Just for Laughs

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Humiliatus

Guest
#61
#61
TWO LITTLE BOYS


A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved.

The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman. The husband said, 'We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!' The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually.

The 8 year old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly,'Where is God?' The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, 'Where is God?' Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, 'WHERE IS GOD?'

At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in the closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and asked what had happened. The younger brother replied, 'We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it.'
 
mailmandan

mailmandan

Senior Member
#63
Apr 7, 2014
25,469
13,413
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#63
Ronda Rousey (current female UFC mixed martial arts champion) won the best female athlete award and the host of the awards show said she has knocked out more women than Bill Cosby! Was that joke too soon?
 
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seed_time_harvest

Senior Member
#64
Dec 9, 2011
14,114
1,799
113
#64
Humiliatus said:
Just to get this thread started....
The light turned yellow just in front of him.He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The woman behind him was furious and honked her horn several times screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.
As she was in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit the car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was search, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a holding cell.
After a few hours, a police officer approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking area where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said “I am very sorry for the mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him. I noticed the “What would Jesus do” and “Follow me to Sunday School” bumper stickers, the “Choose Life” license plate holder and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on your trunk… so naturally I assumed you stole the car”.



Romans 12:2- And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.












Click to expand...
that was more very good if some Christians were arrested for being a Christian there would not be enough evidence to convict them.
 
H

Humiliatus

Guest
#65
#65
mailmandan said:
Ronda Rousey (current female UFC mixed martial arts champion) won the best female athlete award and the host of the awards show said she has knocked out more women than Bill Cosby! Was that joke too soon?
Click to expand...
A bit apropos considering all the recent news, I'd say... hehehe :cool:
 
T

tanach

Guest
#67
#67
In the 60's people took Acid to make the world look weird. Now they take Prozac to make it look normal
 
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Humiliatus

Guest
#68
#68
tanach said:
In the 60's people took Acid to make the world look weird. Now they take Prozac to make it look normal
Click to expand...
To true in an ironic way.... hehehe
 
mailmandan

mailmandan

Senior Member
#69
Apr 7, 2014
25,469
13,413
113
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#69
One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab. A cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring at her. When she asked him why, he said, "I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you." She said, "You can't offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everything." The cab driver then said, "Well, I've always wanted to kiss a nun." She said, "Well, perhaps we can work something out under two conditions. You have to be single, and you have to be Catholic." Immediately the cab driver said, "Oh, yes! I'm single and I'm Catholic!" The nun said, "Okay, pull over to the side of the road." The cab driver pulled over and the nun gave him a kiss that would make a sailor blush! Shortly afterwards, the cab driver started crying. The nun said, "My child, what's the matter?" He said tearfully, "Sister, I have sinned. I lied, I lied...I'm married and I'm Jewish!" The nun replied, "That's okay. I have not been honest with you either. My name's Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party!"
 
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Humiliatus

Guest
#71
#71
A Rabbi went to God in prayer, "´O God what shall I do?"

"My son became a Christian!".... God replied, "Mine too!"
 
Mo0448

Mo0448

Senior Member
#75
Jun 10, 2013
1,209
15
38
#75
LOL moses.jpg

hahaha that's why my ma would always struggle giving me baths as a kid...oh to be a Moses :p
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#76
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#76
Genesis1982 said:
View attachment 129553 :cool:
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May I have your phone number and your SKYPE account, too? Just to invite you to the opera and some concerts we can both attend... :p

This man still being a venecubano (sadly) but God knows why and He is the ONE who set ppl free.

Oh! La chica no es mi chica, lo fuimos...

Y, en el aspecto de "eliminar" contactos, eso suena muy violento! Ha! Ha! Ha!

No creo conveniente le pidas, a tu futuro esposo, tal cosa: Sería muy triste que tu seas la autora INTELECTUAL de tales delitos y él, por su parte, sea el autor MATERIAL. Ja! Ja! :)

Una cosa sí te puedo decir, una vez que halles a esa persona que sueñas, en tus anhelos más inocentemente viscerales, no tienes más necesidades de amistades ni de salidas con ell@s.

El día que me casé (hace 2 décadas) me desprendí de amistades -de todo tipo- y me dediqué a ella (cosa que no lamento) porque lo que se dá (con amor o no) ya no es de uno y, puedo decirte, con sinceridad y sin vergüenza alguna, te auguro que, cualquiera que tenga la dicha de casarse contigo, se desprenderá de su pasado, para hacerte su presente y su futuro: ¡Eres muy linda!

Disclamer!:

Siempre que te ví en fotos, pensé que eras una adolescente (hablo del gorrito gris, con el que te recuerdo)

¡Tienes un cabello hermoso! :)
 
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missy2014

Guest
#78
#78
What sort of babies would you have if a sponge married a baker?




A sponge cake
 
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missy2014

Guest
#79
#79
A blonde walks into a bar ouch
A blonde walks into a woman ouch headache
A blonde goes to work ouch
the blonde doesnt know what the punchline to this joke is so she goes and looks at the road markings and `punches the line'
Ouch
 
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