Some of you know my history but the last 2 years have been a uprooting out of a church I considered home for 15 years to months of searching for a new church. Now we have been visiting a new church for months and I can't help but sense something in me that lacks the emotion of the church. At first I wondered if it was due to the charismatic vibe and I was missing something in the Spirit. But I feel that isn't accurate.
So I then wondered am I experiencing the dreaded feeling of apathy. After much study I concluded it can't be because I am not indifferent or have no cares in my faith.
Then I wondered was it psychological like depression or stress. There could be some truth in this as sometimes I have to fight the feeling of melancholy or low self-esteem related to a feeling that some spiritual hole isn't being filled.
But that again turns it back to spiritual and so I was left again thinking today after church. The service was on serving and being self-less but if I am honest in all the places to serve, I feel guilty or selfish for not having the emotion to fit with the joy of serving in those positions.
I admire people who can do the tedious boring tasks with joy and even excitement.
But then again we have also seen a rise in church services and programs that are increasingly based on emotional and relational factors that appeal more to women than to men.
A rising problem in the modern western church is the lack of appeal to men.
I often feel like this is what's missing for me. I looked up the men's small group and was immediately disappointed as they meet weekly at a coffee shop. Nothing wrong with a coffee shop but for a men's group I was looking for discipleship while hiking, fishing, the gun range, grilling, etc.
For goodness sake the pastor purposefully has a pianist to come up and play touchy music while he finishes his sermon.
He does the same thing with touchy testimonies when talking about tithing.
The sermon has truth but mixed in with lots of jokes and stories to make us laugh.
Don't get me wrong, I can stomach the comedy, the skinny jeans, the concert worship, the energy, and his sermons are to me so far 98% truth with differences in my personal interpretation.
I don't know but do care so it's not apathy lol. I just don't know what the problem is. I suppose time will tell.
Thoughts?
So I then wondered am I experiencing the dreaded feeling of apathy. After much study I concluded it can't be because I am not indifferent or have no cares in my faith.
Then I wondered was it psychological like depression or stress. There could be some truth in this as sometimes I have to fight the feeling of melancholy or low self-esteem related to a feeling that some spiritual hole isn't being filled.
But that again turns it back to spiritual and so I was left again thinking today after church. The service was on serving and being self-less but if I am honest in all the places to serve, I feel guilty or selfish for not having the emotion to fit with the joy of serving in those positions.
I admire people who can do the tedious boring tasks with joy and even excitement.
But then again we have also seen a rise in church services and programs that are increasingly based on emotional and relational factors that appeal more to women than to men.
A rising problem in the modern western church is the lack of appeal to men.
I often feel like this is what's missing for me. I looked up the men's small group and was immediately disappointed as they meet weekly at a coffee shop. Nothing wrong with a coffee shop but for a men's group I was looking for discipleship while hiking, fishing, the gun range, grilling, etc.
For goodness sake the pastor purposefully has a pianist to come up and play touchy music while he finishes his sermon.
He does the same thing with touchy testimonies when talking about tithing.
The sermon has truth but mixed in with lots of jokes and stories to make us laugh.
Don't get me wrong, I can stomach the comedy, the skinny jeans, the concert worship, the energy, and his sermons are to me so far 98% truth with differences in my personal interpretation.
I don't know but do care so it's not apathy lol. I just don't know what the problem is. I suppose time will tell.
Thoughts?