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An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!"(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven...) The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax and Two 38's!"
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble....
Psalm 46:1
ain't that the truth....
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[h=3]Visiting Pastor[/h]
A pastor went out one Saturday to visit a few church members.
At one house, it was obvious that someone was home,
but nobody came to the door even though the preacher knocked several times.
Finally, the preacher took out his card, wrote out "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it, and stuck it in the door.
Behold, I stand at the door and knock.
If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me.
- Revelation 3:20
The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate.
Below the preacher's message was written the following notation:
I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.
- Genesis 3:10
A pastor went out one Saturday to visit a few church members.
At one house, it was obvious that someone was home,
but nobody came to the door even though the preacher knocked several times.
Finally, the preacher took out his card, wrote out "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it, and stuck it in the door.
Behold, I stand at the door and knock.
If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me.
- Revelation 3:20
The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate.
Below the preacher's message was written the following notation:
I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.
- Genesis 3:10
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Walking on Water
One day a Pastor and a Parishioner took a Visitor fishing on a boat.
Once in the Middle of the lake, the Pastor said "I seem to have forgotten my fishing pole, be right back" and to the visitors amazement stepped out of the boat and walked on top of the water towards the shore.
When he had returned, the Parishioner said "I need to use the restroom, be right back"
Again the visitor watched in amazement. Once the Brother returned, not wanting to be outdone, the visitor said "I need to use the restroom too".
As soon as he stepped out of the boat, he sank.
The Pastor nudged the Parishioner and said "We should have told him where the rocks were”…
One day a Pastor and a Parishioner took a Visitor fishing on a boat.
Once in the Middle of the lake, the Pastor said "I seem to have forgotten my fishing pole, be right back" and to the visitors amazement stepped out of the boat and walked on top of the water towards the shore.
When he had returned, the Parishioner said "I need to use the restroom, be right back"
Again the visitor watched in amazement. Once the Brother returned, not wanting to be outdone, the visitor said "I need to use the restroom too".
As soon as he stepped out of the boat, he sank.
The Pastor nudged the Parishioner and said "We should have told him where the rocks were”…
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Man lives in four forms...
God created the donkey & said to him : " You will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence & you will live 50 years. You will be a donkey. " The donkey answered: " I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is too much. Give me only 20 years. God granted his wish.
God created the dog and said to him: "You will be a dog. " You will guard the house of man. You will be his best friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 25 years. You will be a dog. " The dog answered:" Sir, to live 25 years is too much, you give me only 10years. God granted his wish.
God created the Monkey and said to him: " You will be a monkey. " You will swing from branch tobranch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey." The monkey answered: " Sir, to live 20 years is too much, you give me only 10 years. God granted his wish.
Finally God created the man and said to him: " You will be a man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. " You will use your intelligence to become master over all animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years. Man responded: " Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused. God granted his wish.
And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, he marries and spend 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are gone, he lives 15 years like a dog, taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house, from one son or daughter to another, doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren....
God created the donkey & said to him : " You will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence & you will live 50 years. You will be a donkey. " The donkey answered: " I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is too much. Give me only 20 years. God granted his wish.
God created the dog and said to him: "You will be a dog. " You will guard the house of man. You will be his best friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 25 years. You will be a dog. " The dog answered:" Sir, to live 25 years is too much, you give me only 10years. God granted his wish.
God created the Monkey and said to him: " You will be a monkey. " You will swing from branch tobranch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey." The monkey answered: " Sir, to live 20 years is too much, you give me only 10 years. God granted his wish.
Finally God created the man and said to him: " You will be a man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. " You will use your intelligence to become master over all animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years. Man responded: " Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused. God granted his wish.
And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, he marries and spend 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are gone, he lives 15 years like a dog, taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house, from one son or daughter to another, doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren....
