Trying To Leave Abusive Relationship ~ Please Pray!

[maryjohanna]

Is your partner a Christian?

So, he is a believer. He believes in Christ, His death, the Resurrection, and His role as Savior...but obviously, this is very clear from my post, he doesn't prioritize living the faith. He just believes it and it is not a part of his actions and the way he lives his life.

 

[maryjohanna]

I appreciate everyone's prayers thus far. I truly need them!! If you all need prayer for anything, don't hesitate to ask. Id love to return the favor

 

[maryjohanna]

I will prayer for good to remove this toxic situation from your life that will allow the healing of your inner self to begin.

Thank you...Amen!

All I can say is don`t ponder , I know the traps , they are still vivid in my mind...
Don`t question yourself " Should I stay or should I go " , just go , and soon enough you will look back and give all the glory to God Amen...

You see ~ it is good though because I truly haven't been asking myself should I stay or should I go. I know that "going" is what I want in the end and what I need. It is more a question of: how do I go when I am finding it difficult to? I take your word seriously because you have been in a much worse situation than I have, so I know what you are saying is valuable. Thank you for everything.

When one episode is over , the nice talk comes , the sorrys , I won`t to it again , do you forgive me babe , and blah blah blah , until the next eruption , and each time more anger , more rage , the slaps become punches , then kicks etc , ...

I agree and this scares me, because when I look at my life ahead, I don't want this to be my future at all. I couldn't take it or handle it ~ it would be impossible for me to live that way. And I am scared that it would get worse, as you are describing.

What happened to you is the natural toll that abuse has on the mind, from a person you most trusted. Once you do leave, your head will clear up.

@SoulWeaver , thank you very much for your detailed response ~ wow, that's amazing. SO, I have tried talking to some other people about my issue and I have literally been called dumb, a loser, and told that it is my fault that I am in the position I'm in. One day I will feel like its my fault that I am in this boat, the next I try to remind myself that millions of other people go through this and it isnt all their fault at all. People truly don't get what it is like to be abused until it happens to them. Thank you for this reminder that naturally abuse wares on you and reassuring me that things will get better. I actually look forward to my life ahead, healing, reconnecting with friends and being myself again.

If you do not have children with this guy, that's a lot better situation to be had I kind of want to exclaim woohoo... But if you do, it is your top reason to leave. Do not hesitate, it's definitely not worth it, God has better things in store for you and if you could peek to see it you would be kicking yourself for staying with this loser... I was in a verbally abusive relationship before I got married, I wasn't beaten but he did threaten to kill me though lol

I am so sorry you went through this. I am so glad you came out okay on the other side. I do not have children, we are not married, and we do not live together, thankfully. I feel like I am in an ideal situation to leave, which is the bright side. I know He does and this "clarity" that I am saying I have had over the last month or so, I firmly believe has been the Lord telling my heart that I am worth so much more than this because He has better plans for me and loves me. LOL ~ I didn't think of it as my future self looking back on myself now; I would be laughing... I WILL be laughing.

It is, of course, your decision to stay or go. However, you are more precious than rubies, and I hope you can see that someone who valued you as such would not treat you as you have described.
If you want to talk more about specifics, I’m happy to pm.

I would love to PM...I just don't know how? I see you have to pay to initiate conversations but I cant pay, yet I would love to talk further if you are down!! What do we do? lol. Thank you so much for being open-hearted!

 

[Reformyourself]

I appreciate everyone's prayers thus far. I truly need them!! If you all need prayer for anything, don't hesitate to ask. Id love to return the favor

👍 Please pray for me to forgive my mum. Our relationship has been awful for years. When I read ‘honour your father and mother...’ I always am convicted. I just don’t know how to do it (from the heart) Thankyou.

 

[Rosemaryx]

👍 Please pray for me to forgive my mum. Our relationship has been awful for years. When I read ‘honour your father and mother...’ I always am convicted. I just don’t know how to do it (from the heart) Thankyou.

Hi...
This is a beautiful work of the Holy Spirit...
I have had to forgive ex partners , one who abused two of my daughters ( I still walk past him sometimes ) but by Gods grace and mercy , He reminded me that we are all sinners , and we all need Jesus...

You have to lay these things at Jesus feet , be honest and tell Him why you are having trouble forgiving , He knows anyway , but we are still to confess these things before Him , even if it pains your heart...

Pray for your mum when memories come up and hurt you , pray rather than let your emotions get the better of you , I will pray for you right now...
...xox...

 

[PennEd]

I am so sorry you went through this. I am so glad you came out okay on the other side. I do not have children, we are not married, and we do not live together, thankfully. I feel like I am in an ideal situation to leave, which is the bright side. I know He does and this "clarity" that I am saying I have had over the last month or so, I firmly believe has been the Lord telling my heart that I am worth so much more than this because He has better plans for me and loves me. LOL ~ I didn't think of it as my future self looking back on myself now; I would be laughing... I WILL be laughing.

Read quite a bit of this thread. I wasn't sure til THIS post if you were married, and or living together. VERY glad to see that you are neither. I know it's always easier for someone from the outside to give advice, but this seems clear, that you should leave immediately.

Holy Father, please protect Your daughter, give her the strength and wisdom to make the right decision in her relationship. Please give her Your peace about the whole situation. In Jesus Name I pray.

 

[blue_ladybug]

I was in an abusive relationship for a year or so. We fought and yelled at each other alot. One night I locked him out of my apt. and he proceeded to tear my window screen and tried to break the window, so I called the cops. He ran out the back door (or so I thought) and the cops searched out back for him. Turns out he was hiding in a storage room that we shared with my next door neighbor.

Another time he brought a HUGE tree branch into the house and tried to hit me with it.

Eventually he got me evicted, so I told him that we were done, and that he was NOT coming with me to my new apt. His reaction was to grab me by my throat and start choking me. I don't remember exactly what I did, but I think I grabbed him by his peanuts so he'd let go of me. He did, and then he left.

After every incident, came the "I'm sorry's" and he'd buy me flowers.

I took off my engagement ring sooo many times and threatened to flush it down the toilet. Each time, he literally would start crying and say "please don't do that"..

The final time, I took it off and flung it across the living room into the kitchen. He didn't say a word, just picked it up and put it in his pocket. I told him to get the F out and stay out. He did and that's when the relationship ended. THANK GOD.

Later on afterward, I found out that he was physically abusive to his previous girlfriend, and to his subsequent girlfriends after we broke up. Now he is married and I feel sorry for her because I'm sure he still acts like a jack donkey to her.

I still see him from time to time at Walmart, and he always tries talking to me and I'm like, dude don't talk to your former fiancee in front of your wife. In fact don't talk to me at all."

Summary: GET OUT NOW. Mental and verbal abuse ALWAYS leads to physical abuse.

 

[Reformyourself]

Hi...
This is a beautiful work of the Holy Spirit...
I have had to forgive ex partners , one who abused two of my daughters ( I still walk past him sometimes ) but by Gods grace and mercy , He reminded me that we are all sinners , and we all need Jesus...

You have to lay these things at Jesus feet , be honest and tell Him why you are having trouble forgiving , He knows anyway , but we are still to confess these things before Him , even if it pains your heart...

Pray for your mum when memories come up and hurt you , pray rather than let your emotions get the better of you , I will pray for you right now...
...xox...

Thankyou so much. Will try to take my thoughts captive,...I can’t even imagine the struggle you’ve had, re your ex. 😟

 

[Rosemaryx]

Thankyou so much. Will try to take my thoughts captive,...I can’t even imagine the struggle you’ve had, re your ex. 😟

Remember what Jesus said " Pray for your enemies , love your enemies " , I had to seek understanding about this...

We can not do it in our own strength , but only with the love that has been poured in our hearts by God can we do it...

The funny thing is , it was only looking back that I see my attitude was changing towards this person , and other people who had abused me , it didnt sting no more... It took time , nevertheless , God was working in me what only He could do , because I laid it all at our Lords feet...

Every time you get a thought about your mum , just keep saying " Lord , I lay it at Your feet " , you will get your break through , the devil wants you hating her , God wants you to love her , and that can be done by even distance , God knows your relationship is broken...
...xox...

 

[Reformyourself]

Remember what Jesus said " Pray for your enemies , love your enemies " , I had to seek understanding about this...

We can not do it in our own strength , but only with the love that has been poured in our hearts by God can we do it...

The funny thing is , it was only looking back that I see my attitude was changing towards this person , and other people who had abused me , it didnt sting no more... It took time , nevertheless , God was working in me what only He could do , because I laid it all at our Lords feet...

Every time you get a thought about your mum , just keep saying " Lord , I lay it at Your feet " , you will get your break through , the devil wants you hating her , God wants you to love her , and that can be done by even distance , God knows your relationship is broken...
...xox...

The Lord has a sense of humour. Mums been on at me today 😬 will take your advice on board though. laid it at His feet already 💕

 

[Reformyourself]

I do not have children, we are not married, and we do not live together, thankfully.

We didn’t live together, & when we married it was bedlam. People can change of course, but ...

 

[maryjohanna]

👍 Please pray for me to forgive my mum. Our relationship has been awful for years. When I read ‘honour your father and mother...’ I always am convicted. I just don’t know how to do it (from the heart) Thankyou.

@Reformyourself wow...this feeling you're having is without a doubt the work of the Holy Spirit ~ this is amazing. I will pray for you to forgive. Forgiving can be one of the hardest things to do. I know you didn't ask for advice, but something I always tell myself when is struggle to forgive:
Christ died for us. He was tortured for us: beaten, scourged, mocked, teased, harassed...crucified. All for us. He knew our sin, saw our sin.. ALL of it, yet He still did that for us. If Christ can do that, we can forgive someone for something that doesn't even compare to all we have committed against God.
You can do this! Ill be praying. God bless!

 

[maryjohanna]

Read quite a bit of this thread. I wasn't sure til THIS post if you were married, and or living together. VERY glad to see that you are neither. I know it's always easier for someone from the outside to give advice, but this seems clear, that you should leave immediately.

Holy Father, please protect Your daughter, give her the strength and wisdom to make the right decision in her relationship. Please give her Your peace about the whole situation. In Jesus Name I pray.

Thank you dearly, @PennEd .

 

[Trula]

Thank you...Amen!

You see ~ it is good though because I truly haven't been asking myself should I stay or should I go. I know that "going" is what I want in the end and what I need. It is more a question of: how do I go when I am finding it difficult to? I take your word seriously because you have been in a much worse situation than I have, so I know what you are saying is valuable. Thank you for everything.

I agree and this scares me, because when I look at my life ahead, I don't want this to be my future at all. I couldn't take it or handle it ~ it would be impossible for me to live that way. And I am scared that it would get worse, as you are describing.

@SoulWeaver , thank you very much for your detailed response ~ wow, that's amazing. SO, I have tried talking to some other people about my issue and I have literally been called dumb, a loser, and told that it is my fault that I am in the position I'm in. One day I will feel like its my fault that I am in this boat, the next I try to remind myself that millions of other people go through this and it isnt all their fault at all. People truly don't get what it is like to be abused until it happens to them. Thank you for this reminder that naturally abuse wares on you and reassuring me that things will get better. I actually look forward to my life ahead, healing, reconnecting with friends and being myself again.

I am so sorry you went through this. I am so glad you came out okay on the other side. I do not have children, we are not married, and we do not live together, thankfully. I feel like I am in an ideal situation to leave, which is the bright side. I know He does and this "clarity" that I am saying I have had over the last month or so, I firmly believe has been the Lord telling my heart that I am worth so much more than this because He has better plans for me and loves me. LOL ~ I didn't think of it as my future self looking back on myself now; I would be laughing... I WILL be laughing.

I would love to PM...I just don't know how? I see you have to pay to initiate conversations but I cant pay, yet I would love to talk further if you are down!! What do we do? lol. Thank you so much for being open-hearted!

MaryJo, it sounds like you are still playing with the idea to leave. In other words, you know in your brain that it's the right and best thing to do, but your heart isn't there yet. I would like to suggest that you pray and ask others to pray with you to break all soul ties you have with this person. There is a spiritual component to being with another person, even if you never got physical (sexual). This bond can become negative-- a bondage--and it slowly takes away the "you" that makes you, you!
Is there a future in this relationship? Would you like him to treat your future children like he does you? Would you like him to continue to humiliate you in front of others? Why are you giving him the best of you? ... your best years? Stop wishing things were better, or that if only he could understand.....then we'd be okay......he doesn't mean it....maybe I am stupid....no one else will want me....
In Spanish we have a saying: Mejor sola, que mal acompanada....it means, better to be alone than in bad company!!!

 

[Reformyourself]

MaryJo, it sounds like you are still playing with the idea to leave. In other words, you know in your brain that it's the right and best thing to do, but your heart isn't there yet. I would like to suggest that you pray and ask others to pray with you to break all soul ties you have with this person. There is a spiritual component to being with another person, even if you never got physical (sexual). This bond can become negative-- a bondage--and it slowly takes away the "you" that makes you, you!
Is there a future in this relationship? Would you like him to treat your future children like he does you? Would you like him to continue to humiliate you in front of others? Why are you giving him the best of you? ... your best years? Stop wishing things were better, or that if only he could understand.....then we'd be okay......he doesn't mean it....maybe I am stupid....no one else will want me....
In Spanish we have a saying: Mejor sola, que mal acompanada....it means, better to be alone than in bad company!!!

Wow! And I read this a few weeks ago ‘better is a little with the fear of The Lord, than great treasure with trouble’ prov.15:16...because some women (or men) might stay for financial reasons...leaving everything behind is easier said than done though eh? 😐

 

[Reformyourself]

@Reformyourself wow...this feeling you're having is without a doubt the work of the Holy Spirit ~ this is amazing. I will pray for you to forgive. Forgiving can be one of the hardest things to do. I know you didn't ask for advice, but something I always tell myself when is struggle to forgive:
Christ died for us. He was tortured for us: beaten, scourged, mocked, teased, harassed...crucified. All for us. He knew our sin, saw our sin.. ALL of it, yet He still did that for us. If Christ can do that, we can forgive someone for something that doesn't even compare to all we have committed against God.
You can do this! Ill be praying. God bless!

Thankyou for your prayers, I can say it, (and have done) but doing it from the heart, that’s where I struggle. I don’t want to be a hypocrite and wear a ‘mask’ of forgiveness...I really ‘want’ it 😐if that makes sense

 

[Trula]

Wow! And I read this a few weeks ago ‘better is a little with the fear of The Lord, than great treasure with trouble’ prov.15:16...because some women (or men) might stay for financial reasons...leaving everything behind is easier said than done though eh? 😐

Reformyourself.....I believe that in Joann's case, she said that she does not live with him and has no children with him either. It would definitely be more difficult to "leave" if she lived with him and had children by him.

 

[Reformyourself]

Reformyourself.....I believe that in Joann's case, she said that she does not live with him and has no children with him either. It would definitely be more difficult to "leave" if she lived with him and had children by him.

Hiya trula, was actually replying to your Spanish quote. I thought it sounded a bit similar to the proverb 😁 but I agree, it’s probably much easier to leave if there are no children etc. I hope that The Lord’s will is done in her situation 🙏

 

[maryjohanna]

In other words, you know in your brain that it's the right and best thing to do, but your heart isn't there yet. I would like to suggest that you pray and ask others to pray with you to break all soul ties you have with this person.

I completely agree ~ there is definitely a struggle that exists for me. I can't pinpoint what it is, and I almost feel embarrassed for it. I see so clearly the reasons why I should leave, and I know it is what I want and what I need - I ask God each day: "You have given me this knowledge and clarity, Lord, so why is it that I don't feel confident, comfortable and ready to walk away?" It truly is a matter of the heart, I suppose. That is why I reached out to you all is so I could receive as much prayer as I possibly could.

Is there a future in this relationship? Would you like him to treat your future children like he does you?

This is a lot of what has drawn me to the idea of leaving. I know it because I look ahead to the future and can't even imagine staying in this relationship forever. Not only that.. I literally daydream and think about what my life will be like when I leave, such as reuniting with my best friends (who I lost bc of him), reconnecting with a really great guy I knew (long story with that one lol), but mainly.... reconnecting with me!! I am so excited to just be myself again and really live as God created me to be. I'm looking forward to go places, talk to people, use social media, etc. and not feel like I have something holding me back or something to feel guilty for. I feel like these thoughts of mine say something?

And I read this a few weeks ago ‘better is a little with the fear of The Lord, than great treasure with trouble’ prov.15:16

This truly is similar to @Trula 's quote!! I love that and it is so true.

Thankyou for your prayers, I can say it, (and have done) but doing it from the heart, that’s where I struggle. I don’t want to be a hypocrite and wear a ‘mask’ of forgiveness...I really ‘want’ it 😐if that makes sense

I know exactly what you mean and I've experienced the same thing before. Oddly enough, sometimes I just ask the Lord to read my heart. And stop there. He knows our hearts better than anybody ~ sometimes I feel like telling the Lord to analyze my heart and see what is there because just using the words doesn't even express how much you want to have changed.

she said that she does not live with him and has no children with him either. It would definitely be more difficult to "leave" if she lived with him and had children by him.

It definitely would. And a part of me feels really silly for having this struggle of leaving. I hear people's stories, such as @Rosemaryx , who went through a situation 1000 times worse than mine, and I know that she would've given anything to probably be in my shoes where it was much easier to walk away. I beat myself up each day for struggling with taking the action... maybe it is satan. Im not sure.

 

[shineyourlight]

Hello, brothers and sisters! I am about to do something that I rarely ever do, and that is ask for prayer for myself. I am opening up on here about something that is very personal to me, and quite sensitive. I ask that everyone, if they choose to respond, is kind and gentle-hearted regarding my issue. I carry much guilt and shame over this situation, and I am truly inviting people to be supportive, lend advice, and just pray for me. So, please keep this in mind.

I have been in a relationship now for about a year and a half ~ Everything was good when it started, but things quickly began to fall apart. Emotional and mental abuse began to creep in and for a long time now, I have just pushed it aside, swept it under the rug, and have ignored it. From insults to name-calling, I have dealt with a lot of emotional damage and breakdown for a while now. I have lost friends and a lot of my life has changed because of the relationship. Many people question why I haven't just walked away, and the answer to this is: when someone beats you down so much emotionally, that your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect completely disappear, it makes it almost impossible to muster up the strength to walk away. Abuse is a whole other ball game that I don't think people truly get until/unless they experience it themselves.

I am not going to go into detail, but I am asking IMMENSELY, to all you prayer warriors our there, to please, please, pray for my wellbeing and pray that God gives me the strength to walk away. During COVID-19, I have been at home, reflecting, praying... and God really has opened my eyes to just how awful my situation is. He has really shown me that I deserve more and I deserve better because I am a daughter of God who is ordained in His eyes and Spirit. Before this, I was in denial about the abuse and always made up excuses for my partner's behavior, but I feel differently now. I see that it isnt okay and I actually want to do something about it. For some reason, though, I am having SUCH a HARD time walking away from the relationship. The HARDEST time. I have always been a giver, not a taker... one who is constantly doing what I can to mend, fix, satisfy and fulfill my relationships. It is just who I am.

Please pray that God continues to keep my eyes open to the issues and that He works in me so that I can effectively walk away for good from the abuse. I know it is what needs to happen, but I just am finding it hard to get myself there...and I know I can only do it with God's strength. Leaving is going to be incredibly hard for me ~ it is going to be lonely and sad and I am going to have a lot of healing to do for myself. But, I always stick to what my favorite passage says ~ that I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).

I appreciate you... if you have made it to the end of this post and were willing enough to hear me out in the midst of my sorrow. Please pray for me. Thank you and God bless!

P.S. If anyone feels they have expertise or personal advice to give or would like to hear more details of my story, I can provide my email or vice versa and we can chat privately.

Hello, dear friend.

I was in your place in my last relationship. I ended it and walked away after a year.

The longer you stay, the longer the healing. It took me a year and a half to really get to a good place. It was my first toxic relationship I've ever had and I was shocked.

It's time to get out. It's time to heal. It's time to get okay again.

Get out before it's too late. I was with people when I ended things with him. Make sure to surround yourself with people, if you have them. I didn't live with him, so it made it easier for me to end things. So, I'm not sure if you are living with him at this time.

But, I do remember being at my parent's house that week and I prayed quickly, asking God for strength. I took a deep breath and dialed his number. I told him I needed to see him that day and he refused to come, he refused to see me or talk to me because I was at my parent's house and he didn't like that. So, I ended things over the phone.

I was scared.
I was terrified.

But, Jesus' arms were right there helping me. If I stayed longer, it would've been very bad.

Take a deep breath, and do it. You will be okay. Message me on here if you need to talk. <3