I have been a believer for 38 years.
If I'm totally honest it's been a hard walk.
I ain't no great shapes when it comes to walk.
It's generally been one of fear, condemnation, addictions (side note addictions are a cause of an affect, trust me I know)
Stopped going to church for a long while because of the above.
What didn't help was the condemnation. It came from Satan but also people in the church. They didn't condemn as such but made stupid comments and judgements.
That is what hurt me so bad.
The focus was always on me, from others and myself.
Before this I remember my quite time with God was always started with me confessing my sins, the guilt would be compounded and my grief overtook me and I just cried and stopped my quiet time because I was waiting for the "to late you are out" or stop doing it and you are back in.
I would say at my lowest I would call out to God (and to be honest it took a lot my while to do so).
Then one time God said to me "Bill focus on Jesus and not yourself"
When I did I found comfort in this, a secure place to be in.
One thing I remember is that God asked me to do.
He asked me to structure my prayer time by starting at the beginning of the Lords prayer and pray it through.
All of a sudden I found my quite time started with my focus on God, I went deeper into this model prayer. My whole focus changed.
My sin wasn't the focus until I got to the "forgive me" I would confess them, ask him to reveal those I wasn't aware (and there were lots) I would then thank him I was forgiven and ask that he increases and my flesh decreases.
What a release that was for me.
What really helped as well was the "Thy Kingdom come"
This kingdom is to set the prisoner free (amongst others) as a result he was able to deal with the cause of the affect of my addictions, which has to do "with give sin as he has forgiven my sin"
My walk is still hard because it is a battle, we are in a battlefield. Quite a lot of my stuff is not but some still remain.
I now find myself bringing the kingdom to people who suffer as I did as a result of what I suffered (horrendous stuff).
Romans 8:28-30
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30 Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.
Matthew 6:9-13
9 In this manner, therefore, pray: Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.
10 Your kingdom come. Your will be done On earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us this day our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors.
13 And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.
Amen indeed.