It is well known that this is a huge problem in this soteriology, most people who come here with this soteriology just own it instead of trying to find ways to make it palatable
I actually do think you are in the faith, but I think you have sat under some very not good teaching but you are hard pressed to actually admit it because it will rock your world and the system you need to function in this world.
So in that sense I agree with
@Kroogz as there are 4 or 5 of us here trying to pull you out.
But your choice.
Sad because you do have knowledge of the Bible.