Trying To Leave Abusive Relationship ~ Please Pray!

[maryjohanna]

Hello, dear friend.

I was in your place in my last relationship. I ended it and walked away after a year.

The longer you stay, the longer the healing. It took me a year and a half to really get to a good place. It was my first toxic relationship I've ever had and I was shocked.

It's time to get out. It's time to heal. It's time to get okay again.

Get out before it's too late. I was with people when I ended things with him. Make sure to surround yourself with people, if you have them. I didn't live with him, so it made it easier for me to end things. So, I'm not sure if you are living with him at this time.

But, I do remember being at my parent's house that week and I prayed quickly, asking God for strength. I took a deep breath and dialed his number. I told him I needed to see him that day and he refused to come, he refused to see me or talk to me because I was at my parent's house and he didn't like that. So, I ended things over the phone.

I was scared.
I was terrified.

But, Jesus' arms were right there helping me. If I stayed longer, it would've been very bad.

Take a deep breath, and do it. You will be okay. Message me on here if you need to talk. <3

Hi @shineyourlight !! Thank you for sharing with me a part of your story. So much. (I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way lol), but it comforts me to hear the stories of people who dealt with what I am and to see that they successfully left. IF you can do it, I can do it..not because we have the strength ourselves, but because we both have/had Jesus on our side. I would love to message but it says that I have to pay to start a convo and I'm not in the place to do that. Are you able to start one?

So, a large part of my issue, is that I am incredibly lonely. And I feel embarrassed saying it. The only people I talk to consistently are my boyfriend (who I am trying to leave) and my parents. I know that if I reached out to some people, they would answer me and be willing to talk. But I am not very close with anyone. My relationship really messed up friendships for me, and now I am in a place of isolation. If we talk further, I can give you some details that are pretty divine and crazy, that have encouraged me. But, it is still hard because I feel alone.

I am so glad that you made it out okay and that God gave you the strength and ability to leave. It has been about a year and a half-2 years now for me. I want out, I'm just struggling to take the step. Did you feel for a long time you wanted to leave and didn't? Or was your decision to leave pretty instant and did it happen quickly? Im curious, if you are willing to share. I would love to have a private convo with you, if you are interested. God bless!

 

[shineyourlight]

Hi @shineyourlight !! Thank you for sharing with me a part of your story. So much. (I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way lol), but it comforts me to hear the stories of people who dealt with what I am and to see that they successfully left. IF you can do it, I can do it..not because we have the strength ourselves, but because we both have/had Jesus on our side. I would love to message but it says that I have to pay to start a convo and I'm not in the place to do that. Are you able to start one?

So, a large part of my issue, is that I am incredibly lonely. And I feel embarrassed saying it. The only people I talk to consistently are my boyfriend (who I am trying to leave) and my parents. I know that if I reached out to some people, they would answer me and be willing to talk. But I am not very close with anyone. My relationship really messed up friendships for me, and now I am in a place of isolation. If we talk further, I can give you some details that are pretty divine and crazy, that have encouraged me. But, it is still hard because I feel alone.

I am so glad that you made it out okay and that God gave you the strength and ability to leave. It has been about a year and a half-2 years now for me. I want out, I'm just struggling to take the step. Did you feel for a long time you wanted to leave and didn't? Or was your decision to leave pretty instant and did it happen quickly? Im curious, if you are willing to share. I would love to have a private convo with you, if you are interested. God bless!

Yes, I will try to message you

I was over the relationship within the first two months. The red flags and abusive behavior started then. I stayed longer than I would have normally stayed (we were together for a year, and I was over it within the FIRST TWO MONTHS). I was in a pretty dark season of my life: I was dealing with the aftermath of my aunt's suicide, I had family stuff that was happening, it was just overall a really gross season.

It's called trauma-bonding. Trauma bonding is loyalty to a person who is destructive. ... You feel stuck because the other person keeps doing destructive things, but you believe there is nothing you can do about it. You try to change the person into becoming less destructive by trying to get them to stop an addiction or become a non-abuser.

It is very unhealthy.

And, I needed to learn why I stayed longer than I meant to. And I needed to break that bond and work on myself as to why I was drawn to that. I was never drawn to it before and so, it was quite odd for me.

I've worked hard to become who I am today. It took a while, but I'm here and I'm strong. He tried contacting me a few weeks ago and the old me would have swooped that right up, but, I ignored.

There is healing. You just gotta do that first initial step.

Because you have to ask yourself: What is going to happen if I stay?

 

[Reformyourself]

Submitting to husbands-are we supposed to submit to husbands when they are not following The Lord?
On parents. My mum & I don’t argue (disagree yes) When I read ‘honour your father and mother...’ I am convicted. But what is honour? Is it doing what your parents say/agreeing with them out of duty?
I read these verses and it jumped out at me, although it doesn’t mention husbands or parents, so I’m confused??
Deuteronomy. 13:6-8
“If your brother, the son of your mother, your son or your daughter, the wife of your bosom, or your friend who is as your own soul, secretly entices you, saying, ‘Let us go and serve other gods,’ which you have not known, neither you nor your fathers, of the gods of the people which are all around you, near to you or far off from you, from one end of the earth to the other end of the earth, you shall not consent to him or listen to him, nor shall your eye pity him, nor shall you spare him or conceal him;

 

[Trula]

Submitting to husbands-are we supposed to submit to husbands when they are not following The Lord?
On parents. My mum & I don’t argue (disagree yes) When I read ‘honour your father and mother...’ I am convicted. But what is honour? Is it doing what your parents say/agreeing with them out of duty?
I read these verses and it jumped out at me, although it doesn’t mention husbands or parents, so I’m confused??
Deuteronomy. 13:6-8
“If your brother, the son of your mother, your son or your daughter, the wife of your bosom, or your friend who is as your own soul, secretly entices you, saying, ‘Let us go and serve other gods,’ which you have not known, neither you nor your fathers, of the gods of the people which are all around you, near to you or far off from you, from one end of the earth to the other end of the earth, you shall not consent to him or listen to him, nor shall your eye pity him, nor shall you spare him or conceal him;

WHO is your ultimate LORD? Your husband, or GOD?
If your husband or ANYONE goes against GOD, you must NOT follow.
Remember, at the last hour, you will need to give account for all that you said and did. You can't hand over a note saying: "He (my husband) made me do it," and expect to be excused.

 

[lenna]

Do you have people who will support you? One of the most important tings is having friends/family who will support you, protect you and encourage you when you leave. And please, end it as everyone is saying you should do.

Thankfully you are not married or living together.

Do call the police if he tries to continue to engage you after you have left. Abuse can do funny things to your mind and your self esteem especially if you have not experienced it previously.

Be aware of phony accusations made to you such as 'This is not how a Christian behaves' or 'And you call yourself a Christian' or the 'you need to repent' or the ever popular "God told me to tell you, followed by a bunch of whatever the abuser wants you to do. It is not God.

I pray you would be strengthened in your resolve to leave this relationship. Be surgical and cut it off. There is nothing to salvage.

I pray God blesses you and elevates you to a safe place in Him where you can see that you have been delivered from a very bad place.

Hugs

 

[maryjohanna]

Do you have people who will support you? One of the most important tings is having friends/family who will support you, protect you and encourage you when you leave. And please, end it as everyone is saying you should do.

Thankfully you are not married or living together.

Do call the police if he tries to continue to engage you after you have left. Abuse can do funny things to your mind and your self esteem especially if you have not experienced it previously.

Be aware of phony accusations made to you such as 'This is not how a Christian behaves' or 'And you call yourself a Christian' or the 'you need to repent' or the ever popular "God told me to tell you, followed by a bunch of whatever the abuser wants you to do. It is not God.

I pray you would be strengthened in your resolve to leave this relationship. Be surgical and cut it off. There is nothing to salvage.

I pray God blesses you and elevates you to a safe place in Him where you can see that you have been delivered from a very bad place.

Hugs

I used to have a close group of girlfriends but I became really disconnected from them due to the relationship. I haven't spoken to them in a while, and I don't have anyone that I talk to who is a friend. These friends I lost touch with actually randomly reached out to me through text and hand written letters telling me they miss me and everything, but so much has happened it isn't like I can just use them as support since a lot of damage was done to our friendship. The only people I talk to/have a relationship with besides my boyfriend are my parents. So, I am really lonely. It is a hard position to be in and it does not make walking away easy.

Thank you for being straight forward, honest, and encouraging. Lord bless you!

 

[lenna]

I used to have a close group of girlfriends but I became really disconnected from them due to the relationship. I haven't spoken to them in a while, and I don't have anyone that I talk to who is a friend. These friends I lost touch with actually randomly reached out to me through text and hand written letters telling me they miss me and everything, but so much has happened it isn't like I can just use them as support since a lot of damage was done to our friendship. The only people I talk to/have a relationship with besides my boyfriend are my parents. So, I am really lonely. It is a hard position to be in and it does not make walking away easy.

Thank you for being straight forward, honest, and encouraging. Lord bless you!

Be brave and reach out to those friends who tried to reach out to you. Tell them the truth and I bet they will be more than willing to support you. Abusers will always try to separate the abused from friends and family. Keeps you weak and afraid. Seek counselling by a Bible based counselor. Go to your pastor with your parents if need be. Just do whatever you must to break free.

I will pray for you.

Thank God for your parents. Have your father tell this abuser to leave you alone. Call the police if he does not leave you alone.

 

[maryjohanna]

Be brave and reach out to those friends who tried to reach out to you. Tell them the truth and I bet they will be more than willing to support you. Abusers will always try to separate the abused from friends and family. Keeps you weak and afraid. Seek counselling by a Bible based counselor. Go to your pastor with your parents if need be. Just do whatever you must to break free.

I will pray for you.

Thank God for your parents. Have your father tell this abuser to leave you alone. Call the police if he does not leave you alone.

I have reached out to these friends and responded to them through mail; they have all told me they are their for me and love me and miss me. I am hopeful that our friendships will go back to the way they were, but I feel like I should heal some before trying to mend things. I hurt them through what I did in choosing my abuser, and I know that caused damage. I just don't want to burden them and go to them about this boy that caused problems for us in the first place. I truly believe though that the Lord caused them to reach out to me for a reason. I know they are there for me if I truly need it, so I don't know why I am hesitating.

 

[IlovelivingforJesus]

Prayers

 

[Prycejosh1987]

I have been in a relationship now for about a year and a half ~ Everything was good when it started, but things quickly began to fall apart. Emotional and mental abuse began to creep in and for a long time now, I have just pushed it aside, swept it under the rug, and have ignored it. From insults to name-calling, I have dealt with a lot of emotional damage and breakdown for a while now. I have lost friends and a lot of my life has changed because of the relationship. Many people question why I haven't just walked away, and the answer to this is: when someone beats you down so much emotionally, that your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect completely disappear, it makes it almost impossible to muster up the strength to walk away. Abuse is a whole other ball game that I don't think people truly get until/unless they experience it themselves.

Its understandable that you walked away, i would of addressed his abuse. When someone bullies you, tell the teacher. You could try counselling with the pastor to address these issues. You might need to take emotional and physical steps to solving the issues at hand. I wish you all the best, Good luck, i am praying for you/them.