Married to a "Christian" but feel unequally yoked?

[timemeddler]

Do you mean about the messy house or the non-spiritual spouse?

mostly the housecleaning, my wife sadly is a professing christian but of the fire insurance policy type.

 

[Lanolin]

Can you see my thread about being equally yoked in the singles forum

About not losing hope...Case for Christ was a good movie about it but...the husband was not a christian even nominally at first which was hard for the believing wife. He came around in a big way.

I dont know about the nominal christians you sometimes feel someones going through the motions or lukewarm in church and it really brings the congregation down when half the people there only go because their spouse goes but they are not interested and everything is going in one ear and out the other.

 

[shittim]

So many problems since the fall, yet the one answer He has shown me that can give the greatest results for the Kingdom is praying in the Divine prayer language, without ceasing.
He knows what I need and need to pray for better than I.
Always has, always will.
Pray with your husband and ask for things that it be to the glory of the Father, I know He will respond abundantly.
Men need a mission, when they find out the God who created them and will determine their eternity wants to be responsive to them in relationship nothing will hold a person back.
Many today think of faith as a shoulder patch, or a fraternal ring when relationship is required.

Walking in relationship will require a thirst for the things of God, and it is a journey.
blessings
Model[edit]
The model emphasises the journey of faith and spiritual maturity through a number of stages.[3]

+5 Stewardship
+4 Communion with God
+3 Conceptual and behavioral growth
+2 Incorporation into Body
+1 Post-decision evaluation
New birth
-1 Repentance and faith in Christ
-2 Decision to act
-3 Personal problem recognition
-4 Positive attitude towards Gospel
-5 Grasp implications of Gospel
-6 Awareness of fundamentals of Gospel
-7 Initial awareness of Gospel
-8 Awareness of supreme being, no knowledge of Gospel

Two possible additional stages before stage eight could be: -9 Unawareness of supreme being. -10 Resistance or antagonism to the concept of a supreme being.

 

[kittysnax]

One thing that I don't think is going to help is your labeling of this as a gender issue. Whatever your husband's issue is it is about him as an individual, regardless of gender, unless you find facts stating otherwise.

But really all anyone here can do is make guesses on any of it. He's the only one that knows the solution. And the problem.

I know this may sound somewhat like a gender issue, though I don't have anything in print handy to prove it. I'm just going on what I've seen and heard for years. Many or most men I've seen have been quiet on the issue. Haven't you ever heard someone speaking of a specific man and saying he's a man of few words? To me that means men are likely super outgoing and hyper or else so quiet it's hard to carry on a conversation with them. Also, in spiritual circles I have been to several churches where the majority were women and women who step in to help, be it teaching the children, fixing food for everybody, cleaning up, etc., as well as being more expressive in worship. I have seen men be expressive in worship, and I think it's awesome, especially so just because it's a man. What I've been told in my upbringing has confirmed it as well, when it was based on what happened in the Bible.
Not only all the above, but I do think that men secretly have a macho image they feel they need to present as often as possible, even in places of worship.

 

[kittysnax]

So many problems since the fall, yet the one answer He has shown me that can give the greatest results for the Kingdom is praying in the Divine prayer language, without ceasing.
He knows what I need and need to pray for better than I.
Always has, always will.
Pray with your husband and ask for things that it be to the glory of the Father, I know He will respond abundantly.
Men need a mission, when they find out the God who created them and will determine their eternity wants to be responsive to them in relationship nothing will hold a person back.
Many today think of faith as a shoulder patch, or a fraternal ring when relationship is required.

Walking in relationship will require a thirst for the things of God, and it is a journey.
blessings
Model[edit]
The model emphasises the journey of faith and spiritual maturity through a number of stages.[3]

+5 Stewardship
+4 Communion with God
+3 Conceptual and behavioral growth
+2 Incorporation into Body
+1 Post-decision evaluation
New birth
-1 Repentance and faith in Christ
-2 Decision to act
-3 Personal problem recognition
-4 Positive attitude towards Gospel
-5 Grasp implications of Gospel
-6 Awareness of fundamentals of Gospel
-7 Initial awareness of Gospel
-8 Awareness of supreme being, no knowledge of Gospel

Two possible additional stages before stage eight could be: -9 Unawareness of supreme being. -10 Resistance or antagonism to the concept of a supreme being.

I like some of the ways you explained the above. I would never have thought to put things that way. I agree with you in that men need a mission. And believe me, I think he has found plenty. What I haven't seen much is a thirst fo the things of God though. If he can help out in some way, that's his mission and he's happy doing it. And for him it's a factor whether the group is Christian or not.

 

[kittysnax]

PS - I'm not married though I've had plenty of opportunity to do so. But this is one of the reasons why I don't want to be married. I'm TERRIFIED that I'll end up with a guy who really doesn't love the Lord forever.


🌼

I'm sorry that you're "TERRIFIED" about ending up with a guy who really doesn't love the Lord. But the Lord doesn't want you living in fear like that. The Lord may even bring a single pastor into your life! I have seen men who are proactive in their faith, but I have seen that a majority of them are married. And in keeping with why I'm even on here about this, they may have had a more Christian upbringing or else had a "Damascus Road Experience" that really turned them on to the Lord.

 

[kittysnax]

As opposed to yesterday my day today was different. My husband actually met with some other Christians, but of course they were all using their "boy toys". He had a good time, but I secretly think that part of that was because of the "toys".
I was out with Christians, too, but a different group, doing something different. But if I am able to continue to do that "something different" it won't involve my husband anytime soon, and the reason points to the very thing I got on here about this time. It sounds like the situation my mom was in when she eventually started going to different churches than my dad. And the reason she did that was pretty much the same reason I am kind of looking around: she was growing, and apparently didn't see any growth in him, nor was she able to grow in his church. And HE wasn't ever about to change churches.

All this boils down to one spouse being at a much more advanced position in their walk than the other. Thus, feeling unequally yoked.

 

[shittim]

Most of us don't seek the Lord's guidance in a mate, we live to ourselves and not Him, and thus use our self "wisdom" to find someone who will hold still to be married and then ask God to bless something He had no part in. Thus a "fear of being unequally yoked" can come up.
We are to take ALL THINGS TO HIM for His guidance.
blessings

 

[Jimbone]

Recently I was sharing with him about something interesting I read about the Tabernacle. That night or early in the a.m., I forget which, I found his Bible in the bathroom. It was turned over and still looked un-opened, so I wondered what was going on, but never said anything. It was gone later though.

Just yesterday I was telling him how serious God sounds about the Sabbath. He asked what brought that up, and I told him I was just thinking about it. That was the end of that. No comments whatsoever. I took that as totally uninterested. I was depressed, more or less, the rest of the day about it, and then really sad all day today. The dreary weather didn't help.

With his apparent lack of interest I more or less decided never(?) to bring anything up again about the Bible. But that puts me in a bind when I think about church and where else I have considered going, in that he would suspiciously ask why. Then I started thinking of all the stuff I could be upfront and honest about regarding HIS lack of interest. The only thing is, I have mentioned it before in the form of why he's always so quiet IN church and if the messages mean anything to him. He got a little defensive. Sort of matches him, because he is very quiet about his thoughts on it all, and since he keeps it all to himself he may not even be listening. He acts like he wants to sit next to me in church, when he's not on duty somewhere, but considering his lack of interaction I might as well be sitting by myself anyway. But even in that I feel like a loner, and based on what all he talks about I am trying to psych myself up to accept that. It REALLY depresses me and makes me a bit angry; then the next battle is to not take it out on others.

I'd kind of like to go back to the pastor who married us years ago and ask him some questions about him, really, but that is out of the question. Besides, people DO fall away from the Lord. Some might even acknowledge it, but that looks to be about as far as they go.
Sometimes interests people take on become idols, though, but since they might not be statues they don't see them as such. And might just get defensive if you point it out to them.

My mom suffered the same problem with my dad, except he was all about reading/science/intellectual. Maybe one of you guys can tell me: do more men think they don't need God, just because they're men and therefore self-sufficient? I think if God was a woman they would see things differently? Is there a truth to that??

It's because we don't know anything about the reality of the spirit in the world. We have no clue that being born again is an actual act that takes place inside us by Gods grace, not a decision by us as the popular church these days likes to frame it. Being born again isn't me going up front during an alter call and "giving my life to Jesus", then being declared saved. I know I'm saying this very strait forward, and some may not like it, I'm not saying that it can't happen this way, but what I am 100% saying is that I was deceived by this practice myself and thought I was "saved" before I ever knew God, and was wrong. I also want to make clear that I am in no way suggesting that we as human beings can tell if anyone is saved or not. We can't.

What we can do it see where the evidence of their lives point us, and from what you've shared here it very much sounds just like I was at the point I'm telling you about. This it what it seems to me, and how I looked at it during the years I thought I was saved when I wasn't. "I love the IDEA of Jesus,...But I have bills to pay here in the real world". I did not know Him. I did not know that when He granted me repentance, when I had come face to face with the existent and end of "my power". When I knew that "I" could not do it anymore, that I was lacking in and of myself to be complete. That was when God granted me repentance, resurrected my dead spirit by the perfect sacrifice offered in stead of my sinful offer, by the price paid on the cross when the Son took our full punishment from a perfectly just and righteous God, so that we might be reconciled to the Creator, as we were created to be. That the spiritual bond with God, that was severed in the garden, is now by His grace and Jesus perfection in obedience, can put that bond back together making us whole again and forever connected with His Spirit to be guided and lead to all truth.

See before that happen, I did not know that. It seems that he may not know that yet, but that will just make the miracle when it does happen all the more powerful and glorious to our King. My wife prayed for 10+ years before she witnessed the power of Gods work in me and I know you said you've already be at it way longer than that, just keep doing what you are called to do and follow Jesus and honor Him however you can. It's Him that has to change your husband.

 

[Karlon]

I may just be venting here and now, but I could use some thoughts or ideas about sharing OR NOT to a spouse who seems to show no real interest in spiritual growth, while you're learning, reading, and almost can't get enough.

I read the Word, enjoy it, learn new stuff and get curious about things in it, but though he's a "Christian" I've never seen him crack open a Bible, he doesn't talk about spiritual things (with him bringing them up), nor does he seem to grow spiritually--or care too much. His life seems to be all work, public service, and his "boy toys".

When I learn something new from the Bible, get interested in a Christian group or artist, obtain an interesting spiritual book, and want to share something I find exciting, I get little to no response. I feel like he sees my growing spiritually as just a hobby, while I wonder if his boy toys are more borderline idols that he doesn't see.

His apparent lack of interest or motivation towards things of God are making me feel unequally yoked with him. He used to be more interested in this. Is it as useless as if feels to share anything spiritual with him? If not, why not? This feeling like I am talking to a brick wall is getting pretty sad and lonely! Why do guys get like this--pay more attention to their toys than to God and growing?

I get lonely and feel sad around here Some ideas on options? Like keeping my interesting finds to myself? Is it just plain useless to share? I don't like talking to brick walls.

how can you be SURE he's a Christian? Bible, spiritual, grow? no action. James 1:22,23,24! 1st John 3:18. it sounds like he's bored with the relationship. all the points you made are 1st indicative signs of someone bored in a relationship. suggest marriage counseling. try gatherings with friends, more direct eye contact, speak more with a smiling face, more sincere hugs, a surprise gift & ask a Christian psychologist for help. prayers for you.

 

[Aslanfriend]

Wow…this thread really hits home. Next week is my 26th anniversary and I have felt unequally yoked pretty much the whole time, but my daughter would’ve never been born if I had a single girl friend to expose the major red flags before eloping. We are both introverts who seem to have a lot in common.

But it is a quite humbling place to be when you feel you have surpassed your husband spiritually. I’ve been doing Bible studies over the years and been hungry for the Word and just like you, I get all excited about new insight on a verse or passage of scripture and he’s like all “Meh” about it. SO frustrating not being able to grow together in Christ as a couple and learn from each other.

We also came from 2 completely different backgrounds: I was raised in a godless dysfunctional home and born again at 18 while he was raised in a loving Christian home and saved at 5 years old. I’ve wanted to go to counseling for years, but he refuses and says that we definitely don't need someone else trying to help because he already knows they type of stuff they would say and “we can fix our own problems- we don’t need outside help.” He says we’re smart enough to figure things out on our own, plus good counseling is so expensive anyway.

My biggest regret is not being more proactive about my daughter‘s faith though. I’ve asked God to forgive me for this because all the teaching/upbringing was ALL on me and I failed right alongside my husband. Since she’s an only child and a daddy’s girl, she follows dad’s example not mine….so I can attest when kids are involved in the unequally yoked thing, it’s not good because the kid might naturally follow the lukewarm parent in how to live daily, not the Jesus-nutty parent. The second problem is not agreeing what to do with your earnings. I’ve wanted to tithe for years and he always refuses every time I bring it up, but we’ve compromised in that I give a little here and there to charities and church even though it’s no where near 10%. And the 3rd issue in all this for me is coveting folks in great Christian marriages…wanting what they have knowing that may never happen for me.

 

[Tish]

That’s exactly why I joined this group. My spouse is not really interested in spiritual things although he claims to be Christian. I feel like I’m casting my pearls before swine. He doesn’t receive or respond much when I try to share anything. He’s cynical and can be very snide, so I talk with friends. But we keep praying and laying our cares on the Lord.

 

[Magenta]

What does Jesus say: Matthew 13:45 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful
pearls, 46 who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it"

The one who has found the Kingdom of God is all in, just as the merchant in the parable sold everything he had to obtain
the pearl of great price. By implication one who is not all in has not yet found the Kingdom of God. God Bless You

Matthew 13:44

 

[justahumanbeing]

I may just be venting here and now, but I could use some thoughts or ideas about sharing OR NOT to a spouse who seems to show no real interest in spiritual growth, while you're learning, reading, and almost can't get enough.

I read the Word, enjoy it, learn new stuff and get curious about things in it, but though he's a "Christian" I've never seen him crack open a Bible, he doesn't talk about spiritual things (with him bringing them up), nor does he seem to grow spiritually--or care too much. His life seems to be all work, public service, and his "boy toys".

When I learn something new from the Bible, get interested in a Christian group or artist, obtain an interesting spiritual book, and want to share something I find exciting, I get little to no response. I feel like he sees my growing spiritually as just a hobby, while I wonder if his boy toys are more borderline idols that he doesn't see.

His apparent lack of interest or motivation towards things of God are making me feel unequally yoked with him. He used to be more interested in this. Is it as useless as if feels to share anything spiritual with him? If not, why not? This feeling like I am talking to a brick wall is getting pretty sad and lonely! Why do guys get like this--pay more attention to their toys than to God and growing?

I get lonely and feel sad around here Some ideas on options? Like keeping my interesting finds to myself? Is it just plain useless to share? I don't like talking to brick walls.

That does not make him a bad person. He is a believer. If he's not ready for what you share with him, then he's not ready. Your spouse is a special person or you would not have wed him. That said, everyone has their take on faith and belief in God. It need not be the same experience for you and Him. You could ask him what he feels as spiritual or if he is spiritual? Not to judge him. But to know what he thinks about it. If he is not thinking much of it, don't write him off. Connect with him in his areas of interests. You as his spouse have access to him in ways his friends would not. So, make the best memories with him in all other areas you can. Eventually, he will come around and ask you about your interests too. But don't expect that.

 

[AbidingInHim]

I can relate!
My only advice would be to pray for God to help you love him. Just keep praying for him and your marriage. Step back and let the Holy Spirit work. God can be using this to grow you in different ways as well. Pray and surrender to His timing. 💕


Lord, I come before you today and I’m asking you to help my marriage. Your Word says what you bring together, let no man separate– and I need your help to sacrificially love and respect my husband.

I choose, as an act of my will, to loose all bitterness, hate, judgement, hurt, anger, and selfishness from my soul, in Jesus’ name. I repent for my bitterness and hate—please forgive me. I ask that you cleanse me from everything that offends you and my husband.

Lord, fill me with your light, your agape love, your presence, your righteousness, your patience. I bind them to me, in Jesus’ name according to Matthew 16:18-19. Let me see my husband through your eyes. Give me the strength to respond out of your never-ending love instead of out of my own flesh and emotions.

I thank you Lord that with you, nothing is impossible. Thank you for working through me. Thank you for changing and healing me. I lift my husband up to you. I ask that you bless him, Lord. Meet him at his place of greatest need. Minister to him in ways only you can.

I ask that you give me divine insight into my husband and my marriage, Lord. Show me what only you can know– and work through me to build a covenant marriage according to your perfect will.

All of these things I pray in the precious name of Jesus. Amen.

 

[Shepherd]

Read 1 Peter 3.....
1Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

''conversation'' is your ''manner of life''