What Do Women REALLY Mean When They Say, "I Want a Man Who is a Provider!"?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

We hear this phrase all the time, and are even told that it's part of God's given plan for the family that the man should be a provider.

But what does this phrase REALLY mean? Does it mean that a man should be able to pay for everything, hands down?

I have several questions I'd like to ask about this but I am going to ask them in the form of a poll. The poll is going to be anonymous and multiple choice, so please feel free to choose the answers that best reflect your own beliefs. I am hoping that people will then discuss some of the answers (whether you agree or disagree with them) throughout the rest of the thread.

I realize this thread might get a bit heated so I would like to PLEASE ask that the discussion would be respectful and not just melt down into an accusation that all women are out for is money.

As most people familiar with my posts know, I was always a provider in my relationships, so part of my reasonsfor this thread is trying to define what a provider might look like in my OWN future, since I've never had one.

(And, depending on how the discussion goes, I have ideas for two more threads, including one that asks the male counterpart of this question.) Ladies, if you feel like this is a loaded question, just bear with me, because I have one ready for the guys as well.

Everyone is welcome to answer!!! I think the most interesting poll results would be seen if I could somehow divide the answers into what males and females chose separately (because I'm guessing they will choose different answers.) However, the only way I know to do that would be to write two identical threads, and try to get all guys to answer one, and all girls to answer the other, which would be a bit redundant.

I'm also not able to provide as many answers as I'd like or in as much detail as I want, but we'll find a way to best with what the site graciously provides for us. If you have other answers not listed in the poll, by all means, please include them in your post.

I'm really looking forward to your answers but PLEASE, let's turn this into a meaningful discussion that helps us better understand each other and DOESN'T get reduced to a feeling of "women are just plain evil."

Please feel free to both vote AND post when ready!

 

[Didymous]

I've never heard a woman say that.

 

[Aephus]

I view it as the man should do whatever it takes to make things work (granted it isn't anything shady). I think the role of provider isn't just financial, but also includes spiritual and emotional needs. Being there for the family, being present in the kids', if any, lives. Providing direction and guidance, teaching, etc.

It really seems like a lot of work, but I'm sure it is rewarding. The man would definitely have to rely on Jesus to be his provider. Then he could point his family to Him as well, being the leader.

 

[Aephus]

My post has nothing to do with what women mean. Lol.

 

[Pipp]

As a woman.... it means I want a man who is willing to get his hands dirty if the need be and do his part to make sure his family is taken care of. To me a provider is more than someone who brings in money. I see it as someone that provides support and spiritual leadership as well. Us ladies have our parts to do as well. God did make the woman as a help to her man.

 

[Didymous]

I've never heard a woman say that.

I have, however, heard this taught by preachers, and whoever was running bible studies a few times.

 

[Demi777]

As a woman.... it means I want a man who is willing to get his hands dirty if the need be and do his part to make sure his family is taken care of. To me a provider is more than someone who brings in money. I see it as someone that provides support and spiritual leadership as well. Us ladies have our parts to do as well. God did make the woman as a help to her man.

I second this completely

 

[zeroturbulence]

Maybe it means they want a magic man

 

[Gracie_14]

As a woman, yes you find some sort of security knowing our husband is doing his very best in providing for you and your kids. But, of course, there is the aspect of the Proverbs 31 woman...

One important thing to note is that women shouldn't compete with their husbands in making more money than the other. In my opinion, it's the man's job to be the provider. Being a stay-at-home mother of like six children or more seems to have left the ideology of a woman's role in the perspective of millennial these days...either way, I'm not saying that women shouldn't work and earn money at all, but what is the Biblical view of it and how does it reflects in the culture we live in?

(I hope I haven't gone out of reach into the main topic....anyway, it was what popped inside of my head.)

 

[Lynx]

I have no idea. I've been single all my life.

But I do have to ask... does this providing include fixing the septic system when it backs up or the toilet breaks?

 

[JustEli]

when a true friend arrives, it behooves us not to forget our love.

 

[Adstar]

To me it is a woman saying she does not desire to be with a man out of love but to have a man simply as a utility to provide material resources for her to consume.. A slave..

She is not looking for a beloved partner.. She is looking for a meal ticket..

 

[tourist]

I voted for #6 but don't feel that a man should be financially liable to take care of the children's grandparents.

 

[tourist]

To me it is a woman saying she does not desire to be with a man out of love but to have a man simply as a utility to provide material resources for her to consume.. A slave..

She is not looking for a beloved partner.. She is looking for a meal ticket..

Perhaps she is looking for a stable home environment as well but the motivating factor should be that she loves the man that she wants to spend her life with.

 

[tourist]

I view it as the man should do whatever it takes to make things work (granted it isn't anything shady). I think the role of provider isn't just financial, but also includes spiritual and emotional needs. Being there for the family, being present in the kids', if any, lives. Providing direction and guidance, teaching, etc.

It really seems like a lot of work, but I'm sure it is rewarding. The man would definitely have to rely on Jesus to be his provider. Then he could point his family to Him as well, being the leader.

I agree with your estimation on the role of a man in marriage.

 

[tourist]

As a woman.... it means I want a man who is willing to get his hands dirty if the need be and do his part to make sure his family is taken care of. To me a provider is more than someone who brings in money. I see it as someone that provides support and spiritual leadership as well. Us ladies have our parts to do as well. God did make the woman as a help to her man.

Your concept of the role of the man in a marriage is spiritually sound and right on target.

 

[tourist]

As a woman, yes you find some sort of security knowing our husband is doing his very best in providing for you and your kids. But, of course, there is the aspect of the Proverbs 31 woman...

One important thing to note is that women shouldn't compete with their husbands in making more money than the other. In my opinion, it's the man's job to be the provider. Being a stay-at-home mother of like six children or more seems to have left the ideology of a woman's role in the perspective of millennial these days...either way, I'm not saying that women shouldn't work and earn money at all, but what is the Biblical view of it and how does it reflects in the culture we live in?

(I hope I haven't gone out of reach into the main topic....anyway, it was what popped inside of my head.)

You have not gone out of reach in your assessment at all. This is good stuff popping out your head.

 

[tourist]

I have no idea. I've been single all my life.

But I do have to ask... does this providing include fixing the septic system when it backs up or the toilet breaks?

Yeah, I personally have swapped out the toilet float many times. Also installed a light fixture in the kitchen.

 

[Didymous]

I have no idea. I've been single all my life.

But I do have to ask... does this providing include fixing the septic system when it backs up or the toilet breaks?

In my relationships, yes, I was expected to fix the toilet. The new rubber toilet gaskets are much superior to the old wax rings,.

 

[seoulsearch]

I voted for #6 but don't feel that a man should be financially liable to take care of the children's grandparents.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to put in as many choices for answers as I wanted to or I probably would have separated this one out.

The reason I included an answer about a man providing for a wife, children, and grandparents is because I think that's a situation many people will unknowingly find themselves in.

Several years ago on CC, there were a few men in their 50's who regularly posted here in Singles that modern American and Eurpean women were all feminist poison, so the smart man would seek a wife overseas (for example, a young Asian woman) because not only would she be beautiful, but she would have "traditional values" (I wrote a thread about looking for a foreign wife some time ago, and oddly enough--or predictably--the ones promoting such ideas didn't answer.)

I think it gets overlooked that along with those traditional values, a husband is often expected to send money back to the woman's family in order to take care of her parents, send her younger brothers and sisters to school, etc. It's an ingrained part of the culture, as well as the "traditional values" that is said to be so attractive. In many cultures, it is also expected that at the very least, the bride's mother will be invited to live with the couple and help raise their children, most especially the first born (meaning, the couple will be paying all the living expenses for her mother as well.)

My point was that some men who see American/"modern" women as only wanting meal tickets didn't seem to realize that marrying a beautiful, young, submissive foreign bride might also mean paying for her entire family.

Even here in America, my Mom and I were talking about how people my age are apparently being dubbed "The Sandwich Generation"-- often caught between paying for themselves, their children, their spouse's children (since many families today are blended), as well as the needs of their own and their spouse's elderly parents.