I won't address this particular question at this time, but I will tell you some things that I am sure of.
1. God ordained marriage to be a natural reflection of the spiritual union between Christ and the church.
Ephesians chapter 5
[22] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
[23] For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
[24] Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
[25] Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
[26] That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
[27] That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
[28] So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
[29] For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
[30] For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
[31] For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
[32] This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
[33] Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
In a marriage, a husband is to love his wife as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. Christ didn't love the church by abusing it, beating it, cutting off its finances, or any of the other horrible things your husband did, so your husband failed miserably and shamelessly in this regard. Far from giving himself for you, he sounds like a self-centered, manipulative, and exceedingly evil man.
Furthermore, a husband is to sanctify (set apart as holy) and cleanse his wife with the washing of water by the word. Based upon your description of your husband, he's not the least bit sanctified or clean himself, so he's not even equipped to sanctify or cleanse another, having never applied God's word to his own life FIRST.
Further still, in marriage, the two become one flesh, and no husband has ever hated his own flesh, but he nourishes and cherishes it instead. Tell me where beating you falls anywhere remotely close to this. Just another major failure on your husband's part.
Seeing how a husband and wife relationship is supposed to represent Christ and the church to the world, by abusing and beating you, your husband literally taught whoever was watching that Christ similarly abuses and beats the church. This is how serious and far-reaching the scope of your husband's sins against you AND GOD were.
2. God is not the least bit pleased with husbands who deal treacherously with their wives, and this treachery definitely includes using violence against them.
Malachi chapter 2
[13] And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand.
[14] Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
[15] And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
[16] For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
Based upon your testimony here, your husband definitely "covered violence with his garment" or hid it under of cloak of religion. Your husband should have been hanging his head in shame and genuine repentance before the Lord instead of psychologically manipulating you into doing things which you normally would have never done if your physical safety and mental sanity weren't in such danger.
3. God makes the two one in marriage because he seeks a godly seed (Malachi 2:15).
I'm almost afraid to address this, but you mentioned "raising kids".
Did you have children together with this unbridled monster?
If so, then did they observe the types of abuses you've described here?
If so, then who are they presently living with?
You, him, or are they now old enough that they're living on their own?
Again, God said that he made the two one in marriage because he "seeks a godly seed" or godly children.
If your husband behaved in the manner which you've described here in front of the children, then he not only miserably failed in God's sight again, but probably psychologically damaged your children as well.
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