I wanted to begin by thanking each and every one of you for the prayers, Scriptures, videos, Godly wisdom, and real concern you all have had for me not just the last few days but months.
Last night, while at work, I posted about God leaving me. Praise God, I think we all know God doesn't leave us, but maybe, as some of you have asked, I can explain me.
For years, unlike most zchristian people I know, Ive had trust issues with the Lord. A lot of it stems from my relationship with my bio father.
As Ibgot off work this AM from the hospital, I thought why is it that I can't just repent of things and move on with the Lord like others do and enjoy Him without feeling Im struggling to reach Him. I came home totally exhausted after 12 hours and different from my norm, sat down in a chair intending to go and take my bath but fell quickly asleep. When I woke up I knew the Lord was there!!! I began to ponder things in my life.
Im in a very deep pain re: especially the last years events in my life. First, one year ago, this past Father's Day, my stepdad died. A fine, Godly once minister of the gospel, who loved me for me. Then 5 1/2 months later my Mom and best friend, Godly woman passed away. My heart broke into!!! It was near the end of her life I first began coming on this site. The sorrow almost seems worse now than at the beginning. My heart is broken as I am about to approach Seasons, my birthday on July 1st, the first without my parents being with me. My Mom's birthday pn August 4th another shared moment zill no longer have.
There have been misunderstandings with my extended family. Many of them have had their own struggles and crosses and they have helped me but most of my time Ive been alone. Everyone has their own life. Mine is a bit shipwrecked right now. And finangling the management of tge household with homeowners isdues and working full time. It's been a lot! I'd like to think I could do something for the kingdom but sometimes I can't even help myself.
Maybe this explains me better and any wisdom Im willing to listen too!!! How do I be that loving child of God and faithful and survive the loneliness and pain ? Its much larger than I can fathom. God bless all of you!!!
Last night, while at work, I posted about God leaving me. Praise God, I think we all know God doesn't leave us, but maybe, as some of you have asked, I can explain me.
For years, unlike most zchristian people I know, Ive had trust issues with the Lord. A lot of it stems from my relationship with my bio father.
As Ibgot off work this AM from the hospital, I thought why is it that I can't just repent of things and move on with the Lord like others do and enjoy Him without feeling Im struggling to reach Him. I came home totally exhausted after 12 hours and different from my norm, sat down in a chair intending to go and take my bath but fell quickly asleep. When I woke up I knew the Lord was there!!! I began to ponder things in my life.
Im in a very deep pain re: especially the last years events in my life. First, one year ago, this past Father's Day, my stepdad died. A fine, Godly once minister of the gospel, who loved me for me. Then 5 1/2 months later my Mom and best friend, Godly woman passed away. My heart broke into!!! It was near the end of her life I first began coming on this site. The sorrow almost seems worse now than at the beginning. My heart is broken as I am about to approach Seasons, my birthday on July 1st, the first without my parents being with me. My Mom's birthday pn August 4th another shared moment zill no longer have.
There have been misunderstandings with my extended family. Many of them have had their own struggles and crosses and they have helped me but most of my time Ive been alone. Everyone has their own life. Mine is a bit shipwrecked right now. And finangling the management of tge household with homeowners isdues and working full time. It's been a lot! I'd like to think I could do something for the kingdom but sometimes I can't even help myself.
Maybe this explains me better and any wisdom Im willing to listen too!!! How do I be that loving child of God and faithful and survive the loneliness and pain ? Its much larger than I can fathom. God bless all of you!!!
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