Questions For Our Married Friends/People Who Have Experience With Marriage Who Hang Out in Singles
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why would someone who lacks interest, bother posting in a thread they have no interest in?
weird, but ok
It takes all sorts I guess,
I think its a big ask for marrieds to ALWAYS remain interested in each other as not all have absolutely everything in common plus there are other people on the planet to talk to.
And talking, is not flirting. Talking is having a conversation, having fellowship
People seem to put relationship over FELLOWship. When Fellowship, for a believer, is paramount. But people who always pursue relationships seem to forget about that, some to the extreme that they will enter into a relationship with a non believer JUST to have something to talk about though they will have nothing spiritual in common.
whereas fellowship is easy and inclusive, relationships tend to be exclusive and hard, and foster competiton and jealousy. When you are married, its like you feel like you own someone (or you are owned) a lot of married people cant really do what they would really like because of their spouse.
weird, but ok
It takes all sorts I guess,
I think its a big ask for marrieds to ALWAYS remain interested in each other as not all have absolutely everything in common plus there are other people on the planet to talk to.
And talking, is not flirting. Talking is having a conversation, having fellowship
People seem to put relationship over FELLOWship. When Fellowship, for a believer, is paramount. But people who always pursue relationships seem to forget about that, some to the extreme that they will enter into a relationship with a non believer JUST to have something to talk about though they will have nothing spiritual in common.
whereas fellowship is easy and inclusive, relationships tend to be exclusive and hard, and foster competiton and jealousy. When you are married, its like you feel like you own someone (or you are owned) a lot of married people cant really do what they would really like because of their spouse.
Hi Everybody!
I was reading over some old posts this morning and came across a comment by a married friend here who was talking about enjoying spending time with us in the Singles Forum.
I am often curious as to how we singles are seen by those who are married or have experience with marriage or marriage-related situations.
Maybe you are someone who is married, have been married in the past but aren't anymore, are engaged, or were once engaged but it didn't work out. Do your experiences with marraige make you look at singles (presumed to have no prior marital experience) differently?
* Do married people ever look around here (the Singles Forum,) and think something like, "Oh, those poor clumsy chaps, they're just stumbling around!" But in more of a good-natured, "they're trying their best, but they'll figure it out eventually" kind of way, rather than as judgment or criticism?
* Do married people find themselves wanting to give dating advice to singles? (If so, what is your advice?) And what mistakes do you want to help us avoid?
* Do married people want to make suggestions about whom they think would make good matches here? (If so, what would be the best way to make suggestions?)
* Do married people look at singles and think, "Praise God I don't have to be alone or deal with that rat race anymore!"
* How do married people feel when singles say they are lonely, and what would you tell them?
* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway?
* And, this might be a bit too personal, but for anyone who wants to answer... Does being here ever make married people wish they had stayed single for a bit longer, or do some maybe even admire, or envy, those who have become content with single life?
Everyone is welcomed to answer, of course, regardless of marital status or experience -- I was just curious as who how we as singles are perceived by the married friends who graciously spend their time with us but still let us be ourselves.
Something else that inspired this idea was reading some old threads that were made when I first joined CC (2009.) Back then, it was common to see such titles as, "Looking For Someone to Talk To Ages 19-23."
In other words, the singles crowd here has changed A LOT over the years, and now that many of us are older with a little more life experience than the old crowd, I'm wondering what married people REALLY think about hanging out with a crowd of 30ish-through-70ish-aged singles.
I'm actually hoping we might even be able to have a bit of good-natured banter/joking in our posts and/or between users.
Thanks in advance, and we are very thankful for the wise, compassionate, and thoughtful married friends who choose to spend their time here.
I was reading over some old posts this morning and came across a comment by a married friend here who was talking about enjoying spending time with us in the Singles Forum.
I am often curious as to how we singles are seen by those who are married or have experience with marriage or marriage-related situations.
Maybe you are someone who is married, have been married in the past but aren't anymore, are engaged, or were once engaged but it didn't work out. Do your experiences with marraige make you look at singles (presumed to have no prior marital experience) differently?
* Do married people ever look around here (the Singles Forum,) and think something like, "Oh, those poor clumsy chaps, they're just stumbling around!" But in more of a good-natured, "they're trying their best, but they'll figure it out eventually" kind of way, rather than as judgment or criticism?
* Do married people find themselves wanting to give dating advice to singles? (If so, what is your advice?) And what mistakes do you want to help us avoid?
* Do married people want to make suggestions about whom they think would make good matches here? (If so, what would be the best way to make suggestions?)
* Do married people look at singles and think, "Praise God I don't have to be alone or deal with that rat race anymore!"
* How do married people feel when singles say they are lonely, and what would you tell them?
* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway?
* And, this might be a bit too personal, but for anyone who wants to answer... Does being here ever make married people wish they had stayed single for a bit longer, or do some maybe even admire, or envy, those who have become content with single life?
Everyone is welcomed to answer, of course, regardless of marital status or experience -- I was just curious as who how we as singles are perceived by the married friends who graciously spend their time with us but still let us be ourselves.
Something else that inspired this idea was reading some old threads that were made when I first joined CC (2009.) Back then, it was common to see such titles as, "Looking For Someone to Talk To Ages 19-23."
In other words, the singles crowd here has changed A LOT over the years, and now that many of us are older with a little more life experience than the old crowd, I'm wondering what married people REALLY think about hanging out with a crowd of 30ish-through-70ish-aged singles.
I'm actually hoping we might even be able to have a bit of good-natured banter/joking in our posts and/or between users.
Thanks in advance, and we are very thankful for the wise, compassionate, and thoughtful married friends who choose to spend their time here.
I look at everyone with the filter of the Bible. If you are single then if needed I'll share Biblical advice in relation to the issues at hand.
If you are married, same thing.
I will with joy hang out with whoever because we are either one in Christ Jesus or the individual needs to hear the gospel.
I enjoy the friendship of single people because they have more time to give versus married couples. I may relate better with married couples but single people are a lot easier to plan things with.
I also feel sympathy for the mothers who had their man walk away from them or the men who had a wife that walked out. I can't imagine having to parent on my own. That is rough.
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In the USA about 50% of all families are single parent families.
That's half of all families. Why would I wish to limit myself from making friendships just because someone is single? Sure I'm going to be careful around single moms because I have a spouse....and I don't want or need any sort of false accusations levied by anyone.
But otherwise it's just hanging out with the guys...I like doing that. We talk about fishing, and other guy things.
That's half of all families. Why would I wish to limit myself from making friendships just because someone is single? Sure I'm going to be careful around single moms because I have a spouse....and I don't want or need any sort of false accusations levied by anyone.
But otherwise it's just hanging out with the guys...I like doing that. We talk about fishing, and other guy things.
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Thanks, Lanolin, I really appreciate you thinking of me. ❤️
It's ok, lol, people have been telling me I write too much since the time I got here. 🤣 And that's ok! I know everyone has their own style.
For me, I've just also found that long posts tend to attract people who are deep thinkers and used to or open to slower communication... And that's why I've been able to meet several of them in person. They thought the same way and we're willing to stay in touch for a long time.
In some ways, I'm one of those slow-living types who seems really far behind in a fast-paced world, but it's just what works for me. 🙃
I know most people are used to abbreviated texts - How RU? - lol! And that's great if it works for them! 🥳
But as for me, the only real people I've had in my life were obtained down a long, slow path. 🌹
Thank you for your post! 💐
It's ok, lol, people have been telling me I write too much since the time I got here. 🤣 And that's ok! I know everyone has their own style.
For me, I've just also found that long posts tend to attract people who are deep thinkers and used to or open to slower communication... And that's why I've been able to meet several of them in person. They thought the same way and we're willing to stay in touch for a long time.
In some ways, I'm one of those slow-living types who seems really far behind in a fast-paced world, but it's just what works for me. 🙃
I know most people are used to abbreviated texts - How RU? - lol! And that's great if it works for them! 🥳
But as for me, the only real people I've had in my life were obtained down a long, slow path. 🌹
Thank you for your post! 💐
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J
Oh well, you know, Seoulsearch, I might not be the best person to be offering counseling here, but somehow my inner ex-married little bug, soul or whatnot really wants to chime in.
My little piece of advice boils down to one thing if you’re in the weaker vessel position (of course, it’s difficult for me to advise men, so I’m sticking to advising people who maybe share, or at some point will share experiences like mine):
Okay, here we go. Men are totally different from you. Totally!
Leave it that way!
Period!
My little piece of advice boils down to one thing if you’re in the weaker vessel position (of course, it’s difficult for me to advise men, so I’m sticking to advising people who maybe share, or at some point will share experiences like mine):
Okay, here we go. Men are totally different from you. Totally!
Leave it that way!
Period!
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I will mention for the record that seoulsearch does not dismiss what you say out of hand. In fact I have seen her debate what people say about her a LOT before.
In this case she has heard it before, considered it already, and come to her own conclusion about the matter.
GROUP A:
"You make too many posts that are way too long!"
GROUP B:
"You need to make more posts!"
GROUP C:
"You should post about this topic!"
GROUP D:
"Nice thread you started, but you should have phrased it this way instead."
WHAT SEOULSEARCH DOES:
"Are they right? Should I change how I post?" (A long time of examining what she does and whether it fits what she wants to accomplish...)
WHAT SEOULSEARCH SHOULD DO:
*seoulsearch puts on headphones and goes on doing her own thing.
Trust me. She has already had people telling her that her posts are too long, and she has already thoroughly analyzed the matter and made her decision.
She is NOT just dismissing your opinion out of hand.
In this case she has heard it before, considered it already, and come to her own conclusion about the matter.
GROUP A:
"You make too many posts that are way too long!"
GROUP B:
"You need to make more posts!"
GROUP C:
"You should post about this topic!"
GROUP D:
"Nice thread you started, but you should have phrased it this way instead."
WHAT SEOULSEARCH DOES:
"Are they right? Should I change how I post?" (A long time of examining what she does and whether it fits what she wants to accomplish...)
WHAT SEOULSEARCH SHOULD DO:
*seoulsearch puts on headphones and goes on doing her own thing.
Trust me. She has already had people telling her that her posts are too long, and she has already thoroughly analyzed the matter and made her decision.
She is NOT just dismissing your opinion out of hand.
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yes i do think. i dont make persoanl attacks as you did on me. I simply said people like long posts. thought it amusing , not a complaint.
so not sure of why you choose to make this a persoanl attack on me and calim my attention span is low.
I made no personal attacks on anyone.
But seems as long as yuo are in the REGULARS here it ok to ATTACK another person
And yes i feel attacked. you may not think it was but i grew up with bullys who never thought they were bullys. JUST having a joke they called it. Not saying you a bully. But how the person affected feels about posts is important.
And i have not heard Soulsearch tell me i attacked her. IF she feels i did. I AM SORRY.
Was just my noticing lots of long posts. not just by soulsearch ... and seems to be the way of this forum
But i take the hint. another forum i not allowed to post in due to my lack of Gift of the Gab to make people happpy with words..
so not sure of why you choose to make this a persoanl attack on me and calim my attention span is low.
I made no personal attacks on anyone.
But seems as long as yuo are in the REGULARS here it ok to ATTACK another person
And yes i feel attacked. you may not think it was but i grew up with bullys who never thought they were bullys. JUST having a joke they called it. Not saying you a bully. But how the person affected feels about posts is important.
And i have not heard Soulsearch tell me i attacked her. IF she feels i did. I AM SORRY.
Was just my noticing lots of long posts. not just by soulsearch ... and seems to be the way of this forum
But i take the hint. another forum i not allowed to post in due to my lack of Gift of the Gab to make people happpy with words..
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I wouldn't say it's sympathy as much as empathy.
It's like a person in search for coffee....i know exactly how that feels and can feel their desire myself. I know what its like to want one....if I know where they can get a good cup I will tell them. Not even think twice about it.
But those people who don't like coffee (I'm not exactly sure they are human) I don't tell them that they need coffee every time they express thirst. But for some reason they think that I'm disparaging them when I talk about coffee. They can drink all the tea that they want. I'm ok with that. They are a tad odd in that respect but it's not a scarlet letter or something.
Hey, I don't like banana...and some people think I'm odd for that. But it's not a big deal...unless I'm in South America.
It's like a person in search for coffee....i know exactly how that feels and can feel their desire myself. I know what its like to want one....if I know where they can get a good cup I will tell them. Not even think twice about it.
But those people who don't like coffee (I'm not exactly sure they are human) I don't tell them that they need coffee every time they express thirst. But for some reason they think that I'm disparaging them when I talk about coffee. They can drink all the tea that they want. I'm ok with that. They are a tad odd in that respect but it's not a scarlet letter or something.
Hey, I don't like banana...and some people think I'm odd for that. But it's not a big deal...unless I'm in South America.
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