"More or less" isn't fair - that is relative to the environment and such. It's not really fair to say this of the whole country. We are very diverse in how we handle things, view things, and even on religious preference depending on location.
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I´m not an item on stats but, I made the mistake of marrying a person who thought she was a LEADER (at her church and now playing a political role in a party I don´t like)...
Additionally I missed the point she belong to a religious groups I was not (and I´m not) but I trusted I was doing the correct thing, and I had the chance to get divorced, at time, but I endured it and I failed more than hers.
When I showed her the Bible, as a norm, she always said: "That was written by MEN..."
Sure: "...beliefs and ideas play a huge factor in friction between couples"
T
Tintin
Guest
Do you mean that there is no such thing as a perfect wedding or do you mean that you will not be married?
Or the third option, that she still believes in fostering a childlike imagination to find wonder in everything.
"Um... say pastor, about that "till death do us part" bit... could you leave that out? I'd rather she not know that was an option." >.>Yeah, I can see where having a Bride there might help..........If you don't find one before me, I'll let you stand in for me while I'm out on the Lake fishing............uh, and can you also do me a favor and take care of that "'till death us do part" thingy? Gee, that would be swell of you!
It's not my perfect wedding, but I'm sure it's someone's dream wedding right here.
Luann Comic Strip, March 15, 2015 on GoComics.com
Luann Comic Strip, March 15, 2015 on GoComics.com
I'm terribly sorry about that. I do rant about divorce, and how it seems so common that it's almost nonchalant and expected as inevitable, but I think in most cases, one or both of the couple hurt and hurt tremendously.
In this society, anyway, there's a delicate balance, I think, in selecting a partner. Seems women in particular either focus on what they don't like about the man, or his flaws, and sabotage what would ultimately have been a great relationship (I mean, communicating disappointment in an unhealthy/demeaning manner) - OR they have their head in the clouds (or sand) and ignore all the warning signs of a bad apple and against the advice of loved ones and friends. And again, one of the biggest culprits of failed relationships is unrealistic expectations. There's a joke here: "Women marry men thinking they will change, men marry women thinking they will stay the same."
I knew a couple, and religion was a source of argument. The man didn't tell her he was Jehovah's Witness until AFTER they were married, and then badgered her about it. And she hate that doctrine. She was very bitter, and even admitted so. But being honest about beliefs is very essential. And some couples with different beliefs can make it work - takes a very special couple, because few people can do that.
Ooo. Well, my Daddy said "You can't live on love." You can love a man or woman - but then you have to live with them. Share a bedroom with them. And some people are just not good companions, though from a distance, they work really well. And if a woman thinks she has more say than a man in domestic matters, then either the man is the type which it rolls off of him, or what usually happens, is resentment builds. Because men are built to be providers and to solve problems; women are natural caretakers. That's not absolute, however, it's a very obvious general rule of reality.
Couples really need to accept this, and learn to use their gender difference to bridge the gap in communication, rather than make it more difficult. It's not hard, but when a woman believes she is wired just like a man and gender is ONLY a societal construct, it will likely lead to problems - because she's not going to even try to speak in such a way that the man understands her. Yes, different genders on average have different methods of communication and expression, and a couple that never realizes or works with this, will probably struggle more than need be.
J
jeremyPJ
Guest
interesting reading, I've thought about this before and wondered how some folks can afford the big showy ones. My stepson and wife had one a couple of years ago, and I know how much it cost. I was like WHAT?
So I dunno...my next one I want to be better than the last, but I am going to plan a nice, quiet, formal yet comfortable and most of all relaxed and FUN one!
Glad someone made this thread, food for happy thoughts. Could have a lot of fun with it...
So I dunno...my next one I want to be better than the last, but I am going to plan a nice, quiet, formal yet comfortable and most of all relaxed and FUN one!
Glad someone made this thread, food for happy thoughts. Could have a lot of fun with it...
Most people afford it by going into debt or someone else is generous enough to gamble with their money
Yes! "...one or both of the couple hurt and hurt tremendously. "
I started with it, a lot; but both are guilty and I don´t regret it took us time to split.
Absolutelly! "...one of the biggest culprits of failed relationships is unrealistic expectations."
But no one takes heed, unless it is lived or suffered.
My sister has divorced twice, my older brother has divorced twice, too...
I think one is enough for me!
The perfect wedding do exist, each day we chose rightly.
""Women marry men thinking they will change, men marry women thinking they will stay the same.""
Ha! Ha!
I think I have heard something like that here.
Changing is not a bad thing!
Except the moment YOU realized: "Is it me the one she loved?"
My last partner wanted me to change, in a way, I quickly said goodbye (It hurt me, several months ago)
Religion and likes are issues: I´m sure I cannot live with someone whose beliefs are too different. I have lived with Catholics and it is easier than living with Protestants (perhaps it is "too much" knowledge of the Bible they would discuss (and argue).
If I lived with someone whose music is not "mine" I rather go and, my mother, is the best example I can talk: She likes Salsa music and watching TV programs where people speak about Horoscopes and "fortune" telling... No! I hate that. He! He!
"Ooo. Well, my Daddy said "You can't live on love." You can love a man or woman - but then you have to live with them. Share a bedroom with them. And some people are just not good companions, though from a distance, they work really well."
Sharing a room is an adventure as sharing a life but time tell us all we need our own space. She was blind to see my limits, to the point I build an extra room to put my things and avoid her cleanings or my being messy. Now, when I visit my kids, I see them messy (as their mother is) but I leave that room the same way I came to work on the computers I gave them. So, a perfect wedding could be knowing HOW a person is before being engaged.
One of my family (no need to mention her name) is the messiest person I´ve ever known. She is as lazy as a cat and, recently, her mother called me to fix "an electrical problem" and, to our surprise, it was a simple bulb she has been "unabled" to change UNWILLING during 1 month (or more) her own bedroom. In the outside, she looks pritier but, the man who would marry her, needs to know she is another person (her mother´s house)... After I checked the breakers I knew it was a bulb.
"...men are built to be providers and to solve problems; women are natural caretakers. That's not absolute, however, it's a very obvious general rule of reality. "
Someone has said: Men are hunters and women collectors... I don´t know! I have seen women working better then me and, when I lived in a jungle, with Pemon Latin Americans, I saw women worked more than men and Yes! Those are hunters.
I hope your knowledge keeps on teaching younger ladies
I started with it, a lot; but both are guilty and I don´t regret it took us time to split.
Absolutelly! "...one of the biggest culprits of failed relationships is unrealistic expectations."
But no one takes heed, unless it is lived or suffered.
My sister has divorced twice, my older brother has divorced twice, too...
I think one is enough for me!
The perfect wedding do exist, each day we chose rightly.
""Women marry men thinking they will change, men marry women thinking they will stay the same.""
Ha! Ha!
I think I have heard something like that here.
Changing is not a bad thing!
Except the moment YOU realized: "Is it me the one she loved?"
My last partner wanted me to change, in a way, I quickly said goodbye (It hurt me, several months ago)
Religion and likes are issues: I´m sure I cannot live with someone whose beliefs are too different. I have lived with Catholics and it is easier than living with Protestants (perhaps it is "too much" knowledge of the Bible they would discuss (and argue).
If I lived with someone whose music is not "mine" I rather go and, my mother, is the best example I can talk: She likes Salsa music and watching TV programs where people speak about Horoscopes and "fortune" telling... No! I hate that. He! He!
"Ooo. Well, my Daddy said "You can't live on love." You can love a man or woman - but then you have to live with them. Share a bedroom with them. And some people are just not good companions, though from a distance, they work really well."
Sharing a room is an adventure as sharing a life but time tell us all we need our own space. She was blind to see my limits, to the point I build an extra room to put my things and avoid her cleanings or my being messy. Now, when I visit my kids, I see them messy (as their mother is) but I leave that room the same way I came to work on the computers I gave them. So, a perfect wedding could be knowing HOW a person is before being engaged.
One of my family (no need to mention her name) is the messiest person I´ve ever known. She is as lazy as a cat and, recently, her mother called me to fix "an electrical problem" and, to our surprise, it was a simple bulb she has been "unabled" to change UNWILLING during 1 month (or more) her own bedroom. In the outside, she looks pritier but, the man who would marry her, needs to know she is another person (her mother´s house)... After I checked the breakers I knew it was a bulb.
"...men are built to be providers and to solve problems; women are natural caretakers. That's not absolute, however, it's a very obvious general rule of reality. "
Someone has said: Men are hunters and women collectors... I don´t know! I have seen women working better then me and, when I lived in a jungle, with Pemon Latin Americans, I saw women worked more than men and Yes! Those are hunters.
I hope your knowledge keeps on teaching younger ladies
Joking aside, one reason the cost is so high is attending to so many details - like peppering the place with flowers, for instance. One woman told me, her custom flowers were like 800 bucks! Just for flowers.
J
jeremyPJ
Guest
""Women marry men thinking they will change, men marry women thinking they will stay the same.""
Ha! Ha!
I think I have heard something like that here.
"Ooo. Well, my Daddy said "You can't live on love." You can love a man or woman - but then you have to live with them. Share a bedroom with them. And some people are just not good companions, though from a distance, they work really well."
Sharing a room is an adventure as sharing a life but time tell us all we need our own space. She was blind to see my limits, to the point I build an extra room to put my things and avoid her cleanings or my being messy. Now, when I visit my kids, I see them messy (as their mother is) but I leave that room the same way I came to work on the computers I gave them. So, a perfect wedding could be knowing HOW a person is before being engaged.
"...men are built to be providers and to solve problems; women are natural caretakers. That's not absolute, however, it's a very obvious general rule of reality. "
I hope your knowledge keeps on teaching younger ladies
These are some very good points to ponder, and remember. Thanks
G
greg789
Guest
See.... I just... I can't do that. That's crazy. I'd rather spend that on the honeymoon, and use plastic flowers at the wedding. Ha.
C
cmarieh
Guest
For me personally, I would want to have a bouquet made from real flowers, but for decoration and for the flower girl I think plastic flowers are just fine. I planned my sister's bridal shower and most of what I bought came second hand and was told it looked like it was professionally done. I think I only spent thirty dollars on decoration. The one thing I thought would be real pretty is putting a candle in a mason jar with colorful rocks on each table as decoration.
I saw on a website that averaged the cost of a wedding (for a certain income, but not like rich people) and thousands are spent on jewelry ALONE. Special jewelry for one day. Not sure if that includes the bridal party and rings, but that is crazy. I spent five dollars. For plastic earrings cause my hair was up. I wore plain tennis shoes because I didn't want fancy, uncomfortable shoes - I didn't care. Someone saw my shoes when I sat down, and asked if I changed into them. "Nope, had them on the whole time."
My shoes were something like this (don't feel like signing in to get the wedding pic):
If you hit the dollar stores, looking in the right places you can find nice decorations for dirt cheap. And if it looks nice, why does it have to be high quality - when it's for ONE day?
I don't understand the need to spend SO MUCH for one day. People say it's your special day - well, ok, but why does it have to look so special, if the bond is spiritual? It's cool to have a really nice wedding - we did. But it's getting pretty ridiculous the stress women get under because they want it just so - they bring the stress on themselves.
To be fair, her wedding was at a vineyard (so you know just renting the space was a pretty penny). So, I can see that she'd want something that really compliments the surroundings. And believe me, her wedding was beautiful. But I couldn't see entering a marriage with a child already, knowing that expense, and incurring all that debt on top of that. But I don't know how it was paid, and it's none of my business, but just seems very impractical.
When I was asked by peers what I wanted for a wedding, all I could say is "something small." Asked what dress I wanted, I said "never really thought about it." They seemed genuinely flabbergasted. Like, what girl doesn't plan all that out ahead of time?
And that's the funny thing - you hear girls talk about "I want this for the wedding, and that" and they don't stop to think what their future husband might want, if there even is a future husband. Seems silly to me to map out a day, and you don't even know who is going to be with you and his preferences.
Note: I use the second person a lot (addressing "you") but it's really generic - I'm not insinuating you don't know this or that, or anyone else.
And I think one of my pet peeves in some doctrines and teachings, is sin is taught as bad, bad, bad (and it is), BUT nothing good can come from it and avoid it at all costs. It seems to me that if you have the perspective that sin has no place in the world, then you probably won't draw the lesson from your mistake in terms of spiritual/moral insight, but rather focus on the mere consequence and the mere action which is bad. It's bad you did it, but if you are focused on the action, you may never address the root and do it again. To me, demonizing sin (I mean the mental as well as action) in such a way as if it is unnatural for a human to make mistakes, or possible to be sinless, causes much mental anguish and, AND, is unrealistic (the magic word of the day ).
I want to make clear that there are plenty of religious, fundamental folks that have a successful marriage. Someone can certainly be fundamental and yet lean more towards the positive side of that belief. That has been more the exception than the rule, in my experience, however.
It seems zealous, religious-minded folks sometimes have a hard time even with St. Paul and his practical advice (albeit broad). As a Christian, with a Christian, growing up with this concept of sin can cause you to focus far more on your spouse's wrongs than rights. Because all your Christian walk, you're more preoccupied with avoiding this, and avoiding that, and so living with someone, a stumble is probably what's going to catch your attention more than kindness and affection.
For me personally, I have dated as a fundamental in thought, and as more relaxed, or liberal. I see a lot more good, now, even though I tend towards negativity in my personality. But there are varying factors in how a person, regardless of doctrine, receives this or that situation.
Anyone would tend to criticize a bit. But when you throw strict religion in the mix, then the criticisms are harsher, because this other should know better, being a Christian and all. "If he/she really loved God, he wouldn't be doing this." You need to know the person's habits, tendencies to beliefs, daily living, etc before you get married. It's one thing to trust God - it's another thing to neglect one's own ability to gather information, trusting God to catch you when you jump, because He can.
I met a woman online, very early in my Christian walk. She was an older lady, really nice. She was on husband #3, and it became apparent to me that she depended on a man to feel complete. But she talked about the fights she was having with #3. They had different ideas on manners, and how his children should act (she had children as well). And he should just know that child is rude - he's a Christian, right? He should know not to let his son speak disrespectfully to his wife - he's a Christian, right? And she also talked about how they went to different churches, he refused to go to hers, and the people at his church, she said, sympathized with him and the separation they were thinking about.
She admitted they moved very fast. And I admit I only have her side. But that's just it - going into a marriage with someone with the same name on their faith isn't wise if you don't know all the details of what they believe... and that includes day to day living.
My husband and I are not identical in our religious thoughts - I am a bit more conservative than he is, while to other conservatives I must seem liberal. But we are in the same spirit of belief. We are in the same mindset that flux in belief is not a bad thing. We are the same in frustrations when communicating with literal-minded believers. We are the same in that we can't stand being labeled immoral for not confessing a particular belief that varies within Christendom herself.
In fact, our very first words were through a mutual friend concerning biblical context - we did not agree, entirely, and I sent him a friend request and he accepted. The mutual friend? A militant atheist, that I meant on another thread and invited him to be my friend. He warned me that he swears a lot on his Timeline, and very outspoken. I said "I'm 26, not 6!" lol
How different it would've been, if I had shunned this man for his bitterness towards organized religion, particularly Christianity? I may have never met my husband. That's why it angers and even sometimes saddens me when "be ye separate" is used to put up walls, even to complete strangers. I can't help but think "You don't know the doors you could be closing based solely on assumption and pride."
But I sympathize far more with orthodox thought than my husband, even though I challenge it. He has said he loves discussing theology with me, because I discuss it in a far different manner than he's used to, in dealing with religious people. But we have the same reverence for God and Christ. So, people need to be similar in beliefs, but being varried can actually enhance a relationship, I think. We feed off each other, in that sense, because although we focus on the same God, we often use a different lense and thus teach each other new things.
One thing we struggle a little bit with is the food. His mom has always cooked for him and his brothers, and so he's used to good, home cooked meals. I have lived alone for the past five years before meeting him, and I didn't really like cooking - I liked something fast. And it wasn't practical to buy a lot of perishables so that they can perish. lol
So yeah, it's very important to consider what you were used to growing up - how things are "just done." Do you rinse the plate and put it straight in the dishwasher every time regardless, or do you let dishes set overnight? Do you like the TV loud or soft? What about temperature? There are a TON of everyday things to explore, which is why cohabitation sometimes work splendidly for couples who then get married. I read that often the fall of a marriage is not something "big" like an affair, but the accumulation of resentment for different ideas of how to do things, and poor communication concerning such.
To be continued...
Well, for those who are willing to learn from them, mistakes are beneficial and the consequences of them refine us. I think God uses naturally caused suffering and persecution, but He uses our mistakes as well.
And I think one of my pet peeves in some doctrines and teachings, is sin is taught as bad, bad, bad (and it is), BUT nothing good can come from it and avoid it at all costs. It seems to me that if you have the perspective that sin has no place in the world, then you probably won't draw the lesson from your mistake in terms of spiritual/moral insight, but rather focus on the mere consequence and the mere action which is bad. It's bad you did it, but if you are focused on the action, you may never address the root and do it again. To me, demonizing sin (I mean the mental as well as action) in such a way as if it is unnatural for a human to make mistakes, or possible to be sinless, causes much mental anguish and, AND, is unrealistic (the magic word of the day
). I want to make clear that there are plenty of religious, fundamental folks that have a successful marriage. Someone can certainly be fundamental and yet lean more towards the positive side of that belief. That has been more the exception than the rule, in my experience, however.
It seems zealous, religious-minded folks sometimes have a hard time even with St. Paul and his practical advice (albeit broad). As a Christian, with a Christian, growing up with this concept of sin can cause you to focus far more on your spouse's wrongs than rights. Because all your Christian walk, you're more preoccupied with avoiding this, and avoiding that, and so living with someone, a stumble is probably what's going to catch your attention more than kindness and affection.
For me personally, I have dated as a fundamental in thought, and as more relaxed, or liberal. I see a lot more good, now, even though I tend towards negativity in my personality. But there are varying factors in how a person, regardless of doctrine, receives this or that situation.
Anyone would tend to criticize a bit. But when you throw strict religion in the mix, then the criticisms are harsher, because this other should know better, being a Christian and all. "If he/she really loved God, he wouldn't be doing this." You need to know the person's habits, tendencies to beliefs, daily living, etc before you get married. It's one thing to trust God - it's another thing to neglect one's own ability to gather information, trusting God to catch you when you jump, because He can.
I met a woman online, very early in my Christian walk. She was an older lady, really nice. She was on husband #3, and it became apparent to me that she depended on a man to feel complete. But she talked about the fights she was having with #3. They had different ideas on manners, and how his children should act (she had children as well). And he should just know that child is rude - he's a Christian, right? He should know not to let his son speak disrespectfully to his wife - he's a Christian, right? And she also talked about how they went to different churches, he refused to go to hers, and the people at his church, she said, sympathized with him and the separation they were thinking about.
She admitted they moved very fast. And I admit I only have her side. But that's just it - going into a marriage with someone with the same name on their faith isn't wise if you don't know all the details of what they believe... and that includes day to day living.
YES! The physical wedding is only the beginning and hopefully a couple's love matures and is far richer and deeper than even when they said their vows. Everyday, you commune together as one before God - just by sharing your life.
That's key. Everyone is different, but some people get with someone because they're more in love with the idea of being in love. It takes someone honest with themselves to realize this.
Well, Protestants are often accused of holding the Bible up as an idol. That a pretty broad brush, but in some circles, there is an intense focus on Word Alone. When you believe the Bible is the ONLY way you can hear God, you tend to focus intensely on it. How do I know? I was a devout Lutheran, at one point. Having been in both churches, Protestants do seem far more eager to discuss how God's word proves this and that, than Catholics. Catholics focus more on ritual and liturgical experience. (They do not believe their rituals save them, contrary to popular, and sometimes knowingly repeated misconcception.)
My husband and I are not identical in our religious thoughts - I am a bit more conservative than he is, while to other conservatives I must seem liberal. But we are in the same spirit of belief. We are in the same mindset that flux in belief is not a bad thing. We are the same in frustrations when communicating with literal-minded believers. We are the same in that we can't stand being labeled immoral for not confessing a particular belief that varies within Christendom herself.
In fact, our very first words were through a mutual friend concerning biblical context - we did not agree, entirely, and I sent him a friend request and he accepted. The mutual friend? A militant atheist, that I meant on another thread and invited him to be my friend. He warned me that he swears a lot on his Timeline, and very outspoken. I said "I'm 26, not 6!" lol
How different it would've been, if I had shunned this man for his bitterness towards organized religion, particularly Christianity? I may have never met my husband. That's why it angers and even sometimes saddens me when "be ye separate" is used to put up walls, even to complete strangers. I can't help but think "You don't know the doors you could be closing based solely on assumption and pride."
But I sympathize far more with orthodox thought than my husband, even though I challenge it. He has said he loves discussing theology with me, because I discuss it in a far different manner than he's used to, in dealing with religious people. But we have the same reverence for God and Christ. So, people need to be similar in beliefs, but being varried can actually enhance a relationship, I think. We feed off each other, in that sense, because although we focus on the same God, we often use a different lense and thus teach each other new things.
For some people, music is a deal-breaker. I don't live on music, and my husband doesn't either. We both read quite a bit, and I write a lot. I like most of what he listens too, more obscure stuff that I've never heard. But while I like his stuff, I also like mainstream content that he detests - and stuff he's never heard. He said the jazz with the wolves howling is the weirdest thing he's every heard, lol. He tastes are much more narrow, but he will let me play some in the car (and make fun of it, which makes me laugh). I think one reason we don't clash on music is because I don't feel insecure that he doesn't like all of the stuff I listen to.
One thing we struggle a little bit with is the food. His mom has always cooked for him and his brothers, and so he's used to good, home cooked meals. I have lived alone for the past five years before meeting him, and I didn't really like cooking - I liked something fast. And it wasn't practical to buy a lot of perishables so that they can perish. lol
So yeah, it's very important to consider what you were used to growing up - how things are "just done." Do you rinse the plate and put it straight in the dishwasher every time regardless, or do you let dishes set overnight? Do you like the TV loud or soft? What about temperature? There are a TON of everyday things to explore, which is why cohabitation sometimes work splendidly for couples who then get married. I read that often the fall of a marriage is not something "big" like an affair, but the accumulation of resentment for different ideas of how to do things, and poor communication concerning such.
Alone time is important. I have heard the perfect marriage is not two lives becoming one, but people with their own separate lives, building a third one to share together.
To be continued...
Wow... A musical comedian here in the States did a parody of Redneck Woman, called Paycheck Woman. Obviously that ruffled some feathers.
'Cause I want a paycheck woman don't want no welfare broad
All the chicks I date are lazy, I say hey y'all get a job
You better bring home the bacon and fry it up when you get home
You can't sit and watch soap operas while I work hard all day long
-Cledus T Judd
The song is advocating equality (but some women may not like the video, that objectifies them - I think it just shows that a working woman is sexy.) Pulling your own weight, when able. And now the whole housewife trend is coming back full-circle, and many women who can afford staying at home take great pride in it and criticize working women for not making their children a priority. The women staying at home are assumed by the working ones to be lazy, and while I can see how two or three children can be a handful, they don't help their cause when they spend quite a bit of time defending their lack of free time on social media.
Staying at home to spend time with the kids is one of the pitches of these jobs that promise you will make money from your computer, but require a lot of chirsma and not just anyone can do it. As I said, not absolute. We have a driver, a woman, and she gets the ice delivered, and is more thorough and accurate than any of the other male drivers. Conventionally, you think that a man job - it can be pretty labor-intense. But she is the best (she has a broad build, too, that helps).I was highly naive, just like any other girl... but then I had my heart broken in utilizing what I thought was ideal girlfriend behavior, and then I took a Marriage and Family class. Experience is a great teacher, but sometimes just reading about it helps too.
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Do you mean that there is no such thing as a perfect wedding or do you mean that you will not be married?
I meant that I would very much appreciate lots of unicorns in my wedding.
