Thank you for this thoughtful post. I wasn't suicidal at the time of my conversion but I was very unhappy with my own life. I didn't see any point to life. I didn't particularly like myself. I would look into the mirror and think to myself "You're not a particularly good person are you?" I felt that life had to have a purpose. That there had to be ultimate justice. I wanted to become a moral person with values, a family, a community to belong to that was a force for good. I believed Christianity was it.
I do not feel like that any more, although I try to be moral and think I'm basically a good, caring person. From my challenges to other people's comments on this thread, you will probably get a flavour of the problems I have with Christianity and the Bible - mostly about morality. I don't see those problems going away any time soon. But who knows, they might!
I understand. And you are right people are the problem. You see us as people we all fall short of Gods standard, or what He refers to as righteousness. Gods righteousness is the morality we all want and expect from others, but if we are not living according to Gods Word we get the world we are all living in today.
Jesus Christ is the answer to our problems. He changes our minds. He gives us a new heart and a new Spirit. That leads us to understanding and teaches us how to live. It causes conviction in our Spirit if we do wrong, so there is a level of restraint on the believer to do good. It is the guage to our conscience between right and wrong.
Not all Christians are born again. Some are still on the journey to becoming born again. Meaning they have not yet recieved the Holy Spirit or maybe they have not yet encountered God. So not all Christians are on the same Spiritual maturity level. Doctrines can also hinder growth or cause division amongst us.
It is when we encounter God that our lives change. (JIMBONE shared an excellent testimony of his encounter) these encounters as you yourself encountered are supernatural and cannot be explained by human intellect. It is foolishness to the "wise".
It is these experiences that devolpe a relationship with God and a knowing that He is real. That is the essence of faith, because we cannot see God but we know that He is real!
All encounters with God produce great faith, Moses encounter with the burning bush, Pauls encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus, Peters encounter with Jesus walking on the water, etc etc.. These encounters with God when all logic tells us this is impossible, only grows our understanding to accept 1) There is a God 2) He is interacting with me via His Word, situations, miracles, blessings, answered prayers, dreams etc. 3) Our Spirit is filled with love, peace, joy, satisfaction that has never been there before or has never compared to this experience 4) The bible is real. And it is the Living Word that produces rivers of living water for my soul and for those around me if I share what God has done for me.
Jesus is who He says He is. The Bible can only be read with the Holy Spirit to feed the born again believer. For the unbeliever it is a book of condemnation and wrath, and so the atheist will deny such wrath applies to him and any notion that there is even a God becomes an enemy to his existance. So to deny and rebel is the only option for the person against God. The Bible is his condemnation.
We are told to watch who we become friends with, do not be friends with the world, do not be of the same yoke with unbelievers. We are to preach to the world and win souls for God. It seems the worlds view has won you over.
But you are here and you are open. I hope we can continue this exchange.
A Theology site sounds like the worst place ever! If we think ourselves intellectual and wise we will be humbled. God calls for us to be as children. Humble, caring, and compassionate. Teaching with love and not with big words or sounding prideful. Im sure it is a mess on that site.
So when you look in the mirror now.. what do you see? Are you happy? Or do u have an emptiness and longing for someone to love you the way you deserve to be loved? Appreciated as you deserve to be appreciated valued and acknowledged? Do you see the gifts God placed in you since before your birth? Can you see you are more than just another human? You are most precious to God. He left the 99 in search for the 1. Because you matter to Him. He gave His son to die for your sins so that you wouldnt have to suffer any longer... you just have to turn to Him with a pure heart.
What do you see?