The Triage System of Dating -- What Happens When You're Put Behind a Gaggle of Other Candidates?

[Godsgirl1983]

YEP!

OH MAN! You REALLY confused me
I saw the alert that you mentioned me and I saw the thread title and was like "What!? I don't remember this thread"
And then realized the quote was copied from a DIFFERENT thread


Oh boy! Here we go!
You see, @Tall_Timbers recently explained it this way:

Does a brain ever unscramble? Will I have a scrambled brain for the rest of my life? My first impulse is to blame @seoulsearch for the condition, but then I realize I didn't have to read the OP. It was my own free will and enjoyment of seoulsearch's threads that led me to read the OP... So it is my own fault.

BUT in this case GG doesn't get to waltz in here and participate of her own free will. OH NO! @enril just had to suck me into this one

And to that I say

Now to go see what this is all about....

 

[seoulsearch]

Wooing is a lost art! 🤷

Wot is this "Wooing" of which you speak?

I'm guessing it's something we should have learned about on Duck Tales:

After all, Duck Tales was FULL of Woo-oo's!

 

[RodB651]

Wot is this "Wooing" of which you speak?

Wooing women was perfected by Ernest T Bass on the Andy Griffith show.
I can't explain it, hence, I'm still single! 😀

 

[Lynx]

Wooing is a lost art! 🤷

Feh. I never paid attention in art class anyhow.

 

[TropicalWave]

By the way: Howdy and welcome to the forum.

Hey, how goes it? Glad to be here.

 

[Godsgirl1983]

Many years ago I was on Christian Cafe, which had a general live chat.

HEY! I remember that place! Good times! Goooood times! (in fact @tourist siggy always makes me smile and remember the live chats there. See, there were some wild ones from time to time now I must wonder if you were part of that bunch Seoul but these wild ones -GG included - would great people coming into the chats by throwing handfuls of M&M's into the air, uh, guess you would have had to have been part of that crowd to fully understand)
You might say it was my original CC; you know because the abbreviation (not because it was where I spent most my online time like another CC I know )
then one day my 'life' there ended as that CC was successful in it's mission and my no longer single life begun
the rest as they say is history.

 

[Godsgirl1983]

Wot is this "Wooing" of which you speak?

I'm guessing it's something we should have learned about on Duck Tales:

After all, Duck Tales was FULL of Woo-oo's!

I don't know Seoul, I've heard some women are easily wooed by a handy man.

Maybe the proper art of wooing is making sure you carry plenty of DuckTape

 

[SirSolaScriptura]

The Triage of Dating is ironic. People want the potential spouse with money, house, and etc; then find out they are workaholic, or they are Sunday Christian only. The person who is right for thme works a Nine to Five Job, has an apartment, and maybe some debt, but ooops doesn’t meet desirable list.

Honestly, I think it is almost hopeless for good hearted and God fearing men to meet anyone on these sites unless they already a millionaire.

Proof even in the Church, Mammon (god of money) not Messiah is most important. Sure I get you don’t want a bum, but the other end of spectrum is choosing someone who puts money first, and guess where you will end up on totem poll, second..

 

[Mem]

This could open the door for all kinds of terminology.

If a guy chooses a girl because she's not very demanding and he's lazy and doesn't want to do a lot for her, did he get her on the clearance rack? He's not paying a lot, and she has learned not to be too needy. One could say she was marked down and he snatched up a deal.

She sounds like a Toyota Corolla.

I've always suspected that my actual perfect match and I never had a chance because we were both introverted.

 

[Mem]

She sounds like a Toyota Corolla.

I've always suspected that my actual perfect match and I never had a chance because we were both introverted.

In middle school, we actually engaged in across the table interaction one time, he came to sit across from me with his friend, and we looked at each other like dear in headlights. Then a few years later in high school, we walked home together, except he was either two legs ahead of me or behind me, but when the point our paths diverged, the one would always turn around and wave to the other.

 

[CarriePie]

I don't know Seoul, I've heard some women are easily wooed by a handy man.

This show! The Red Green Show. That's one of my favorite shows. I know it's geared towards men, but I've seen every season/every episode 😂

 

[seoulsearch]

The Triage of Dating is ironic. People want the potential spouse with money, house, and etc; then find out they are workaholic, or they are Sunday Christian only. The person who is right for thme works a Nine to Five Job, has an apartment, and maybe some debt, but ooops doesn’t meet desirable list.

Honestly, I think it is almost hopeless for good hearted and God fearing men to meet anyone on these sites unless they already a millionaire.

Proof even in the Church, Mammon (god of money) not Messiah is most important. Sure I get you don’t want a bum, but the other end of spectrum is choosing someone who puts money first, and guess where you will end up on totem poll, second..

Likewise, I know a lot of good, faithful Christian women who would make excellent wives and mothers (and they're well-experienced, because they're helping family members raise their own kids,) but a passed by because they're not young enough (35 instead of 25,) or hot enough.

I do understand that sometimes it's a matter of a man wanting a woman young enough to have a family, but I often ask God if He meant for any woman over, say, 32, to be put away and never thought about as viable marriage material again.

I once went to a church in which the most sought-after woman was a young ex-stripper who was still into the party lifestyle, but "trying to change." She'd been raised in church, strayed, and was trying to come back.

And I certainly don't mean that as criticism. I actually made a lot of effort to talk to her because I was interested in her story. She said at one time she was making over $100,000 a year (and this was a long time ago, so it would have been even more money now,) and she had the looks that made it easy to see why.

The guys in the church weren't interested in God-fearing women who had never strayed, but they sure were were willing to invest their time and efforts into a woman with 6-figure looks and a "turnaround story" still in the making (she was still having problems with drugs, and came close to overdosing.)

I do wonder what the future of the church is with single women expecting millionaire providers, and single men expecting women who have the looks of million-dollar models.

 

[seoulsearch]

I don't know Seoul, I've heard some women are easily wooed by a handy man.

Maybe the proper art of wooing is making sure you carry plenty of DuckTape

I loved the Red Green show! Used to watch it every week.

"If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy!"

 

[SirSolaScriptura]

Likewise, I know a lot of good, faithful Christian women who would make excellent wives and mothers (and they're well-experienced, because they're helping family members raise their own kids,) but a passed by because they're not young enough (35 instead of 25,) or hot enough.

I do understand that sometimes it's a matter of a man wanting a woman young enough to have a family, but I often ask God if He meant for any woman over, say, 32, to be put away and never thought about as viable marriage material again.

I once went to a church in which the most sought-after woman was a young ex-stripper who was still into the party lifestyle, but "trying to change."

And I don't mean that as criticism. I actually made a lot of effort to talk to her because I was interested in her story. She said at one time she was making over $100,000 a year (and this was a long time ago, so it would have been even more money now,) and she had the looks that made it easy to see why.

The guys in the church weren't interested in God-fearing women who had never strayed, but they sure were were willing to invest their time and efforts into a woman with 6-figure looks and a "turnaround story" still in the making (she was still having problems with drugs.)

I do wonder what the future of the church is with single women expecting millionaire providers, and single men expecting women who have the looks of million-dollar models.

Woman I fell in love with was 35, I am her age, but she wants to just be friends.

I even am willing not to have children with potential mate cuz I raised my nephews, so that whole “biological clock,” thing isn’t an issue for me.

Alas I am the nice guy and we always “finish last.”

Alas unrequited love stinks.

It is annoying, I am Caregiver to my parents, and I know that is not cat nip like 401K and Four Bedroom house.

 

[seoulsearch]

Woman I fell in love with was 35, I am her age, but she wants to just be friends. I even am willing not to have children with potential mate cuz I raised my nephews, so that whole “biological clock,” thing isn’t an issue for me. Alas I am the nice guy and we always “finish last.” Alas unrequited love stinks. It is annoying, I am Caregiver to my parents, and I know that is not cat nip like 401K and Four Bedroom house.

Just out of curiosity, is this the Goth woman you'd written about in other threads?

Or a Christian woman in the church I may have missed reading about in your other posts?

Kudos to you for taking care of your parents. I understand how that goes. I also understand about unrequited love.

Another curious question -- would you marry a woman with kids? It sounds like you have a lot of experience in child-rearing.

The reason I ask is because I know and understand how frustrating it is on both sides. Committing to someone who is a caregiver means one has to expect that they will also become a co-caretaker of the other person's dependents, so if one is going to date a caregiver, they have to think about how much time, energy, and money they have to give.

Long ago, I dated a guy with 3 kids, 2 of whom lived with him. The main issue wasn't the kids, it was that I was too dumb and inexperienced with life to recognize full-blown alcoholism and how it destroys lives. Even more than the kids, I had to become a caretaker to him.

I'm certainly not saying any of this applies to you at all. I'm just talking out loud... and thinking about the lessons I'm learning regarding caretaking in relationships.

 

[CarriePie]

It is annoying, I am Caregiver to my parents, and I know that is not cat nip like 401K and Four Bedroom house.

Honestly, I think it is almost hopeless for good hearted and God fearing men to meet anyone on these sites unless they already a millionaire.

Proof even in the Church, Mammon (god of money) not Messiah is most important. Sure I get you don’t want a bum, but the other end of spectrum is choosing someone who puts money first, and guess where you will end up on totem poll, second..

I honestly don't know any women who think like this, nor do I know any women who are seeking someone like this (a millionaire, high society life, etc.)

 

[seoulsearch]

Woman I fell in love with was 35, I am her age, but she wants to just be friends. Alas I am the nice guy and we always “finish last.” It is annoying, I am Caregiver to my parents, and I know that is not cat nip like 401K and Four Bedroom house.

When my parents married, their assets were having full-time jobs, each had a car, and their marital home was a $5000 trailer in the middle of nowhere.

Eventually, they were able to buy a house. As a teen, I asked my mom if she ever thought they would own their own home, and she said, "Oh no, I thought I'd be living in that trailer for the rest of my life!" Obviously, my Mom married my Dad because she loved him, not because of what she thought he could do for her.

However, I do realize that my parents are a very exceptional story, as they have been together since their teens, and married right out of high school.

There was a time when nice guys didn't always finish last, and pretty but everyday-looking women could land an amazing man.

I'm sure there's always been social discontent about nice men (and nice women) finishing last, but I often wonder about how much it's been exacerbated -- both in truth and in reasons to complain -- by the "highlight reels" shown 24/7 on social media.

 

[SirSolaScriptura]

Just out of curiosity, is this the Goth woman you'd written about in other threads?

Or a Christian woman in the church I may have missed reading about in your other posts?

Kudos to you for taking care of your parents. I understand how that goes. I also understand about unrequited love.

Another curious question -- would you marry a woman with kids? It sounds like you have a lot of experience in child-rearing.

The reason I ask is because I know and understand how frustrating it is on both sides. Committing to someone who is a caregiver means one has to expect that they will also become a co-caretaker of the other person's dependents, so if one is going to date a caregiver, they have to think about how much time, energy, and money they have to give.

Long ago, I dated a guy with 3 kids, 2 of whom lived with him. The main issue wasn't the kids, it was that I was too dumb and inexperienced with life to recognize full-blown alcoholism and how it destroys lives. Even more than the kids, I had to become a caretaker to him.

I'm certainly not saying any of this applies to you at all. I'm just talking out loud... and thinking about the lessons I'm learning regarding caretaking in relationships.

Yeah the Woman I fell for was Goth in sense of her interests. We had this realy intriguing mind link, where we would get same thoughts and say them at same time.. sigh.

Alas her interests bothered me cuz the romance books she likes are angels and humans, and demons, and so forth.. and I would never let those in my home.

One parent has Dementia, the other has COPD and had Cancer. My Siblings have their own lives and families so I do not call on them for help much.

Would I marry a Lady who had kids. Absolutely. I would see it as God letting me have a family when I have had to put in on hold for so long caregiving.

Ah Alcholism, Dionysus and Bacchus (gods, demons really of wine and beer) and Centaur who during alcholic bouts stirs men to violence and bouts of anger. Alcoholism caught my brother for a while, I do not touch alchole save for an rare ale with food, and Eucharist/Commmunion if they use real wine. I am always mindful that it is an easier snare because its socially acceptable and promoted in film, and groups outside of Church.

I think the healthy thing is when you find someone you are mutual caretakers, that is you help each other through life’s hardships. I probably would call it something else, more like mutually caring for one another. I get frustrated when people say “happy wife happy life,” yes, but she should be doing same back, “happy husband, happy life.” It’s suppose to be mutual, you love each other so much you both want each other to thrive.

 

[SirSolaScriptura]

When my parents married, their assets were having full-time jobs, each had a car, and their marital home was a $5000 trailer in the middle of nowhere.

Eventually, they were able to buy a house. As a teen, I asked my mom if she ever thought they would own their own home, and she said, "Oh no, I thought I'd be living in that trailer for the rest of my life!" Obviously, my Mom married my Dad because she loved him, not because of what she thought he could do for her.

However, I do realize that my parents are a very exceptional story, as they have been together since their teens, and married right out of high school.

There was a time when nice guys didn't always finish last, and pretty but everyday-looking women could land an amazing man.

I'm sure there's always been social discontent about nice men (and nice women) finishing last, but I often wonder about how much it's been exacerbated -- both in truth and in reasons to complain -- by the "highlight reels" shown 24/7 on social media.

The reason we finish last is it takes a while for lady to discern you are not a “charmer abuser” type, someone who starts out nice and then once in relationship reveals the Darth they really are. Frankly, I get this apprehension, but its hard when you are genuine nice guy, and you keep getting friend zoned, especially when the lady friends know you arn’t charmer cruellio.

 

[seoulsearch]

The reason we finish last is it takes a while for lady to discern you are not a “charmer abuser” type, someone who starts out nice and then once in relationship reveals the Darth they really are. Frankly, I get this apprehension, but its hard when you are genuine nice guy, and you keep getting friend zoned, especially when the lady friends know you arn’t charmer cruellio.

But you speak as if friend-zoning only happens to men.

All the single women I know are single because they've been friend-zoned as well.

Now granted, they're also content being so now, but of course, in some cases it involved a lot of heart-breaking and healing from the Lord to get past it.