So it seems apparent to me know that you believe in simple terms,
1) total depravity, man unable to hear and respond to the Gospel unless man is regenerated first.
2) Jesus died for the elect only
3) unconditional election, God chooses
I am not sure what you mean by destruction, some people here think it means to annihilate in the next life assuming you do believe in a place of punishment after physical death I would like to ask two questions
Are all the unborn fetuses and babies who are not the elected destined for eternal punishment?
How is God just if He gives "biblical hearing" to some only and not another and then holds the non-elect accountable for not responding to the Gospel when they never had the ability to respond?
It's difficult to answer sometimes because of differences in understanding of terminology. For example, what is meant by total depravity? Total depravity simply means that as a result of the fall, every aspect of man was affected. That is, his heart, mind, and will were all corrupted from their original estate.
This is relatively easy to demonstrate from the actions of Adam and Eve post sin. The same God they had trusted and fellowshipped with they now questioned and drew away from. Since God hadn't changed, I think it safe to say the change occurred in Adam and Eve.
So what is the level of the corruption? Clearly their minds, hearts, and wills still function. But in what capacity? Their minds don't consider God the same way. Their hearts are toward themselves and their affections aren't toward God or each other as before. And this drives their wills or actions as they hide from God, cover themselves, and blame everyone but themselves.
The question then arises: can someone in this estate seek after God? And certainly on some level they can. And some do. Their hearts still function and they still have affections, but can they seek God with all their hearts? It is as one seeks God with all their heart that they will surely find Him. And I don't believe the heart of fallen man has this capability.
Another question arises: can fallen man understand the gospel and respond? Again, at some level yes. His mind still functions and it's not a terribly complicated message. But man's inclination now is to make himself approved of God in his own manner. Just as Adam and Eve covered themselves before God, I believe fallen man will always on some level cover themselves. We see it daily on this site. Yes Jesus, but also my adherence to the law.
So while what you have concluded in your 3 points does broadly outline what I believe, but without explanation it can easily be construed to mean other than I believe. The other questions you asked at tthe end evidence this. It's not that I think they are bad questions. In fact, I believe they are excellent questions. But they are also the inevitable questions posed because of misunderstanding driven by different understandings of a concept; in this case, depravity and what it entails.
It's natural to want to simplify things because it makes them more manageable. But in doing so, nuance and degree of accuracy are often casualties.
If you made it this far, my thanks. I know I didn't answer all your questions and am happy to do so. I thought it best to begin with what actually undergirds my beliefs before moving forward.