Do You Find Being Around People Exhausting? How Do You Cope?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

I grew up in situations where I was around people all the time -- at home with family, in school, at work, away at college, then marriage -- and it was only when my then-husband left for his girlfriend that I was truly alone for the very first time. And it was devastating. The worst sound of all was coming home and throwing my keys on the table, only to hear the emptiness echo throughout the house.

Over many years, I've found that almost the opposite has happened -- I need time alone to recover from being around bouts of people.

Even if I got married, I'm sure I would need to explain to him, "I love you very much, but I'm going to need pockets of time and space (like sitting alone reading or listening to videos in another room) in order to feel like myself again."

I don't know if people can change from being extroverts to introverts over time/vice versa, or if our tendencies just change with our situations, but the older I get, the more I need to "build up" an emotional storage to be around people. It might be that I'm the type of person whom others often unload their traumas to (and I don't mind -- I think that's part of my calling,) but I find it's taking more and more to bounce back. I've long said I'm an introvert who can masquerade as an extrovert when needed, but it's getting harder to maintain.

The more intense the encounters, the more severely I need to withdraw, and the longer it takes to recover. And it starts to wear down my mental and physical health if I don't have that time to replenish.

My favorite people to be around are others who understand and respect alone time, and often need it for themselves. I've been around friends when we are in different rooms -- in the same house or hotel -- but neither of us is ready to step out into the world yet, so we just sit in our rooms and text for a while.

Can others out there relate to this?

* Do you find being around people exhausting? Why or why not? (Extroverts -- those who draw their energy from being around people -- utterly fascinate me and I often wonder what it's like to be one. If we have an extroverts here, I would love to hear your perspective!)

* Are there only certain people that exhaust you, but not others? Or are there certain people you find energizing rather than exhausting? Give us some examples.

* Does it depend on the situation? (Work vs. social; school vs. church, birthday party or holiday vs. chill get-together, etc.)

* What things do you have to do in between times of being around people to "reset yourself" again?

* Do you ever feel God tells you that you're TOO introverted -- and you need to start stepping out more to serve in the way He's calling you?


I'm just an everyday gal who's been asking God if my introversion is keeping me from doing His will, and I'm wondering how others cope with similar things.

 

[ATSTD]

Hey Everyone,

This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

I grew up in situations where I was around people all the time -- at home with family, in school, at work, away at college, then marriage -- and it was only when my then-husband left for his girlfriend that I was truly alone for the very first time. And it was devastating. The worst sound of all was coming home and throwing my keys on the table, only to hear the emptiness echo throughout the house.

Over many years, I've found that almost the opposite has happened -- I need time alone to recover from being around bouts of people.

Even if I got married, I'm sure I would need to explain to him, "I love you very much, but I'm going to need pockets of time and space (like sitting alone reading or listening to videos in another room) in order to feel like myself again."

I don't know if people can change from being extroverts to introverts over time/vice versa, or if our tendencies just change with our situations, but the older I get, the more I need to "build up" an emotional storage to be around people. It might be that I'm the type of person whom others often unload their traumas to (and I don't mind -- I think that's part of my calling,) but I find it's taking more and more to bounce back. I've long said I'm an introvert who can masquerade as an extrovert when needed, but it's getting harder to maintain.

The more intense the encounters, the more severely I need to withdraw, and the longer it takes to recover. And it starts to wear down my mental and physical health if I don't have that time to replenish.

My favorite people to be around are others who understand and respect alone time, and often need it for themselves. I've been around friends when we are in different rooms -- in the same house or hotel -- but neither of us is ready to step out into the world yet, so we just sit in our rooms and text for a while.

Can others out there relate to this?

* Do you find being around people exhausting? Why or why not? (Extroverts -- those who draw their energy from being around people -- utterly fascinate me and I often wonder what it's like to be one. If we have an extroverts here, I would love to hear your perspective!)

* Are there only certain people that exhaust you, but not others? Or are there certain people you find energizing rather than exhausting? Give us some examples.

* Does it depend on the situation? (Work vs. social; school vs. church, birthday party or holiday vs. chill get-together, etc.)

* What things do you have to do in between times of being around people to "reset yourself" again?

* Do you ever feel God tells you that you're TOO introverted -- and you need to start stepping out more to serve in the way He's calling you?


I'm just an everyday gal who's been asking God if my introversion is keeping me from doing His will, and I'm wondering how others cope with similar things.

I’m in the same boat. That is all I’ll say.

 

[Tall_Timbers]

I don't know if people can change from being extroverts to introverts over time/vice versa, or if our tendencies just change with our situations, but the older I get, the more I need to "build up" an emotional storage to be around people.

I'm an introvert fer sure, but I'm more comfortable around people than I was when I was young. When you're young there are other things rolled in with the introversion or extroversion: insecurities, unsure of one's place in the world, etc. While still an introvert, it is much easier for me to function in a group (if I have to).

* Do you ever feel God tells you that you're TOO introverted -- and you need to start stepping out more to serve in the way He's calling you?

I met a new person at a Bible study recently and he said something about needing to share Christ with people, and that it can be hard. I responded that I think Jesus is okay with me being me, and if the Holy Spirit wants to use me, he will in his time and place. I've thought about that encounter since it occurred, and think maybe the sweet spot might be in the middle of what the two of us said. It shouldn't be hard, but we should look for opportunities and make use of them whether or not the Holy Spirit hits us over the head with that boldness He can give us at times.

I spend most of my time alone, which is good for me, so my batteries usually stay charged.

I have a story I want to share... but have to run to a Ministry meeting. Hopefully I'll remember later.

 

[Lynx]

 

[Suze]

Hey Everyone,

This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

I grew up in situations where I was around people all the time -- at home with family, in school, at work, away at college, then marriage -- and it was only when my then-husband left for his girlfriend that I was truly alone for the very first time. And it was devastating. The worst sound of all was coming home and throwing my keys on the table, only to hear the emptiness echo throughout the house.

Over many years, I've found that almost the opposite has happened -- I need time alone to recover from being around bouts of people.

Even if I got married, I'm sure I would need to explain to him, "I love you very much, but I'm going to need pockets of time and space (like sitting alone reading or listening to videos in another room) in order to feel like myself again."

I don't know if people can change from being extroverts to introverts over time/vice versa, or if our tendencies just change with our situations, but the older I get, the more I need to "build up" an emotional storage to be around people. It might be that I'm the type of person whom others often unload their traumas to (and I don't mind -- I think that's part of my calling,) but I find it's taking more and more to bounce back. I've long said I'm an introvert who can masquerade as an extrovert when needed, but it's getting harder to maintain.

The more intense the encounters, the more severely I need to withdraw, and the longer it takes to recover. And it starts to wear down my mental and physical health if I don't have that time to replenish.

My favorite people to be around are others who understand and respect alone time, and often need it for themselves. I've been around friends when we are in different rooms -- in the same house or hotel -- but neither of us is ready to step out into the world yet, so we just sit in our rooms and text for a while.

Can others out there relate to this?

* Do you find being around people exhausting? Why or why not? (Extroverts -- those who draw their energy from being around people -- utterly fascinate me and I often wonder what it's like to be one. If we have an extroverts here, I would love to hear your perspective!)

* Are there only certain people that exhaust you, but not others? Or are there certain people you find energizing rather than exhausting? Give us some examples.

* Does it depend on the situation? (Work vs. social; school vs. church, birthday party or holiday vs. chill get-together, etc.)

* What things do you have to do in between times of being around people to "reset yourself" again?

* Do you ever feel God tells you that you're TOO introverted -- and you need to start stepping out more to serve in the way He's calling you?


I'm just an everyday gal who's been asking God if my introversion is keeping me from doing His will, and I'm wondering how others cope with similar things.

Oh gosh yes ! Yes to everything u said ! I'm such an introvert 😲 . R u also an only child ? I've discovered that most people who r only children r extremely one thing or the other , very introverted and totally comfortable being alone or , they love to b the centre of someone's world and need company almost constantly . Well I'm the first kind of only child and my hubby is the second kind . I adore him but he talks a lot 😬 I think I've finally got him to understand that sometimes I need silence and not just for one minute 🥴 . I was an introvert as a child and then u have to grow up get a job make friends have a social life start dating etc etc etc . I did all these things and just about managed to convince the world that I was normal . Once I met hubby and we were together a lot I had to train him in my ways 😆😆😆 . We r fine now but when we first got married I was exhausted by his need for my attention and for me to engage with him all the time . We r cool now but it's taken a while . I know for sure that if he dies b 4 me , I shall not date or get married again . I also feel the need to just b alone with God . Just to have some silence so I can think about the Bible and feel close to Him and at peace . Been married 24 years this June and I can finally say that I am totally relaxed and always myself with my hubby but , it's taken me 24 years to b able to say that . I have friends and family who can't even go shopping by themselves and I know so many people that have gotten themselves into disastrous relationships because they would rather b with someone , anyone , other than b alone . On the whole I think I would rather b an introvert than an extrovert , many of them seem a bit needy and insecure to me and I feel sorry for them for those reasons . I guess maybe they would call me cool ( as in cold ) and aloof ! Or even worse things than those 😆😆😆 .

 

[Kireina]

I know some people who are introverts and they socialize and connect with others via internet(online platforms) they are more comfortable socializing online than socializing in person. I feel like being online helps them cope with social challenges.


@seoulsearch you are doing well here. I love some of your threads.Sometimes I am like wow I hadn't thought of that! nice thread ☺️ I don't know how to put this into words...but you are a wonderful presence on this platform 👏 😊


Regarding extroverts... I think I am 😅 I enjoy being around people I love people but now that I am in my late 40's I am already feeling 😩 exhausted when people are too loud or gatherings drag on for too long. I think as we age our sensitivity to noise seems to increase. 🤔 but still I can say that I am not an introvert because I still enjoy being outside I enjoy mixing with people and being part of the crowd. 💗

 

[seoulsearch]

I spend most of my time alone, which is good for me, so my batteries usually stay charged. I have a story I want to share... but have to run to a Ministry meeting. Hopefully I'll remember later.

The illustration of a battery is a great analogy.

I've read that in order to maintain the optimal life of a phone battery, it's best to keep its charging range between about 35% and 85% (charge it up to 85, then let it run down to about 35 before charging it again.) All kinds of things can affect battery life and performance, including charging too often, over charging, and constant extremes (charging to 100 and then running it all the way down.)

I think people are built in very much the same way.

I seem to do best with my batteries charged up as much as possible, then dipping slightly, topping them off again, then trying to prepare for those moments in life where it's going to take full power, for an undetermined amount of time.

From the time I was young, people have told me about very intense situations in their lives, and while I was honored to be someone they could talk to, I know it ran my batteries into the ground. I've felt like the past several years have been a recovery -- but I don't think I have the capacity or battery life that I used to.

A very kind CC friend also suggested that being here might be a big part of how God uses me now, and I've thought about that too -- there have been some threads I put more work into than the papers I wrote in college.

It's an interesting thing though -- the Christian community seems to have some very clear definitions of what they feel "counts" as "real" ministries, and what they think is a waste of time and talent. I'd like to think that God has a much wider range. And I've found that what others seem to count as ministry "or not" tends to fall in perfect line with what they themselves participate in or not.

One of the things I felt God "built up" my battery life for was "The Event That Shall Not Be Named" a few years ago. As we were ordered to stay inside, one introverted friend said, "I feel like I was built for this my entire life." I was part of an online chat group at that time, and though many of us were introverts, we worked hard to create a fun place for our small group to get through life together, day by day. I have no doubt that this was a great service not only for us, but especially the extroverts in the group struggling with greater levels of depression from not having social contact.

I think that maybe a big part of what's happening to me is that life is shifting, and the intensity is coming from unknown territory -- and that has me a bit on edge.

I know the solution is to put things in God's hands and trust His lead, but it's always easier said rather than done.

I'm thankful to know we're all going through our challenges together.

(And, @Tall_Timbers, I hope you'll come back later and share your story.)

 

[Kainos]

Hey Everyone,

This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

I grew up in situations where I was around people all the time -- at home with family, in school, at work, away at college, then marriage -- and it was only when my then-husband left for his girlfriend that I was truly alone for the very first time. And it was devastating. The worst sound of all was coming home and throwing my keys on the table, only to hear the emptiness echo throughout the house.

Over many years, I've found that almost the opposite has happened -- I need time alone to recover from being around bouts of people.

Even if I got married, I'm sure I would need to explain to him, "I love you very much, but I'm going to need pockets of time and space (like sitting alone reading or listening to videos in another room) in order to feel like myself again."

I don't know if people can change from being extroverts to introverts over time/vice versa, or if our tendencies just change with our situations, but the older I get, the more I need to "build up" an emotional storage to be around people. It might be that I'm the type of person whom others often unload their traumas to (and I don't mind -- I think that's part of my calling,) but I find it's taking more and more to bounce back. I've long said I'm an introvert who can masquerade as an extrovert when needed, but it's getting harder to maintain.

The more intense the encounters, the more severely I need to withdraw, and the longer it takes to recover. And it starts to wear down my mental and physical health if I don't have that time to replenish.

My favorite people to be around are others who understand and respect alone time, and often need it for themselves. I've been around friends when we are in different rooms -- in the same house or hotel -- but neither of us is ready to step out into the world yet, so we just sit in our rooms and text for a while.

Can others out there relate to this?

* Do you find being around people exhausting? Why or why not? (Extroverts -- those who draw their energy from being around people -- utterly fascinate me and I often wonder what it's like to be one. If we have an extroverts here, I would love to hear your perspective!)

* Are there only certain people that exhaust you, but not others? Or are there certain people you find energizing rather than exhausting? Give us some examples.

* Does it depend on the situation? (Work vs. social; school vs. church, birthday party or holiday vs. chill get-together, etc.)

* What things do you have to do in between times of being around people to "reset yourself" again?

* Do you ever feel God tells you that you're TOO introverted -- and you need to start stepping out more to serve in the way He's calling you?


I'm just an everyday gal who's been asking God if my introversion is keeping me from doing His will, and I'm wondering how others cope with similar things.

Ah, the conundrum of introversion. The Kingdom of God is within? No problem! God's children are gregarious (social) like sheep? Oh no...

I'd have felt more at home if God had likened his children to some solitary creature like a moose. But I've had to concede that sheep flock together, graze together, and stay together.

My own burnout used to stem from maintaining social niceties with lots of people. I was never one to fake connection, so propping up my social circle was an uphill struggle.

I'll always cherish my moments of solitude, but I count it a blessing whenever I get to keep company with others who belong to the Body of Christ. Engaging in fellowship has revealed that my introversion was never the problem. I'm inspirited by true connection. Depletion was a consequence of trying to vibe with people who were inherently empty.

 

[Tall_Timbers]

(And, @Tall_Timbers, I hope you'll come back later and share your story.)

I was a new Defense Intelligence Agency Analyst. There was a week long course for new analysts to get to know themselves a little as well as get to know some of the other new analysts.

On the first day, the person leading the course left the room for a good while. After quite a lot of time had passed, one gal started squirming a little, looking around. Her movements grew until she finally started talking . She was the extrovert and wasn't comfortable in the silence that had been in the room with so many people. There are more introverts than extroverts and we were told later that introverts tend to seek the analyst jobs. After that we took that test that pinpoints where you're at on the personality scale.

That extrovert and I became good friends.

 

[seoulsearch]

Oh gosh yes ! Yes to everything u said ! I'm such an introvert 😲 . R u also an only child ? I've discovered that most people who r only children r extremely one thing or the other , very introverted and totally comfortable being alone or , they love to b the centre of someone's world and need company almost constantly . Well I'm the first kind of only child and my hubby is the second kind . I adore him but he talks a lot 😬 I think I've finally got him to understand that sometimes I need silence and not just for one minute 🥴 . I was an introvert as a child and then u have to grow up get a job make friends have a social life start dating etc etc etc . I did all these things and just about managed to convince the world that I was normal . Once I met hubby and we were together a lot I had to train him in my ways 😆😆😆 . We r fine now but when we first got married I was exhausted by his need for my attention and for me to engage with him all the time . We r cool now but it's taken a while . I know for sure that if he dies b 4 me , I shall not date or get married again . I also feel the need to just b alone with God . Just to have some silence so I can think about the Bible and feel close to Him and at peace . Been married 24 years this June and I can finally say that I am totally relaxed and always myself with my hubby but , it's taken me 24 years to b able to say that . I have friends and family who can't even go shopping by themselves and I know so many people that have gotten themselves into disastrous relationships because they would rather b with someone , anyone , other than b alone . On the whole I think I would rather b an introvert than an extrovert , many of them seem a bit needy and insecure to me and I feel sorry for them for those reasons . I guess maybe they would call me cool ( as in cold ) and aloof ! Or even worse things than those 😆😆😆 .

@Suze,

I have often wondered how marriages go between extreme introverts and extreme extroverts -- thank you for this very honest explanation.

I find it sometimes challenging to even be friends with extroverts (though I am,) let alone marrying one. I think an extreme extrovert would be extremely disappointed in me. I know God would know best, but you've given an eye-opening portrayal of how much work and extra care it can really take.

This is why I'm glad we have married friends who tell us about their honest challenges, even more so than the good times.

We singles sometimes get our heads lost in the clouds -- and sometimes need strong doses of reality from those going through it to keep us grounded.

Thank you so much for taking the time to share this! 💖

 

[Suze]

@Suze,

I have often wondered how marriages go between extreme introverts and extreme extroverts -- thank you for this very honest explanation.

I find it sometimes challenging to even be friends with extroverts (though I am,) let alone marrying one. I think an extreme extrovert would be extremely disappointed in me. I know God would know best, but you've given an eye-opening portrayal of how much work and extra care it can really take.

This is why I'm glad we have married friends who tell us about their honest challenges, even more so than the good times.

We singles sometimes get our heads lost in the clouds -- and sometimes need strong doses of reality from those going through it to keep us grounded.

Thank you so much for taking the time to share this! 💖

Thank you for asking such an interesting question ! I'm new here and I'm so enjoying all the different forums and the variety of topics discussed , it's seems like such a friendly and none judgemental atmosphere . I have a tip for any introverts that r married to extroverts and they want a bit of peace and quiet : give them something complex to do , something that requires them to concentrate 😜 . Don't tell my hubby 😁 .

 

[ATSTD]

Thank you for asking such an interesting question ! I'm new here and I'm so enjoying all the different forums and the variety of topics discussed , it's seems like such a friendly and none judgemental atmosphere . I have a tip for any introverts that r married to extroverts and they want a bit of peace and quiet : give them something complex to do , something that requires them to concentrate 😜 . Don't tell my hubby 😁 .

I'll keep that in mind.

My mother is a huge extrovert. She hates when the house is quiet with no music or T.V. on: I prefer the house completely silent, so I can focus on my work and just have a peace of mind. I don't want to constantly be thinking what she is doing because how much attention she requires.

When ever she gets home from work or before she goes to work; she makes a lot of noises and basically needs everyone to focus on her, which is really draining. She has to tell me things that have no importance or have nothing to do with me, family, friends or anything uplifting or supportive. She loves to tell me bad news that is happening in our city, even though I repeatedly tell her to never tell me bad news, because all it does is distress me and cause me pain. I just want to be left alone all day.

 

[RodB651]

Does it depend on the situation? (Work vs. social; school vs. church, birthday party or holiday vs. chill get-together, etc.)

It depends on the situation I guess. There are friends scattered here and there that are fun to hang out with.

Do you ever feel God tells you that you're TOO introverted -- and you need to start stepping out more to serve in the way He's calling you?

Yes, I have forced myself to be in situations that are a bit uncomfortable for me. But I need to get through those situations and learn how to talk to people effectively.

 

[seoulsearch]

Thank you for asking such an interesting question ! I'm new here and I'm so enjoying all the different forums and the variety of topics discussed , it's seems like such a friendly and none judgemental atmosphere . I have a tip for any introverts that r married to extroverts and they want a bit of peace and quiet : give them something complex to do , something that requires them to concentrate 😜 . Don't tell my hubby 😁 .

I'm glad to hear you're enjoying the forums!

We're happy to have you here and I look forward to seeing more of your posts.

I loved your tip about giving an extrovert something to keep them busy -- I'll have to tuck that one away for a rainy day.

 

[ATSTD]

I'm glad to hear you're enjoying the forums!

We're happy to have you here and I look forward to seeing more of your posts.

I loved your tip about giving an extrovert something to keep them busy -- I'll have to tuck that one away for a rainy day.

Rubik's cube? A 1000 piece puzzle? A New York Times crossword puzzle? A clean house? A well manicured back/front yard?

These are the first that come to mind.

 

[seoulsearch]

Rubik's cube? A 1000 piece puzzle? A New York Times crossword puzzle? A clean house? A well manicured back/front yard?

These are the first that come to mind.

I think y'all have inspired a new thread idea.

 

[Suze]

I'll keep that in mind.

My mother is a huge extrovert. She hates when the house is quiet with no music or T.V. on: I prefer the house completely silent, so I can focus on my work and just have a peace of mind. I don't want to constantly be thinking what she is doing because how much attention she requires.

When ever she gets home from work or before she goes to work; she makes a lot of noises and basically needs everyone to focus on her, which is really draining. She has to tell me things that have no importance or have nothing to do with me, family, friends or anything uplifting or supportive. She loves to tell me bad news that is happening in our city, even though I repeatedly tell her to never tell me bad news, because all it does is distress me and cause me pain. I just want to be left alone all day.

I have to say that , I've discovered that if u ask someone not to do something , they will invariably do exactly what u have asked them not to . For example , my mother in law is mad about dogs and although I like dog's , I'm more of a cat person . Very often , when I used to c her , she would tell me some heartbreaking story of a cat that had been killed or wounded etc . After she had done this a couple of times my hubby had a quiet word with her and asked her not to talk about animal cruelty to me as it really upsets me . She's worse than ever for it now , since he asked her not to mention anything about it . I've noticed this a few times in my life and I find it very strange . In every other way my mother in law is so nice to me , so it's hard for me to believe that she's doing it on purpose but what other explanation is there ? I've since learned to never let anyone know what kind of things upset me . I don't like not being honest and straight forward with people but I do not allow anyone to know what kind of things upset me and it seems to b the right thing to do , sadly 😞 .

 

[ATSTD]

I have to say that , I've discovered that if u ask someone not to do something , they will invariably do exactly what u have asked them not to . For example , my mother in law is mad about dogs and although I like dog's , I'm more of a cat person . Very often , when I used to c her , she would tell me some heartbreaking story of a cat that had been killed or wounded etc . After she had done this a couple of times my hubby had a quiet word with her and asked her not to talk about animal cruelty to me as it really upsets me . She's worse than ever for it now , since he asked her not to mention anything about it . I've noticed this a few times in my life and I find it very strange . In every other way my mother in law is so nice to me , so it's hard for me to believe that she's doing it on purpose but what other explanation is there ? I've since learned to never let anyone know what kind of things upset me . I don't like not being honest and straight forward with people but I do not allow anyone to know what kind of things upset me and it seems to b the right thing to do , sadly 😞 .

I really don't understand why that is. inherent evil?

 

[Suze]

I really don't understand why that is. inherent evil?

Oh gosh ! That's a bit strong 😆😆😆 . Maybe she harbours some resentment to me , I don't know but it's not the first time that kind of thing has happened to me . I was once in a car with one other sister and two brothers in Christ . One of the brothers started to tell a story about how his ( biological ) sisters cat escaped the house , ran into the road and.....at that point I interrupted him and asked him to please , PLEASE , don't talk about it . But he kept talking and told us all in great detail what happened . I was so angry and upset I couldn't speak , it altered the way I felt about him for ever . Obviously I had to forgive him and I did but , I couldn't help myself from never feeling as if I could ever trust him . Some people just don't realise how powerful words r and the reactions that they can provoke in those that hear them .

 

[ATSTD]

Oh gosh ! That's a bit strong 😆😆😆 . Maybe she harbours some resentment to me , I don't know but it's not the first time that kind of thing has happened to me . I was once in a car with one other sister and two brothers in Christ . One of the brothers started to tell a story about how his ( biological ) sisters cat escaped the house , ran into the road and.....at that point I interrupted him and asked him to please , PLEASE , don't talk about it . But he kept talking and told us all in great detail what happened . I was so angry and upset I couldn't speak , it altered the way I felt about him for ever . Obviously I had to forgive him and I did but , I couldn't help myself from never feeling as if I could ever trust him . Some people just don't realise how powerful words r and the reactions that they can provoke in those that hear them .

I think I say inherent evil because it happens to me nonstop, every day like clockwork, as if I'm in a groundhogs day movie and I have to figure out how to prevent the days from repeating.