Questions For Our Married Friends/People Who Have Experience With Marriage Who Hang Out in Singles

[seoulsearch]

Hi Everybody!

I was reading over some old posts this morning and came across a comment by a married friend here who was talking about enjoying spending time with us in the Singles Forum.

I am often curious as to how we singles are seen by those who are married or have experience with marriage or marriage-related situations.

Maybe you are someone who is married, have been married in the past but aren't anymore, are engaged, or were once engaged but it didn't work out. Do your experiences with marraige make you look at singles (presumed to have no prior marital experience) differently?

* Do married people ever look around here (the Singles Forum,) and think something like, "Oh, those poor clumsy chaps, they're just stumbling around!" But in more of a good-natured, "they're trying their best, but they'll figure it out eventually" kind of way, rather than as judgment or criticism?

* Do married people find themselves wanting to give dating advice to singles? (If so, what is your advice?) And what mistakes do you want to help us avoid?

* Do married people want to make suggestions about whom they think would make good matches here? (If so, what would be the best way to make suggestions?)

* Do married people look at singles and think, "Praise God I don't have to be alone or deal with that rat race anymore!"

* How do married people feel when singles say they are lonely, and what would you tell them?

* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway?

* And, this might be a bit too personal, but for anyone who wants to answer... Does being here ever make married people wish they had stayed single for a bit longer, or do some maybe even admire, or envy, those who have become content with single life?

Everyone is welcomed to answer, of course, regardless of marital status or experience -- I was just curious as who how we as singles are perceived by the married friends who graciously spend their time with us but still let us be ourselves.

Something else that inspired this idea was reading some old threads that were made when I first joined CC (2009.) Back then, it was common to see such titles as, "Looking For Someone to Talk To Ages 19-23."

In other words, the singles crowd here has changed A LOT over the years, and now that many of us are older with a little more life experience than the old crowd, I'm wondering what married people REALLY think about hanging out with a crowd of 30ish-through-70ish-aged singles.

I'm actually hoping we might even be able to have a bit of good-natured banter/joking in our posts and/or between users.

Thanks in advance, and we are very thankful for the wise, compassionate, and thoughtful married friends who choose to spend their time here.

 

[Lynx]

*Lynx puts on his reading glasses and gets out a notebook and pen.

 

[JohnDB]

"Give to all that ask"
When I was a child and I got socks for a present....I was always disappointed but was taught to say thank you even though I didn't really want those.
But I did eventually wear the socks and didn't think about it much. I usually got more use out of those socks than anything else I got for Christmas. But I didn't notice it either.

How to "hook up" advice given from the married to the singles is similar. They usually don't want the advice or hear what universal truths that the married are trying to relate. Most of us married people have a difficult time relating what has given us success in finding a spouse. Which is further conflating the issue.

So why do we do it?
I suppose that it's like sharing the gospel message....a relationship with God that brings us happiness that we want for others to have as well. And so many people think that we are nuts. Know that going in. And even though many people profess Christ they really don't know Him either. Same thing with successful marriages/relationships.

My parents are the poster children for successful dysfunctional marriage.
But at the same time they don't know what they don't know...or miss it either. Can't miss what you have never understood or had.

So why? Because it's something wonderful that I enjoy. God loves me and so does my wife with a love that really satisfies. And they don't mind that I love them...and accept that love with relish...treasuring it. Isn't that like the greatest gift?

Anybody can say the words....I can make my cell phone declare its love for me. But it's empty words. The real thing is a lot more valuable than words...it's actions and reactions.

Imagine a flotilla of rafts at sea and there are people floating about in the water and there's a heavy fog on the surface. But ten feet above there's clear skies....and while standing on an island you are shouting directions to those paddling about in the water who want to come ashore.
You can't use things like "left" or "right" because you can't see them or them you.
But my signal fire is useless, my directions are useless too. Doesn't mean that I want them to give up on their search for dry land.

 

[Robertt]

you guys certainly like long posts lol

 

[cinder]

you guys certainly like long posts lol

We're single and have no one else to talk to. It's a short conversation if you think about speaking all the words instead of seeing them written out.

 

[Robertt]

i like short to read .get one point across then what for the other to share more info

but each to their own

 

[Lynx]

you guys certainly like long posts lol

Not always.

 

[JohnDB]

Not always.

Same

 

[Robertt]

k

 

[Lynx]

"Give to all that ask"
When I was a child and I got socks for a present....I was always disappointed but was taught to say thank you even though I didn't really want those.
But I did eventually wear the socks and didn't think about it much. I usually got more use out of those socks than anything else I got for Christmas. But I didn't notice it either.

How to "hook up" advice given from the married to the singles is similar. They usually don't want the advice or hear what universal truths that the married are trying to relate. Most of us married people have a difficult time relating what has given us success in finding a spouse. Which is further conflating the issue.

So why do we do it?
I suppose that it's like sharing the gospel message....a relationship with God that brings us happiness that we want for others to have as well. And so many people think that we are nuts. Know that going in. And even though many people profess Christ they really don't know Him either. Same thing with successful marriages/relationships.

My parents are the poster children for successful dysfunctional marriage.
But at the same time they don't know what they don't know...or miss it either. Can't miss what you have never understood or had.

So why? Because it's something wonderful that I enjoy. God loves me and so does my wife with a love that really satisfies. And they don't mind that I love them...and accept that love with relish...treasuring it. Isn't that like the greatest gift?

Anybody can say the words....I can make my cell phone declare its love for me. But it's empty words. The real thing is a lot more valuable than words...it's actions and reactions.

Imagine a flotilla of rafts at sea and there are people floating about in the water and there's a heavy fog on the surface. But ten feet above there's clear skies....and while standing on an island you are shouting directions to those paddling about in the water who want to come ashore.
You can't use things like "left" or "right" because you can't see them or them you.
But my signal fire is useless, my directions are useless too. Doesn't mean that I want them to give up on their search for dry land.

I can agree with most of this. It mirrors what I have observed from others.

I can't agree with that last part, but it does confirm the impression I have about how some married people view their efforts to help those poor single people.

To continue your analogy, some of us have decorated our rafts just the way we like them and we're happy here. We might paddle about in a desultory fashion to see if we might find this island we have heard about, but we are by no means desperate to find it. If we do someday find it, all well and good, but if we don't... well, we're not going to drown out here.

Now there are people on those rafts who DO think they are going to drown. By all means please help those poor panicking souls.

 

[JohnDB]

I can agree with most of this. It mirrors what I have observed from others.

I can't agree with that last part, but it does confirm the impression I have about how some married people view their efforts to help those poor single people.

To continue your analogy, some of us have decorated our rafts just the way we like them and we're happy here. We might paddle about in a desultory fashion to see if we might find this island we have heard about, but we are by no means desperate to find it. If we do someday find it, all well and good, but if we don't... well, we're not going to drown out here.

Now there are people on those rafts who DO think they are going to drown. By all means please help those poor panicking souls.

If you enjoy the fishing....by all means keep on rafting.
I was saying that the island is for those who want dry land. Some people can't stand dry land and only have sea legs.

 

[Lynx]

Indeed... Some become so desperate you would think they're getting seasick.

 

[seoulsearch]

you guys certainly like long posts lol

i like short to read .get one point across then what for the other to share more info

but each to their own

Hi Robertt,

I'm glad to see you've decided to stick around the site. That's the great thing about this place -- there's a wide variety of people posting styles so you're bound to find a few that are a better match for your shorter posting style.

I've often been told I write too much, but that's just my own style. Oddly, I also often get told that (by comparison,) I don't talk very much when people meet me in person, lol.

For the good or bad, writing just seems to be the way I'm built and while I know my long posts aren't appealing to many (and that's ok!,) it's really helped me meet some GREAT people along the way. I've been to 3 real-life meetups with people from this site, have met about 20 or so CC'ers in person, and still keep in touch with some of them to this day (we keep talking about when we can meet up next...)

It's what's worked for me, so I just keep on doing it.

I know a lot of people leave and come back under other names, sometimes explaining who they used to be and sometimes not, but I know I could never get away with that.

People would know it was me The Very First Time I Tried to Write a Thread.

 

[seoulsearch]

"Give to all that ask"
When I was a child and I got socks for a present....I was always disappointed but was taught to say thank you even though I didn't really want those.
But I did eventually wear the socks and didn't think about it much. I usually got more use out of those socks than anything else I got for Christmas. But I didn't notice it either.

How to "hook up" advice given from the married to the singles is similar. They usually don't want the advice or hear what universal truths that the married are trying to relate. Most of us married people have a difficult time relating what has given us success in finding a spouse. Which is further conflating the issue.

So why do we do it?
I suppose that it's like sharing the gospel message....a relationship with God that brings us happiness that we want for others to have as well. And so many people think that we are nuts. Know that going in. And even though many people profess Christ they really don't know Him either. Same thing with successful marriages/relationships.

My parents are the poster children for successful dysfunctional marriage.
But at the same time they don't know what they don't know...or miss it either. Can't miss what you have never understood or had.

So why? Because it's something wonderful that I enjoy. God loves me and so does my wife with a love that really satisfies. And they don't mind that I love them...and accept that love with relish...treasuring it. Isn't that like the greatest gift?

Anybody can say the words....I can make my cell phone declare its love for me. But it's empty words. The real thing is a lot more valuable than words...it's actions and reactions.

Imagine a flotilla of rafts at sea and there are people floating about in the water and there's a heavy fog on the surface. But ten feet above there's clear skies....and while standing on an island you are shouting directions to those paddling about in the water who want to come ashore.
You can't use things like "left" or "right" because you can't see them or them you.
But my signal fire is useless, my directions are useless too. Doesn't mean that I want them to give up on their search for dry land.

I can agree with most of this. It mirrors what I have observed from others.

I can't agree with that last part, but it does confirm the impression I have about how some married people view their efforts to help those poor single people.

To continue your analogy, some of us have decorated our rafts just the way we like them and we're happy here. We might paddle about in a desultory fashion to see if we might find this island we have heard about, but we are by no means desperate to find it. If we do someday find it, all well and good, but if we don't... well, we're not going to drown out here.

Now there are people on those rafts who DO think they are going to drown. By all means please help those poor panicking souls.

If you enjoy the fishing....by all means keep on rafting.
I was saying that the island is for those who want dry land. Some people can't stand dry land and only have sea legs.

Indeed... Some become so desperate you would think they're getting seasick.

This was a great thread conversation -- thank you guys very much for taking the time to write these posts.

I really liked the analogy of the rafts at sea, and that they might all need different directions to get where they're going -- along with the fact that they may all be headed to very different places.

I never knew how much of an introvert I was until I was forced into it -- and then I found out that being alone for lengthier amounts of time actually helped me clear my head. So I guess my raft drifted out and eventually docked on a tiny deserted island -- and I haven't left since!

But that's ok! I've found some other people, some also on islands, and some on the mainland, and it's been really nice to keep a coconut line of communication going.

 

[Lanolin]

a raft? lol

I think the peaceful island lifestyle is something marrieds dont really understand but then ppl are always trying to bash round pegs into square holes arent they.
also not all singles are in the 'rat race' actually many many marrieds are in the rat race and feel trapped with TOO much cheese and no way out. (do they want to share that cheese?)

Navigating life is something that we all have autonomy to do.

We believers are not sheep without a shepherd though.

Dont feel sorry for us singles. We enjoy the ride and we like our peace and contentment we find with the Lord.

 

[Lanolin]

@Robertt has very short attention span thats all

some people have it others dont

Hanging out with couples can be fun but you cant do it for too long before you start feeling like a third wheel, I just give it a few hours tops lol
then they have to get their own room, or they start having conversations about toilet paper.

 

[phil36]

Another god post..

Since I've been married before.. Along time ago now.. I'm not sure I would qualify to give an answer.. But then again I'm not single as I plan to get engaged in a few months and suprise suprise it with someone on CC.... But I'll keep you's guessing lol.

I personally I don't see anything wrong with being single or for anyone who wants to stay that way... After all it's what they want to do. There are those who are single and don't want to be.. So what's the advice there🤔. I think JB answered well. Plus sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just talk to someone.. You never know where it will lead...


Match making may well work.. But then again it may not... A bit like rafts going in different directions🤔🤣

Loneliness seems to be a problem for some though... I dont have any easy answers.. But CC helps, does it not🤔

Anyhow all that to say I don't feel particularly qualified to comment 🤣😂🤣🤔

 

[Kireina]

Another god post..

Since I've been married before.. Along time ago now.. I'm not sure I would qualify to give an answer.. But then again I'm not single as I plan to get engaged in a few months and suprise suprise it with someone on CC.... But I'll keep you's guessing lol.

I personally I don't see anything wrong with being single or for anyone who wants to stay that way... After all it's what they want to do. There are those who are single and don't want to be.. So what's the advice there🤔. I think JB answered well. Plus sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just talk to someone.. You never know where it will lead...


Match making may well work.. But then again it may not... A bit like rafts going in different directions🤔🤣

Loneliness seems to be a problem for some though... I dont have any easy answers.. But CC helps, does it not🤔

Anyhow all that to say I don't feel particularly qualified to comment 🤣😂🤣🤔

Everyone is getting married on here 😅 Congratulations @phil36 🎉🎈

 

[Robertt]

@Robertt has very short attention span thats all

some people have it others dont

Hanging out with couples can be fun but you cant do it for too long before you start feeling like a third wheel, I just give it a few hours tops lol
then they have to get their own room, or they start having conversations about toilet paper.

actually my attention span is very long. but lack of interest in reading posts that go beyond a line or two.

So you can attempt to put me down and try to make fun of me. and hopefully someone else will be around to pick up the pieces

 

[phil36]

Everyone is getting married on here 😅 Congratulations @phil36 🎉🎈

Thank you Kireina... Everyone is getting married🤔. Are you 🤔