OK my fiance and I have been having some good times and some rough times. Right now we are in a rough patch. We have been in a relationship for two years.
I will do full disclosure because I want some good advice.
In the past, I have been reluctant to:
-Remove female friends from Facebook
-Remove old phone numbers from phone
-Stop talking to two female friends
Now I didn't communicate with the women on Facebook, and I didn't call any of the numbers in my phone. But I understand that I should have taken care of these things sooner. Because of this, there have been some trust issues. She thinks I sometimes want to reach out to women in my past.
The other day I was on the phone with my fiance while getting in the elevator at the garage. I saw one of my co-workers and said, "Oh, there's Miss Kirra." Then I got in the elevator with her and said hi to her. At first my fiance said I sounded a little too excited to see her and that I was probably checking her out. I told her that no, that's how I sound when I say hi to everybody at work. We didn't really talk that day. Later on when I brought it up, she said she didn't like the fact that I called her "Miss Kirra". She said that was a term on endearment between us and I ruined it by calling another woman Miss. She is now saying that she didn't have an issue with me saying hi, she only had an issue with me saying "Miss Kirra" before saying hi. One issue may be that we are on the phone every morning when I walk in to work and maybe I should let her go before I go in as that isn't professional anyway (I work in IT).
What are your thoughts about using the word Miss? Is it OK to use it with another woman at work? Is it OK to say it in front of your fiance? Is it considered flirting? Does it depend on if you have made some mistakes in your relationship? I was under the impression that it was being polite, but if it is considered flirty I will never do it again.
So, did you have a heart to heart and ask your bride to be why she felt the way she did about your greeting to that miss at work?
That's what I think would be a good place to start. Ladies see things from different perspectives than we do sometimes. We also can't make generalizations about the way guys or girls think, but try to learn how she thinks. It's tougher for us guys, but women are normally better at subtle cues and have a harder time being forthright... usually.
This issue might be rooted in something like a lack of communication, emotional closeness or do you haven't realized. Something that seems small to you might be a big deal to her because of underlying factors. Example, a woman who is explaining something meaningful to us doesn't want a "K" as a response in a text message.
Likewise, if you greet her with a monotone "Hi" or "Hey", when you see your fiancee; then speak in a excited to see you tone of voice to the other single available coworker you see more than her while at work, that won't normally set well. That's a red flag to her even if it isn't to you in intent. I don't know if that's the case, but it's something I would suggest asking about.
My married buddy and i went to Earn Park . We were talking shop when one of his single women friends showed up and then sat down as I was leaving. They are just friends and I have questions as to whether she is even attracted to men. She's the butch type. Anyhow the next week I asked what his wife thought of that? I wasn't being judgemental, but I want him to consider his wife in a situation that many wives would not take well at all. He needed to know that if he didn't think anything about the woman other than plutonic friends. He said that his wife knows him. Granted he's an older friend who's been married a long time. However, we are to avoid all appearance of evil, Tex.
Your fiancee is going to need proof that you are not going to hang out with other women and likewise of her with men. I figure you both know that and are of course on the same page with that. If she showed some kind of favoritism toward a dude at church or somewhere, you'd be ready to pick him up and punt him over the hill like a football. She might feel the same under the right circumstances.
That's enough to share and I hope it all works out for you both.
Best regards
H&H
1
1
