When You Start to Date Someone, Do You Feel Like You Have to Prove to Them You're Not "Everyone Else"?
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I tend to agree with you in the sense... what is healing in 2021? What is therapy in 2021?
If someone just sits at home and doesn't do any personal or professional therapy, they aren't going to 'heal'.
Time doesn't heal all wounds if they are mental... one might hurt less over time; that's not really 'healing' if you're still going to make the same relationship mistakes in the future, right?
Going on dates is sometimes a part of professional therapy.
If someone just sits at home and doesn't do any personal or professional therapy, they aren't going to 'heal'.
Time doesn't heal all wounds if they are mental... one might hurt less over time; that's not really 'healing' if you're still going to make the same relationship mistakes in the future, right?
Going on dates is sometimes a part of professional therapy.
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The other thing that is a component of healing is forgiveness.
I think many people arent able to grasp what forgiveness is.
I have known many divorcees say they just cannot forgive their ex. They are still angry and bitter at them years later. Of course what they did was terrible and horrible but that is exactly WHY they need to forgive. Othweise the just end up being a bitter person and hard done by when they could be living and enjoying life.
I think many people arent able to grasp what forgiveness is.
I have known many divorcees say they just cannot forgive their ex. They are still angry and bitter at them years later. Of course what they did was terrible and horrible but that is exactly WHY they need to forgive. Othweise the just end up being a bitter person and hard done by when they could be living and enjoying life.
In the Bible there is a promise from God that He would give back the years the locusts had stolen.
I think anyone that has been terribly hurt, wounded or hard done by needs to hold on to that promise. God will make things right but you just need to have faith ...He is a loving God.
He does not do things to harm you.
He gives you a hope and a future. Dont confuse all the terrible things in life with what God does. Satan wilk always try to put you off and attribute all the bad things to God. God doesnt do things like that. Plus what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. the adversity that you may have exoerienced makes your fruit sweeter in the end.
I think anyone that has been terribly hurt, wounded or hard done by needs to hold on to that promise. God will make things right but you just need to have faith ...He is a loving God.
He does not do things to harm you.
He gives you a hope and a future. Dont confuse all the terrible things in life with what God does. Satan wilk always try to put you off and attribute all the bad things to God. God doesnt do things like that. Plus what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. the adversity that you may have exoerienced makes your fruit sweeter in the end.
I think its safe to say everyone has there own view on what they considering "healing". What one person might consider healing the next person might thini is silly. Every case is differet. Some people might not need healing from situations, or some people can be hendered from healing from situations. You never know the situation, but as for " me" I don't think a doctor can help you heal from a mental wound. You got to dig deep within yourself on thaT issue. And once again I'm speaking for "me"
sorry ok how do I explain
Say you were hurt or wounded in the past and it might be that nobody comforted you at the time..there was nobody around or maybe you couldnt even tell anyone. So you carried that hurt with you inside.
Ok so NOW you tell Jesus what happened and he is able to be PRESENT in that memory and you will see, even though you couldnt see at the time...that He was always there.
Its like the chariots and angels that Elijah couldnt see protecting him. Thing is you are alive today! You survived whatever it was and it was by grace of God. Knowing that does make you stronger. Its just you didnt know it before..your eyes werent open at the time.
and that starts the healing process. Somehow, I cant explain it, the hurt goes away. And you see things differently and its not painful anymore. You might even be able to laugh at the silly mistakes you made.
Say you were hurt or wounded in the past and it might be that nobody comforted you at the time..there was nobody around or maybe you couldnt even tell anyone. So you carried that hurt with you inside.
Ok so NOW you tell Jesus what happened and he is able to be PRESENT in that memory and you will see, even though you couldnt see at the time...that He was always there.
Its like the chariots and angels that Elijah couldnt see protecting him. Thing is you are alive today! You survived whatever it was and it was by grace of God. Knowing that does make you stronger. Its just you didnt know it before..your eyes werent open at the time.
and that starts the healing process. Somehow, I cant explain it, the hurt goes away. And you see things differently and its not painful anymore. You might even be able to laugh at the silly mistakes you made.
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Hi Sculpt,
First of all, my apologies to the old-timers here who might read this and are all too familiar with my regular complaints.
I don't know if it's just because my personality, but people often start talking to me very quickly about their personal lives and problems. I don't mind this at all, but I've found that the most common thing that will happen is that guys will tell me all about the ways other women have done them wrong. (And I'm not saying that women, including me, don't do the same -- I'm just speaking from my own experience.)
The number one complaint I always hear from men is that women have used them for money, and all women care about is how much they can use a man as an ATM. They never ask about my experiences, which are much different, as I have always unfortunately wound up supporting the guys I was in relationships with.
What was my response? It finally got to a point where I just automatically pay for any date during which the man talks about this. I always offer to pay for myself anyway, but in these cases (which is pretty much almost every first date I've been on,) I just tell the waiter to bring the check to me -- and that's the end of it. If the guy thinks all women are just out for money, I'm hoping he'll at least realize that for once, he ran into one that was different. But I have also have no interest in seeing him again because who wants to lopped into a stereotype that doesn't even fit you?
Another common occurrence is when guys talk about their personal lives with their exes.
For instance, I was once set up on a blind date by some youth missionary friends with a guy whom they said had been a worship leader. We met for lunch, and he started telling me about his ex-wife. I understand this, but when he got to he part when he started saying that she used to bribe him to do things for her with sex, he then paused, looked me up and down, and said, "And I would LOVE it if YOU tried to bribe me."
How did I react? When he called and asked if I wanted to go out with him again, I immediately declined and flat-out told him that I thought his approach was completely inappropriate.
Now I realize I probably sound like a stick in the mud. Some will say, "Well Seoul, you're dealing with grown-ups and this is just grown-up talk," but I'm sorry. I'm really not interested in hearing about your sex life with your ex on a first date, and I'm certainly not going to put myself where you're trying to imagine me in comparison to her in your head. I know it's a very human reaction but that doesn't mean I have to allow or be around it.
Now I know some people would say I'm making this up or exaggerating, but when my friend asked how it went, she wasn't the least bit surprised. I was the one who was surprised, because I wondered why she would suggest I go out with him, knowing this was apparently a well-known trait about him.
So in answer to your question as to how I deal with it -- let's just say I've been on a lot of first dates, and that's all it's been. When I was younger I tried to be understanding and just listen to all their problems -- after all, it's not like I don't have problems of my own -- but over time, I just realized I was much happier spending my energy on friends who understand what it's like rather than keep jumping back into the dating shark pool.
But like most other singles, I'm still a glutton for punishment every now and then, but that's what happens to all of us, both guys and gals, when we just can't seem to give up on the idea of finding love.
I hope your experiences have been at least somewhat better?
First of all, my apologies to the old-timers here who might read this and are all too familiar with my regular complaints.
I don't know if it's just because my personality, but people often start talking to me very quickly about their personal lives and problems. I don't mind this at all, but I've found that the most common thing that will happen is that guys will tell me all about the ways other women have done them wrong. (And I'm not saying that women, including me, don't do the same -- I'm just speaking from my own experience.)
The number one complaint I always hear from men is that women have used them for money, and all women care about is how much they can use a man as an ATM. They never ask about my experiences, which are much different, as I have always unfortunately wound up supporting the guys I was in relationships with.
What was my response? It finally got to a point where I just automatically pay for any date during which the man talks about this. I always offer to pay for myself anyway, but in these cases (which is pretty much almost every first date I've been on,) I just tell the waiter to bring the check to me -- and that's the end of it. If the guy thinks all women are just out for money, I'm hoping he'll at least realize that for once, he ran into one that was different. But I have also have no interest in seeing him again because who wants to lopped into a stereotype that doesn't even fit you?
Another common occurrence is when guys talk about their personal lives with their exes.
For instance, I was once set up on a blind date by some youth missionary friends with a guy whom they said had been a worship leader. We met for lunch, and he started telling me about his ex-wife. I understand this, but when he got to he part when he started saying that she used to bribe him to do things for her with sex, he then paused, looked me up and down, and said, "And I would LOVE it if YOU tried to bribe me."
How did I react? When he called and asked if I wanted to go out with him again, I immediately declined and flat-out told him that I thought his approach was completely inappropriate.
Now I realize I probably sound like a stick in the mud. Some will say, "Well Seoul, you're dealing with grown-ups and this is just grown-up talk," but I'm sorry. I'm really not interested in hearing about your sex life with your ex on a first date, and I'm certainly not going to put myself where you're trying to imagine me in comparison to her in your head. I know it's a very human reaction but that doesn't mean I have to allow or be around it.
Now I know some people would say I'm making this up or exaggerating, but when my friend asked how it went, she wasn't the least bit surprised. I was the one who was surprised, because I wondered why she would suggest I go out with him, knowing this was apparently a well-known trait about him.
So in answer to your question as to how I deal with it -- let's just say I've been on a lot of first dates, and that's all it's been. When I was younger I tried to be understanding and just listen to all their problems -- after all, it's not like I don't have problems of my own -- but over time, I just realized I was much happier spending my energy on friends who understand what it's like rather than keep jumping back into the dating shark pool.
But like most other singles, I'm still a glutton for punishment every now and then, but that's what happens to all of us, both guys and gals, when we just can't seem to give up on the idea of finding love.
I hope your experiences have been at least somewhat better?
Speaking of Valentine's Day...
I got a story.
My wife didn't date a lot (kinda picky) before she married me and there's a bit of resentment and jealousy that happens every Valentine's day when some women get flowers delivered and others don't.
Happens in every office and place where women work.
So I called the florist and got my wife a dozen White Roses ordered for delivery. Paid for them with the credit card and went back to work.
She immediately called me and wanted to know what this charge was all about. It wasn't even 5 minutes later that she called.
So much for a surprise.
So now I have an account and card for presents. But ALL the other ladies in her office were completely green when those flowers got there. They weren't red, they actually showed up...and her husband "got it".
So now I'm infamous.
It's all about the "of course" things. Doing the expected is the bare minimum... taking a step beyond...that creates marriage magic.
I got a story.
My wife didn't date a lot (kinda picky) before she married me and there's a bit of resentment and jealousy that happens every Valentine's day when some women get flowers delivered and others don't.
Happens in every office and place where women work.
So I called the florist and got my wife a dozen White Roses ordered for delivery. Paid for them with the credit card and went back to work.
She immediately called me and wanted to know what this charge was all about. It wasn't even 5 minutes later that she called.
So much for a surprise.
So now I have an account and card for presents. But ALL the other ladies in her office were completely green when those flowers got there. They weren't red, they actually showed up...and her husband "got it".
So now I'm infamous.
It's all about the "of course" things. Doing the expected is the bare minimum... taking a step beyond...that creates marriage magic.
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First of all, my apologies to the old-timers here who might read this and are all too familiar with my regular complaints.
This is a good example. To my knowledge this is the first time you have mentioned this detail.
So about this detail... Are you SURE she was a friend? Any friend of mine tried to set me up with a date like that, KNOWING the date was a person like that, I'd have doubts about the matchmaker actually trying to do me a favor, and in fact whether the matchmaker was even really my friend.