds a candle in the wind. Assuming that the flame is so important to defend.
At least they have conviction and will stand by what they do. So many times we'll hide until the confrontation's through.
How many times we've crucified the gift God gave us all. So many times we've magnified the things that make us fall.
Over and over we pull away in shame. Our work leaves out Jesus yet he receives the blame...and I think he's crying.
When we attempt to stand alone our hearts grow cold. Conviction seems to fade and then our love's on hold.
There's no power within ourselves to prove what's right or wrong.The only way to be a light's to stand where we belong.
It's impossible to travel when we've thrown away the keys. We cannot feed the forest until we fight our own disease!*
P
I sometimes think our disese is what we've believed the world has told us we are or are to be ( thinking upon the thread above , not responding to it) for some it doesn't happen, for some it only happens a little , and for others it happens a lot.. in such things, come the varieties of God.. I think of the person who's had a beautiful home , family and upbringing , the one who gets lost but quickly cones back, and the homeless person on the street..
God revealing His beauty poured into the world , and the ugliness( by choice ) , the world pours into the things of God..
However Gods abundance is full and rich in both... for the one who has known no suffering to extremes... One revealing Hos beauty, the other the cure .. such things the world can not heal on it's own.. It sees a disease and tries to cure it itself thinking it is God.. not God being the Rightful owner of that healing .. The disease is in the worlds heart "towards God" ..
the cure is handing our heart problem to God, thanking Him for it.. knowing what He is about to do , having confidence in Him, instead of everything else ...
and even in it God is doing miraculous things ...
God revealing His beauty poured into the world , and the ugliness( by choice ) , the world pours into the things of God..
However Gods abundance is full and rich in both... for the one who has known no suffering to extremes... One revealing Hos beauty, the other the cure .. such things the world can not heal on it's own.. It sees a disease and tries to cure it itself thinking it is God.. not God being the Rightful owner of that healing .. The disease is in the worlds heart "towards God" ..
the cure is handing our heart problem to God, thanking Him for it.. knowing what He is about to do , having confidence in Him, instead of everything else ...
and even in it God is doing miraculous things ...
I
I was thinking to myself earlier about my track record with women. Seems like I have always attracted really damaged or crazy type chicks. What does this say about me?
Even ones in the past that have professed loving God..something always is just a bit off.
For so long I would cringe at hearing,"hey man..so & so likes you"...uhhhh wonderful...what's wrong with her?
God..am I that unlovable? Struggle to have more Godliness inside,is that what has always made me less worthy to find someone normal? Does anyone really have their head screwed on?
I feel like God would never let me be with someone who has their act together because I would somehow damage them or destroy their walk with Jesus.
Do women look at me & think...here comes trouble?
My poor ex-wife...wondering what horrible things I will be held accountable for that whole mess?
To be a believer & marry one who isn't...well I can't place that blame on her can I?
I don't even know anymore if I really want to be in a relationship.
I long for the closeness..I miss coming home & having my best friend to talk to.
I don't know if I even miss her or just the idea of her.
Hot & cold..lukewarm...I am just a big fat greyscaler!
What if in the end,God spits me out...can't serve 2 masters!
So where is my faith then? I trust that I am saved by the blood of Christ...
even the elect will be deceived...in the last days men's hearts will grow cold.
Stupid things I cling to...things like my old pastor telling me..."If you are worried about your salvation or your walk with God,then the Holy Spirit hasn't left you...just the fact you even care a little bit about your walk proves he's still with you."
Is this even biblical? I don't know if I ever even bothered to find out. I guess it made me feel comforted at the time,so who cares,right?
...and I always find something wrong,you've been puttin' up with my **** just way too long. I'm so gifted about findin' what I don't like the most. Baby I got a plan,runaway just as fast as you can.
Even ones in the past that have professed loving God..something always is just a bit off.
For so long I would cringe at hearing,"hey man..so & so likes you"...uhhhh wonderful...what's wrong with her?
God..am I that unlovable? Struggle to have more Godliness inside,is that what has always made me less worthy to find someone normal? Does anyone really have their head screwed on?
I feel like God would never let me be with someone who has their act together because I would somehow damage them or destroy their walk with Jesus.
Do women look at me & think...here comes trouble?
My poor ex-wife...wondering what horrible things I will be held accountable for that whole mess?
To be a believer & marry one who isn't...well I can't place that blame on her can I?
I don't even know anymore if I really want to be in a relationship.
I long for the closeness..I miss coming home & having my best friend to talk to.
I don't know if I even miss her or just the idea of her.
Hot & cold..lukewarm...I am just a big fat greyscaler!
What if in the end,God spits me out...can't serve 2 masters!
So where is my faith then? I trust that I am saved by the blood of Christ...
even the elect will be deceived...in the last days men's hearts will grow cold.
Stupid things I cling to...things like my old pastor telling me..."If you are worried about your salvation or your walk with God,then the Holy Spirit hasn't left you...just the fact you even care a little bit about your walk proves he's still with you."
Is this even biblical? I don't know if I ever even bothered to find out. I guess it made me feel comforted at the time,so who cares,right?
...and I always find something wrong,you've been puttin' up with my **** just way too long. I'm so gifted about findin' what I don't like the most. Baby I got a plan,runaway just as fast as you can.
A
I'm sitting in a Starbucks in a rich area of the city overhearing a salesman trying to sell a deal for some kind of implant machine to, I am guessing, a doctor. Him and his short hair cut and expensive pin-stripe suit. So fake, lying through his whitened teeth and cheesy smile. Crooks I tell ya, crooks! How much did you sell your soul to satan for? *glares* lol People these days 
I'm sitting in a Starbucks in a rich area of the city overhearing a salesman trying to sell a deal for some kind of implant machine to, I am guessing, a doctor. Him and his short hair cut and expensive pin-stripe suit. So fake, lying through his whitened teeth and cheesy smile. Crooks I tell ya, crooks! How much did you sell your soul to satan for? *glares* lol People these days
M
Kids are sleeping (both sick), husband's gone til way after dinner time, cats are outside hopefully thinning out the bird population. Very quiet day, no phone calls, no visitors. Just me and my clicky typing, my weird thoughts, and the occasional scraping of a tree branch against the window. I should cut that, it's annoying.
I can't decide if I like days like this or not. I tend to get too involved in my own ideas, living too much inside my own head, and if pushed, the flood gates open and I say more than I intend to. I don't know if I like letting other people into my world. They don't pay the entrance fee, either.
That'll be $50, thanks.
I can't decide if I like days like this or not. I tend to get too involved in my own ideas, living too much inside my own head, and if pushed, the flood gates open and I say more than I intend to. I don't know if I like letting other people into my world. They don't pay the entrance fee, either.
That'll be $50, thanks.
Today after work, I was feeling...well, I don't know what I was feeling, and that's the thing. I couldn't pinpoint exactly what I felt. Sad? Peaceful? Happy? Angry? Confused? Joyful? It was strange and muddled, but I get that way sometimes. It usually happens when I've just let little things build up.
But I knew exactly what I needed; exactly what would fix it.
I went for a drive. It was beautiful weather, and I rolled all the windows down, and sang my heart out to my music. There were sights and smells that reminded me of past things, songs that reminded me of past things. I lifted them up to God. And I feel like there's a lot of gunk out of me now, that had been in there for a while. I don't know why drives like that, and worshiping God and spending time with Him like that refreshes my soul like none other. But I'm glad I did it.
Is everything fixed? No. Do I feel refreshed, renewed, and stronger? Yes.
But I knew exactly what I needed; exactly what would fix it.
I went for a drive. It was beautiful weather, and I rolled all the windows down, and sang my heart out to my music. There were sights and smells that reminded me of past things, songs that reminded me of past things. I lifted them up to God. And I feel like there's a lot of gunk out of me now, that had been in there for a while. I don't know why drives like that, and worshiping God and spending time with Him like that refreshes my soul like none other. But I'm glad I did it.
Is everything fixed? No. Do I feel refreshed, renewed, and stronger? Yes.
Today after work, I was feeling...well, I don't know what I was feeling, and that's the thing. I couldn't pinpoint exactly what I felt. Sad? Peaceful? Happy? Angry? Confused? Joyful? It was strange and muddled, but I get that way sometimes. It usually happens when I've just let little things build up.
But I knew exactly what I needed; exactly what would fix it.
I went for a drive. It was beautiful weather, and I rolled all the windows down, and sang my heart out to my music. There were sights and smells that reminded me of past things, songs that reminded me of past things. I lifted them up to God. And I feel like there's a lot of gunk out of me now, that had been in there for a while. I don't know why drives like that, and worshiping God and spending time with Him like that refreshes my soul like none other. But I'm glad I did it.
Is everything fixed? No. Do I feel refreshed, renewed, and stronger? Yes.
But I knew exactly what I needed; exactly what would fix it.
I went for a drive. It was beautiful weather, and I rolled all the windows down, and sang my heart out to my music. There were sights and smells that reminded me of past things, songs that reminded me of past things. I lifted them up to God. And I feel like there's a lot of gunk out of me now, that had been in there for a while. I don't know why drives like that, and worshiping God and spending time with Him like that refreshes my soul like none other. But I'm glad I did it.
Is everything fixed? No. Do I feel refreshed, renewed, and stronger? Yes.
And it always makes me think of these lyrics:You get all squeezed up inside
Like the days were carved in stone
You get all wired up inside
And it's bad to be alone
You can go out, you can take a ride
And when you get out on your own
You get all smoothed out inside
And it's good to be alone
Turn it up
Like the days were carved in stone
You get all wired up inside
And it's bad to be alone
You can go out, you can take a ride
And when you get out on your own
You get all smoothed out inside
And it's good to be alone
Turn it up
M
I love the way chaos erupts around here. So quiet all day, and then KABOOM! Everybody freaks out at once. For five minutes. And now it's quiet again.
We're under a blizzard warning tonight. It's going to kill off all of my over-achieving flowers that thought it was a good idea to bloom last week. The dummies. Coming out of the ground before May around here is suicide.
We're under a blizzard warning tonight. It's going to kill off all of my over-achieving flowers that thought it was a good idea to bloom last week. The dummies. Coming out of the ground before May around here is suicide.