Porn Addiction/Marriage "Arrangement"

[Lanolin]

with porn etc that person is just an image and is not even going to stick around to do the dishes, watch a movie, or whatever.
so you cannot say wanting or desiring that body in that image is even love.

if its a person they are more than their body. Having sex in marriage isnt a sin when infused with love i.e love-making but if the marriage is only about sex then its pretty pointless too. People call it plenty of bad words and denigrate it. You may as well just be a mistress.

 

[EternalFire]

Would you say that to a person who has an addiction for food? What about drink? Or smoking? A tad overkill I think.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people (Ephesians 5:3).

 

[Lanolin]

In the Bible in Leviticus there are all sorts of commandments regarding uncovering the nakedness of...

They were put in their for good reason. You dont just hump anyone you see and you dont expose your private parts to strangers or anyone that doesnt belong to you.

 

[Genipher]

lust is not the same as a desire for and in the context of marriage. IF a man can "lust for his wife " he can lust for another man's wife.
it is not seeing her as an object to lust after but a person created in the image of God made and a part of you. NO one has any business in your bedroom.

This is a very important point. Your friends, your outside family, your coe-workers Your pastor, your church NO one.

Very big mistake. And many young marriages were attacked for doing so.

The definition of lust is "a strong sexual desire". That very much belongs in marriage and has nothing to do with coveting another man's wife. The argument that if he lusts for me he'll lust for others is illogical.

 

[Genipher]

with porn etc that person is just an image and is not even going to stick around to do the dishes, watch a movie, or whatever.
so you cannot say wanting or desiring that body in that image is even love.

if its a person they are more than their body. Having sex in marriage isnt a sin when infused with love i.e love-making but if the marriage is only about sex then its pretty pointless too. People call it plenty of bad words and denigrate it. You may as well just be a mistress.

Yup.

 

[kaylagrl]

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people (Ephesians 5:3).

I know the Bible, thank you. Good to know we have someone here who is perfectly sinless. Please, tell all the rest of us how you do it?

 

[kaylagrl]

she said lust not love so, wonder how she gets that confused lol.
two totally different emotions and motivations
if they are fine with using each others bodies, then its up to them. when she or he gets old or parts dont work anymore they are going to get tired of each other...this happens in many marriages based on lust.

Have you ever been married? She didn't say they were using each others bodies. She said her spouse finds her sexually arousing. That's healthy, please don't make it sound dirty.

But most people (believers) are actually not lust based and look for something higher.

What do you mean something higher?! What's higher than a man being sexually attracted to his own wife?! smh

 

[Genipher]

she said lust not love so, wonder how she gets that confused lol.

two totally different emotions and motivations.
if they are fine with using each others bodies, then its up to them. when she or he gets old or parts dont work anymore they are going to get tired of each other...this happens in many marriages based on lust.

But most people (believers) are actually not lust based and look for something higher.

Interesting that you're putting assumptions in my marriage.

Yes, my husband and I lust for each other.
We also agape each other. We're best friends. We would die for each other.

I'm close to 40. My husband is older than me. If he gets so old his parts "don't work" anymore, my love for him won't change. Our relationship isn't based solely on sex. Sex is just the icing on the cake, so to speak.

Who hurt you so badly that you have such a negative view of marriage and the marriage bed?? Why such a cynical attitude towards men?

 

[kaylagrl]

that is true I have been married for 28 years coming on 29 this week. The issue and error are how and to who we are open and honest with. But confession is needed, this is why the best thing that has happened to many men was being exposed to their hiding of the sexual sin. it has been said before if you want to not see victory in an addiction only confess it to God.

There are people in the body of Christ who have the gifting and wisdom to help. I am fully committed to the restoration of the brother and sister, and that can and does happen.

But my point is people should be able to open up and say they are struggling. My grandmother hid a smoking habit for years. She felt so guilty and my mother said she kept asking for prayer. She was a Christian and she was so depressed and stressed and mom said she finally broke down in tears and told her. My mother said I told her "why didn't you tell me? I could have been praying with you all along". I hope you understand what I'm saying.

 

[Genipher]

they could pray for deliverance for their husbands Im supposing.

It is very unnerving to be the object of lust. You never feel as if the opposite sex (or even same sex, porn dont discriminate) sees the real you, they only see your body, and want to be able to do with it what they want. Its abusive and manipulative.

she said lust not love so, wonder how she gets that confused lol.

two totally different emotions and motivations.
if they are fine with using each others bodies, then its up to them. when she or he gets old or parts dont work anymore they are going to get tired of each other...this happens in many marriages based on lust.

But most people (believers) are actually not lust based and look for something higher.

Actually, I said lust in the context of marriage, in response to your earlier comment about being unnerved about being an object of lust. Being that THAT was the subject we were talking about, I didn't think to clarify that my husband and I also love each other in other non-sexual ways. I wasn't confused, just responding to YOUR comment. lol.

At any rate, I think I explained my personal relationship far more deeply than needed. Hope my openness helped.

 

[presidente]

I know of several husbands who have porn addiction through word of mouth/talking. Here is the common scenario: the husbands started looking at porn/magazines since they were 12 and now they are in their 60s or 70s. The wives are around the same age, and do not care if the husbands look at porn (note they would obviously prefer a husband who doesn't look at porn, but ultimately say they are glad their husbands don't bother them in this department).

What should be done in this scenario?

The husbands are not getting their "needs" met, so they are turning to porn. Before you blame the wives, HERE IS THE THING. The husbands love their wives/family but no longer find their wives attractive in a sexual way; they are not having affairs. The women have commented that the husbands only find younger/fertile age women attractive. As a result, the women do not want to have sexual relations with the husbands (and neither the husbands with the wives).

As a wife, you are faced with two options:
1) Have sex with your husband who doesn't find you too attractive in a sexual way, which is emotionally/mentally degrading/harmful
2) Let him continue looking at porn

I do think if the wife is not having sex with the husband, she cannot tell her husband to stop looking at porn though.

Any thoughts?

Porn does not get a man's needs met. If anything, you'd think it would stir up a man's 'needs' more.

The bigger problem with porn use is not the husband and wife relationship. Jesus said that the man who looks at a woman in order to lust after her commits adultery with her in his heart. I would imagine most cases of men looking at porn fall into that category.

If his wife is not attractive, he can turn off the light.

 

[presidente]

I don't think a husband whose mind is full of glamorized or even porn scenes is 'lusting' for his wife in the Biblical sense of lust when he has sex with his wife. The Greek translation of the OT in use in Jesus' day uses the same word for 'lust' (or grammatically inflected form thereof) to refer to coveting in the 10 commandments passage in Exodus 20. The command forbids coveting one's neighbor's wife. It is okay to sexually desire one's own wife. Lusting after the other women is an issue, and if he is doing that during relations with his wife or before it, that may not feel right to her.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

I think if a man is looking at a woman like a piece of meat, or like a wolf at its prey, that is lust using modern day definition. A husband should not look at his wife this way like a predator, as there should be love in the picture.

 

[presidente]

I think if a man is looking at a woman like a piece of meat, or like a wolf at its prey, that is lust using modern day definition. A husband should not look at his wife this way like a predator, as there should be love in the picture.

A husband should love his wife. But a man desiring his wife sexually may fit the contemporary definition of 'lust', but it does not seem to fit the way it is used in scripture based on my studies.

 

[presidente]

I think if a man is looking at a woman like a piece of meat, or like a wolf at its prey, that is lust using modern day definition. A husband should not look at his wife this way like a predator, as there should be love in the picture.

Btw, I wouldn't mind being the prey if it is my wife. There is enough other stuff in the relationship for me to know there is love there.

 

[inukubo]

Sexual problems in marriage (if they are not caused by a physical health issue) are all symptoms of an emotional problem. Sexual attraction is also kept alive with the emotions, not appearance. The root problem in these marriages is not the sex or the spouse's appearance, it is some combination of emotional issues: One or both spouses feel that they cannot trust or freely and safely communicate with the other. There's no emotional connection, so there is no physical connection. Any attempt to "fix" these relationships while only addressing the physical aspect will fail.

 

[GaryA]

Anyway, better to cut off the thing that's causing us to sin, even if it means you can't have a computer or a smart phone, etc.

Did you really just have to word it that way?

 

[kaylagrl]

Porn does not get a man's needs met. If anything, you'd think it would stir up a man's 'needs' more.

The bigger problem with porn use is not the husband and wife relationship. Jesus said that the man who looks at a woman in order to lust after her commits adultery with her in his heart. I would imagine most cases of men looking at porn fall into that category.

If his wife is not attractive, he can turn off the light.

Presidente some times you slay me.

 

[GaryA]

At any rate, I think I explained my personal relationship far more deeply than needed. Hope my openness helped.

You are to be commended...

 

[GaryA]

Presidente some times you slay me.

I LOL when I read that trailing remark.