Fiance upset because I said hi to a coworker and called her Miss

[tourist]

I know my wife's history and I'm fine with it. I've shared much of my own life with her also. There are no suprises in store for us. A spouse should be your closest and most trusted friend. That's something that should get deeper during marriage. Friendship should begin before.

My train of thought as well.

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

Witthout trust there is no basis for a foundation in the relationship.

Yes, and I want to be clear, I am not accusing the OP of flirting. That is her POV, and she believes it, whether it is reality or not. That seems to suggest something in her past that has hurt her and caused her mistrust. It really must be dealt with, because it seems he was very innocent in his intent and she jumped to conclusions very quickly. She needs to face that and get healing.

 

[JohnDB]

Yes, and I want to be clear, I am not accusing the OP of flirting. That is her POV, and she believes it, whether it is reality or not. That seems to suggest something in her past that has hurt her and caused her mistrust. It really must be dealt with, because it seems he was very innocent in his intent and she jumped to conclusions very quickly. She needs to face that and get healing.

I tend to think that she is being manipulative. Based on other things the OP has said that are classic responses to manipulators.

 

[Lanolin]

your fiance needs a lot of prayer and assurance she seems very insecure

I ask children to call me Miss if not whaea (means aunty) I dont ask them to call me MRS because..I am not married!
Its a term of respect. It doesnt mean they think I am their missus.

Does your fiance speak another langauge thats not English? Maybe its just that she doesnt understand what Miss means.

Facebook friends, anyone can see what friends I have on it though I dont go on it everyday like some people do. When or if you do marry though, its expected you to drop all your female friends and focus exclusively on your wife ....until she becomes tired of all the attention or has babies, whatever comes first lol

 

[Lanolin]

Also its common courtesy and good to greet your coworkers.
Ive worked in places where they just ignored you totally, its so rude. At least give them a smile and wave ? You could be formal and say Good Morning or Good Afternoon instead of Hi
Depending on the workplace maybe you could say Greetings Comrade/sister and then talk about your fiance to them. In case they get the wrong idea

Your fiance sounds like the type to flash her engagement ring in front of everyone and talk about her wedding plans to anyone who will listen ...hey guys Im taken. Maybe she expects you to do the same.

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

I tend to think that she is being manipulative. Based on other things the OP has said that are classic responses to manipulators.

I do hope they can work these issues out. When you see red flags, it's best to deal with it up front and get clear of it. I don't see it as a hopeless situation. Something in her past seems to have given her these issues. If she is willing to get help, they can still have a happy marriage.

 

[MsMediator]

my wife turns the t.v. volume off every time a call comes in. no, i don't like it. why? very simple: there's a level of distrust! all the reasons are obvious concerning women's jealousy

My parents turn down the volume too when I get a call. They are just being nosey, probably like your wife. Does your wife ask you about the call after?

 

[seekingthemindofChrist]

I'm thinking that she was the town bicycle myself with a body count in the double digits at least if not three digits.

I am almost afraid to ask, but what do you mean by "the town bicycle"?

 

[EternalFire]

We've been a couple for two years and engaged since last October.

Our church requires a counseling class and the then a wait period before getting married in the church. We will be taking the class this October.

What is your church’s policy on holding engaged couples accountable when it comes to sexual purity?

Have the leaders of your church asked the two of you directly if you are engaged in sexual sin?

 

[Karlon]

not to go off op topic here, but are you saying that your wife distrusts you?
when my husband gets or makes a call then I am turning things down/off. not because I distrust him, but because I respect him and want to be sure he is able to hear the caller properly.

NO! DEFINITELY NOT! it's just ingrained in women to behave that way. they are permanently watchful when it comes to a thought about their man talking to another woman. if anyone thinks about the whole behavior of women to be a "helper" to men & how women are structured mentally & spiritually, humanly, it makes sense. most women are highly protective. i overheard her in a conversation at the barn telling her girlfriends she totally trusts me. she knows my every move. i'm a creature of habit. hear the caller properly? how far away are you when a call comes in? phunnneee!!!

 

[Karlon]

My parents turn down the volume too when I get a call. They are just being nosey, probably like your wife. Does your wife ask you about the call after?

yes MS Mediator, i probably should have used the word "nosey". it is more appropriate in my situation. no, she has never asked about any call.

 

[Godsgirl1983]

are you saying that your wife distrusts you?

NO! DEFINITELY NOT!

Well, if you reread what you wrote and how you wrote it, don't you see how it certainly sounds as though you think she doesn't trust you?

my wife turns the t.v. volume off every time a call comes in. no, i don't like it. why? very simple: there's a level of distrust!

hear the caller properly? how far away are you when a call comes in? phunnneee!!!

Well, look at it this way:
if a person has to leave the room to talk on the phone, what is being said that they don't want you to overhear?

 

[Karlon]

Well, if you reread what you wrote and how you wrote it, don't you see how it certainly sounds as though you think she doesn't trust you?


Well, look at it this way:
if a person has to leave the room to talk on the phone, what is being said that they don't want you to overhear?

i already posted to MS Mediator i should have used the word "nosey". it's more applicable to us.

 

[Godsgirl1983]

i already posted to MS Mediator i should have used the word "nosey". it's more applicable to us.

Yes, i saw that after posting.
"nosy" is a good description for most women

 

[JohnDB]

I am almost afraid to ask, but what do you mean by "the town bicycle"?

Her relationships with past boyfriends....as in she has had many and might not necessarily remember all their names.

 

[JohnDB]

I am almost afraid to ask, but what do you mean by "the town bicycle"?

This behavior of having many boyfriends is part of this popular new "women's empowerment " movement. Started on social media by wanna be starlets and divorced women.

It's not a positive for guys wanting a stable good family.

 

[seekingthemindofChrist]

This behavior of having many boyfriends is part of this popular new "women's empowerment " movement. Started on social media by wanna be starlets and divorced women.

It's not a positive for guys wanting a stable good family.

I am glad that I asked you to explain because I thought that you might be implying something else with your use of the word "bicycle". Not the "bi" part, but more the "cycle" part.

 

[Lanolin]

thats old you would think people would be using the town bus or tram not bicycle
Or maybe scooters. We just dont have town bicycles in my town. Too many hills.

 

[Lanolin]

Having too many girlfriends is also not good for men...duh

Why blame women when men do the SAME thing.

 

[Lanolin]

turning the volume down when on the phone is courtesy so the person on the phone can hear. Its not necessarily others want to listen to your conversation.

Phone etiquette is you talk on the phone you go out of earshot if you want to keep your call semi private. if it a mobile phone take it outside with you, thats the whole point.

Yeah people are rude