CRA Christians in Recovery (anonymous)

But first, we open our ears

I used to hear it said more often in the past, but heard it again this morning:

"Take the cotton batten out of your ears and put it in your mouth."

Thank you so much for your kind words, Magenta.

I appreciate it so much but I have to tell you, I think anyone who's read several of my posts also knows I can be meaner than a viper and not the best role model as far as temperament!

I highly respect you as a wise, very giving Christian sister and am grateful for the things you share. I'm always looking for people to learn from in my Christian walk and for me, there's no better place than among other Christians who are honest and real about how hard walking that walk really is.

I think it's unfair for me to just sit in and read about everyone else, so I want to be honest in sharing that my greatest lifelong struggle has been with disordered eating. I call it disordered eating rather than an eating disorder because I've never fit into one particular category, and when I went to professionals for help, oddly enough, they totally disregarded what I told them about the eating and said that I had depression instead.

I understand that depression can be a root cause, but their solution (not surprisingly) was to try to put me on a myriad of antidepressant drugs. One of the churches I was heavily involved in (also unsurprisingly) told me to "throw away all the drugs" and "just believe" Jesus had healed me instead.

And so, after about a 10-year stretch and more counselors than I can remember, I couldn't see where the medical angle was helping me (but I thoroughly encourage anyone struggling with something to please seek professional help, because it just might work for you), I decided, no more "mood" medications, no more counselors (some were even Christian), and I'll see how I fare just trying to walk with God.

I certainly don't want to sound like I'm in some kind of dire situation. In my own estimation, I was never extreme, but in our own eyes, I guess we never are, huh? God has been so good to me in helping me to finally get up and move on from the things that really flare up my symptoms (such as the wrong friendships and relationships.) It took me years to let these things go because I was highly emotionally co-dependent. But now my relationship with food is much closer to normal than it's ever been before and I have only God and very patient people to thank for that.

And the one thing I'm grateful for in all of this is that I think it gives me just a small glimpse into the struggles of my Christian brothers and sisters. Like Paul, I've prayed many times that God would take away this "thorn" in my flesh, but it's still there. I can just imagine how many times my Christian brothers and sisters have prayed for the obsessive thoughts and cravings to go away, but every morning you wake up, and those feelings are still there.

I don't know what it's like to have to struggle with not taking a drink (that leads to an endless stream of more), but I know what it's like to be addicted to a substance, and for me, that would be food. I know what it's like to plan your entire days off or weeks around buying 3 or more bags of groceries, cooking/preparing them all, scarfing down every last morsel and then worrying about how you're going to prevent it from affecting your appearance, using every means necessary, such as purging, obsessive exercise, starving, and using sleeping pills that you're hoping will make you continuously sleep instead of eating.

Every day when I look at food in stores, ads, windows, and restaurants everywhere around me, every time I feel stressed out and try to avoid the destructive cycle I know I'm secretly planning in the back of my mind, I think about what it must be like for people who wake up in the morning and feel surrounded by the substances they crave and obsessively start planning their days around, and I feel broken-hearted for them.

Thank you all so much for sharing your stories.

I know mine is in a different category and I held back from sharing because a problem like this makes me feel a little out of place when it comes to sitting among those who really know what a true fight is. Thank you for being so gracious to listen.

Even if I don't say much here, I'm trying to follow along and will definitely be praying for the people who are bravely sharing their struggles, and taking that huge risk in order to reach out to others.

God bless and thank you so much again.

I was waiting hoping some one would share like you just did. Alfred Hitchcock used to call an inanimate object that starts every one fussing a Mc Guffin. like the stolen money in Psycho or the statue in the Maltese Falcon.

The Mc Guffin for us is our individual vise('s)To some it's booze, others dope. to many food while others get hooked on romance. For centuries many people thought liquor had demonic power. It does not! Our enemy dwells within our minds and the steps help us purge it/them in the most healthy way. Thank you for sharing I hope it helped you purge in a healthy way. Not only does speaking, admitting the truth help us, it encourages others as well.

Feel welcome here any time you are not alone. We've had over 2200 views you are helping others just by being honest. May the Lord richly bless you. Know that you are appreciated and a blessing to others. Keep comming back.

Oh my goodness, Cali, what an awesome post!

I am bookmarking this.

As part of the singles community, I have been thinking about how so many of us get hooked on feelings - we're waiting for someone to give us a quick hit of attention or caring, and once that feeling passes or is no longer offered, we move on, hoping for the next hit, because we think we're not worth anything else or it's the only positive reinforcement we seem to get in our lives. I know God has been dealing with me a lot about getting hooked on feelings in an unhealthy manner, and then forming attachments to others who are caught up in the same unhealthy cycle.

Thank you so much for pointing out that some addictions may be unseen, but they're still just as much of a fight.

And thank you for validating other people's struggles.

I think a lot of us have probably been told something like, "Oh yeah, (what you're going through)? That's nothing! Listen to the story of MY life and don't come back until you have a REAL problem!!"

Thank you for creating and perpetrating such a welcoming environment.

I often feel the most comfortable around people who have been through the most because I know nothing I say can shock them, and they're often the most compassionate people I have ever met.

Oh my goodness, Cali, what an awesome post!

I am bookmarking this.

As part of the singles community, I have been thinking about how so many of us get hooked on feelings - we're waiting for someone to give us a quick hit of attention or caring, and once that feeling passes or is no longer offered, we move on, hoping for the next hit, because we think we're not worth anything else or it's the only positive reinforcement we seem to get in our lives. I know God has been dealing with me a lot about getting hooked on feelings in an unhealthy manner, and then forming attachments to others who are caught up in the same unhealthy cycle.

Thank you so much for pointing out that some addictions may be unseen, but they're still just as much of a fight.

And thank you for validating other people's struggles.

I think a lot of us have probably been told something like, "Oh yeah, (what you're going through)? That's nothing! Listen to the story of MY life and don't come back until you have a REAL problem!!"

Thank you for creating and perpetrating such a welcoming environment.

I often feel the most comfortable around people who have been through the most because I know nothing I say can shock them, and they're often the most compassionate people I have ever met.

One thing I would like to ask the community here is:

How do you balance researching and finding support for your personal challenge vs. finding newer and better ways to "perfect" your addiction routine?

For instance, most of my behaviors started when I was in my early teens. At that time, the only eating disorders that seemed to be known and talked about were anorexia and bulimia, so I went through a phase of trying to gather at much information about them as I could.

I read books and articles and watched case studies or documentaries, often featuring famous people who had suffered or died from these disorders. Now days I still find myself skimming articles or interviews on the good old interweb.

But to my utter shame and embarrassment, what I usually find rather than help is an entirely new cornucopia of ways to hide and/or "improve" the undesirable behaviors.

For instance, I read an article about one young woman's (eventually fatal) journey with bulimia that described her entire routine in detail. Part of it was something I had never tried, so for a short time, I added that behavior into my own regimen, and when it didn't quite work for me, I found myself scanning articles for yet another method to "try."

But yet, the details of what people go through is the most helpful - and apparently dangerous - part of the entire body of information.

Does anyone else struggle with this?

How can we learn to selectively weed out useful information instead of learning new behaviors to make us better at what we already shouldn't be doing?

Boy oh boy was I a wretched sinner, caught up in the destructive illusion of escape through drugs. I found acceptance from the party scene ppl, and now I know that is because they find validation in connecting with drug and alcohol abusers. I kept going in deeper and deeper. I made so many horrible selfish choices, feeding my wounds. He saved me, in a very powerful way and I owe Him so much. He forgave me, long before I could forgive myself. I am so grateful. He is my Rock of refuge, and the reason I can face the traumas life brings. He is the reason I can stand in His victory. He is the reason for anything and everything of value. I no longer identify myself with my sinful choices, (well on weak days, yeah), but most of the time, my identity is solid in the only One who is Rock Solid.

Thank you for this thread. I see the hand of God in it. Thanks for caring and sharing and making it a safe place to go. I am inspired and encouraged, yeah thank you.

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"Thank your for sharing.".....
'Praise God'

I joust remembered something; H.A.L.T. Never get too Hungry Angry Lonely or Tired.

I know that one its so easy to learn..