Oh my, where to start...
Woman's Shelter?
I was under the impression that's women's shelter's for abused women were intended for women who were actually abused.
I don't think "being unhappy because my husband isn't a christian, and he drinks too much" qualifies as abuse.
It's certainly unpleasant, and we can sympathize, but HARDSHIP doesn't necessarily equal ABUSE.
Not unless...
unless...
unless...
unless you buy into the extremely leftist Neo Marxists view on power dynamics derived from critical theory, which essentially ascribes VICTIMHOOD TO ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.
If you happen to be a modern Neo Marxist who believes every unhappy person is simply, by definition, a victim of someone other person's oppression... mmmm... ok... knock yourself out.
If however you're still in the land of the reasonable... then we should deal with reason.
Standard Biblical Advice
The standard, biblical, ministerial advice in this kind of situation is to begin with pastoral counseling.
That's where you start.
None of us really know the woman, her husband, her family, her circumstances, or the veracity of her story and her views.
We simply don't know her.
We don't genuinely know her or her situation.
Someone who DOES know her, and who can deal with things in person, is in a far better position to assess her problems and offer counsel.
This is at least where we want to start.
Who We Know:
1. To assume you know someone you don't know (like the OP) is usually an error.
That's why I recommend she talk to her pastor - not me, and not you.
2. To assume she is best understood and known by someone else who ALSO doesn't know her (an outside counselor) is also usually an error.
It's silly for her to go look for an outside counselor who doesn't know her, when she has a pastor to talk to, who already knows her, and has at least some degree of training and experience in family counseling which is BIBLICALLY BASED.
* Most pastors are at least familiar with basic family counseling, as the scripture is abounding with this information, and it's the kind of counseling most pastors address EVERY DAY.
* If the pastor is too ignorant of scripture to give simple, basic, rudimentary family counseling from scripture... then I think he's too ignorant of scripture to be a pastor, and she needs to leave the entire church. If he can't give basic, simple, relationship counseling... then how can be be a "shepherd" of a "flock" that has nothing but constant relationship problems every day?
(Maybe he isn't the best, and maybe he recommends someone better... but if he can't at least give basic relationship counseling, then I don't think he genuinely meets the biblical qualifications for a pastor)
3. To advise someone to begin their journey for help by seeking pastoral counseling, with a pastor who already knows them, and may already know their situation, is generally the best first step.
There may be other steps.
But this is generally considered the appropriate first step.
Conclusion:
Although I'm glad the OP came here, and I hope she makes some friends and finds comfort.... there is just no place in scripture we're told to go seek advice from total strangers somewhere... like on the internet.
So the appropriate thing is to DIRECT HER BACK TO HER PASTOR.
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He doesn't want to change, and he's not going to without some serious help, which he refuses at every turn. And as for boundaries, he's probably broken any that you had for him.