Extreme Loneliness...

[shittim]

22 "I's", if you delete and go somewhere else you will be taking your "issues" with you.
It really stands out that your focus is on yourself, even when that is brought out you don't repent and turn from it, you return to it.
Volunteer somewhere where you can focus on others, that is the love, joy, peace, etc. that scripture speaks of. That is Christlike and also where you will find other Christlike people, not claiming and clinging to a focus on oneself,
This isn't intended as harsh, if we keep doing and thinking what we have always done and thought we will we will always receive what we have always received, we each turn from wrong thinking and actions.
best wishes, friend

 

[shittim]

We would hate to see you go, but many of us who have felt the same way and gone through a similar journey would understand.

May I suggest, if you can, maybe just step away from posting and not delete your account.

I step back from the site often when I'm going through something or life is just busy, but I'm always glad to come back.

But I know it might feel too overwhelming to keep your account open (and you could always open a new one later and let us know it's you.)

I definitely understand that pain of suddenly being alone when codependency is all you know.

I'll be praying that God helps you follow wherever He is leading, and that your heart will continue to heal with every step.

Agreeing with you in prayer for our brother.
blessings

 

[Suze]

I Understand Everyone of these things. And I know that I Am Obviously not ready to be with anyone. And even if I did get with someone just as broken as I am. It would not be healthy. My original post is more about the fact that I have had to admit that I have been codependent my entire life. I have always had a woman in my life since I was 18. That is 30 Years of not being alone. 18 Years of that was with my Ex Wife, 15 Years Married. I Am just now making the choice not to settle for another relationship just to feel OK temporarily and to end up right where I am at because of my own insecurities and other issues. Again, I appreciate everyone's feedback. I don't know why I constantly feel the need to get validation from others about things that I already know. Maybe it's from lack of self confidence. Or lack of self worth. I know the issues that I need to work on. However, I have been so overwhelmed about everything. And I may stop posting and delete my account. If I do, I would just like everyone to know that it will be because this sometimes makes me feel worse. Like it is a crutch. It feels like I am feeding my pain. Especially when I get feedback that is of no help at all. God Bless Us ALL.

Please don't go , we ryour brothers and sisters in Christ and we value u and your life experience and perspective . Some of us r more patient and understanding than others of us , that's just human nature . It doesn't mean that we don't value your presence and life experience . I took a few weeks off recently , I had covid and then had to have my gorgeous and much loved cat to sleep so I needed a bit of space and time to get my act together . It worked wonders for me and I'm glad to b back . This could happen to u too , don't b so hard on yourself or so rigid in your out look , we r all human and can b swayed by our emotions some times , stay strong in Christ and recognise that u have a family on here that is imperfect but , mostly loving and supportive .

 

[33Michael33]

@shittim : Bro, that's a bit, harsh, isn't it?!

I mean, this is a Christian forum, and shouldn't we, as his brothers and sisters in CHRIST, be trying to help our brother Michael, as much as we can?!

Case in point, Did You Read the Last Sentence of My Post???
For the Record, shittim has been Ignored since day one. If it wasn't for his reactions that are not blocked, and everyone else's responses. I wouldn't even know. Which is fine with me as people are going to do what they want. Christian or not. Same for Stan, Everyone else could not leave it be to the point to where I tuned out of my own thread. I Am not mad about it or anything. I Am Only pointing this out in Case anyone cares not to keep unnecessary reacting for whatever reason.

 

[33Michael33]

For future interactions - shoulding all over people rarely helps them. Usually it just makes them feel worse and like their situation is hopeless. If you want to help you can quit dropping a load of should in the thread and talk about the methods and strategies that worked for you to overcome debilitating emotional issues. If you've been so fortunate / blessed as to have had a life that's always been full of healthy emotion and have never had to overcome debilitating emotional issues, praise God and pray for your brother.

Case in point, Did You Read the Last Sentence of My Post???

For the Record, shittim has been Ignored since day one. If it wasn't for his reactions that are not blocked, and everyone else's responses. I wouldn't even know. Which is fine with me as people are going to do what they want. Christian or not. Same for Stan, Everyone else could not leave it be to the point to where I tuned out of my own thread. I Am not mad about it or anything. I Am Only pointing this out in Case anyone cares not to keep unnecessary reacting for whatever reason.

 

[33Michael33]

Jesus never mentioned glyphosate or pornography or the internet or homosexuality or cars or processed vegetable oils either. There's a lot of things Jesus didn't mention in his time on earth either because they didn't exist, his culture had already given people the correct perspective on it, or it just wasn't relevant to the audience he was speaking to at the time. And just out of curiosity, what do you think happened to the people who had severe disabilities or impairments and showed up a day too late to meet Jesus and get healed by him? OR what about at the pool of bethesda when Jesus healed the one cripple but left all the other sickies around the pool waiting for the water to be stirred?

But he did send the Holy spirit to guide us into all truth so that we can think through and come to good conclusions about all those things. And he gave us the example of Job's friends trying to counsel him and doing a crap job because they assumed as well that if Job was suffering it was because he'd done something to forfeit God's favor that he needed to repent of. And if you remember the end of the story, those same friends who spent we're not sure how long thinking Job was a spiritual failure, then had to go offer sacrifies before Job and have him pray for them because they had not spoken what was right about God (Job 42:8). Kinda makes you feel the need to be cautious about judging another person's spirituality based upon their sufferings.

And this Entire post reads like a lecture that you want to give at a Church Conference that has nothing to do with my post.

 

[33Michael33]

That is his stock-in-trade. 100% lecture, zero empathy.

Case in point, Did You Read the Last Sentence of My Post???

For the Record, shittim has been Ignored since day one. If it wasn't for his reactions that are not blocked, and everyone else's responses. I wouldn't even know. Which is fine with me as people are going to do what they want. Christian or not. Same for Stan, Everyone else could not leave it be to the point to where I tuned out of my own thread. I Am not mad about it or anything. I Am Only pointing this out in Case anyone cares not to keep unnecessary reacting for whatever reason.

 

[33Michael33]

We covered this already. Remember? You're the one who talks about people.

I'm going to guess yours is a 2.7.

Case in point, Did You Read the Last Sentence of My Post???

For the Record, shittim has been Ignored since day one. If it wasn't for his reactions that are not blocked, and everyone else's responses. I wouldn't even know. Which is fine with me as people are going to do what they want. Christian or not. Same for Stan, Everyone else could not leave it be to the point to where I tuned out of my own thread. I Am not mad about it or anything. I Am Only pointing this out in Case anyone cares not to keep unnecessary reacting for whatever reason.

 

[33Michael33]

Case in point, Did You Read the Last Sentence of My Post???

For the Record, shittim has been Ignored since day one. If it wasn't for his reactions that are not blocked, and everyone else's responses. I wouldn't even know. Which is fine with me as people are going to do what they want. Christian or not. Same for Stan, Everyone else could not leave it be to the point to where I tuned out of my own thread. I Am not mad about it or anything. I Am Only pointing this out in Case anyone cares not to keep unnecessary reacting for whatever reason.

To Anyone's Posts, Not Just Mine...

 

[33Michael33]

Hehehe...

Suze and I basically said the same thing. shittim gave my post a "boring" and hers a "winner."

In the words of Karlon, dats phunneee!

Am I the Only one that sees comments like this as Any other Social Media Club? All about "Self" And making fun of others for entertainment. Comments like this reads as people have nothing better to do then compare who's comment or response was more important.

 

[33Michael33]

Please don't go , we ryour brothers and sisters in Christ and we value u and your life experience and perspective . Some of us r more patient and understanding than others of us , that's just human nature . It doesn't mean that we don't value your presence and life experience . I took a few weeks off recently , I had covid and then had to have my gorgeous and much loved cat to sleep so I needed a bit of space and time to get my act together . It worked wonders for me and I'm glad to b back . This could happen to u too , don't b so hard on yourself or so rigid in your out look , we r all human and can b swayed by our emotions some times , stay strong in Christ and recognise that u have a family on here that is imperfect but , mostly loving and supportive .

Thank You for Your Kindness. I Understand Exactly what you are Saying. And may Peace be with You for what you are going through.

 

[seoulsearch]

And this Entire post reads like a lecture that you want to give at a Church Conference that has nothing to do with my post.

Hi @33Michael33,

I can understand your frustration in seeing your threads being derailed or not giving answers the you wanted, or in the way you wanted them.

I'm sure you know this but that's one of the biggest risks of posting here -- you never know how a thread or post is going to go. And everyone is coming from a different perspective -- some are more logical, some are more emotional, some things come easier to others, and some have never struggled with the same issues (like codependency) that we are having.

I always try to keep in mind that most people mean well, but their experience and what's worked for them might be drastically different from my own -- and most people can only speak from their own experience. Someone who's never been in the trenches of codependency is likely to give a much different answer than someone who's battled with it at full throttle.

I know it can be tough and discouraging when you're trying to reach out for help, but I hope you'll keep trying.

I know it won't seem like much comfort, but I've gotten to a point where I expect most things I post to go off the rails, so I try to either redirect, if possible, or go with the flow. Most times you won't be able to redirect it, and sometimes the derailments can be beneficial (and meant for) other posters/readers, not the author of the thread.

If nothing else, may I suggest to just keep writing new threads.

Most times a thread that's gone off track can't be saved (but I sometimes find the new directions to be even more interesting than the first.)

In that case, a reset (new thread) or refresh (new thread with a slightly different twist) is usually your best hope for trying to get people back to what you wanted to discuss.

God's blessings to you!

 

[Lynx]

Case in point, Did You Read the Last Sentence of My Post???
For the Record, shittim has been Ignored since day one. If it wasn't for his reactions that are not blocked, and everyone else's responses. I wouldn't even know. Which is fine with me as people are going to do what they want. Christian or not. Same for Stan, Everyone else could not leave it be to the point to where I tuned out of my own thread. I Am not mad about it or anything. I Am Only pointing this out in Case anyone cares not to keep unnecessary reacting for whatever reason.

You can't legislate what people say in your thread. It just doesn't work.

I mean... You CAN try if you want, but I am telling you now that people will still say whatever they feel like saying.

Maybe I should say we, because I'm also gonna reply to shittim if I feel like I should say something.

If us being free to say what we want, within the rules of this forum, is a deal breaker for you... I dunno. I can't help you there.

 

[33Michael33]

You can't legislate what people say in your thread. It just doesn't work.

I mean... You CAN try if you want, but I am telling you now that people will still say whatever they feel like saying.

Maybe I should say we, because I'm also gonna reply to shittim if I feel like I should say something.

If us being free to say what we want, within the rules of this forum, is a deal breaker for you... I dunno. I can't help you there.

Like I Said, People are going to do what they want. It is just sad that a site like this can't be any different than any other social media.

 

[cinder]

And this Entire post reads like a lecture that you want to give at a Church Conference that has nothing to do with my post.

That's mostly because it was a direct reply to what shittim said. When you have someone on ignore you also don't see when someone quotes that user to reply. It's caused confusion more than once around here when someone doesn't see the quote and so misses who the post was intended for.

 

[Lynx]

Like I Said, People are going to do what they want. It is just sad that a site like this can't be any different than any other social media.

That's not a product of any given social media platform. That's just humans being humans. You're gonna get it anywhere there is a big bunch of people.

 

[33Michael33]

That's mostly because it was a direct reply to what shittim said. When you have someone on ignore you also don't see when someone quotes that user to reply. It's caused confusion more than once around here when someone doesn't see the quote and so misses who the post was intended for.

Yeah, I realize that I Am

You can't legislate what people say in your thread. It just doesn't work.

I mean... You CAN try if you want, but I am telling you now that people will still say whatever they feel like saying.

Maybe I should say we, because I'm also gonna reply to shittim if I feel like I should say something.

If us being free to say what we want, within the rules of this forum, is a deal breaker for you... I dunno. I can't help you there.

Here is where I will help you and maybe others if that is even possible. As it is clear that some people do not have the capacity to care for others feelings in the slightest. I am not innocent, I have hurt others unintentionally because of my own pain. That Stops now. I will not continue to put my pain out there in hopes of others to try and make me feel better. And I don't expect anyone to change as they are who they are. I Trust in God Alone from Now on In ALL THINGS. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

 

[OLDBUTNEW]

Yeah, I realize that I Am

Here is where I will help you and maybe others if that is even possible. As it is clear that some people do not have the capacity to care for others feelings in the slightest. I am not innocent, I have hurt others unintentionally because of my own pain. That Stops now. I will not continue to put my pain out there in hopes of others to try and make me feel better. And I don't expect anyone to change as they are who they are. I Trust in God Alone from Now on In ALL THINGS. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

@33Michael33 : No, no, Michael; Please keep posting and asking for help: As your Christian brothers and sisters here, we should be all trying to help you!

 

[shittim]

Case in point, Did You Read the Last Sentence of My Post???
For the Record, shittim has been Ignored since day one. If it wasn't for his reactions that are not blocked, and everyone else's responses. I wouldn't even know. Which is fine with me as people are going to do what they want. Christian or not. Same for Stan, Everyone else could not leave it be to the point to where I tuned out of my own thread. I Am not mad about it or anything. I Am Only pointing this out in Case anyone cares not to keep unnecessary reacting for whatever reason.

Something else you do without taking all things to the Father for His guidance, if there are problems down here they are never from up there, He gave us dominion in Genesis chapter one, obligating Himself to limit Himself to what we invite Him into, each of us, all the time.
If you want to stay needy He will let you have your way, your "dominion".
Jesus came for you to be victorious, He gave and still gives all you/we need to be victorious.
best wishes anyway, goodbye.

 

[seoulsearch]

@33Michael33 : No, no, Michael; Please keep posting and asking for help: As your Christian brothers and sisters here, we should be all trying to help you!

I have to second this.

And I have to give kudos to @OLDBUTNEW for understanding that we all cope differently. Sure, we aren't supposed to wallow in our pain, but for some of us, talking about it -- getting it out -- is crucial to our healing.

And, @33Michael33, if I may offer a few random thoughts in reply to some of the other posts here...

I do think one of the most disappointing things for Christians is looking for things specifically labeled "Christian" (websites, businesses, places, etc.) and expecting them to be different because they're supposed to be "Christian."

Having grown up in Christian communities all my life, the one sure thing I can tell you about anything slapped with the "Christian" label is that it's going to involve a lot of people who all sin in different ways, but then use "God has my back" as their excuse. I am by no means any kind of exception. EVERY Christian does this to some degree.

All that anything labeled "Christian" really means is that the people there will all hold on to their own reasons (all backed by Scripture, of course) for saying and doing whatever they do -- whether they're doing right or wrong.

As far as the Ignore function goes -- I understand that for some, this is a God-send and I wholeheartedly endorse it for those who need it. But the problem then comes in with trying to still be an active participant within the threads.

I remember years ago when this site was very active, there was someone who said they had over 60 people on Ignore -- and was still trying to give their input in the threads. The thing is, you won't know what's going on, or who said what, or to whom -- and it's going to make it sound like you are literally throwing punches in the air.

A while back we had a guy in Singles who was giving... lessons... But he didn't like what most of us were saying, so he said he had most of us on Ignore -- but would still jump into any all all discussions, often chewing people out for no reason -- simply because he wasn't/couldn't read 2/3 of any given conversation.

If Ignore helps one's peace of mind, by all means, feel free to use it.

But the downside is that it may also mean you'll come into conversations with only a fraction of what's being talked about, and you'll be posting answers in the dark.

For myself, I can't use it -- I've found that if I'm going try to write threads effectively, I have to know what's being said -- even when I'd really wish I didn't have to.