The subject of how different people meet, define, and sustain friendships is interesting, because I think it is as wide and varied as people themselves.
I guess my life has been very unconventional that way. I have 3 good friends from my hometown, and most of the rest are people I have met from this site. All of them live thousands of miles away. If it was someone online, it sometimes took years to meet in person so I understand that most people would never have the patience or even know how to sustain such friendships, because most people need more. But for me, the one thing I've found is that the ones who can keep something like this going often make the highest quality and caliber of friendships.
I can think of at least 4 people here who, if I found myself in any kind of trouble, I could call them anytime, night or day, and they would immediately help me get to where I needed to go -- even if it was to live with them until I got back on my feet. I've only met 3 in person -- and I think it took 5 years or more for that to finally happen -- and I'm determined to meet the 4th if it's the last thing I do!!!
One of my best friends is a guy I starting writing through a prison ministry almost 20 years ago -- and yes, this was before the internet, or at least long before inmates could receive any email. So for at least 10 years, our only communication was paper letters and an occasional phone call and the times I was able to go and visit. I remember a time in my life when someone I was very close to passed away, and he was the only one who allowed me to verbalize my grief.
Fast forward several years -- God completely changed his life around and he has been out for some time, working both a full-time job and running his own full-time business.
But back when he was still serving time, he got a job in the prison maintenance but couldn't afford a protective set of work boots. I sent him some money and told him to get a decent pair because he was going to need them (seeing as they had him on the roof working in snowy conditions.) He told me one day he would pay me back. I told him not to worry about it.
A while after he was out, he sent me a text with a link to very popular shoe brand and wrote, "Choose." I tried to pick out a pair that was on sale and as inexpensive as possible and he was like, "No, I know you're on your feet all day and I want you to pick something from the XYZ line because they're supposed to have the most cushioning." They were also one of the most expensive and I kept telling him, "You don't need to do that," but he said, "I told you one day I would pay you back."
My point is, I'm used to making amazing friends in very unconventional ways that most people would never believe or ever have the patience for (I'm not trying to criticize or sound above anyone, I'm just saying I've seen some very unusual situations work out.) I know not everyone has experienced this and of course, I also know things like this are extremely rare. I've had a hundred "false starts" for every one good friendship that lasted.
When the internet hit, it simply felt like an extension of the life I'd already long been living up until that time -- meeting people through writing, the very slow and old-fashioned way -- and if we hit it off, finding a way to eventually meet in person, even if it took years. Gojira had asked what I would have done without the internet but to me, the internet was just a faster way of doing something I had always done -- like using a microwave instead of an oven. In fact, it's kind of a joke that I occasionally send the friend I mentioned an old-fashioned paper letter as a tribute to our many years of only being able to communicate through the postal system.
It's kind of like the movements towards finding ways of living that are slower, simpler, and "out-dated" to most. This was one of the reasons I didn't find anyone when I was on the dating sites -- they all wanted to meet within the first week and I understand that, but I was always like, "Can't we get to know each other for a while first?" There were many times when I would get someone calling me paranoid, immature, behind the times, or whatever -- but I can't say I have any regrets.
I understand that it sounds crazy to most people but this is what has sustained me all my life -- and I've never claimed to be all that sane.
(Just ask the people here who know me.)
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