Trying To Leave Abusive Relationship ~ Please Pray!

[maryjohanna]

Hello, brothers and sisters! I am about to do something that I rarely ever do, and that is ask for prayer for myself. I am opening up on here about something that is very personal to me, and quite sensitive. I ask that everyone, if they choose to respond, is kind and gentle-hearted regarding my issue. I carry much guilt and shame over this situation, and I am truly inviting people to be supportive, lend advice, and just pray for me. So, please keep this in mind.

I have been in a relationship now for about a year and a half ~ Everything was good when it started, but things quickly began to fall apart. Emotional and mental abuse began to creep in and for a long time now, I have just pushed it aside, swept it under the rug, and have ignored it. From insults to name-calling, I have dealt with a lot of emotional damage and breakdown for a while now. I have lost friends and a lot of my life has changed because of the relationship. Many people question why I haven't just walked away, and the answer to this is: when someone beats you down so much emotionally, that your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect completely disappear, it makes it almost impossible to muster up the strength to walk away. Abuse is a whole other ball game that I don't think people truly get until/unless they experience it themselves.

I am not going to go into detail, but I am asking IMMENSELY, to all you prayer warriors our there, to please, please, pray for my wellbeing and pray that God gives me the strength to walk away. During COVID-19, I have been at home, reflecting, praying... and God really has opened my eyes to just how awful my situation is. He has really shown me that I deserve more and I deserve better because I am a daughter of God who is ordained in His eyes and Spirit. Before this, I was in denial about the abuse and always made up excuses for my partner's behavior, but I feel differently now. I see that it isnt okay and I actually want to do something about it. For some reason, though, I am having SUCH a HARD time walking away from the relationship. The HARDEST time. I have always been a giver, not a taker... one who is constantly doing what I can to mend, fix, satisfy and fulfill my relationships. It is just who I am.

Please pray that God continues to keep my eyes open to the issues and that He works in me so that I can effectively walk away for good from the abuse. I know it is what needs to happen, but I just am finding it hard to get myself there...and I know I can only do it with God's strength. Leaving is going to be incredibly hard for me ~ it is going to be lonely and sad and I am going to have a lot of healing to do for myself. But, I always stick to what my favorite passage says ~ that I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).

I appreciate you... if you have made it to the end of this post and were willing enough to hear me out in the midst of my sorrow. Please pray for me. Thank you and God bless!

P.S. If anyone feels they have expertise or personal advice to give or would like to hear more details of my story, I can provide my email or vice versa and we can chat privately.

 

[tourist]

I will prayer for good to remove this toxic situation from your life that will allow the healing of your inner self to begin.

 

[Rosemaryx]

Dear sister...
There is no time like the present...
I was in abusive relationship for 8 years , three daughters by this man , was not married but I lived for him as if I was his wife...The more I stayed , the more the abuse came , from snarky remarks to full blown beatings , and yet I stayed thinking I was worthless...

I was not saved back then , I was under police protection , it was awful , eventually he left , just like that , and I was broken , he was all I had , or so I thought...

But you have God , don`t fear man , go when God moves you , and do it quick , or else we can let them back into our mind and be under them again...
Fear God not man , I will pray for you...
...xox...

 

[MegMarch]

I was also in two abusive relationships. I understand on a deep level what you are experiencing. God will give you the strength to leave. He will. It will be for his glory and to reveal more of his goodness towards you. I'm so sorry. It is very painful.

God speed, sister. Go. Get out.

 

[maryjohanna]

Dear sister...
There is no time like the present...
I was in abusive relationship for 8 years , three daughters by this man , was not married but I lived for him as if I was his wife...The more I stayed , the more the abuse came , from snarky remarks to full blown beatings , and yet I stayed thinking I was worthless...

I was not saved back then , I was under police protection , it was awful , eventually he left , just like that , and I was broken , he was all I had , or so I thought...

But you have God , don`t fear man , go when God moves you , and do it quick , or else we can let them back into our mind and be under them again...
Fear God not man , I will pray for you...
...xox...

Wow ~ what an amazing story. I am so glad has put His hand of protection over you now. I would love to know your salvation story. You are an inspiration, sister. I am sorry you had to go through a situation like that, but it is amazing to think God plucked out out and is now using you to motivate another person for the better. God bless, you and thank you for your encouragement.

 

[maryjohanna]

I was also in two abusive relationships. I understand on a deep level what you are experiencing. God will give you the strength to leave. He will. It will be for his glory and to reveal more of his goodness towards you. I'm so sorry. It is very painful.

Was is physical or emotional abuse? It is so weird because in a way I feel rushed to leave, like I need to do it now while I have the clarity, but I just don't get what it is that is holding me back so much. On the other hand, I want to process everything and pray and really allow God to work on my heart, so that I am in the most comfortable position I can be in when I do find the right time to walk away. I deeply appreciate your honest and encouragement.
It is painful ~ things have rarely gotten physical..and when they have, its been minor. It has mainly been emotional and psychological ~ just blame, name-calling, insults, the way I am spoken to, isolation, control, "gaslighting" as people call it.. things like that.

 

[Rosemaryx]

Wow ~ what an amazing story. I am so glad has put His hand of protection over you now. I would love to know your salvation story. You are an inspiration, sister. I am sorry you had to go through a situation like that, but it is amazing to think God plucked out out and is now using you to motivate another person for the better. God bless, you and thank you for your encouragement.

All I can say is don`t ponder , I know the traps , they are still vivid in my mind...
Don`t question yourself " Should I stay or should I go " , just go , and soon enough you will look back and give all the glory to God Amen...

Proverbs 3:5-6 New King James Version (NKJV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall [a]direct your paths.

...xox...

 

[Rosemaryx]

Was is physical or emotional abuse? It is so weird because in a way I feel rushed to leave, like I need to do it now while I have the clarity, but I just don't get what it is that is holding me back so much. On the other hand, I want to process everything and pray and really allow God to work on my heart, so that I am in the most comfortable position I can be in when I do find the right time to walk away. I deeply appreciate your honest and encouragement.
It is painful ~ things have rarely gotten physical..and when they have, its been minor. It has mainly been emotional and psychological ~ just blame, name-calling, insults, the way I am spoken to, isolation, control, "gaslighting" as people call it.. things like that.

Sorry to impose on your reply to above poster , but what you are describing is nothing to whats to come...
Fear is holding you back , Satan is holding you back , he wants you destroyed , God wants you out...

When one episode is over , the nice talk comes , the sorrys , I won`t to it again , do you forgive me babe , and blah blah blah , until the next eruption , and each time more anger , more rage , the slaps become punches , then kicks etc , ...

Sending this with love to you...
In Jesus name Amen...
...xox...

 

[SoulWeaver]

When one episode is over , the nice talk comes , the sorrys , I won`t to it again , do you forgive me babe , and blah blah blah , until the next eruption , and each time more anger , more rage , the slaps become punches , then kicks etc , ...

Yes, "abuse always comes in a sandwich". It is how these people do it. If it was 100% bad 100% of the time everyone would easily leave, but it's a mental game to make you hope it will get better, or deceive yourself that it's not so bad, as you sink deeper and deeper and invest yourself more and more, your time, your efforts, building family, making it even harder to leave. Everyone in a similar situation faces this issue. Maryjohanna, it is difficult for you to leave because that is how the psychology of abuse works. You are not weaker than others or less than others. What happened to you is the natural toll that abuse has on the mind, from a person you most trusted. Once you do leave, your head will clear up. If you find it hard to be kind to yourself, think of your daughters. It is an extremely damaging environment for them, and make no mistake that it will get worse, it always does because the abuser gets emboldened, the more stuck they think you are, the worse they get. Wife beaters usually strike after marriage papers are signed or child born or on the way, not before when the victim can easily leave because they aren't invested as deeply. Praying for you.

 

[SoulWeaver]

Sorry I think I mixed up your and Rosemaryx's post a little so it came out like a ramble, guess I am at it again (reading cc when I should be sleeping). If you do not have children with this guy, that's a lot better situation to be had I kind of want to exclaim woohoo... But if you do, it is your top reason to leave. Do not hesitate, it's definitely not worth it, God has better things in store for you and if you could peek to see it you would be kicking yourself for staying with this loser... I was in a verbally abusive relationship before I got married, I wasn't beaten but he did threaten to kill me though lol

 

[EliBeth]

Hello, brothers and sisters! I am about to do something that I rarely ever do, and that is ask for prayer for myself. I am opening up on here about something that is very personal to me, and quite sensitive. I ask that everyone, if they choose to respond, is kind and gentle-hearted regarding my issue. I carry much guilt and shame over this situation, and I am truly inviting people to be supportive, lend advice, and just pray for me. So, please keep this in mind.

I have been in a relationship now for about a year and a half ~ Everything was good when it started, but things quickly began to fall apart. Emotional and mental abuse began to creep in and for a long time now, I have just pushed it aside, swept it under the rug, and have ignored it. From insults to name-calling, I have dealt with a lot of emotional damage and breakdown for a while now. I have lost friends and a lot of my life has changed because of the relationship. Many people question why I haven't just walked away, and the answer to this is: when someone beats you down so much emotionally, that your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect completely disappear, it makes it almost impossible to muster up the strength to walk away. Abuse is a whole other ball game that I don't think people truly get until/unless they experience it themselves.

I am not going to go into detail, but I am asking IMMENSELY, to all you prayer warriors our there, to please, please, pray for my wellbeing and pray that God gives me the strength to walk away. During COVID-19, I have been at home, reflecting, praying... and God really has opened my eyes to just how awful my situation is. He has really shown me that I deserve more and I deserve better because I am a daughter of God who is ordained in His eyes and Spirit. Before this, I was in denial about the abuse and always made up excuses for my partner's behavior, but I feel differently now. I see that it isnt okay and I actually want to do something about it. For some reason, though, I am having SUCH a HARD time walking away from the relationship. The HARDEST time. I have always been a giver, not a taker... one who is constantly doing what I can to mend, fix, satisfy and fulfill my relationships. It is just who I am.

Please pray that God continues to keep my eyes open to the issues and that He works in me so that I can effectively walk away for good from the abuse. I know it is what needs to happen, but I just am finding it hard to get myself there...and I know I can only do it with God's strength. Leaving is going to be incredibly hard for me ~ it is going to be lonely and sad and I am going to have a lot of healing to do for myself. But, I always stick to what my favorite passage says ~ that I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).

I appreciate you... if you have made it to the end of this post and were willing enough to hear me out in the midst of my sorrow. Please pray for me. Thank you and God bless!

P.S. If anyone feels they have expertise or personal advice to give or would like to hear more details of my story, I can provide my email or vice versa and we can chat privately.

Dear, sweet, Mary Jo! I only wish you could know how much Light you have poured into these forums in the short time you have been here! Girl, our Father must be so pleased with you. The depth of love and wisdom in your heart is truly amazing. I honestly think each and every time you post you are giving someone a little gift because of how you put your heart, soul, and mind into your responses. And the way you write is so flawless, intelligent, encouraging, and interesting! You have such a beautiful soul. Your passion for evangelizing and learning Truth so that you can live by it and lovingly share it with others is remarkable. Your confidence, courage, and honesty are incredible. Oh, how I hope you can see how wonderfully our God has made YOU! You are precious in so many ways, Sister.

Thank you for sharing a little bit of your situation with us and asking for prayer. For one thing, you have given us the opportunity to see how Christians ARE supposed to share their struggles and request mutual support from the body of Christ. I have seen how you commit to praying for others and there isn't a doubt in my mind that you do exactly that. I have and will pray for you, my friend.🙏🏻

MJ, I really am not in a position to advise you. Having said that, I would just offer a humble suggestion that you be absolutely sure this is what God is telling you to do- to finally end the relationship. If you are at this point, which it really does sounds as though you are, I humbly encourage you to dwell a spell on this certainty, solidifying this conviction in your heart and mind, and consciously driving a stake in the ground, metaphorically speaking, so that if ever doubts arise or temptation to return to said person emerges you can come back to this point of absolute certainty and thus quell the doubts. Having been the one to end a relationship based upon conviction, it so helped me to be able, when in times of pain, to go back to that certainty that God lead me to do it and I know I can trust God. You probably already know this and have done it or you wouldn't have posted what you did. But I send it anyway because of it's importance.

Another thing I did was to pray over and over and over again, "Lord, deliver me from ______!" He honored that prayer. ❤️ Even more quickly than I expected.

Like you say, this likely will be painful for a season, but I really do believe that this stand that you are choosing to make will only make you stronger and more resilient. And you will be able to help other young ladies who are in similar situations.

I will bend the knee now and offer petition on your behalf. God be with you, dear one. If ever I can help, do let me know!

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" 2 Corinthians 12:9a

 

[MegMarch]

Was is physical or emotional abuse? It is so weird because in a way I feel rushed to leave, like I need to do it now while I have the clarity, but I just don't get what it is that is holding me back so much. On the other hand, I want to process everything and pray and really allow God to work on my heart, so that I am in the most comfortable position I can be in when I do find the right time to walk away. I deeply appreciate your honest and encouragement.
It is painful ~ things have rarely gotten physical..and when they have, its been minor. It has mainly been emotional and psychological ~ just blame, name-calling, insults, the way I am spoken to, isolation, control, "gaslighting" as people call it.. things like that.

I may not have phrased my response to you well. It is, of course, your decision to stay or go. However, you are more precious than rubies, and I hope you can see that someone who valued you as such would not treat you as you have described.
If you want to talk more about specifics, I’m happy to pm.

 

[maryjohanna]

Dear, sweet, Mary Jo! I only wish you could know how much Light you have poured into these forums in the short time you have been here! Girl, our Father must be so pleased with you. The depth of love and wisdom in your heart is truly amazing. I honestly think each and every time you post you are giving someone a little gift because of how you put your heart, soul, and mind into your responses. And the way you write is so flawless, intelligent, encouraging, and interesting! You have such a beautiful soul. Your passion for evangelizing and learning Truth so that you can live by it and lovingly share it with others is remarkable. Your confidence, courage, and honesty are incredible. Oh, how I hope you can see how wonderfully our God has made YOU! You are precious in so many ways, Sister.

Thank you for sharing a little bit of your situation with us and asking for prayer. For one thing, you have given us the opportunity to see how Christians ARE supposed to share their struggles and request mutual support from the body of Christ. I have seen how you commit to praying for others and there isn't a doubt in my mind that you do exactly that. I have and will pray for you, my friend.🙏🏻

MJ, I really am not in a position to advise you. Having said that, I would just offer a humble suggestion that you be absolutely sure this is what God is telling you to do- to finally end the relationship. If you are at this point, which it really does sounds as though you are, I humbly encourage you to dwell a spell on this certainty, solidifying this conviction in your heart and mind, and consciously driving a stake in the ground, metaphorically speaking, so that if ever doubts arise or temptation to return to said person emerges you can come back to this point of absolute certainty and thus quell the doubts. Having been the one to end a relationship based upon conviction, it so helped me to be able, when in times of pain, to go back to that certainty that God lead me to do it and I know I can trust God. You probably already know this and have done it or you wouldn't have posted what you did. But I send it anyway because of it's importance.

Another thing I did was to pray over and over and over again, "Lord, deliver me from ______!" He honored that prayer. ❤️ Even more quickly than I expected.

Like you say, this likely will be painful for a season, but I really do believe that this stand that you are choosing to make will only make you stronger and more resilient. And you will be able to help other young ladies who are in similar situations.

I will bend the knee now and offer petition on your behalf. God be with you, dear one. If ever I can help, do let me know!

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" 2 Corinthians 12:9a

AHH! @EliBeth I sense such a strong fellowship and friendship growing between us... wow. Thank you so much for your response. I am not even exaggerating...this beginning of your answer and the compliments you gave me touched me to a level I cannot even express. I have read over other responses, and fully intend on responding to them tomorrow, but this one I just couldn't pass up, because it was that meaningful. Thank you dearly for reminding me of my worth in Christ ~ it is a TRUE sister in God who does this. Just in the small time we have exchanged thoughts with one another on the forum, I have felt drawn to you and have seen such beauty in your words. I cannot express to you how wonderful and radiant your presence is on this forum, and I urge you to never stop being... you. Thank you!!

I didn't think of it as me showing how important it is to share struggles, but I am so glad that it has/could have that effect. You know..this situation has been confusing, up and down, all over the place... yet, at the end of the day, when I lay my head on my pillow each night, I know that ending the relationship is what needs to happen, and it is what would be best for me. I love the message you sent about solidifying my position in the Lord, because that is what I am really trying to do. I know that the process of healing (after I walk away) will be hard, but I want to do the best I can to collect and validate my feelings now, so that God can work on my heart and build strength within me. I appreciate this message, dearly, and I never ever saw it this way. It is so easy, when dealing with a relationship, to focus on the situation from a wordly aspect and all I want is to see it from God's perspective and allow Him to be INFUSED within me as I go forth. That is another prayer I would ask for: that God would consistently make Himself known to me as I struggle. I want HIM to get ALL the credit when I look back on this time of trial ~ I want to say "GOD is the One who got me through one of the hardest times of my life." I don't ever want to doubt that.

Prayer is essential during a time like this...and it is hard because sometimes the sadness becomes so overwhelming that I just want to give up. But, I have been trying my hardest, with God's grace, to push forward and pray whenever I can. I would love, if you would like, to message you privately and get to know you more. This may be a silly question, but every time I try to start a convo with someone, it tells me I need to pay, which I just cannot do right now. I would give you my email, but I have privacy concerns. What do I do?! lol. Thank you, sister!! This meant so much to me.

 

[EliBeth]

AHH! @EliBeth I sense such a strong fellowship and friendship growing between us... wow. Thank you so much for your response. I am not even exaggerating...this beginning of your answer and the compliments you gave me touched me to a level I cannot even express. I have read over other responses, and fully intend on responding to them tomorrow, but this one I just couldn't pass up, because it was that meaningful. Thank you dearly for reminding me of my worth in Christ ~ it is a TRUE sister in God who does this. Just in the small time we have exchanged thoughts with one another on the forum, I have felt drawn to you and have seen such beauty in your words. I cannot express to you how wonderful and radiant your presence is on this forum, and I urge you to never stop being... you. Thank you!!

I didn't think of it as me showing how important it is to share struggles, but I am so glad that it has/could have that effect. You know..this situation has been confusing, up and down, all over the place... yet, at the end of the day, when I lay my head on my pillow each night, I know that ending the relationship is what needs to happen, and it is what would be best for me. I love the message you sent about solidifying my position in the Lord, because that is what I am really trying to do. I know that the process of healing (after I walk away) will be hard, but I want to do the best I can to collect and validate my feelings now, so that God can work on my heart and build strength within me. I appreciate this message, dearly, and I never ever saw it this way. It is so easy, when dealing with a relationship, to focus on the situation from a wordly aspect and all I want is to see it from God's perspective and allow Him to be INFUSED within me as I go forth. That is another prayer I would ask for: that God would consistently make Himself known to me as I struggle. I want HIM to get ALL the credit when I look back on this time of trial ~ I want to say "GOD is the One who got me through one of the hardest times of my life." I don't ever want to doubt that.

Prayer is essential during a time like this...and it is hard because sometimes the sadness becomes so overwhelming that I just want to give up. But, I have been trying my hardest, with God's grace, to push forward and pray whenever I can. I would love, if you would like, to message you privately and get to know you more. This may be a silly question, but every time I try to start a convo with someone, it tells me I need to pay, which I just cannot do right now. I would give you my email, but I have privacy concerns. What do I do?! lol. Thank you, sister!! This meant so much to me.

I will put a message on your profile page at a later date when I see you are online. Then once you read it, if you would, you can delete it. Does that sound okay?

 

[EliBeth]

And you are very welcome, my friend! Thank YOU for your kind words. ❤️ Hope to continue this conversation at a later date. 🙂

 

[maryjohanna]

I will put a message on your profile page at a later date when I see you are online. Then once you read it, if you would, you can delete it. Does that sound okay?

I think I know what you mean... thank you again for your answer!!

 

[Reformyourself]

Is your partner a Christian?

 

[Reformyourself]

Sorry I think I mixed up your and Rosemaryx's post a little so it came out like a ramble, guess I am at it again (reading cc when I should be sleeping). If you do not have children with this guy, that's a lot better situation to be had I kind of want to exclaim woohoo... But if you do, it is your top reason to leave. Do not hesitate, it's definitely not worth it, God has better things in store for you and if you could peek to see it you would be kicking yourself for staying with this loser... I was in a verbally abusive relationship before I got married, I wasn't beaten but he did threaten to kill me though lol

I was on cc at 3ish too! We should have had a chat 😁 Hope you catch up with your sleep later 😴

 

[levi85]

Father God, we agree and pray, bless maryjohanna, and this prayer request, and you be glorified, in Jesus precious name, Amen!

 

[Reformyourself]

Yes, gaslighting seems to be the new thing, along with stonewalling. Don’t know which is worse. I always think, if it’s like this now, what will it be like in 20 years? Will pray 🙏