Porn Addiction/Marriage "Arrangement"

[tribesman]

The silence about this of many churches is a problem. If it's not preached against and education and information is given, it leaves that little loophole into the cesspool.

We're living in a modern era which is very sexist and which sees sex as just about any little pleasure or escape from the grey day, a "right" that people take for granted to indulge in, like chocolate or junk food.

 

[Live4Him]

Just earlier today, my daughter informed me of a sad situation.

A professing Christian couple that we know who have been married for about 25 years and have 13 children (not a typo) together are having some major problems.

The most recent is that the husband's/father's two eldest sons caught him looking at GAY PORN on his computer last night, and they told him that they no longer want him living in the house because they don't feel safe around him. Last I heard, he was looking for a new place to live.

I expect a lot of judgment coming his way (not that I'm condoning his behavior), but I wonder if anyone will actually try to help him.

Time will tell.

 

[kaylagrl]

Just earlier today, my daughter informed me of a sad situation.

A professing Christian couple that we know who have been married for about 25 years and have 13 children (not a typo) together are having some major problems.

The most recent is that the husband's/father's two eldest sons caught him looking at GAY PORN on his computer last night, and they told him that they no longer want him living in the house because they don't feel safe around him. Last I heard, he was looking for a new place to live.

I expect a lot of judgment coming his way (not that I'm condoning his behavior), but I wonder if anyone will actually try to help him.

Time will tell.

I guess this is my point. The devil is doing his level best to rip families apart. Somehow people have to feel they can reach out for help with this issues before it does so much damage. Churches say too silent on these issues.Such a sad situation. I do hope this family finds hope and help.

 

[CS1]

The definition of lust is "a strong sexual desire". That very much belongs in marriage and has nothing to do with coveting another man's wife. The argument that if he lusts for me he'll lust for others is illogical.

Lust Biblically is never a good thing so " woe to those who call good evil and evil good".

 

[GaryA]

I LOL when I read that trailing remark.

Sorry, Kayla. I should have written this as:

I LOL when I read his trailing remark.

I thought what you said was funny also - but, honestly, the above statement was referring to the "red line" you were laughing at.

 

[RemoteBeef]

As a wife, you are faced with two options:
1) Have sex with your husband who doesn't find you too attractive in a sexual way, which is emotionally/mentally degrading/harmful
2) Let him continue looking at porn

I do think if the wife is not having sex with the husband, she cannot tell her husband to stop looking at porn though.

Any thoughts?

Justification of adultery is a sin, as is adultery. So, here's a question: Does this please God? It's upsetting how large the number of people trying to justify, mainly, sexual sins is getting in the 'Christian' community.

 

[Live4Him]

I guess this is my point. The devil is doing his level best to rip families apart. Somehow people have to feel they can reach out for help with this issues before it does so much damage. Churches say too silent on these issues.Such a sad situation. I do hope this family finds hope and help.

I had the opportunity to minister the word to this couple many years ago. Since (and prior to) my divorce, however, my ex pretty much slandered me to everybody and their grandmother, and I've been out of the loop for a while with all of those whom I once fellowshipped with. That said, there is an outside chance that I might get the opportunity to talk to this man. If you wouldn't mind praying for that, then I would appreciate it.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Justification of adultery is a sin, as is adultery. So, here's a question: Does this please God? It's upsetting how large the number of people trying to justify, mainly, sexual sins is getting in the 'Christian' community.

I think the question is who is responsible for the husband looking at porn, the husband or the wife. I think if the wife made it clear in the beginning of her displeasure there is nothing much she can do except pray, rather than continually harping on this issue which could irritate/anger the husband. If he tells her to shut up on this issue and to leave him alone, should she obey him? God is definitely displeased with the husband; I am not sure to what extent He would be displeased with the wife.

 

[RemoteBeef]

I think the question is who is responsible for the husband looking at porn, the husband or the wife. I think if the wife made it clear in the beginning of her displeasure there is nothing much she can do except pray, rather than continually harping on this issue which could irritate/anger the husband. If he tells her to shut up on this issue and to leave him alone, should she obey him? God is definitely displeased with the husband; I am not sure to what extent He would be displeased with the wife.

This is where the line of marital unfaithfulness comes into play, it's adultery regardless, yet I don't know if that's on the grounds for a divorce or not. I do not believe God is mad at the women at all, unless she's encouraging it in some way.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

This is where the line of marital unfaithfulness comes into play, it's adultery regardless, yet I don't know if that's on the grounds for a divorce or not. I do not believe God is mad at the women at all, unless she's encouraging it in some way.

I think it is ground for divorce, but older couples who have been married for decades would rather put up with this than divorce. At that point it would be more traumatic to divorce (traumatic for herself, even the husband, and the kids (the whole family)). I believe one reason older men look at porn is they are struggling with vitality issues, and do not want to discuss this issue with others.

 

[kaylagrl]

I had the opportunity to minister the word to this couple many years ago. Since (and prior to) my divorce, however, my ex pretty much slandered me to everybody and their grandmother, and I've been out of the loop for a while with all of those whom I once fellowshipped with. That said, there is an outside chance that I might get the opportunity to talk to this man. If you wouldn't mind praying for that, then I would appreciate it.

I will absolutely pray for that. In fact I'm asking God for that open door as I write this. We want to see this family whole again. May the Lord not only give you the opportunity but the words to say. Blessings brother.

 

[Hungry]

I will say this and hope people can lay their objections and preconceptions aside long enough to read through it. God created us with serotonin and dopamine. These are what register pleasure then addict us to the items that give us the greatest. We were designed to release serotonin for glucose, acceptance and sex. He created us to desire this to survive. We need to eat, be social (pack animals) and procreate. When great amounts of pleasure are experienced, it releases dopamine which creates an addiction to it. Too much dopamine is linked to schizophrenia and too little Parkinson’s. These things are flesh, our animal instincts. When we receive too much pleasure it causes our serotonin receptors to resist to control dopamine levels, just like insulin receptors for glucose. If our brains receive too much pleasure it gets a type 2 diabetes like reaction (receptors decrease function) for serotonin. This causes us to need to increase the volume of pleasure or stimulant to produce the same previous effect. Before long you create such a serotonin receptive issue, it causes depression. The only thing that excites you is what is greatest stimulating. Like type 2 diabetes when you eliminate the sugar, the insulin receptors begin to function properly. When you eliminate the stimulant the serotonin receptors return function. It’s actually boredom that cures depression, not excitement. Teens today suffer greater depression because they are over stimulated. Social media, hits the serotonin button via acceptance. Hollywood stars crash because they were loved and adored then forgotten. They seek drugs to get their serotonin levels back up.

Anyways here is the point. Women are more social, they talk more and get greater serotonin release and subsequent dopamine release from acceptance. So that’s why they get addicted to social media. God created them like this because it takes a village to raise a child. Men are designed differently. Their chemical addictions are more sexual based. Just like many mammals, the males have multiple mates. This is why OT men were polygamous. Here’s what I’m getting to. Christians are no longer human. We are a new creation. We are born of Spirit, branches grafted into the Vine, Christ. Our flesh has only the power we grant it. I can tell you that my wife’s Facebook addiction has caused a far greater divide in our relationship than my porn addiction has. However, all of us are to put to death the flesh and it’s control over us. This pertains to food, social and sexual addictions. See things for what they are. We are all chemically driven, those who are not spiritually led.

 

[Live4Him]

I will absolutely pray for that. In fact I'm asking God for that open door as I write this. We want to see this family whole again. May the Lord not only give you the opportunity but the words to say. Blessings brother.

Thank you.

Not that I'm limiting God, but if I do get an opportunity to speak to this man, then it probably won't be for about another week and a half or two. I say that because my ex is presently out of the country on business for that period of time, and whereas she maintains contact with this couple, I have no idea how to reach them (they used to live in PA near me, but they have since moved to North Carolina).

Anyhow, God is able, and I thank you for your prayers.

P.S.

Even though I don't know how to contact this man in the physical sense at the moment, God knows how to reach him SPIRITUALLY, and I will be praying for that myself.

 

[CS1]

Just earlier today, my daughter informed me of a sad situation.

A professing Christian couple that we know who have been married for about 25 years and have 13 children (not a typo) together are having some major problems.

The most recent is that the husband's/father's two eldest sons caught him looking at GAY PORN on his computer last night, and they told him that they no longer want him living in the house because they don't feel safe around him. Last I heard, he was looking for a new place to live.

I expect a lot of judgment coming his way (not that I'm condoning his behavior), but I wonder if anyone will actually try to help him.

Time will tell.

it is not uncommon for those who have porn addictions to look at homosexual porn, remember it is the road that takes one deeper into depravity. I can recommend a good brother ministry called Pure Life Ministries a dear brother

Steve Gallagher. God has used him in creating this wonderful ministry for those on sexual sin. It is a Christ-centered program. There is healing, deliverance, and restoration. God can turn this around.

 

[Live4Him]

it is not uncommon for those who have porn addictions to look at homosexual porn, remember it is the road that takes one deeper into depravity. I can recommend a good brother ministry called Pure Life Ministries a dear brother

Steve Gallagher. God has used him in creating this wonderful ministry for those on sexual sin. It is a Christ-centered program. There is healing, deliverance, and restoration. God can turn this around.

Thanks.

 

[CS1]

Thanks.

remember " if not for God so would we be".


God is able to save and set men free from sexual sin, and pornography. Once the sin has been exposed then the person can really be set free the whole power over the person is they thinking nobody knows. The addiction has blinded them because God Knows and sees the very act. That alone should be enough. That is the mindset of this type of sin IT has no fear of God nor the final outcome that can happen and will if left unchecked.

 

[kaylagrl]

remember " if not for God so would we be".


God is able to save and set men free from sexual sin, and pornography. Once the sin has been exposed then the person can really be set free the whole power over the person is they thinking nobody knows. The addiction has blinded them because God Knows and sees the very act. That alone should be enough. That is the mindset of this type of sin IT has no fear of God nor the final outcome that can happen and will if left unchecked.

Brother I've heard it often that men are visual. I hadn't even stopped to really think about that until I married. I've told before of being at the local pool with my husband and a beautiful woman with a perfect body walked into the water. Every straight man's head turned in her direction. I looked at my husband who was looking at me and I nodded toward the beautiful woman and stated the obvious " she's really beautiful". He looked at me and simply said "but I love you". As much as that touched my heart, I started to think more about how men had to deal with temptation daily. I had always been modest in the way I dressed because I was in ministry for so long. But I wondered what our brothers were dealing with each day or even in church. I don't know if men are open to discussing that here. But I believe a lot of young boys were exposed at a very young age to porn. There were a lot of books hidden in plain sight. And now, at the touch of a button it's everywhere. You don't even need to go so far as to view porn. I mean, temptation is everywhere. There is a commercial running right now for a woman's product that I personally think is vulgar. Some may know which one I mean. But I look at my two young teen nephews and think "there is no way to shelter them from this".

I try to have an open line with my nephews, 13 and 16, a very vulnerable time in their lives. I told them two things, I would never lie to them and I would be there whenever they called. Hubby and I have both said this. And so that seemed to open some conversations. Their parents are both Christians, but my sister has really raised them alone. So I asked if her husband had talked to them about sex, and she said he found it too embarrassing. This really upset me. So one evening I found myself walking with my eldest nephew alone and he told me that only two girls in his class claimed to be straight. He told me that he liked one of the two girls but didn't want his parents to know. So we had a long talk and I told him about sex in an age appropriate way. And I told him it was so very easy to fall and make a mistake. His half sister has a child out of wedlock. I used her as an example. That is where I told him I would never lie to him and any questions he had he could bring to me or my hubby. My hubby has gone out of his way over the years to have a bond with the boys and they adore him, so that makes me feel better.

Then I had a conversation with my younger nephew. He has a cousin that is spoiled rotten and watches whatever movies he wants, does what he wants and gets what he wants. He's a huge influence on my nephew who is the youngest. So one night on the back porch we began to talk and he said his friends were talking about porn. He said " I don't really know what that is". So I told him that it was something that was adult and something he didn't need to know about. I said " when your friends talk about that you tell them it's an adult subject and it's not something you need to see or talk about". Again I brought up his half sister as I did to his brother and warned him how easy it was, even as a Christian to fall into sin. Now they aren't my children so I felt limited as to what I could say. I did tell my sister parts of what we talked about and that I was going to be truthful if they asked me questions. I know that my parents hid from me that fact that they had sex before marriage. I was an adult before my mother told me, and I felt very betrayed by that.

Anyhow, not to take away from the OP but men I would appreciate your conversations about temptation, how to avoid it, how to avoid porn which is very difficult this day in age. And any advice I could give to my two young nephews who I adore and don't want to see them fall into temptation. I sat them on my lap as babies when I had a moment alone with them and I would pray over them. They come from a Christian but very unstable home. Anything you would add to my advice to them, I would appreciate it.

 

[CS1]

Brother I've heard it often that men are visual. I hadn't even stopped to really think about that until I married. I've told before of being at the local pool with my husband and a beautiful woman with a perfect body walked into the water. Every straight man's head turned in her direction. I looked at my husband who was looking at me and I nodded toward the beautiful woman and stated the obvious " she's really beautiful". He looked at me and simply said "but I love you". As much as that touched my heart, I started to think more about how men had to deal with temptation daily. I had always been modest in the way I dressed because I was in ministry for so long. But I wondered what our brothers were dealing with each day or even in church. I don't know if men are open to discussing that here. But I believe a lot of young boys were exposed at a very young age to porn. There were a lot of books hidden in plain sight. And now, at the touch of a button it's everywhere. You don't even need to go so far as to view porn. I mean, temptation is everywhere. There is a commercial running right now for a woman's product that I personally think is vulgar. Some may know which one I mean. But I look at my two young teen nephews and think "there is no way to shelter them from this".

I try to have an open line with my nephews, 13 and 16, a very vulnerable time in their lives. I told them two things, I would never lie to them and I would be there whenever they called. Hubby and I have both said this. And so that seemed to open some conversations. Their parents are both Christians, but my sister has really raised them alone. So I asked if her husband had talked to them about sex, and she said he found it too embarrassing. This really upset me. So one evening I found myself walking with my eldest nephew alone and he told me that only two girls in his class claimed to be straight. He told me that he liked one of the two girls but didn't want his parents to know. So we had a long talk and I told him about sex in an age appropriate way. And I told him it was so very easy to fall and make a mistake. His half sister has a child out of wedlock. I used her as an example. That is where I told him I would never lie to him and any questions he had he could bring to me or my hubby. My hubby has gone out of his way over the years to have a bond with the boys and they adore him, so that makes me feel better.

Then I had a conversation with my younger nephew. He has a cousin that is spoiled rotten and watches whatever movies he wants, does what he wants and gets what he wants. He's a huge influence on my nephew who is the youngest. So one night on the back porch we began to talk and he said his friends were talking about porn. He said " I don't really know what that is". So I told him that it was something that was adult and something he didn't need to know about. I said " when your friends talk about that you tell them it's an adult subject and it's not something you need to see or talk about". Again I brought up his half sister as I did to his brother and warned him how easy it was, even as a Christian to fall into sin. Now they aren't my children so I felt limited as to what I could say. I did tell my sister parts of what we talked about and that I was going to be truthful if they asked me questions. I know that my parents hid from me that fact that they had sex before marriage. I was an adult before my mother told me, and I felt very betrayed by that.

Anyhow, not to take away from the OP but men I would appreciate your conversations about temptation, how to avoid it, how to avoid porn which is very difficult this day in age. And any advice I could give to my two young nephews who I adore and don't want to see them fall into temptation. I sat them on my lap as babies when I had a moment alone with them and I would pray over them. They come from a Christian but very unstable home. Anything you would add to my advice to them, I would appreciate it.

you have very good questions and are making a good point too.

Here is what men and women must remember:


YOU are GOING TO BE TEMPTED. No, if, and or buts about it. James says to count it all JOY "IF" you fall into all kinds of temptation?

No. He had WHEN!. But with every temptation, there is a way of escape we what is the way of escape?

I am glad you asked

1. prepare for the temptation as Jesus did before He went into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil KNOW the word of GOD

Jesus said to Satan "it is written" and quoted the word of God from Deuteronomy to the devil. Clearly, one way to submit to God and resist the devil is to quote the word of God and Know the word of God.



2. When you are tempted you need to flee or run from and call on the Lord.

The word of God promises that The Holy Spirit will lead us and guide us into all truth and help us see or warn us not to do or go to a location or be around certain people. No temptation will be or created to cause you to lose your salvation or to crush you. But you have to be prepared in the word, prayer, and obedience to God.

3. men are going to be tempted with attractive women, it going to happen. yet if you are watching garbage on social media, and watching perverted shows and I will say it seems more women watch perverted reality shows like "Bachelor " which seems like sex try out before you say "I do". Completely a show of deception and many of them are watched by our young Christian women.

 

[CS1]

The definition of lust is "a strong sexual desire". That very much belongs in marriage and has nothing to do with coveting another man's wife. The argument that if he lusts for me he'll lust for others is illogical.

Please show me where in the word of God the context of Lust is a good thing? Your definition may be in a secular context but not in a biblical one. the word " Lust occurs 19 times in the KJV. every time is seen, the context is not one of blessing or godly or good.

Prov 6:25 is very much clear on lust as it says :
Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.

it says LUST not or do NOT LUST AFTER a woman of beauty.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:28

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

That is just two out of the 19, I think Jesus was very clear that WE are not to LUST AFTER. It is His definition that is authoritative in context to the word of God.

 

[EternalFire]

I know the Bible, thank you. Good to know we have someone here who is perfectly sinless. Please, tell all the rest of us how you do it?

Now by this we know that we have come to know God: if we keep his commandments. The one who says “I have come to know God” and yet does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in such a person. But whoever obeys his word, truly in this person the love of God has been perfected. By this we know that we are in him. The one who says he resides in God ought himself to walk just as Jesus walked (1 John 2:3-6).