Married to a "Christian" but feel unequally yoked?

[kittysnax]

I may just be venting here and now, but I could use some thoughts or ideas about sharing OR NOT to a spouse who seems to show no real interest in spiritual growth, while you're learning, reading, and almost can't get enough.

I read the Word, enjoy it, learn new stuff and get curious about things in it, but though he's a "Christian" I've never seen him crack open a Bible, he doesn't talk about spiritual things (with him bringing them up), nor does he seem to grow spiritually--or care too much. His life seems to be all work, public service, and his "boy toys".

When I learn something new from the Bible, get interested in a Christian group or artist, obtain an interesting spiritual book, and want to share something I find exciting, I get little to no response. I feel like he sees my growing spiritually as just a hobby, while I wonder if his boy toys are more borderline idols that he doesn't see.

His apparent lack of interest or motivation towards things of God are making me feel unequally yoked with him. He used to be more interested in this. Is it as useless as if feels to share anything spiritual with him? If not, why not? This feeling like I am talking to a brick wall is getting pretty sad and lonely! Why do guys get like this--pay more attention to their toys than to God and growing?

I get lonely and feel sad around here Some ideas on options? Like keeping my interesting finds to myself? Is it just plain useless to share? I don't like talking to brick walls.

 

[Jimbone]

As the one on the other side of this situation I want to tell you to not give up. I was your husband to my wife for 10 years or more. We got together when we were both unbelievers, then she was born again very shortly after our first son was born. It was exactly how you just described, and from my perspective I saw it like "I like the idea of Jesus, but I have bills to pay". Looking at it like it was a good idea, but don't get it all over the "real world". I thought I knew what it was to be Christian when I didn't. I went up front, repeated the prayer, was even baptized for good measure, the pastor declared me saved, yet I was not. So when real hard times hit I didn't see all the Jesus stuff helping at all.

The thing is this was what He used to draw me to Himself, the hardest most tragic thing that ever happen to me I now praise His name for. For 10 years my wife prayed for me and hung in there when I'm sure it seemed I was a lost cause, but she played a HUGE part in His plan. If he even claims to like Jesus then that's not bad, and I pray he doesn't have to be broken the same way I was...unless that's what God wills, but don't loose hope, God can change him overnight when you least suspect it. You keep following your King, and do share with him, but don't try to force it, that will not work. However do pray, pray, pray, and I pray that the day God changes him, you will be amazed by His power. God saved me in a radical, overnight, road to Damascus kind of way and my whole family saw me go from 2 solid years of head down suicidal depression that I couldn't escape to life again overnight. It was a miracle only God could do inside a person and I am very thankful they were able to witness that, and pray your family will too. Stay hopeful.

 

[Wisdom765]

The book of genesis teaches us that "You find a Man in the presence of God, you don't drag a man to the presence of GOD!" A teaching from Myles Munroe. He explained; 'The garden of Eden is not a place, Eden is an Atmosphere, it's the presence of GOD, and once man sinned, the presence was taken back to Heaven! Which is the Garden of Eden!
So if you feel like your partner is not alikened to you, Pray about Him or Her. Ask God to give you a sign if He's the one or not. It might, and I repeat, might be a sign that GOD wanted to show you that one's I elevate you to my Realm, you'll start to see the true colours of your partner!
Pray about it before you make a decision!

 

[selahsays]

I may just be venting here and now, but I could use some thoughts or ideas about sharing OR NOT to a spouse who seems to show no real interest in spiritual growth, while you're learning, reading, and almost can't get enough.

I read the Word, enjoy it, learn new stuff and get curious about things in it, but though he's a "Christian" I've never seen him crack open a Bible, he doesn't talk about spiritual things (with him bringing them up), nor does he seem to grow spiritually--or care too much. His life seems to be all work, public service, and his "boy toys".

When I learn something new from the Bible, get interested in a Christian group or artist, obtain an interesting spiritual book, and want to share something I find exciting, I get little to no response. I feel like he sees my growing spiritually as just a hobby, while I wonder if his boy toys are more borderline idols that he doesn't see.

His apparent lack of interest or motivation towards things of God are making me feel unequally yoked with him. He used to be more interested in this. Is it as useless as if feels to share anything spiritual with him? If not, why not? This feeling like I am talking to a brick wall is getting pretty sad and lonely! Why do guys get like this--pay more attention to their toys than to God and growing?

I get lonely and feel sad around here Some ideas on options? Like keeping my interesting finds to myself? Is it just plain useless to share? I don't like talking to brick walls.

So sorry, sis. I can feel your disappointment and heartache. …but perhaps trying sincerely to share the Word to a disinterested spouse may cause problems, thus leading to arguments. I’m sure he is aware of your dedication to the Lord and, even when you don’t know it, he’s watching you. Keep praying for him that he will hear Jesus calling his name. God bless you.

 

[Seeker47]

I believe these are some of the most profound words Paul wrote:

1 Corinthians 7:14
For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband

Don't evangelize, demonstrate. Keep on demonstrating. Don't quit. Victory will eventually be yours.

 

[MaryM]

I may just be venting here and now, but I could use some thoughts or ideas about sharing OR NOT to a spouse who seems to show no real interest in spiritual growth, while you're learning, reading, and almost can't get enough.

I read the Word, enjoy it, learn new stuff and get curious about things in it, but though he's a "Christian" I've never seen him crack open a Bible, he doesn't talk about spiritual things (with him bringing them up), nor does he seem to grow spiritually--or care too much. His life seems to be all work, public service, and his "boy toys".

When I learn something new from the Bible, get interested in a Christian group or artist, obtain an interesting spiritual book, and want to share something I find exciting, I get little to no response. I feel like he sees my growing spiritually as just a hobby, while I wonder if his boy toys are more borderline idols that he doesn't see.

His apparent lack of interest or motivation towards things of God are making me feel unequally yoked with him. He used to be more interested in this. Is it as useless as if feels to share anything spiritual with him? If not, why not? This feeling like I am talking to a brick wall is getting pretty sad and lonely! Why do guys get like this--pay more attention to their toys than to God and growing?

I get lonely and feel sad around here Some ideas on options? Like keeping my interesting finds to myself? Is it just plain useless to share? I don't like talking to brick walls.

I completely understand - it is as if I wrote this!
We cannot know someone until we live with them and then it is often too late.

I have adopted the strategy of not talking about my faith at all with him. It saves my sanity. I let him know every now and then that I would be happy to study the Bible with him if and when he is interested. That he can ask questions anytime and we can discuss. Otherwise it is fine to have separate interests.

You cannot push him. Just find other Christians to talk to and enjoy your own journey.

 

[Fillan]

[QUOTE="kittysnax, post: 5157215, member: 313561"
I read the Word, enjoy it, learn new stuff and get curious about things in it, but though he's a "Christian" [/QUOTE]

Hello kittysnax. Sorry to hear of your frustration. The word "Christian" is often used in these times, but it is very subjective and poorly defined.

What does Jesus say: Matthew 14: 45 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, 46 who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it"

The one who has found the Kingdom of God is all in, just as the merchant in the parable sold everything he had to obtain the pearl of great price. By implication one who is not all in has not yet found the Kingdom of God. God Bless You

 

[kittysnax]

The book of genesis teaches us that "You find a Man in the presence of God, you don't drag a man to the presence of GOD!" A teaching from Myles Munroe. He explained; 'The garden of Eden is not a place, Eden is an Atmosphere, it's the presence of GOD, and once man sinned, the presence was taken back to Heaven! Which is the Garden of Eden!
So if you feel like your partner is not alikened to you, Pray about Him or Her. Ask God to give you a sign if He's the one or not. It might, and I repeat, might be a sign that GOD wanted to show you that one's I elevate you to my Realm, you'll start to see the true colours of your partner!
Pray about it before you make a decision!

I'm a little lost in what you say. It's not like I'm in the dating scene. I've been married to him for a little over 30 years, yet over the years I think he has been putting other things before God--like wanting to get all his "fun" stuff in while he physically still can. But at the expense of his getting to know God better?

 

[Nehemiah6]

I get lonely and feel sad around here Some ideas on options?

Assuming you are a member of a Bible-believing church, start inviting spiritual Christians from your church to have a time of weekly Bible study and refreshments in your home and ask your husband to be present just to be friendly. Sooner or later someone will sit down with him and talk about his relationship to God and Christ. If he chooses not to be there don't make it an issue, but keep going.

If he is not truly saved, you cannot expect him to have an interest in spiritual things. But interacting with other couples without any pressure could make a difference. And by "Bible study" I means going directly to the Gospel of John in the King James Bible and taking it verse by by verse. Which means that all who come should have something to contribute. The modern versions can be very misleading.

 

[kittysnax]

Assuming you are a member of a Bible-believing church, start inviting spiritual Christians from your church to have a time of weekly Bible study and refreshments in your home and ask your husband to be present just to be friendly. Sooner or later someone will sit down with him and talk about his relationship to God and Christ. If he chooses not to be there don't make it an issue, but keep going.

If he is not truly saved, you cannot expect him to have an interest in spiritual things. But interacting with other couples without any pressure could make a difference. And by "Bible study" I means going directly to the Gospel of John in the King James Bible and taking it verse by by verse. Which means that all who come should have something to contribute. The modern versions can be very misleading.

Assuming you are a member of a Bible-believing church, start inviting spiritual Christians from your church to have a time of weekly Bible study and refreshments in your home and ask your husband to be present just to be friendly. Sooner or later someone will sit down with him and talk about his relationship to God and Christ. If he chooses not to be there don't make it an issue, but keep going.

If he is not truly saved, you cannot expect him to have an interest in spiritual things. But interacting with other couples without any pressure could make a difference. And by "Bible study" I means going directly to the Gospel of John in the King James Bible and taking it verse by by verse. Which means that all who come should have something to contribute. The modern versions can be very misleading.

 

[kittysnax]

I really appreciate your suggestions, Nehemiah 6, but would you believe that our house, at least on the inside is so messy, despite my best efforts to keep it clean and neat, that my husband has been too embarrassed to have anybody but family here? Sad, but true.

 

[timemeddler]

I have the same problem but from a husbands side. Sucks.

 

[timemeddler]

I really appreciate your suggestions, Nehemiah 6, but would you believe that our house, at least on the inside is so messy, despite my best efforts to keep it clean and neat, that my husband has been too embarrassed to have anybody but family here? Sad, but true.

oh boy, I'm feeling like i'm replying to my counterpart in a parallel universe, not that I'm mr. clean or anything, but I try.

 

[kittysnax]

I have the same problem but from a husbands side. Sucks.

Do you mean about the messy house or the non-spiritual spouse?

 

[kittysnax]

Recently I was sharing with him about something interesting I read about the Tabernacle. That night or early in the a.m., I forget which, I found his Bible in the bathroom. It was turned over and still looked un-opened, so I wondered what was going on, but never said anything. It was gone later though.

Just yesterday I was telling him how serious God sounds about the Sabbath. He asked what brought that up, and I told him I was just thinking about it. That was the end of that. No comments whatsoever. I took that as totally uninterested. I was depressed, more or less, the rest of the day about it, and then really sad all day today. The dreary weather didn't help.

With his apparent lack of interest I more or less decided never(?) to bring anything up again about the Bible. But that puts me in a bind when I think about church and where else I have considered going, in that he would suspiciously ask why. Then I started thinking of all the stuff I could be upfront and honest about regarding HIS lack of interest. The only thing is, I have mentioned it before in the form of why he's always so quiet IN church and if the messages mean anything to him. He got a little defensive. Sort of matches him, because he is very quiet about his thoughts on it all, and since he keeps it all to himself he may not even be listening. He acts like he wants to sit next to me in church, when he's not on duty somewhere, but considering his lack of interaction I might as well be sitting by myself anyway. But even in that I feel like a loner, and based on what all he talks about I am trying to psych myself up to accept that. It REALLY depresses me and makes me a bit angry; then the next battle is to not take it out on others.

I'd kind of like to go back to the pastor who married us years ago and ask him some questions about him, really, but that is out of the question. Besides, people DO fall away from the Lord. Some might even acknowledge it, but that looks to be about as far as they go.
Sometimes interests people take on become idols, though, but since they might not be statues they don't see them as such. And might just get defensive if you point it out to them.

My mom suffered the same problem with my dad, except he was all about reading/science/intellectual. Maybe one of you guys can tell me: do more men think they don't need God, just because they're men and therefore self-sufficient? I think if God was a woman they would see things differently? Is there a truth to that??

 

[kittysnax]

Trying to post the above, but the website is confusing.

 

[MsMediator]

I may just be venting here and now, but I could use some thoughts or ideas about sharing OR NOT to a spouse who seems to show no real interest in spiritual growth, while you're learning, reading, and almost can't get enough.

I read the Word, enjoy it, learn new stuff and get curious about things in it, but though he's a "Christian" I've never seen him crack open a Bible, he doesn't talk about spiritual things (with him bringing them up), nor does he seem to grow spiritually--or care too much. His life seems to be all work, public service, and his "boy toys".

When I learn something new from the Bible, get interested in a Christian group or artist, obtain an interesting spiritual book, and want to share something I find exciting, I get little to no response. I feel like he sees my growing spiritually as just a hobby, while I wonder if his boy toys are more borderline idols that he doesn't see.

His apparent lack of interest or motivation towards things of God are making me feel unequally yoked with him. He used to be more interested in this. Is it as useless as if feels to share anything spiritual with him? If not, why not? This feeling like I am talking to a brick wall is getting pretty sad and lonely! Why do guys get like this--pay more attention to their toys than to God and growing?

I get lonely and feel sad around here Some ideas on options? Like keeping my interesting finds to myself? Is it just plain useless to share? I don't like talking to brick walls.

Your husband may have an issue with one of the doctrines (such as gay marriage, etc.) that is preventing him from delving more into study. You should ask him what is really bothering him. If he doesn't open the Bible or avoids the Bible, it could mean something really deep is bothering him. Or, he may be happy with life and he doesn't want to rock the boat too much.

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

Recently I was sharing with him about something interesting I read about the Tabernacle. That night or early in the a.m., I forget which, I found his Bible in the bathroom. It was turned over and still looked un-opened, so I wondered what was going on, but never said anything. It was gone later though.

Just yesterday I was telling him how serious God sounds about the Sabbath. He asked what brought that up, and I told him I was just thinking about it. That was the end of that. No comments whatsoever. I took that as totally uninterested. I was depressed, more or less, the rest of the day about it, and then really sad all day today. The dreary weather didn't help.

With his apparent lack of interest I more or less decided never(?) to bring anything up again about the Bible. But that puts me in a bind when I think about church and where else I have considered going, in that he would suspiciously ask why. Then I started thinking of all the stuff I could be upfront and honest about regarding HIS lack of interest. The only thing is, I have mentioned it before in the form of why he's always so quiet IN church and if the messages mean anything to him. He got a little defensive. Sort of matches him, because he is very quiet about his thoughts on it all, and since he keeps it all to himself he may not even be listening. He acts like he wants to sit next to me in church, when he's not on duty somewhere, but considering his lack of interaction I might as well be sitting by myself anyway. But even in that I feel like a loner, and based on what all he talks about I am trying to psych myself up to accept that. It REALLY depresses me and makes me a bit angry; then the next battle is to not take it out on others.

I'd kind of like to go back to the pastor who married us years ago and ask him some questions about him, really, but that is out of the question. Besides, people DO fall away from the Lord. Some might even acknowledge it, but that looks to be about as far as they go.
Sometimes interests people take on become idols, though, but since they might not be statues they don't see them as such. And might just get defensive if you point it out to them.

My mom suffered the same problem with my dad, except he was all about reading/science/intellectual. Maybe one of you guys can tell me: do more men think they don't need God, just because they're men and therefore self-sufficient? I think if God was a woman they would see things differently? Is there a truth to that??

I'm so sorry you're going through all this!

My Mom too have this problem with my Pop. What happened was that my grandfather was a born-again Christian (now home with the Lord) and he had my father take part in church activities when he was young, such as teach a Sunday school class. So my mother thought that he too was a Christian and they got married. ....Only to find out that he really wasn't.

My Mom has recently these past few years have become more serious about God and have started actively talking to Him in prayer, studying the Bible and obeying Him from what she can understand from His word. My father is still not into God because my grandfather was strict with him (not from being a Christian, but from being a military colonel), he associates strictness with Christianity.

But since my mother and I pray for him and the rest of the family, he is willing to take part in a family prayer. Every night, where ever our family members are in the world (we tend to travel a lot), we Skype and talk about our day. And then my Mom does a family prayer. My father tolerates it which is better than nothing.

So right now, all that my mother and I can do is pray and live out our Christian lives before him. It IS heartbreaking though because he's so stubborn. But I feel compelled to pray for him and won't stop praying for him until it's no longer an option....


🌼

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

I'm so sorry you're going through all this!

My Mom too have this problem with my Pop. What happened was that my grandfather was a born-again Christian (now home with the Lord) and he had my father take part in church activities when he was young, such as teach a Sunday school class. So my mother thought that he too was a Christian and they got married. ....Only to find out that he really wasn't.

My Mom has recently these past few years have become more serious about God and have started actively talking to Him in prayer, studying the Bible and obeying Him from what she can understand from His word. My father is still not into God because my grandfather was strict with him (not from being a Christian, but from being a military colonel), he associates strictness with Christianity.

But since my mother and I pray for him and the rest of the family, he is willing to take part in a family prayer. Every night, where ever our family members are in the world (we tend to travel a lot), we Skype and talk about our day. And then my Mom does a family prayer. My father tolerates it which is better than nothing.

So right now, all that my mother and I can do is pray and live out our Christian lives before him. It IS heartbreaking though because he's so stubborn. But I feel compelled to pray for him and won't stop praying for him until it's no longer an option....


🌼

PS - I'm not married though I've had plenty of opportunity to do so. But this is one of the reasons why I don't want to be married. I'm TERRIFIED that I'll end up with a guy who really doesn't love the Lord forever.


🌼

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Recently I was sharing with him about something interesting I read about the Tabernacle. That night or early in the a.m., I forget which, I found his Bible in the bathroom. It was turned over and still looked un-opened, so I wondered what was going on, but never said anything. It was gone later though.

Just yesterday I was telling him how serious God sounds about the Sabbath. He asked what brought that up, and I told him I was just thinking about it. That was the end of that. No comments whatsoever. I took that as totally uninterested. I was depressed, more or less, the rest of the day about it, and then really sad all day today. The dreary weather didn't help.

With his apparent lack of interest I more or less decided never(?) to bring anything up again about the Bible. But that puts me in a bind when I think about church and where else I have considered going, in that he would suspiciously ask why. Then I started thinking of all the stuff I could be upfront and honest about regarding HIS lack of interest. The only thing is, I have mentioned it before in the form of why he's always so quiet IN church and if the messages mean anything to him. He got a little defensive. Sort of matches him, because he is very quiet about his thoughts on it all, and since he keeps it all to himself he may not even be listening. He acts like he wants to sit next to me in church, when he's not on duty somewhere, but considering his lack of interaction I might as well be sitting by myself anyway. But even in that I feel like a loner, and based on what all he talks about I am trying to psych myself up to accept that. It REALLY depresses me and makes me a bit angry; then the next battle is to not take it out on others.

I'd kind of like to go back to the pastor who married us years ago and ask him some questions about him, really, but that is out of the question. Besides, people DO fall away from the Lord. Some might even acknowledge it, but that looks to be about as far as they go.
Sometimes interests people take on become idols, though, but since they might not be statues they don't see them as such. And might just get defensive if you point it out to them.

My mom suffered the same problem with my dad, except he was all about reading/science/intellectual. Maybe one of you guys can tell me: do more men think they don't need God, just because they're men and therefore self-sufficient? I think if God was a woman they would see things differently? Is there a truth to that??

One thing that I don't think is going to help is your labeling of this as a gender issue. Whatever your husband's issue is it is about him as an individual, regardless of gender, unless you find facts stating otherwise.

But really all anyone here can do is make guesses on any of it. He's the only one that knows the solution. And the problem.