"Women Only Want Money"; "Men Only Want Sex." How Do You Cope With These Assumptions?
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Isnt it kind of weird that you cant ask a couple or a married person if theyve got any children?
especially if the thread of the topic they talking in has kinda something to do with it?
wasnt I just saying about money is used for raising children and sex is like what you need to do to have them? Or is this just TOTALLY unrelated lol
especially if the thread of the topic they talking in has kinda something to do with it?
wasnt I just saying about money is used for raising children and sex is like what you need to do to have them? Or is this just TOTALLY unrelated lol
One point I think we're losing sight of in this discussion is the difference between stereotypes as descriptive and stereotypes as proscriptive. It's one thing to look at the behavior of a group of people who have certain similarities and say that this group of people tends to be like this. It's another thing to interact with an individual within that group and tell them how they are supposed to be, because people in that group are like that.
As a timely example, let's take hypothetical random guy who wants to make his new girlfriend feel special for valentines day. So he buys her some flowers and fancy jewelry that costs him quite a bit because women like that kind of stuff. Now suppose poor hypothetical random guy is my new boyfriend and even though I'm female, I think that expensive jewelry is a waste of money, especially for me as I don't have anywhere to really wear it and it's just not practical. I'd probably try to be nice about it (because I do fit the stereotype that women give points for trying even when it's a fail), but it's clear that I'm not very crazy about his gift and it didn't have the intendend impact. So guy has a choice of how to react and can either make a mental note that this girl is different and learn about her, or berate her for not being how she's "supposed to be" as a woman. One of these will quickly destroy the relationship.
As a previous poster said, assumptions aren't the part we object to as much as people being unwilling to abandon those assumptions in the face of the evidence or making unreasonable demands because of them.
So yeah if guy wants to invite a girl out but request she cover her share of the expenses or plan a really cheap activity because he feels like his dates are only after his money that's reasonable. If a guy decides he's going to pay for everything but keeps making comments to the woman about how she better appreciate all this and just sounds like he's keeping score on who is giving what.... I don't think any healthy woman is going to be ok with that. (And to be fair there's the opposite side of girl asking if they can go do expensive things for dates, then getting nagging, upset, or dumping the guy when he won't take them and pay for them).
As a timely example, let's take hypothetical random guy who wants to make his new girlfriend feel special for valentines day. So he buys her some flowers and fancy jewelry that costs him quite a bit because women like that kind of stuff. Now suppose poor hypothetical random guy is my new boyfriend and even though I'm female, I think that expensive jewelry is a waste of money, especially for me as I don't have anywhere to really wear it and it's just not practical. I'd probably try to be nice about it (because I do fit the stereotype that women give points for trying even when it's a fail), but it's clear that I'm not very crazy about his gift and it didn't have the intendend impact. So guy has a choice of how to react and can either make a mental note that this girl is different and learn about her, or berate her for not being how she's "supposed to be" as a woman. One of these will quickly destroy the relationship.
As a previous poster said, assumptions aren't the part we object to as much as people being unwilling to abandon those assumptions in the face of the evidence or making unreasonable demands because of them.
So yeah if guy wants to invite a girl out but request she cover her share of the expenses or plan a really cheap activity because he feels like his dates are only after his money that's reasonable. If a guy decides he's going to pay for everything but keeps making comments to the woman about how she better appreciate all this and just sounds like he's keeping score on who is giving what.... I don't think any healthy woman is going to be ok with that. (And to be fair there's the opposite side of girl asking if they can go do expensive things for dates, then getting nagging, upset, or dumping the guy when he won't take them and pay for them).
I think stereotypes can be broken and if you dont fit them its ok.
A stereotype, literally, is a mould that you would use to make an identical copy of something.
As we know, only identical twins are truly identical and even then they will have some differences. I have brothers that are twins and they like different things and I can tell them apart even though people that arent family cant. (theres also fraternal twins, but I wont go into the science of them)
I cannot say just cos one brother likes something that the other brother will as well, even though they are both male and exactly the same age.
A stereotype, literally, is a mould that you would use to make an identical copy of something.
As we know, only identical twins are truly identical and even then they will have some differences. I have brothers that are twins and they like different things and I can tell them apart even though people that arent family cant. (theres also fraternal twins, but I wont go into the science of them)
I cannot say just cos one brother likes something that the other brother will as well, even though they are both male and exactly the same age.
My dad worked as a printer so I know a bit about typography. Just regarding stereotypes.
nowadays we have so many different fonts (which is really cool) that not everything would be in Times Roman for example, and not every letter of the alphabet looks the same. Even your 'a's can have different shapes.
nowadays we have so many different fonts (which is really cool) that not everything would be in Times Roman for example, and not every letter of the alphabet looks the same. Even your 'a's can have different shapes.
Rather than going on those assumptions, I like to give people a fair shot without assuming anything.
I believe time reveals what fruit they're producing. Sometimes you can discern this on the first date, and sometimes it takes longer to identify.
The gold-digging Christian date will request expensive restaurants, steer conversations to the topic of money, status, possessions, as what kind of car you drive, how much you make, what kind of house you live in, etc. They will rarely, if ever, contribute, and they won't like simple, low- or no-cost dates.
The Christian date who wants sex will listen to you speak about your purity boundaries, your plan to wait until marriage, wanting to maintain innocence during dating, then will behave as if you never said that.
They will attempt to seduce you. Their kisses will be seductive and an attempt to push boundaries instead of being innocent and respectful. They will touch you inappropriately, act as if they didn't know they were touching you there or say they did it by accident, suggest going to the bedroom "because the bed would be more comfortable than sitting on the kitchen chairs or sofa," etc.
The best way to deal with both of these types? RUN!
I believe time reveals what fruit they're producing. Sometimes you can discern this on the first date, and sometimes it takes longer to identify.
The gold-digging Christian date will request expensive restaurants, steer conversations to the topic of money, status, possessions, as what kind of car you drive, how much you make, what kind of house you live in, etc. They will rarely, if ever, contribute, and they won't like simple, low- or no-cost dates.
The Christian date who wants sex will listen to you speak about your purity boundaries, your plan to wait until marriage, wanting to maintain innocence during dating, then will behave as if you never said that.
They will attempt to seduce you. Their kisses will be seductive and an attempt to push boundaries instead of being innocent and respectful. They will touch you inappropriately, act as if they didn't know they were touching you there or say they did it by accident, suggest going to the bedroom "because the bed would be more comfortable than sitting on the kitchen chairs or sofa," etc.
The best way to deal with both of these types? RUN!
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Actually, a lot of men and women are literally like this. I think it's because that's all they want and they aren't ashamed to say so; they're just making their needs known. Lust and greed are real things so it's just an ugly truth we have to deal with.
This is basically how prostitution started. Men wanted a no-strings minus the complicated relationship and responsibilities of fatherhood. Women wouldn't just do it for free: they wanted money in exchange.
Obviously this isn't true for all men and women, but it's so common it really poisons the watering hole of dating.
I guess you could say there's a lot of catfish out there.
Keep looking and be really picky because there are still some quality men and women out there.
This is basically how prostitution started. Men wanted a no-strings minus the complicated relationship and responsibilities of fatherhood. Women wouldn't just do it for free: they wanted money in exchange.
Obviously this isn't true for all men and women, but it's so common it really poisons the watering hole of dating.
I guess you could say there's a lot of catfish out there.
Keep looking and be really picky because there are still some quality men and women out there.
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Omg that's so creepy and wrong! I pray I never run into that ever (a guy trying to make passes at me)!!! The thought of this makes me not want to date even the more 🙅♀️ LOL (call me super guarded, but I don't care). I pray that God would help us women and men to discern those things by the holy spirit and like you said runnnn like Joseph ran from Potiphar's wife😆. I just know that there are good men holding on to God waiting for an honorable and godly women (not a gold digger) and vice verse for us women holding on for a Godly and honorable man (not a horndog).
Honestly I also think a man can also be dating for money too and a women can be dating for sex too, sin is sin after all whether it's lust or greed.
Honestly I also think a man can also be dating for money too and a women can be dating for sex too, sin is sin after all whether it's lust or greed.
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I'm very much in your boat of being super guarded, but it does raise the question... how is a good guy who is dating you with the hopes of possibly marrying and having sex with you someday supposed to express the he is interested in having sex with you but is willing to wait for the right circumstances? Because I imagine that's kind of a big conundrum for all those decent Christian guys that have intact sex drives. And my understanding is that eventually for a healthy marriage you do have to be able to discuss those kind of things (but seriously not on the first or second date guys).
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