Surely you have heard that someone is too stick-necked, or too prideful, or too (whatever) to receive the gospel, and at the same time those comments are made, the person making them pats themselves on the back for being so 'open' to hear. I spent a long time with baptists, probably 10 years, before someone shared the doctrines of grace with me. so I made that call from my experience with that group.
As I have said before, most people, including those who are supposed to be calvinist/reformed do not really know the true definitions of our doctrines. I see a lot of 'information' on line that does not represent calvinism or any other "ism" with any degree of real knowlege. Spurgeon called it so-called calvinism because these great bible truths did not begin with that one man. The doctrines of grace include the Trinity and sola scriptura, who argues with that? "Calvinism is based on God's sovereignty over His creation. There is no such thing as a sovereign God having a creation with veto power.
Like I said, I don't judge the unbelief of others, God will do as He has purposed in His own timing.
Yet, here you are putting "calvinists" in one basket and judging all of us alike....of course, "with exceptions". I do not see non-calvinist/non-reformers being exactly nice and polite. I personally have been assigned derogatory names by them. idiot, delusional, apostate, a problem, ...you get the drift.
I agree that is no way to discuss doctrine. I call no one names.......but I confess I have thought it.