The quickest path to disappointment is expectations. When we set up the ideal we create expectations. Instead of compromise and growing together to build something new, the ideal can lead to inflexibility. For example, if your ideal is to get little love notes and flowers as a proof of love you may not notice that he changed the oil in your car, folded your laundry the way you like or gave you the drumstick when he likes them too, and understand these things as expressions of love. An ideal cannot be one size fits all. I think that one of the few things that work is when you are dedicated to their happiness, growth, protection and sense of well being and they are doing the same. It can't be something idealized. All you will see is where things didn't measure up to an arbitrary goal. The more you take expectations out of the equation and see what things actually are, you can find reasons for joy.