ArtsieSteph's dad's cancer superthread

[ArtsieSteph]

So dad seems to have been having more problems mentally and emotionally from this Keytruda I think. When we're in the middle of it, all we can see is the kind of stuff that dad has had to deal with in the past but just other things added onto it. Now being able to step back and think about some of the the things that he had before, it's possible that the chemicals of a new treatment are really starting to make him unintentionally backpeddle. Like a lot.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Keep this in mind: daddy's cancer is fighting a losing battle. That's why it won't go quietly, but kicking and screaming.. lol

 

[ArtsieSteph]

It's just so hard because I thought we got over all his faith stuff, and then he starts having this. Thing is though, I went online and looked at emotional side effects of the stuff he's on and it said those who were older than 55 had stress, depression, and anxiety. So it could indeed once again be chemical. Whether to fight chemicals with chemicals I don't know.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Well, I look at it this way, and this is only MY personal view on it. Why inundate your body with MORE chemicals, to get rid of the already-bad chemicals in it? That just doesn't make sense to me, and it's why I would never do chemo or rads, should my cancer ever return.

It's just so hard because I thought we got over all his faith stuff, and then he starts having this. Thing is though, I went online and looked at emotional side effects of the stuff he's on and it said those who were older than 55 had stress, depression, and anxiety. So it could indeed once again be chemical. Whether to fight chemicals with chemicals I don't know.

 

[Miri]

Hi Steph, emotional ups and downs are completely normal for all the family.

Some days i would think it’s easier to muster up a brave face but others too hard
to keep that going.

Praying for you all.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

Please pray that I don’t start to dread dad coming home because with dad coming home comes the issues. I don’t want to have that attitude

 

[TrustingGod4life]

I'm praying for you! I pray the Lord gives you strength to get through this! I'm praying for daddy with the side affects I know it can be rough.

As OP Said that's completely normal those emotions

 

[Deade]

Keep this in mind: daddy's cancer is fighting a losing battle. That's why it won't go quietly, but kicking and screaming.. lol

She said it right Steph. We are still claiming victory over this. Instead of using medicine for the depression, why not view the depression as a temporary side-effect of the cure.

 

[Depleted]

It's just so hard because I thought we got over all his faith stuff, and then he starts having this. Thing is though, I went online and looked at emotional side effects of the stuff he's on and it said those who were older than 55 had stress, depression, and anxiety. So it could indeed once again be chemical. Whether to fight chemicals with chemicals I don't know.

Steph? You know this is his last line of defense. How are you taking that? Are some of the words filling your mind, "stress," "depression," and "anxiety?"

If you're allowed to feel all those things, why can't he?

Of course he's back peddling. Forward peddling implies there is a forward, and he's terrified there isn't any forward, so where else is he going to go? Face the future or run back to the past?

And give him another break. There is a relatively small list of things that will guarantee stress and depression, but the things on that list are whoppers.
1. Loss of a loved one, (which also includes loss through a divorce, kidnapping, or MIA.)
2. Loss of a job.
3. Loss of a home (includes moving.)
4. Dying.

Any one of those things causes a mental depression so severe it causes havoc on the body too. Put two or more together and the strain goes up exponentially.

Does that list look familiar? Yeah, don't die and don't let anyone else in your family die, because that's the only stress your dad doesn't have right now.

And be good to yourself and your family, because you all are getting the quadfecta of this one.

You're supposed to have stress, depression and anxiety! Again, I'd be more worried if you didn't. Same thing goes with your dad.

 

[Blain]

It's just so hard because I thought we got over all his faith stuff, and then he starts having this. Thing is though, I went online and looked at emotional side effects of the stuff he's on and it said those who were older than 55 had stress, depression, and anxiety. So it could indeed once again be chemical. Whether to fight chemicals with chemicals I don't know.

Sweetie as far as faith goes of course he will be having issues with that, faith is not a set level of strength it has it's ups and downs, it's strength and weakness that is all int he process and is why we learn to lean on God. His emotions and worry and stress of course is going to be all out of whack we knew that his body would react different to a different kind of treatment.

But these things are not a sign of weakness it's a sign of God in the works, Remember that a storm at face value seems terrible and scary but it's rains make the fields replenished and healthy. I know how easy it is to look at all of this at face value and it isn't always easy to be able to look past the situation and the hardship but that is why I always encourage you guys to spend as much time with God as possible.

 

[Depleted]

Well, I look at it this way, and this is only MY personal view on it. Why inundate your body with MORE chemicals, to get rid of the already-bad chemicals in it? That just doesn't make sense to me, and it's why I would never do chemo or rads, should my cancer ever return.

If that doesn't make sense to you, then why did you fight the cancer you had?

I'm guessing you had radiation therapy? Yeah, really. That's not only putting chemicals into your body, they're radioactive chemicals to boot.

People put dangerous stuff in their bodies to fight cancer or viruses because without doing that the cancer or virus is going to kill you, guaranteed.

I thank God for "the evil sisters." (Can't remember the chemo drugs John took, because we never could, but their names sounded like girl names, so we called them "the evil sisters.") I thank God for oblation. Without them, John wouldn't have been alive still to have that heart attack! I thank God for the little porker who gave up his life so John could have a new micro valve! AND, I thank God for whatever chemicals stents are made out of, because that way blood gets into John's heart!

Viva la chemicals! It's what many have done to prolong life.

Thank you, Lord, for giving men the ideas they had that created the possibility of living longer.

 

[Depleted]

Hi Steph, emotional ups and downs are completely normal for all the family.

Some days i would think it’s easier to muster up a brave face but others too hard
to keep that going.

Praying for you all.

Meh. I'm perpetually lazy, so prefer to cut out all things that don't serve any good purpose -- including putting on a brave face. (Albeit, it does go on for the sake of others at times. But then that's when it serves a good purpose. lol)

 

[blue_ladybug]

I didn't fight the cancer I had. Didn't have to do any rads or chemo. Nor would I have, even if the doctor said I had to..I'm one of the lucky ones, a total hysterectomy took away my cancer..

If that doesn't make sense to you, then why did you fight the cancer you had?

I'm guessing you had radiation therapy? Yeah, really. That's not only putting chemicals into your body, they're radioactive chemicals to boot.

People put dangerous stuff in their bodies to fight cancer or viruses because without doing that the cancer or virus is going to kill you, guaranteed.

I thank God for "the evil sisters." (Can't remember the chemo drugs John took, because we never could, but their names sounded like girl names, so we called them "the evil sisters.") I thank God for oblation. Without them, John wouldn't have been alive still to have that heart attack! I thank God for the little porker who gave up his life so John could have a new micro valve! AND, I thank God for whatever chemicals stents are made out of, because that way blood gets into John's heart!

Viva la chemicals! It's what many have done to prolong life.

Thank you, Lord, for giving men the ideas they had that created the possibility of living longer.

 

[Depleted]

Please pray that I don’t start to dread dad coming home because with dad coming home comes the issues. I don’t want to have that attitude

The average life span for an American is 70 years old. Life expectancy goes down for every major illness someone has. John has had Hep C, cancer, and that heart attack. (All in all, I've come to the conclusion the man has survived the three biggest worries people have for how they will die. Pretty amazing. But, I'm kind of stuck thinking he's going to have to die from a rampaging hippo herd, because what else is left that could happen to him? lol) He is 71. I see him getting weaker and weaker every day. It's so obvious, a stranger would notice. (Fortunately, he doesn't see it that well.)

I know I'm going to lose him. I don't know when, anymore than you know with your dad, but we know it.

Sooo, the only thing left to do is to enjoy the time we have left. I admit it. I see that clearer than you do, because John "almost" so often. It's not his almostest that got me to this point. It's the "I've gone through what you're going through now with him and he made it through" that does it for me.

I've been through what you're going through now though. Mom died of cancer. I wish I had spent more time with her, asked her all the questions I now know I should have asked, and gotten to know her when I was a woman too. (BTW, one of those questions I regret not asking is, "How did you keep plastic containers so clean after storing spaghetti sauce in them?" So, don't go thinking they were big questions in life. Ask whatever you want to know from your dad. Stuff he knows, but you don't. Still need John to teach me how to record stuff on TV and I just learned how to snake a drain.)

You're going to feel the same way. So, just keep remembering to enjoy him. Sure, you'll forget again when he starts doing something that annoys or scares you. (John has a habit of wanting to talk when I'm absorbed in something else. I do get annoyed, but then I remember I would regret it if I didn't get to enjoy that time with him too. That, and, hey. I do the same thing to him all the time anyway, so it seems fair. lol) Just as long as you remember again, I don't think you'll regret your dad coming home.

 

[Depleted]

I didn't fight the cancer I had. Didn't have to do any rads or chemo. Nor would I have, even if the doctor said I had to..I'm one of the lucky ones, a total hysterectomy took away my cancer..

Without chemicals to anesthetize you or chemicals to numb you? And without chemicals as antibiotics afterward?

 

[ArtsieSteph]

Right now I'm having a hard time with my little "caregiver journal" thing. Mom doesn't want it to be public...

 

[blue_ladybug]

Well obviously they knocked me out before doing the surgery..lol... and I didn't require anti-biotics afterward..Only ibuprofen...

They tried giving me narcotics for pain, but I didn't really have any pain to speak of. But you know doctors, they gotta prescribe them drugs anyway...

lol

Without chemicals to anesthetize you or chemicals to numb you? And without chemicals as antibiotics afterward?

 

[blue_ladybug]

Not to be rude, but is it really Mom's choice? It's YOUR journal isn't it? And it's not like we all know daddy's full name and address and everything..

Right now I'm having a hard time with my little "caregiver journal" thing. Mom doesn't want it to be public...

 

[Miri]

Right now I'm having a hard time with my little "caregiver journal" thing. Mom doesn't want it to be public...

I can understand that it’s a very personal family thing, rather than just about you.

Maybe you can assure her you will change all names, locations etc. ie just refer to
hospital but not say which etc and share with her how you are presenting it.

Or alternatively, keep it as a private journal for now, but maybe some time in the future
you could make it public.

One thing with the journal, it you make it public then you have to ensure that it is
something you will want to read at a future point yourself and have people
commenting on, talking about.

Sometimes things like this can backfire when you make them public. You could find that
you regret making certain things public for example. Or, things might be painful for your
family.

Once made public on line it’s hard to retract etc.


You are right to be careful.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

It is at the point that daddy is having mass faith issues, unbelief, thinking he's walked away from God. It's....and I can't tell mom. I cannot understand how to really do this.