If You Were Married...

[IToreTheSky]

I was married for 9 years,and had the whole sha-bang... a house,pool,dog,good job,but both of us became unhappy for different reasons with one another and with our own personal demons for lack of better words. It was a peaceful divorce and since then I have learned a lot about myself. The past 5 years alone have been truly eye opening to say the least. I won't bore you with the deets here. An ideal marriage must be rooted in selfless love 1st and foremost. Communication is paramount,as well as compromise. It really is more about the "give" than the take. At this point in my life being near 50 years old next month I'm not so much looking to marry again. I'm trying to focus more on loving others,listening and being content and happy each day at a time. If I'm going to get married again I'm sure her and I will know and be on the same page as to what we want and where we're going in life.

 

[Beloved132]

I was married for 9 years,and had the whole sha-bang... a house,pool,dog,good job,but both of us became unhappy for different reasons with one another and with our own personal demons for lack of better words. It was a peaceful divorce and since then I have learned a lot about myself. The past 5 years alone have been truly eye opening to say the least. I won't bore you with the deets here. An ideal marriage must be rooted in selfless love 1st and foremost. Communication is paramount,as well as compromise. It really is more about the "give" than the take. At this point in my life being near 50 years old next month I'm not so much looking to marry again. I'm trying to focus more on loving others,listening and being content and happy each day at a time. If I'm going to get married again I'm sure her and I will know and be on the same page as to what we want and where we're going in life.

That's great that it ended peacefully and you learned a lot. I was...not so lucky in mine haha. I completely relate to the not focusing on marrying again, just focusing on God. I decided at 29 years old, when I left my ex, that I would never do it again, not even date. 3 years later, I have stuck to that. Been working on rebuilding my broken life, healing, and just trying to know Jesus and myself even better. Life is stinky sometimes haha.

 

[IToreTheSky]

LoL yes life can be stinky at times for sure.😁

 

[Beloved132]

LoL yes life can be stinky at times for sure.😁 View attachment 220590

Hahahaah, indeed.

 

[JustEli]

If I were married, ahhhhh lets see.............. Id probably let everyday stress invade our marriage, redirect anger
towards my wife and best friend, become an overbearing jerk face one moment, while the next wonder why
shes mad at me. Im sure I would try to control her to make up for lack of control of my underlings at work
and in life generally.
I would do this for about 1.5 yrs until she in desperation would turn to other men for affection (online).
And then she would leave me, in a cloak of secrecy, till the lid blew off and she couldnt hide it anymore.
She would eventually end up across the country with a child, happy as a clam, still married to me, still
blaming me for all things wrong in our estranged and soon to be dissolved marriage.

waitaminute.................................... uh i ur................................

poundsign no hard feelings.
vaya con dios

 

[tourist]

That's good attitude to begin with. Leaving work early to spend time with your wife

I guess that I got it backwards as I leave for work early rather than leaving work early. On the plus side, I have the next 2 days off to spend time with my honey. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.

 

[tourist]

If I were married, ahhhhh lets see.............. Id probably let everyday stress invade our marriage, redirect anger
towards my wife and best friend, become an overbearing jerk face one moment, while the next wonder why
shes mad at me. Im sure I would try to control her to make up for lack of control of my underlings at work
and in life generally.
I would do this for about 1.5 yrs until she in desperation would turn to other men for affection (online).
And then she would leave me, in a cloak of secrecy, till the lid blew off and she couldnt hide it anymore.
She would eventually end up across the country with a child, happy as a clam, still married to me, still
blaming me for all things wrong in our estranged and soon to be dissolved marriage.

waitaminute.................................... uh i ur................................

poundsign no hard feelings.
vaya con dios

I believe that you just described a worse-case scenario. Just do the opposite of what you described and you will be happy as a clam too.

 

[tourist]

I honestly don't know what it would be like. I would like for my guy to understand I need time to think, you can't just talk to person for 20 minutes and decide you're in love, or first time talking online, to try to meet up in real life to eat dinner together. I would like for us to do nerd stuff together like watch anime, play videogames, watch movies, watch YouTube, go shopping at the mall (Maybe he can help me with clothes, lol ), and go to conventions. Also, it would be cool to go to parks to do some hiking, not extreme, just moderate stuff. But most important, I want them to understand how much Christianity matters to me, I don't want someone to become christian just to be with me (Cause I'm pretty sure that was about to happen with one guy I was talking to, and it just didn't feel right, I dunno God made us as beings that naturally seek him), and it would be easy if they are already christian, makes all problems easy to go through,what I mean is that they know my stance on issues like homosexuality. Like sadly I'm part of the "Millennials", and I think most people around my age or younger wouldn't like my stance as a christian. I know everyone is not the same, but there is a reason why "Millennials" is considered a stereotype nowadays, a especially bad one at that.

I know marriage will not be easy, as my parents are divorced and I hear issues happen, even if it's between boyfriends and girlfriends, but for now I just want God to guide me. If I get a boyfriend then that's cool, but if I don't that's cool too, that's how I'm trying to live life right now.

You are wise to allow God to guide you. You certainly wouldn't want to hook up with a guy who says that he is willing to be a Christian to be with you. The first sign of trouble this kind of guy would leave you in a heartbeat.

Another thing, not that I believe that you would do it, is to change your stance on the issues that are most important to you, especially what you believe spiritually just to have some guy accept you. If a guy cannot accept you for who you are then don't give him another thought.

You are right about marriage not being easy, but with God at the center of a marriage it is very much a love triangle and definitely worth the cost of admission.

Actually, you have a lot to offer in regards to a prospective relationship.

 

[SarahUmbreon]

You are wise to allow God to guide you. You certainly wouldn't want to hook up with a guy who says that he is willing to be a Christian to be with you. The first sign of trouble this kind of guy would leave you in a heartbeat.

Another thing, not that I believe that you would do it, is to change your stance on the issues that are most important to you, especially what you believe spiritually just to have some guy accept you. If a guy cannot accept you for who you are then don't give him another thought.

You are right about marriage not being easy, but with God at the center of a marriage it is very much a love triangle and definitely worth the cost of admission.

Actually, you have a lot to offer in regards to a prospective relationship.

Thanks, Yeah, I’m a stubborn person and will stubbornly not change my stance on God (Though my stubbornness sometimes backfires when I choose to be upset instead of praying, I reach out for God but when I’m really upset, I want to be left alone) though someone saying “It’s bad you judge people on their sexuality” (It was on one of the dating websites I was on, the one for special needs people) did hurt, but I’ll try to stay strong. Our church did a great lesson on how God loves everyone, even if we don’t agree with them we must love everyone like God does, and it reminded of what my grandmother said to me once: “Love the person, not the sin” so that’s how I’m trying to go through life, even if people don’t understand or hate me for my mindset.

 

[tourist]

Thanks, Yeah, I’m a stubborn person and will stubbornly not change my stance on God (Though my stubbornness sometimes backfires when I choose to be upset instead of praying, I reach out for God but when I’m really upset, I want to be left alone) though someone saying “It’s bad you judge people on their sexuality” (It was on one of the dating websites I was on, the one for special needs people) did hurt, but I’ll try to stay strong. Our church did a great lesson on how God loves everyone, even if we don’t agree with them we must love everyone like God does, and it reminded of what my grandmother said to me once: “Love the person, not the sin” so that’s how I’m trying to go through life, even if people don’t understand or hate me for my mindset.

You are absolutely right, love the person and not the sin. That is lost on a few people who go straight to the fire & brimstone. Grandmother obviously had spiritual insight.

 

[Staffrod]

I believe that you just described a worse-case scenario. Just do the opposite of what you described and you will be happy as a clam too.

 

[Lanolin]

nobodys saying you cant have a house or pool or dog if you are not married. Its just more likely the house is rented, the pool is public and the dog is a stray.

 

[Lanolin]

talking about much to offer, nobody ever mentions dowries anymore. are they not part of marriage.
I mean where are you going to live. Its not like you can up and leave anywhere and just buy a new house since its so expensive to buy your first home.

this is why some people are living in tiny homes no bigger than a dogs kennel.

 

[Encouragement]

It would look like this of course..

That's so sweet

 

[Encouragement]

...what would your ideal life look like?

Hi KhedetOrthos i like the idea of this post.
Well to even get to the stage of being married in the 1st place God would of done something divine in me and wife in so many ways.To be honest i would absolutely love her to bits because God would of given her to me I the 1st place so our relationship would be so deep in God that our home would be a blessed home..we talk things through and listen to each others point of view and both come to God if we cant come to a clear decision about things.I am sure there would be ups and downs like every one else but those things wouldn't define the marriage..our committment to God and to each other before him is what would define it.
I do like a tidy home so I am hoping she would too.We share everything cooking,house chores,we would be a team and even in the dark times never let go of God.I would definitely make her aware that I our lives together is of upmost importance to God and make time to understand what our roles are a husband and wife are before him and allow him to feel with our mood swings,wrong attitudes,insecurities,ego,pride,private though about each other..our sex lives,past traumas that could affect the quality of our marriage...ect..and both trust in him no matter what..
Man...I mean business with God..and yes marriage takes effort.. and we would give it our all..
My point is this...once me and my wife didnt know each other existed and God in his kindness would of brought us together...just the thought alone make me feel emotional about God.👍👍🙏🏻🙏🏻😊💕

 

[tourist]

I was married for 9 years,and had the whole sha-bang... a house,pool,dog,good job,but both of us became unhappy for different reasons with one another and with our own personal demons for lack of better words. It was a peaceful divorce and since then I have learned a lot about myself. The past 5 years alone have been truly eye opening to say the least. I won't bore you with the deets here. An ideal marriage must be rooted in selfless love 1st and foremost. Communication is paramount,as well as compromise. It really is more about the "give" than the take. At this point in my life being near 50 years old next month I'm not so much looking to marry again. I'm trying to focus more on loving others,listening and being content and happy each day at a time. If I'm going to get married again I'm sure her and I will know and be on the same page as to what we want and where we're going in life.

Being on the same page is critical in a marriage.

 

[tourist]

Hi KhedetOrthos i like the idea of this post.
Well to even get to the stage of being married in the 1st place God would of done something divine in me and wife in so many ways.To be honest i would absolutely love her to bits because God would of given her to me I the 1st place so our relationship would be so deep in God that our home would be a blessed home..we talk things through and listen to each others point of view and both come to God if we cant come to a clear decision about things.I am sure there would be ups and downs like every one else but those things wouldn't define the marriage..our committment to God and to each other before him is what would define it.
I do like a tidy home so I am hoping she would too.We share everything cooking,house chores,we would be a team and even in the dark times never let go of God.I would definitely make her aware that I our lives together is of upmost importance to God and make time to understand what our roles are a husband and wife are before him and allow him to feel with our mood swings,wrong attitudes,insecurities,ego,pride,private though about each other..our sex lives,past traumas that could affect the quality of our marriage...ect..and both trust in him no matter what..
Man...I mean business with God..and yes marriage takes effort.. and we would give it our all..
My point is this...once me and my wife didnt know each other existed and God in his kindness would of brought us together...just the thought alone make me feel emotional about God.👍👍🙏🏻🙏🏻😊💕

What God has joined together let no one put asunder. Your time may yet come, sooner rather than later. In our marriage we share chores too. I also like a tidy home and my wife is a bit of a clutter bug but it's all good. You are right about the ups and downs too. That comes with the territory. I absolutely love my wife to bits.

 

[Blackpowderduelist]

...what would your ideal life look like?

I know I know, I shouldn't even be reading in here, but I saw the title and couldn't help myself.
Well, I have been married for 24 years now, and I can tell you that building an ideal life after marriage is a home wrecker. My wife and I married quite young, (which is not a problem in and of itself), and we didn't know what we wanted out of life, so we squandered many years going back fourth between the driving elements, and we pulled against each other very often, because we didn't have an actual vision, nor did we know how to achieve it of we did have one.
So the idea of the OP is an important one, what do you want out of life married or not? If your answer is just to be married, then marriage is gonna be hard to obtain and maintain. My advice here is simple. Think about what you want your life to look like when married and start toward it even with out a marriage partner. If you want a country life, then figure out how to obtain that country home and get that job that facilitates that life. Be more general than specific. Think more midwest small farm; than 6 acres southwest of 15 mile Kansas city, if you catch meaning. It's fun to have a general idea and start working towards that and then fill in the details as you go. Then when you find that mate you can share your vision with them, and of they have a similar vision you can marry the plan as you marry each other. Them filling in all the details as you grow and mature will really make your vision a home.
Anyway that's my 2 cents worth.

 

[Blackpowderduelist]

Also keep in mind people and ideas change. Even myself, I was always torn as to what I thought was ideal. I wish I had really thought about it before hand.
I wanted to live in an old fire station, and work on cars and motorcycles below, and I so wanted to have a small farm and live out in the country and fish and hunt and all the country life stuff. Those two ideas are diametrically opposed and so a person who didn't know who he was jumped from track to track and got nowhere fast. I knew that suburban life was not suitable for me and that's what I ended up with for nearly 20 years. Finally God had mercy on me and set me on a path that has me where I am today, which is a happy road, if I live long enough to complete it.

 

[BrotherMike]

What it looks like now. It is a good feeling leaving work knowing that I have a loving and faithful wife to come home to.

You are blessed! Lord willing I’ll have that in my future as well.. to give and receive.