Do You Find Being Around People Exhausting? How Do You Cope?

HopeinHim98 · Friday at 9:08 PM

I am an extrovert! Very social and love being with people. But when I'm not comfortable with someone I do get exhausted. Like literally tired. Probably cuz I work so hard to be friendly that it wears me out.

I'm not really the type that needs to much time to myself. Yes some is nice. But I'd rather be with people most times.

HopeinHim98 · Friday at 11:39 PM

@seoulsearch, it's so interesting that you're an introvert! I know you've mentioned it a couple times that I've noticed and I was a little surprised when I first read that in one of your posts. Your posts always seem so outgoing and talkative lol.

Suze · Saturday at 5:09 AM

U know , I get it . This sounds totally paranoid I know but , every day I'm bombarded by very specific things that upset me . My life wasn't always like this im sure 🥴 . I'm only really at peace when I think of God's Word , He calms me very quickly and I spend all day saying 'thank you ' to God for all the kindnesses He shows me throughout the day . It truly is only Him and His love that gets me through each day . I have been going through a slightly rough patch for a few years with my mum and step dad , they have exhausted me physically and mentally so I suppose that might have something to do with me being a bit over sensitive . All I know is that I'm desperate for the return of Jesus , then the lion shall lie down next to the lamb and they shall both eat straw together . The most awesome days r coming and we shall c them ! Now that's something to look forward to ! 😜 .

Suze · Saturday at 5:12 AM

HopeinHim98 said:

It's easy to b chatty and friendly when u r able to do it when the time suits u and you're not face to face . The internet and texting etc , gives people so much more control over when and how they interact with others . If this site was a room full of people.....I wouldn't b here 😆😆😆 .

Lynx · Saturday at 5:26 AM

Suze said:

Get him to set your avatar for you. That will give him something to puzzle over.

Bonus, don't tell him you could use a different browser and it might work different. Just let him work with the one browser.

Suze · Saturday at 5:49 AM

Lynx said:

😆😆😆😆😆😆😆 .

seoulsearch · Saturday at 7:05 AM

HopeinHim98 said:

Hooray! At last! We've finally found a long-lost extrovert!

We were beginning to think they were mythical creatures we had yet to see! 🦄

All jokes aside, I really enjoy your posts and it's great to hear from someone with another perspective.

HopeinHim98 said:

This observation always intrigues me, as several people online have mentioned it too. Over the years, I've met about 20 people from this site in person, and they've often said, "Wow, you don't talk nearly as much as I expected! In fact, you're kind of quiet."

Well, it can depend.

I think other characteristics associated with being an introvert are shyness and being afraid to speak -- I've never really had that problem. I've been known to speak in front of crowds on a whim if needed, and I'm usually not intimidated to approach people unless they seem like someone who would judge me for something (not being good enough, etc.)

There are times I do put in a lot of effort and like you, it wears me out. I define my introvertedness in that I need a lot of alone time to recharge for those specific moments. Being around people usually drains me rather than energizing me, even though I might be around people I love. I'm also much more withdrawn in person, though I can be open and affectionate at the same time. A bit of a dichotomy.

Suze said:

Suze's summary describes my situation perfectly. I love writing because it gives me time to think before I express something. Like right now, I'm writing at 4 in the morning, when it's still and quiet, and there aren't any distractions. I also love the freedom of being able to come and go, and knowing others have that freedom as well. If they don't want to read what I've written or don't have time, I love that they have the option of going or skipping over my posts, instead of feeling trapped and having me bore them to death like if we were in person.

It lets me know that the people reading and responding are doing so because they actually want to.

My posts tend to be long because my goal is always to get people talking, and I think one has to be willing to share a bit of their own story to accomplish that. I've seen some threads over the years where people present a topic or question, but give no background, experience, or reason why they're asking -- and they're not willing to share when asked why, but yet they expect others to share.

I can't relate to that, and I usually don't answer. If the instigator isn't willing to share something, why should the audience?

But that's just my point of view and I understand others have different styles and levels they're comfortable with.

One of my favorite things about the thread is that we all bring little pieces of ourselves here to the threads, kind of like the story of making stone soup, but in written form.

Subhumanoidal · Saturday at 9:12 AM

seoulsearch said:

I'd say anyone has the potential to be draining at some point. Sometimes you just need to be alone. But usually romantic interests/gf's are the ones that are the least draining or even energizing.

For me, situation doesn't tend to matter. Although I do recall some more recent Xmas moments where that wasn't the case.
My family would all get together for Xmas. It averaged about 20 people roughly, in one small house. I really hated it, especially since the majority of them are more extroverted.
But sometimes after most of them left and there were only 5 or 6 remaining and ready to chill, they'd put on a movie. I'd usually stick around for that. Because I sometimes got lonely and it allowed me to be with people, but not have to engage with them. Or worry about becoming the focus.

It's pretty rare for me to be around anyone for very long, let alone people.
Weirdly I'd say I get most chatty in hospital stays. I can easily chat with many of the nurses, if they're friendly enough. Some even getting caught up in chatting with me until a phone or alarm goes off. More than once a nurse has said that I'm one of the best patients they've ever had.
But what I do to reset myself is the usual, watch stuff, games and music.

I have considered, in the past, if my introversion was a problem, but I decided it was not. The body of the church is made of multiple body parts in order to function, just like a real body. Introverts have a place on that body. And so do extroverts and people in between.
But as is common in life the extroverts are seen as the supposed superior option, yet it's the introverts they come to for help.
I'd say introverts are the feet, heart and mind of the body.

Karlon · Saturday at 10:58 AM

seoulsearch said:

every human can relate to this. married "alone" time is proper & a necessity. i definitely experience being around certain people exhausting. those people can be obnoxious, loquacious talkers, vociferous, & just plane socially ignorant. in other words, they don't gather the particular social atmosphere of a group of people before they start to speak. these people can be "surface thinkers" too. that is, they speak the 1st thought in their head. in your statement about others unloading their trauma on you, you may have the gift of rationalize, condescending towards others. you may have that "spirit' in other words. 1 of my brothers has the gift of knowing what to say immediately in any uncomfortable situation. yes, the older we get, the moe difficult everything is. sometimes we get tired permanently, having to advise people. rest when called for, clean your spirit, & you are new again, ready for the next time. when longer recovery time is needed, make sure you forsake all indifferent feelings about anyone, easing your mind, be completely peaceful. perhaps, a lengthy break from people is fitting. this will certainly do the trick. my wife & i are heavily involved in the Saratoga social scene & people that are socially inept are not part of that scene at all. people as you describe usually engage in their own social circle: "familiararity breeds contemptment". people that exhaust me aren't around long at all. i find an excuse to leave. fibbing that you are in a hurry or have an appointment are good excuses. there are lot's of energizing people in Saratoga. in fact, Saratoga has just been named, again, happiest city in New York. i don't need "reset" time, i simply remove unhappy people instantly. there have been, are now & always will be unsettling people so that's why it's easy to forget them. no, not to introverted but we all feel the need to make friends. my wife & i know thousands of people & we have just the right amount of friends to social around with but we don't make plans with them. we just see them out & share a fine time that way. relaxing in all characteristics of life is magnanimously important. someone who is a tense person, on edge, can easily be bothered quicker than a calm person. blessings to you seoulsearch.

Magenta · Saturday at 11:08 AM

Suze said:

U know , I get it . This sounds totally paranoid I know but , every day I'm bombarded by very specific things that upset me . My life wasn't always like this im sure 🥴 . I'm only really at peace when I think of God's Word , He calms me very quickly and I spend all day saying 'thank you ' to God for all the kindnesses He shows me throughout the day . It truly is only Him and His love that gets me through each day . I have been going through a slightly rough patch for a few years with my mum and step dad , they have exhausted me physically and mentally so I suppose that might have something to do with me being a bit over sensitive . All I know is that I'm desperate for the return of Jesus , then the lion shall lie down next to the lamb and they shall both eat straw together . The most awesome days r coming and we shall c them ! Now that's something to look forward to ! 😜 .

Isaiah 11 verse 6 ~ The wolf will live with the lamb, and the leopard will lie down with the goat; the calf and young lion and fatling will be together, and a little child will lead them.

Magenta · Saturday at 1:33 PM

HopeinHim98 said:

Without a word of a lie before sis Seoul even created this thread I was thinking about how active and outgoing and desirous of making people feel at home and included she is here, and yes, Seoul's contributions are outstanding... I do believe this has always been so, though I have only been here for close to ten of her sixteen years. And I was thinking about these things in relation to Seoul juxtaposed against the knowledge of her being an introvert, because for an introvert to invite so many to participate in her online life seems to go against how most would think of an introvert behaving. I tried to find one of those tests that tell you your percentage of introversion compared to extroversion last night, but was not willing to sign up and register or give my email address for anything, which was required after taking the first test in order to get the results, and by then I was so exhausted I could not face the prospect of taking another three minute test LOL.

I know years ago I was always surrounded by people, and especially in my childhood, for like you I was raised in a large family, but not the oldest, so you have my sympathies for all the responsibilities that have been laid on you in that regard due to your birth order, though I must say you seem to have coped quite well with it... I was child number seven of eleven, and so I could never find myself in any of all those family dynamic type personality tests, you know, how the oldest child functions in the world because of birth order, and how the middle child functions in the world because of birth order, and how the youngest etc. My four oldest siblings seemed to be quite separate in a way from me and the siblings around my age and younger, and in fact a number of us were quite the posse for a time, always getting into trouble together heh, though my next oldest sister sort of fell out of that group sooner than I or my twin brother (the true middle child) or my next two youngest sisters. She was a bit of a goodie two-shoes haha and I was seemingly much more geared for trouble-making. Our poor mother! Many of us wonder how she managed, for indeed eleven children must have run her rather ragged, and yet I have many very fond memories of my youth with all our family time and visits with relatives always and the huge gatherings at Christmas and etc. Even summer picnics, how wonderful much of it was, and then, at home, if for instance my siblings squabbled over what to watch on the telly, I would simply remove myself and go to my room to read a book.

So there was no shortage of people ever, and as I transitioned into adulthood, being surrounded by others was a natural, and I have always very much enjoyed meeting new people and getting to know them and finding shared interests and hearing all the stories, and that does persist somewhat, but as I have aged, I find myself more and more much more comfortable alone, unencumbered by the demands and desires and wishes and needs of others, which seem endless and burdensome to me in a way that reminds me of how my mother once told me that I was selfish. And yet I know I spent years, many years, agonizing over how my life-changing decisions would impact others, years in therapy trying to work out who I was and how I was to function in the world, trying to understand why I was the way I was, which could, from a Biblical point of view, simply be described as lost. Lost by worldly standards also... dysfunctional, co-dependent, addicted, alcoholic... many terms came to fit and many years passed as my extroversion wore away as surely as I sought to shed the ties that bound me. A few years ago I took a few different tests over a short period of time and my extroversion tendencies shrunk with each one LOL.

In hindsight it is interesting to me that the process of discovering my inner introvert did for many years throw me among many people who were likewise seeking recovery from the excesses of our lifestyle decisions and the culture that supported them. Yet I have loved the journey, I have learned so much, and forgotten lots, too! The greatest adventure has been in becoming Christian after running from God for decades in rebellion and defiance, and here too I can look back and see God working in my life long before I surrendered my life to Him. He truly is a wonderful Saviour.

ATSTD · Saturday at 1:42 PM

Magenta said:

Without a word of a lie before sis Seoul even created this thread I was thinking about how active and outgoing and desirous of making people feel at home and included she is here, and yes, Seoul's contributions are outstanding... I do believe this has always been so, though I have only been here for close to ten of her sixteen years. And I was thinking about these things in relation to Seoul juxtaposed against the knowledge of her being an introvert, because for an introvert to invite so many to participate in her online life seems to go against how most would think of an introvert behaving. I tried to find one of those tests that tell you your percentage of introversion compared to extroversion last night, but was not willing to sign up and register or give my email address for anything, which was required after taking the first test in order to get the results, and by then I was so exhausted I could not face the prospect of taking another three minute test LOL.

I know years ago I was always surrounded by people, and especially in my childhood, for like you I was raised in a large family, but not the oldest, so you have my sympathies for all the responsibilities that have been laid on you in that regard due to your birth order, though I must say you seem to have coped quite well with it... I was child number seven of eleven, and so I could never find myself in any of all those family dynamic type personality tests, you know, how the oldest child functions in the world because of birth order, and how the middle child functions in the world because of birth order, and how the youngest etc. My four oldest siblings seemed to be quite separate in a way from me and the siblings around my age and younger, and in fact a number of us were quite the posse for a time, always getting into trouble together heh, though my next oldest sister sort of fell out of that group sooner than I or my twin brother (the true middle child) or my next two youngest sisters. She was a bit of a goodie two-shoes haha and I was seemingly much more geared for trouble-making. Our poor mother! Many of us wonder how she managed, for indeed eleven children must have run her rather ragged, and yet I have many very fond memories of my youth with all our family time and visits with relatives always and the huge gatherings at Christmas and etc. Even summer picnics, how wonderful much of it was, and then, at home, if for instance my siblings squabbled over what to watch on the telly, I would simply remove myself and go to my room to read a book.

So there was no shortage of people ever, and as I transitioned into adulthood, being surrounded by others was a natural, and I have always very much enjoyed meeting new people and getting to know them and finding shared interests and hearing all the stories, and that does persist somewhat, but as I have aged, I find myself more and more much more comfortable alone, unencumbered by the demands and desires and wishes and needs of others, which seem endless and burdensome to me in a way that reminds me of how my mother once told me that I was selfish. And yet I know I spent years, many years, agonizing over how my life-changing decisions would impact others, years in therapy trying to work out who I was and how I was to function in the world, trying to understand why I was the way I was, which could, from a Biblical point of view, simply be described as lost. Lost by worldly standards also... dysfunctional, co-dependent, addicted, alcoholic... many terms came to fit and many years passed as my extroversion wore away as surely as I sought to shed the ties that bound me. A few years ago I took a few different tests over a short period of time and my extroversion tendencies shrunk with each one LOL.

In hindsight it is interesting to me that the process of discovering my inner introvert did for many years throw me among many people who were likewise seeking recovery from the excesses of our lifestyle decisions and the culture that supported them. Yet I have loved the journey, I have learned so much, and forgotten lots, too! The greatest adventure has been in becoming Christian after running from God for decades in rebellion and defiance, and here too I can look back and see God working in my life long before I surrendered my life to Him. He truly is a wonderful Saviour.

Thanks for sharing. That was beautiful.

Karlon · Saturday at 1:44 PM

Magenta said:

Without a word of a lie before sis Seoul even created this thread I was thinking about how active and outgoing and desirous of making people feel at home and included she is here, and yes, Seoul's contributions are outstanding... I do believe this has always been so, though I have only been here for close to ten of her sixteen years. And I was thinking about these things in relation to Seoul juxtaposed against the knowledge of her being an introvert, because for an introvert to invite so many to participate in her online life seems to go against how most would think of an introvert behaving. I tried to find one of those tests that tell you your percentage of introversion compared to extroversion last night, but was not willing to sign up and register or give my email address for anything, which was required after taking the first test in order to get the results, and by then I was so exhausted I could not face the prospect of taking another three minute test LOL.

I know years ago I was always surrounded by people, and especially in my childhood, for like you I was raised in a large family, but not the oldest, so you have my sympathies for all the responsibilities that have been laid on you in that regard due to your birth order, though I must say you seem to have coped quite well with it... I was child number seven of eleven, and so I could never find myself in any of all those family dynamic type personality tests, you know, how the oldest child functions in the world because of birth order, and how the middle child functions in the world because of birth order, and how the youngest etc. My four oldest siblings seemed to be quite separate in a way from me and the siblings around my age and younger, and in fact a number of us were quite the posse for a time, always getting into trouble together heh, though my next oldest sister sort of fell out of that group sooner than I or my twin brother (the true middle child) or my next two youngest sisters. She was a bit of a goodie two-shoes haha and I was seemingly much more geared for trouble-making. Our poor mother! Many of us wonder how she managed, for indeed eleven children must have run her rather ragged, and yet I have many very fond memories of my youth with all our family time and visits with relatives always and the huge gatherings at Christmas and etc. Even summer picnics, how wonderful much of it was, and then, at home, if for instance my siblings squabbled over what to watch on the telly, I would simply remove myself and go to my room to read a book.

So there was no shortage of people ever, and as I transitioned into adulthood, being surrounded by others was a natural, and I have always very much enjoyed meeting new people and getting to know them and finding shared interests and hearing all the stories, and that does persist somewhat, but as I have aged, I find myself more and more much more comfortable alone, unencumbered by the demands and desires and wishes and needs of others, which seem endless and burdensome to me in a way that reminds me of how my mother once told me that I was selfish. And yet I know I spent years, many years, agonizing over how my life-changing decisions would impact others, years in therapy trying to work out who I was and how I was to function in the world, trying to understand why I was the way I was, which could, from a Biblical point of view, simply be described as lost. Lost by worldly standards also... dysfunctional, co-dependent, addicted, alcoholic... many terms came to fit and many years passed as my extroversion wore away as surely as I sought to shed the ties that bound me. A few years ago I took a few different tests over a short period of time and my extroversion tendencies shrunk with each one LOL.

In hindsight it is interesting to me that the process of discovering my inner introvert did for many years throw me among many people who were likewise seeking recovery from the excesses of our lifestyle decisions and the culture that supported them. Yet I have loved the journey, I have learned so much, and forgotten lots, too! The greatest adventure has been in becoming Christian after running from God for decades in rebellion and defiance, and here too I can look back and see God working in my life long before I surrendered my life to Him. He truly is a wonderful Saviour.

an honest open testimony!

Magenta · Saturday at 2:11 PM

ATSTD said:

Karlon said:

Thank You Very Much

seoulsearch · Saturday at 2:13 PM

Magenta said:

Thank you so much for the encouraging words, Lady Magenta. If you ever find an online test for introvert/extrovert (I keep wanting to say outrovert, lol) that doesn't require selling our souls, please let us know! That would be a fascinating discussion.

It seems introverts are seen as always living within their own shell, but God seems to have made me able to blast out of my shell at full force at times -- most especially online, BUT, in order to do that, I have to have lots of "in shell" time in between.

I think the other thing God made me to do was to try to see things from another's point of view, remembering the times I've felt socially awkward, unsure of how to join in, etc., then try to ease that discomfort for other people. I'm especially concerned about helping other introverts -- lifelong or, like you, discovered over time -- build connections we all need, but sometimes find in unconventional ways (writing and online!)

I always find your story fascinating. My family is minute compared to yours and I'm always amazed at how large families, practically their own village, find ways to adjust. I don't see you as being selfish at all, rather, I think as we get older, we learn more about how to preserve ourselves, rather than let everyone else run us ragged like when we're younger.

I think life is a lot like being on an airplane -- in case of emergencies (or when we're depleted,) we're not really told to fit and adjust our own oxygen mask before trying to help others with theirs. Rather, especially in the church, we're told that the answer is to give give give, serve serve serve, pray harder, study longer, more more more... When what many of us seem to discover what we really need -- is time for just God and us, in our own unique ways.

I very much enjoy that you are able to witness to people here on a level and about things in life I can't speak on because I don't have the experience. Serious, heartbreaking things that you understand in a unique way because God brought you through them. I often see a post here and there and then see you show up, and I'm thinking, "If anyone can get through to this person, it's Lady Magenta!" Your life is exquisite proof that God uses everything we go through for His higher, divine purpose.

I love that you can stand up to some of the people who come here who are rough around the edges, not always because they're trying to cause trouble, but sometimes because they're genuinely searching -- which can involve a lot of anger -- and you understand that process.

Not to mention, of course, your colorful and uplifting artwork, which helps many of us who are greatly affected by graphics and color!

I'm sure I'm not the only one here who feels better after seeing some of your creations among the threads.

Sometimes it's just the colors alone that minister to me and make me feel refreshed, even before I read the panel.

Thank you so much for all the time you spend here, sharing your stories and talents! 💖🙏💒

ATSTD · Saturday at 2:20 PM

seoulsearch said:

Thank you so much for the encouraging words, Lady Magenta. If you ever find an online test for introvert/extrovert (I keep wanting to say outrovert, lol) that doesn't require selling our souls, please let us know! That would be a fascinating discussion.

It seems introverts are seen as always living within their own shell, but God seems to have made me able to blast out of my shell at full force at times -- most especially online, BUT, in order to do that, I have to have lots of "in shell" time in between.

I think the other thing God made me to do was to try to see things from another's point of view, remembering the times I've felt socially awkward, unsure of how to join in, etc., then try to ease that discomfort for other people. I'm especially concerned about helping other introverts -- lifelong or, like you, discovered over time -- build connections we all need, but sometimes find in unconventional ways (writing and online!)

I always find your story fascinating. My family is minute compared to yours and I'm always amazed at how large families, practically their own village, find ways to adjust. I don't see you as being selfish at all, rather, I think as we get older, we learn more about how to preserve ourselves, rather than let everyone else run us ragged like when we're younger.

I think life is a lot like being on an airplane -- in case of emergencies (or when we're depleted,) we're not really told to fit and adjust our own oxygen mask before trying to help others with theirs. Rather, especially in the church, we're told that the answer is to give give give, serve serve serve, pray harder, study longer, more more more... When what many of us seem to discover what we really need -- is time for just God and us, in our own unique ways.

I very much enjoy that you are able to witness to people here on a level and about things in life I can't speak on because I don't have the experience. Serious, heartbreaking things that you understand in a unique way because God brought you through them. I often see a post here and there and then see you show up, and I'm thinking, "If anyone can get through to this person, it's Lady Magenta!" Your life is exquisite proof that God uses everything we go through for His higher, divine purpose.

I love that you can stand up to some of the people who come here who are rough around the edges, not always because they're trying to cause trouble, but sometimes because they're genuinely searching -- which can involve a lot of anger -- and you understand that process.

Not to mention, of course, your colorful and uplifting artwork, which helps many of us who are greatly affected by graphics and color!

I'm sure I'm not the only one here who feels better after seeing some of your creations among the threads.

Sometimes it's just the colors alone that minister to me and make me feel refreshed, even before I read the panel.

Thank you so much for all the time you spend here, sharing your stories and talents! 💖🙏💒

There is so much love in this thread

Magenta · Saturday at 2:25 PM

ATSTD said:

I am going to cry... oh, wait, I already did... Seoul is an amazing woman of God.

seoulsearch · Saturday at 2:32 PM

ATSTD said:

We have a great community here...

Sometimes we just have to turn over a few rocks to find it.

Back in the day, when there wasn't as much competition from other sites and apps, we'd regularly have a group of people in Singles posting all kinds of threads. It was hard to keep up, but a lot of fun! It seemed like every 15 minutes, there was a new set of threads and posts to answer.

And with so many regulars answering, we all got to know each other a bit and were able to tease each other like siblings.

One time we played a game where we each switched to someone else's avatar, then kind of pretended to post like that person in a round of "Guess Which CC Member I Am!"

One person wrote an entire page of nothing but Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah, neatly arranged into paragraphs, because he was poking fun at how I write such long posts!

I still laugh out loud when I think about it!

It was hilarious and such a great time -- I'm always hoping to bring back a sense of playfulness like that into the threads. I had a church mentor tell me once that I should start a Singles group, and this is my way of doing so, but on a larger scale that hopefully includes a little of everyone.

I know things have changed a lot over the years, but we can keep trying!

seoulsearch · Saturday at 2:37 PM

Magenta said:

A church I love to listen to (Sun Valley Community Church in Arizona) says in almost every sermon, "No matter who you are or what you've done or what's been done to you, God loves you and can use everything you've ever been through for His purpose."

I think everyone, no matter who they are or what their background, needs to be reminded of this on a regular basis.

Life is hard.

It gets us down. We all remember things we wish we could change, or redo, or regret.

But God can use it all for good, and the things we find the most shame in just might be what He uses to help others out the most. 💖

Much love and hugs!! 🤗

Lynx · Saturday at 2:43 PM

seoulsearch said:

I think it should be outrovert. We don't call it endovert. It should be either introvert and outrovert or endovert and extrovert.

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