What Do Women REALLY Mean When They Say, "I Want a Man Who is a Provider!"?

[tourist]

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to put in as many choices for answers as I wanted to or I probably would have separated this one out.

The reason I included an answer about a man providing for a wife, children, and grandparents is because I think that's a situation many people will unknowingly find themselves in.

Several years ago on CC, there were a few men in their 50's who regularly posted here in Singles that modern American and Eurpean women were all feminist poison, so the smart man would seek a wife overseas (for example, a young Asian woman) because not only would she be beautiful, but she would have "traditional values" (I wrote a thread about looking for a foreign wife some time ago, and oddly enough--or predictably--the ones promoting such ideas didn't answer.)

I think it gets overlooked that along with those traditional values, a husband is often expected to send money back to the woman's family in order to take care of her parents, send her younger brothers and sisters to school, etc. It's an ingrained part of the culture, as well as the "traditional values" that is said to be so attractive. In many cultures, it is also expected that at the very least, the bride's mother will be invited to live with the couple and help raise their children, most especially the first born (meaning, the couple will be paying all the living expenses for her mother as well.)

My point was that some men who see American/"modern" women as only wanting meal tickets didn't seem to realize that marrying a beautiful, young, submissive foreign bride might also mean paying for her entire family.

Even here in America, my Mom and I were talking about how people my age are apparently being dubbed "The Sandwich Generation"-- often caught between paying for themselves, their children, their spouse's children (since many families today are blended), as well as the needs of their own and their spouse's elderly parents.

Even though I don't believe that a man is financially liable to take care of elderly grandparents there perhaps remains a moral obligation to do so. Right now, my younger brother is taking care of our mom. Dad's already gone to a better place. Actually, I like sandwiches.

 

[seoulsearch]

To me it is a woman saying she does not desire to be with a man out of love but to have a man simply as a utility to provide material resources for her to consume.. A slave..

She is not looking for a beloved partner.. She is looking for a meal ticket..

Ah, Adstar...

*smile*

I was about 300% sure you were going to write this answer.

Thanks for being the steady, unchanging rock of the forum.

 

[seoulsearch]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful, introspective posts!

And thank you for not letting the thread blow up into a bonfire of complaints about women being greedy and evil.

I have to admit that when I've heard the phrase, "Women want a provider," I don't even hear the mention of provision in the spiritual sense, so many thanks to those who have brought that subject up.

I do think, however, that it's important these days to keep our expectations realistic and fair, which is part of the reason for this thread.

 

[cinder]

I think if you sum it up in one word, a healthy woman's idea of provider is security. She wants to know that he's committed to taking care of things when life gets rough and bumpy (and probably that taking care of things means she won't have to adjust to less than the lifestyle she's accustomed to).

 

[Hamarr]

I don't have much experience with this sort of thing, but the main thing I have picked up from reading and input here is financial and emotional stabliity and security. I suppose spiritual true for the believer makes sense, as well. From some of the non-Christian stuff I have read on the subject, the word security comes up a lot. And that seems to be as much temperament as financial. Knowing the guy won't fall apart in the face of a challenge or fight or something.

 

[Dino246]

At the risk of shutting down the discussion (which is certainly not my intention), it's okay to concede that there are general preferences that both men and women have in regard to a potential spouse, but we are individuals, and what we each desire is similarly individual. That's why it's best to have discussions on these issues with your particular "person" to determine whether their intentions line up with your desires, and vice-versa. If not, consider carefully whether it is really a good match. There is no shame in cordially ending (or not starting) a relationship to avoid foreseeable conflicts.

Of course, prayerfully working through your preferences/desires/intentions in light of the gospel is a good starting point... before you have the discussion with your "person".

 

[Susanna]

I thought we all wanted a sugar daddy lol and lol.

 

[tourist]

I think if you sum it up in one word, a healthy woman's idea of provider is security. She wants to know that he's committed to taking care of things when life gets rough and bumpy (and probably that taking care of things means she won't have to adjust to less than the lifestyle she's accustomed to).

You have hit the nail on the head in that one word, 'security'.

 

[Lynx]

Yeah, I personally have swapped out the toilet float many times. Also installed a light fixture in the kitchen.

The float doesn't bother me at all. That is upstream. It is downstream repairs I am worried about.

 

[Lynx]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful, introspective posts!

And thank you for not letting the thread blow up into a bonfire of complaints about women being greedy and evil.

Sorry, I just didn't get around to it. I've been rather busy this weekend. I promise I'll do better at complaining on the next thread.

 

[melita916]

well... i think for me, when i see provider, my mind thinks more of "is he a hard worker? does he have a steady job?" some individuals make it a habit to call into work just because they didn't want to go, or quit at the first sight of a challenge, or jump from job to job. please don't misunderstand me. i'm referring to individuals who CONSTANTLY miss work with no justifiable reason. to me, that's not being a responsible person/provider. but that's my opinion lol.

but as someone said, being a provider is also more than finances. this weekend, my husband and i played at a wedding. we went to the venue, and there was no parking due to another event happening in the same area. guess who easily got frustrated and frantic? me. guess who kept calm and collected? my husband. he provided for me the steadiness i needed to get through the situation. if he would have been frustrated along with me, i'm sure we would still be looking for parking today lolololol.

 

[Didymous]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful, introspective posts!

And thank you for not letting the thread blow up into a bonfire of complaints about women being greedy and evil.

I have to admit that when I've heard the phrase, "Women want a provider," I don't even hear the mention of provision in the spiritual sense, so many thanks to those who have brought that subject up.

I do think, however, that it's important these days to keep our expectations realistic and fair, which is part of the reason for this thread.

Women are greedy and evil? How come i'm always the last to know?

 

[Didymous]

I thought we all wanted a sugar daddy lol and lol.

I want one! as long as it's candy!!

 

[Gracie_14]

Women are greedy and evil? How come i'm always the last to know?

Apparently...some are...

 

[Adstar]

Ah, Adstar...

*smile*

I was about 300% sure you were going to write this answer.

Thanks for being the steady, unchanging rock of the forum.

Glad to be of service Seoulsearch

 

[Ellorah]

My answer. It isn’t the man who has everything or can give me anything. It’s the man whom I know in my heart has my back when hard times come. That he is willing and ready to put in hard work , sweat and tears to provide safety and security for his family when the need arises.

 

[LadyInWaiting]

As long as the man is willing to work then it's all good. He could be making minimum wage and I wouldn't really care as long as he's not lazy and doesn't spend above his means.
I think I would actually prefer a humble man over one who has a high salary job. I think love comes more naturally in those people who have/make less.

 

[Solemateleft]

Hey Everyone,

We hear this phrase all the time, and are even told that it's part of God's given plan for the family that the man should be a provider.

But what does this phrase REALLY mean? Does it mean that a man should be able to pay for everything, hands down?

I have several questions I'd like to ask about this but I am going to ask them in the form of a poll. The poll is going to be anonymous and multiple choice, so please feel free to choose the answers that best reflect your own beliefs. I am hoping that people will then discuss some of the answers (whether you agree or disagree with them) throughout the rest of the thread.

I realize this thread might get a bit heated so I would like to PLEASE ask that the discussion would be respectful and not just melt down into an accusation that all women are out for is money.

As most people familiar with my posts know, I was always a provider in my relationships, so part of my reasonsfor this thread is trying to define what a provider might look like in my OWN future, since I've never had one.

(And, depending on how the discussion goes, I have ideas for two more threads, including one that asks the male counterpart of this question.) Ladies, if you feel like this is a loaded question, just bear with me, because I have one ready for the guys as well.

Everyone is welcome to answer!!! I think the most interesting poll results would be seen if I could somehow divide the answers into what males and females chose separately (because I'm guessing they will choose different answers.) However, the only way I know to do that would be to write two identical threads, and try to get all guys to answer one, and all girls to answer the other, which would be a bit redundant.

I'm also not able to provide as many answers as I'd like or in as much detail as I want, but we'll find a way to best with what the site graciously provides for us. If you have other answers not listed in the poll, by all means, please include them in your post.

I'm really looking forward to your answers but PLEASE, let's turn this into a meaningful discussion that helps us better understand each other and DOESN'T get reduced to a feeling of "women are just plain evil."

Please feel free to both vote AND post when ready!

My answer. It isn’t the man who has everything or can give me anything. It’s the man whom I know in my heart has my back when hard times come. That he is willing and ready to put in hard work , sweat and tears to provide safety and security for his family when the need arises.

Was almost to the bottom of the thread - looking over responses and you basically beat to the punch...
I jokingly refer to myself as the family 'fire-marshall' where I see my role as the family provider - I am constantly helping one of my grown kids put out some sort of fire: either to responsively address a financial, service, scheduling, emotional or resourcing issue to ensure timeliness, accuracy and completeness...
To be deemed a reliable and responsive source to 'provide' a variety of insights, services and resources 24-7 come hell or high water... I believe a woman needs to know that her made will always be there to say: "I've got your back"...
It would be nice to know that she's got his too...

 

[Didymous]

Was almost to the bottom of the thread - looking over responses and you basically beat to the punch...
I jokingly refer to myself as the family 'fire-marshall' where I see my role as the family provider - I am constantly helping one of my grown kids put out some sort of fire: either to responsively address a financial, service, scheduling, emotional or resourcing issue to ensure timeliness, accuracy and completeness...
To be deemed a reliable and responsive source to 'provide' a variety of insights, services and resources 24-7 come hell or high water... I believe a woman needs to know that her made will always be there to say: "I've got your back"...
It would be nice to know that she's got his too...

Was almost to the bottom of the thread - looking over responses and you basically beat to the punch...
I jokingly refer to myself as the family 'fire-marshall' where I see my role as the family provider - I am constantly helping one of my grown kids put out some sort of fire: either to responsively address a financial, service, scheduling, emotional or resourcing issue to ensure timeliness, accuracy and completeness...
To be deemed a reliable and responsive source to 'provide' a variety of insights, services and resources 24-7 come hell or high water... I believe a woman needs to know that her made will always be there to say: "I've got your back"...
It would be nice to know that she's got his too...

Is made a misspelling of maid, or mate?

 

[Solemateleft]

Is made a misspelling of maid, or mate?

good catch: "a woman needs to know that her MAN"... but mate would work there too... lol