Hey Everyone,
"Triage" is defined as: the process of examining problems in order to decide which are the most serious and must be dealt with first.
It's often used in medicine (deciding which patients need help first,) and business (deciding which problems need action first,) but I think it can be applied to dating as well.
A friend and I were talking about something we've observed on dating sites -- first of all, we all know that the men and women who are deemed most attractive/have the most desirable traits (looks, money, job, own a home, etc.) are going to get the most people messaging them.
So what happens when people have several options?
Let's say that Paul finds Sara attractive and sends her a message. Sara thinks Paul is a nice guy, but she also has messages from John, Bill, Frank, and Stan.
And so, Sara does a "triage" evaluation of all her options. She politely answers each of them, but early on, she knows that she is interested in John and Bill more than any of the others. She doesn't think she is compatible with Frank or Stan, so she allows communication with them to die down and eventually stop. Paul seems like a nice guy, but she doesn't feel feel especially attracted to him -- she has some contact with Paul, but it's very casual, infrequent, and also dies off.
About 2 months pass, and Sara has not talked with Paul at all during this time, because she's more interested in John and and Bill. Sara has spent all her time during these months trying to get to know them. However, things do not work out. John finally says he's not interested in her, and Sara realizes that she and Bill aren't really a match.
And so, after around 2 months of no communication, Sara decides to write Paul "out of the blue" to "see how he's doing."
In other words, her first choices didn't work out -- and so now, she's "working on down the list."
* How should Paul feel about this?
* Should he give her a chance, or keep moving? What would you do?
* What do you do when you know you're not a "first choice," but just an "alternative" who's further on down the list?
And on the flip side:
* If YOU were the one with several options, how would you handle it?
* Would you prioritize who you liked best, see if things worked out, then also move on down the list if it didn't? Is this to be expected when you have more than one "option"?
* Is there a "proper" Christian way to handle these situations that respects others and their feelings?
And of course, it can go both ways.
I was on Christian Mingle back when it had chat rooms, and one of the reason I'm not on the dating sites is because (from what I've seen,) they don't have live chats anymore.
A guy with an especially noticeable "model-like" picture was always bantering with me in the chat room, and the other girls private messaged me saying, "Beware of this one. He's talking to every girl here, and he won't answer your questions. He sends plenty of pictures, but he doesn't talk about his actual life, and we don't think those pictures are actually him."
So aside from the catfishing (presumably presenting a deceptively attractive picture,) he was also "going on down the list," picking and choosing which girl(s) he liked best, and who would be the "better" option(s.)
But this is bound to happen on dating sites, and to be expected, since these sites are open to so many people.
* Christians, what is the best way to handle these circumstances, whether we are the one with the gaggle of options, or the one being put in the backseat behind a long list of "first picks"?
"Triage" is defined as: the process of examining problems in order to decide which are the most serious and must be dealt with first.
It's often used in medicine (deciding which patients need help first,) and business (deciding which problems need action first,) but I think it can be applied to dating as well.
A friend and I were talking about something we've observed on dating sites -- first of all, we all know that the men and women who are deemed most attractive/have the most desirable traits (looks, money, job, own a home, etc.) are going to get the most people messaging them.
So what happens when people have several options?
Let's say that Paul finds Sara attractive and sends her a message. Sara thinks Paul is a nice guy, but she also has messages from John, Bill, Frank, and Stan.
And so, Sara does a "triage" evaluation of all her options. She politely answers each of them, but early on, she knows that she is interested in John and Bill more than any of the others. She doesn't think she is compatible with Frank or Stan, so she allows communication with them to die down and eventually stop. Paul seems like a nice guy, but she doesn't feel feel especially attracted to him -- she has some contact with Paul, but it's very casual, infrequent, and also dies off.
About 2 months pass, and Sara has not talked with Paul at all during this time, because she's more interested in John and and Bill. Sara has spent all her time during these months trying to get to know them. However, things do not work out. John finally says he's not interested in her, and Sara realizes that she and Bill aren't really a match.
And so, after around 2 months of no communication, Sara decides to write Paul "out of the blue" to "see how he's doing."
In other words, her first choices didn't work out -- and so now, she's "working on down the list."
* How should Paul feel about this?
* Should he give her a chance, or keep moving? What would you do?
* What do you do when you know you're not a "first choice," but just an "alternative" who's further on down the list?
And on the flip side:
* If YOU were the one with several options, how would you handle it?
* Would you prioritize who you liked best, see if things worked out, then also move on down the list if it didn't? Is this to be expected when you have more than one "option"?
* Is there a "proper" Christian way to handle these situations that respects others and their feelings?
And of course, it can go both ways.
I was on Christian Mingle back when it had chat rooms, and one of the reason I'm not on the dating sites is because (from what I've seen,) they don't have live chats anymore.
A guy with an especially noticeable "model-like" picture was always bantering with me in the chat room, and the other girls private messaged me saying, "Beware of this one. He's talking to every girl here, and he won't answer your questions. He sends plenty of pictures, but he doesn't talk about his actual life, and we don't think those pictures are actually him."
So aside from the catfishing (presumably presenting a deceptively attractive picture,) he was also "going on down the list," picking and choosing which girl(s) he liked best, and who would be the "better" option(s.)
But this is bound to happen on dating sites, and to be expected, since these sites are open to so many people.
* Christians, what is the best way to handle these circumstances, whether we are the one with the gaggle of options, or the one being put in the backseat behind a long list of "first picks"?
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He's not paying a lot, and she has learned not to be too needy. One could say she was marked down and he snatched up a deal.
