You don't sound like you know the joy of the Lord and being saved.
I don't know about anyone else, but I experience the thing's I am unable to achieve when the spirit causes me to do so. I try to be humble, patient, love my neighbor, etc. But I feel the falseness of my attempts, but when the spirit wills and compels me it is then that I found I am able to do such things as mentioned in the sermon on the mount (for example).
It's the undisputed leading of the spirit that astounds my finite mind and causes my being to feel, accomplish, and undoubtedly believe that the grace and mercy of God are bestowed upon me. It is then I find myself giving glory beyond my ability.
Nope, I have definitely proved that the will and grace of God do not change because of .y obedience of lack thereof.
I would put my serenity on the line as to bed that you sir would deem it absolutely absurd and impossible to fathom the idea that I could jack heroin in my veins and still have the ability to love God wholeheartedly.
Use righteous judgement please. Though it matters none, for if is God and God only who justifies and condemns.
Remember those forgiven little are thankful little. Those forgiven much are much more thankful.
You have no idea of the love and gratitude I carry for my lord and my god.