Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[PrettyBelle]

It's nice to know that I'm not the only insomniac in the world.

I am tired of my ex boyfriend constantly being on my brain. He was the only man who I truly loved with all my heart and finally felt like I had found true love. But he was so bad for me and the relationship was not godly. God pushed him out of my life for a reason and I have to keep reminding myself of that.

But when I'm alone at night in this empty apartment the memories of him follow me around like a ghost. I look in the corner and see his computer desk. A piece of junk mail comes every couple of weeks with his name on it like he still lives here. It's been over two years now. Why do I still feel this way! I wish I could just erase him from my brain and be done with this already.

My brother is getting married and I think "why can't that be me". Am I ever going to find someone that will truly love me unconditionally? I could date someone right now if I wanted but it wouldn't be of God. If I am not going to date right now I pray that the Lord would take these feelings of wanting a relationship away from me.

I wish I was having an "I'm ok just being by myself" kind of day. I'm lonely and frustrated by so many things. I feel like I've failed on so many levels and I just want to get an A for once.

 

[Powemm]

See father!! I know how to be the things in the world ... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE THIS!!
this reminds so much of X men ... SO much! ... im tired of not being able to talk about it .., my friend who I could talk about it with ...... What happened there???? is it time your taking something out , bringing something else in??? To make matters worse .... As if I don't feel friggin WACKO enough, I walk outside ... Seriously??????????
okay what do YOU, YOU UMERO UNO... WHAT?? Di you want from me ???want from me and WHAT WHAT am I suppose to do THIS ??? I can't help anyone!! Nobody gets these types of things unless their sitting in a movie shoving popcorn down their throats , watching it in 3d... NOW YOUR SHOWING ME TILLED DIRT IN MY YARD?????????????? come on !!
I'm takin pictures of this ... I'm going to ask my son and my mom to look and see if this is me or if it's you.. I'm to a point that if Its you... I'm getting so frustrated that I'll do whatever it is you want .. WHATEVER it is .... Okay? But you're going to have to make it VERY VERY clear.. and are you Real sure you know who you've picked ? Cause if whatever it is you want me to do goes down wrong? I'm not takin the hit..THIS MY FRIEND , IS YOUR IDEA , NOT MINE!!!!!
and another thing ... your disturbing ME SO MUCH? I'm writing this in the forum .. Cause I'm not going to be the only one !!!!! I dont care if you do strike me dead.. Cause I already handed over my life to you .... I'm ready to go anyyyyyy time!!

 

[MissCris]

Sometimes I do something that makes my husband stop and stare at me and go, "Who ARE you?!"

Like the time I told him that I actually like Billy Idol (shh), or when he found out I like Jethro Tull (that gets a lot of people).

I don't know how to answer him when he asks that.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Sometimes I do something that makes my husband stop and stare at me and go, "Who ARE you?!"

Like the time I told him that I actually like Billy Idol (shh), or when he found out I like Jethro Tull (that gets a lot of people).

I don't know how to answer him when he asks that.

Whoa I like Billy Idol and Jethro Tull too! Well, I think I only know one JT song but I like it.

 

[Powemm]

People say being a believer is whimpy... Oh reaaaly? I sooo badly want to say...
How about you come step in these shoes a minute or even a second .. It's brought the hardest of criminals to their knees..
you think your tough with your clothes and titles and money and fancy words your cars your dream vacations .. you think that's the best you can do? well let's take a challenge and see if you're tough enough to handle this ..
believe in something you don't see.. Lean your complete trust on it , bet your life on it , then hand your life over to it , then watch me eat your words as you say them, spit in my face when everyone is looking, standing in your circles of gossip, had looks , and rejections.. How about you put "these shoes" on for five minutes since your that cocky , but you can't and I don't want to go back to where you are to let you do it .. Pearls before swines feet ... You being the pearl in gods eye , me being the swine about to trample you down.. Want to go a step further with gods strength and who He makes you become? You know your a pig and can say it .. You even recognize Wich one standing in this tangled mess is the pearl ... It's you! I can't shake you awake, slap you awake , or even yell you awake . I can't push you onto it ,Anjou ate you onto it , or even beg you into it ... But because my Loyalty is to God, I'll stand here and take your smack , your looks, your stares, your gossip, and not say a single word to you abou it ... I understand gods grace for me while I do it too.. looking at you the way he looks at me .. Knowing darn well I could take you out with just a few words .. And all at the same time yell behind a smile "My God! My God! why have you forsaken me"
think youre tough?? do I think I'm tough? we haven't even begun to be tough enough yet ! I'm in a fire of refinement rich now .. I know what is happening .. I'm willing to stand in it and let you burn it off father " this waste, this flesh, this putrid stinkin stuff I can't get out of my heart .. Asking you continually to forgive me , to shove the love you have for me into
my heart, And replace all that for it ..i dont care how painful, I don't even care if I die for it .. I'll put myself up on you alter to do it ...of that's what it takes to be joined back completely with you... Forgive me for my anger in it..I'm not mad at you I'm mad at me..i know this is all the refinement in simply taking another step towards you... Another leap of faith , what knowing you becomes . I am not leaning onto my own understanding .. But a willing soul.. I will trust you completely, I will honor you completely , I will know you .. Not out of tue pages of a book, but one in one and personally ... Forsaking all others ..
If this is the cross your son carried? My precious precious Father ..... There are no words .... Only groans .. And that's about all I have left taking one simple step..

 

[arwen83]

I had a dream last night and woke up saying "No!" I dreamt that everyone in the world was copying me and writing the same stories and poems as that ones I have already wrote. It really stressed me out. Even in my creativity, I was just the same as everyone else. I had no individuality. The one way I can be unique, I could no longer.

 

[TheAristocat]

It surprises me how quickly people leap to conclusions and judge others based on their preconceptions without even investigating to see if their preconceptions are correct. Then it surprises me how similar I am to these people.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I will not derail this thread.
I will not derail this thread.
I will not derail this thread.
I will not derail this thread.
I will not derail...

 

[zeroturbulence]

I really want to drive somewhere and do some photography but my sinuses are bothering me and it sucks. I might even miss church again. I couldn't go on Easter because I injured my knee, but that's ok now.

 

[arwen83]

One of my goals in life is to bring back old phrases and use them in real like- "we're out of milk, are you going out to the store tonight?" "That remains to be seen..." ; "ugh! I can't find my keys, I am most confounded!"

 

[christiancollegegirl]

I looked at myself naked in the mirror today and for the first time in a long time, I liked what I saw.

 

[Markum1972]

More memories triggered by the CC Kindergarten thread...
Preschool... lying in a cot cringing at the sound of other children crying and whimpering from being paddled... hoping they don't come after me too. Listening while trying to figure out why this is happening to them so I can be sure it doesn't happen to me.
"Stop crying", "No talking".
Some time passes...
Sitting with my mother at a parent teach conference. "Mrs. Stern, we are concerned because it seems as though your son has trouble participating in class discussions. He also seems to have trouble expressing himself."
Huh?

 

[Ugly]

Arwens posted reminded me of a dream i just had.
I was in a classroom, as an adult. I was being picked on and bullied by about 4-5 different guys. I eventually broke down in tears and told the teacher. She seemed upset by it, but took someone else out of the room to scold over something. One of the guys started picking on me while the teacher was out. I beat the 4 bullies almost to death with a wooden stool, in front of the whole class. I was worried that the woman i liked, who was also in the class, would think ill of me for beating 4 people. I was about to continue beating one of the guys, when she stopped me and talked me down from my attack. Suddenly there's a screen change, her and i are married. I'm calm, and working on fixing a dryer. Her and i were very happy. Hmm... i sometimes worry myself... =P

 

[DuchessAimee]

Do you ever look at your past and think, "What was I thinking?". Perhaps I wasn't thinking, perhaps I was just being selfish. Actually, I'm sure I was just being selfish.

 

[arwen83]

I'm starting to be okay with the thought of being single for the rest of my life. Not to say it will happen, but I think a part of me isn't fearing it as much. I beginning to wonder if there isn't actually someone out there that fits my ideals. I worry I will get bored of him, and the monotony of domestic life. Once you're in, you're in it for life. I wonder if some people are just not meant or (probably a wrong word to use, but for lack of a better word) not made to marry. Given everything that I know of myself, I wonder if I am one of those people. One thing I do know, is that if I don't marry, then I better damn well contribute something to this world.

 

[Liamson]

Since when does getting married equal being Domesticated?

 

[zeroturbulence]

"Ask not what your mate can do for you. Ask what you can do for your mate."

 

[DuchessAimee]

Delilah was such a ho! Not that Sampson was innocent, but I have no tolerance for women who seek to destroy men via sex. Or at all. You guys know what I mean.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Going to attempt another late night workout at the gym.

 

[arwen83]

...A part of me almost see's it as a strength staying single. That I would have the freedom to do whatever I wanted to. Have more time to do the things that I enjoy. That are meaningful. Not that marriage and kids aren't meaningful but I dunno, I kind of feel as if I would be losing something by getting married.