Struggling

[Follower7]

In the OP, you mentioned issues relating to the controversy within the context of women placed in pastoral positions and concluded that is among the things of which complicate your struggle, being aware that opponents of the legitimacy of women in the position of pastor is often analogized as working within the spirit that Jezebel personifies (controlling). And my comment pertaining to myself was meant to express the closest I come to that accusation. That is, I do not operate in that spirit even if I might've "tolerated" it in others.

Thank you for your rephrase. My struggle is the hatred of women in positions of pastor or general church leadership, from some that don't share that view. I have seen many that may be more of the Deborah's Priscilla's, Elizabeth's, Mary's, Ruth's, and Miriam's of our time be subjected to name calling and dismissing their call and their ability to hear from God. I struggle hearing others hurt women and assume women in these roles are trying to control or lead people astray when they to can be lead and instructed by God. So thank you for your rephrase and understanding.

 

[Follower7]

*note
it is my habit to see needed additions to my posts and edit them after submitting, so it is advisable to wait out the five-minute edit window before reading them in their entirety

haha! duly noted

 

[discipulus]

Just really struggling with my faith as of late. I am an x pastor. But seeing abusive leaders in positions of power that are harming those trying to focus on Christ but are still in positions of power, or those that have sexually abused congregates but takes a while for them to be removed in their leadership roles. Or not having any Christian friends anymore or people to discuss faith with. Or the many differences in the Christian faith but specifically around people such as women, single moms, gender in leadership etc. People seem to see a different Jesus then I do...one that wants obedience but is for both male and female and for where their heart is and in telling genders they have specific roles that they must stay in their lane. Also, questioning if I can continue with my marriage where it feels I take care of everything and they forget, or they are no longer interested in faith which feels like its me pulling a huge wagon uphill. I'm just exhausted, I do devotions, pray but don't feel I am receiving anything but a depressed spirit that feels alone in their faith journey but am required to keep pouring from an empty cup.
I hope this makes sense to someone. Just is there actually a God, or have I been fooled all this time. Spending countless hours of study, prayer to something/someone that is not there....

Welcome!

Regarding your distrust for those in power, clergy is actually one of the top 10 careers chosen by psychopaths. They choose it for the exact reasons you listed. They like the power and control that it gives them. It's important to also remember that for every bad apple out there, there are a far greater number of others that are doing the right things.

I am extremely fortunate to have a caring and empathetic wife that accepts me and all of my obvious faults, so I certainly never question continuing it. However, she certainly doesn't have the same interest in regularly attending church. That can be difficult at times to manage. I just do my best to try and set the example of going and how much it helps guide me as a person. I'm hopeful eventually it encourages her enough to join me.

I'm here to try and learn through some of those conversations you don't want to have in person. As much as we don't want people to judge; they're human and they do. I also can't say that I have a lot of Christian friends either. They seem to number fewer by the day unfortunately. Hopefully we find some of the guidance we're looking for.

 

[Mem]

Thank you for your rephrase. My struggle is the hatred of women in positions of pastor or general church leadership, from some that don't share that view. I have seen many that may be more of the Deborah's Priscilla's, Elizabeth's, Mary's, Ruth's, and Miriam's of our time be subjected to name calling and dismissing their call and their ability to hear from God. I struggle hearing others hurt women and assume women in these roles are trying to control or lead people astray when they to can be lead and instructed by God. So thank you for your rephrase and understanding.

This brings up the question, "how do we not tolerate that woman jezebel?" and that is not delineating that every women placed into a position of leadership be place into the designation of such 'queens' as Jezebel. Yes, Esther was queen also, and an entire book is devoted as account toward her as one of great influence.
I think we don't tolerate Jezebel by speaking out, "no" to 'her' attempt and insistence to control situations to lean toward her benefit (as opposed to the benefit of her people).

 

[maxwel]

Thank you for your response. I do know why that is, he is using me in other areas at the moment rather than a paid pastoral position and in the meantime he is healing me from the trauma from this position. Thank God.

You still haven't explained what led to you becoming an "ex" pastor.
1.) Did the head pastor remove you from that position? If so, why exactly?
2.) Did you resign from being a pastor? If so, why exactly?
3.) You mentioned some kind of vague "trauma"... what kind of trauma? What kind of trauma would remove you from leadership?

To offer advice before we know what's REALLY going on would be unwise, and would make us idiots... hopefully no one here will do that.
1.) I'm sorry if the above questions are personal, but YOU started this thread, and YOU raised these issues.
2.) It isn't right for us to take your side AGAINST church leadership, or congregants, or Christendom at large, unless we know what's going on with you.


Dilemma:
1.) If you want real advice or counsel, you'll have to open up about YOURSELF, and your own part in all of this.
2.) If you don't want to open up to strangers, that's fine, but we also can't offer any counsel.
* As a general rule, many people who show up with complaints don't want genuine counsel... they just want someone to agree with them so they feel justified. That's a state of reality that all counselors know to be true.

.

 

[TolworthJohn]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond - for your encouragement, your prayers, your words of wisdom, your corrections and questions. I greatly appreciate this and today was able to enter into a more focused time of devotion, prayer and worship.


Thank you for your response and concern. It is not clinical depression that I am experiencing but I appreciate the suggestion.
Unfortunately, in my area, I am having a difficult time finding a Christian I can respect to speak with. Those I have been in relationship with are wishy washy and not authentic, but thank you. Slipping in and out of church, without knowing the background information, does seem to be in line with what is needed. Thank you for this suggestion.

May I suggest check the christianiryexplored Web site for church in your state that run this course.
It might help find a church you could worship at and or someone with whom you could talk.

 

[GRACE_ambassador]

in the meantime he is healing me from the trauma from this position.

Precious friend, A Very Warm Welcome. I will pray for you.
Please Be Very Richly Encouraged and Comforted In:

God's Grace Word for our infirmities!

Amen.

 

[Zoso777]

Just really struggling with my faith as of late. I am an x pastor. But seeing abusive leaders in positions of power that are harming those trying to focus on Christ but are still in positions of power, or those that have sexually abused congregates but takes a while for them to be removed in their leadership roles. Or not having any Christian friends anymore or people to discuss faith with. Or the many differences in the Christian faith but specifically around people such as women, single moms, gender in leadership etc. People seem to see a different Jesus then I do...one that wants obedience but is for both male and female and for where their heart is and in telling genders they have specific roles that they must stay in their lane. Also, questioning if I can continue with my marriage where it feels I take care of everything and they forget, or they are no longer interested in faith which feels like its me pulling a huge wagon uphill. I'm just exhausted, I do devotions, pray but don't feel I am receiving anything but a depressed spirit that feels alone in their faith journey but am required to keep pouring from an empty cup.

I hope this makes sense to someone. Just is there actually a God, or have I been fooled all this time. Spending countless hours of study, prayer to something/someone that is not there....

Its interesting that you question your Faith because of other Peoples aktions.
God gives People free Will and unfortunately People abuse it but thats between them and God not you and God. Your Relationship with God has nothing to do with them.

If I were in a Position to chance the Perception, I wouldnt let my Light be diminished by Evil, id try outshining them with God's beauty. If everyone would run away there wouldn't be a Light to run towards. Be that Light.

God is always there, you might not always see his Plan but he has a Plan for you and It is your choice to trust, feel and follow him.
I belive one should be alone (in the physical sense) in their faith Journey, thats the whole point. Its between you and God.

Best wishes.

 

[Karlon]

Just really struggling with my faith as of late. I am an x pastor. But seeing abusive leaders in positions of power that are harming those trying to focus on Christ but are still in positions of power, or those that have sexually abused congregates but takes a while for them to be removed in their leadership roles. Or not having any Christian friends anymore or people to discuss faith with. Or the many differences in the Christian faith but specifically around people such as women, single moms, gender in leadership etc. People seem to see a different Jesus then I do...one that wants obedience but is for both male and female and for where their heart is and in telling genders they have specific roles that they must stay in their lane. Also, questioning if I can continue with my marriage where it feels I take care of everything and they forget, or they are no longer interested in faith which feels like its me pulling a huge wagon uphill. I'm just exhausted, I do devotions, pray but don't feel I am receiving anything but a depressed spirit that feels alone in their faith journey but am required to keep pouring from an empty cup.
I hope this makes sense to someone. Just is there actually a God, or have I been fooled all this time. Spending countless hours of study, prayer to something/someone that is not there....

you have listed some enduring, possible long standing tough issues. i'll apologize if i'm to rough here but it seems you may be a portion of your problems. with all those heavy issues, at least a slight percentage. you did not say if you are a born again Christian. if not, that's where you start. an x pastor, wow!!! do not allow other people's problems in your life. your re n to the cause of them. pray for them, don't worry. the devil wants you where you are & is tempting you & he's winning the battle for now. i believe the devil knows his time is short so he's tempting people with more power & frequency. i dated a girl for about 17 years & i did everything. yes, girls, everything! i said to myself 1 day: " i might as well be single by myself"! we split. you are not responsible for the world's problems, only your own. if you are born again, Jesus knows your problems & is open 24 hours a day. learn to be calm, loose & relaxed. i tell this to everyone: sit in your favorite room with quietness, that is scenic viewing the outdoors, no noise, bring in some flowers so you can smell them & look at them, reduce your mind, spirit, soul, body & consciousness to complete relaxation & talk to Jesus. may be this is the beginning of your future where you realize His plan for you. & DON'T RUSH YOURSELF. STAY IN THIS REALM & REPEAT AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE!!! the answer exists, you must believe that! install all trust & faith in Jesus. in time, you'll be all set. blessings to you.

 

[icequeen]

Just really struggling with my faith as of late. I am an x pastor. But seeing abusive leaders in positions of power that are harming those trying to focus on Christ but are still in positions of power, or those that have sexually abused congregates but takes a while for them to be removed in their leadership roles. Or not having any Christian friends anymore or people to discuss faith with. Or the many differences in the Christian faith but specifically around people such as women, single moms, gender in leadership etc. People seem to see a different Jesus then I do...one that wants obedience but is for both male and female and for where their heart is and in telling genders they have specific roles that they must stay in their lane. Also, questioning if I can continue with my marriage where it feels I take care of everything and they forget, or they are no longer interested in faith which feels like its me pulling a huge wagon uphill. I'm just exhausted, I do devotions, pray but don't feel I am receiving anything but a depressed spirit that feels alone in their faith journey but am required to keep pouring from an empty cup.
I hope this makes sense to someone. Just is there actually a God, or have I been fooled all this time. Spending countless hours of study, prayer to something/someone that is not there....

Welcome to CC. Feel free to interact and post your thoughts, doubts and questions. I find writing here therapeutic at times, either through a poem, blog or just venting. Often you may feel misunderstood, or at least I do, but mostly you will be overwhelmed by the kind support that many members here give.

 

[Adstar]

Thank you for your response and this gentle correction. I don't think my faith has been built on people, but I do think my eyes stray from Christ and who he is, to what I see in his followers. You are right.
It is sometimes that loneliness in my faith that I find my focus wanders. Life, and life in the world which looks like a godless society feels like a bigger mountain that I can climb somedays. But God is God and People are not, thus constantly falling short despite their level of knowledge and understanding of God.

When i get lonely thats when i start talking to the LORD more often.. He is a Good Friend, A Dependable Freiend.. Yes most of our societies are Godless As Jesus lamented about these times..

(Luke 18:8) "I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth?"

 

[JJGS]

Just really struggling with my faith as of late. I am an x pastor. But seeing abusive leaders in positions of power that are harming those trying to focus on Christ but are still in positions of power, or those that have sexually abused congregates but takes a while for them to be removed in their leadership roles. Or not having any Christian friends anymore or people to discuss faith with. Or the many differences in the Christian faith but specifically around people such as women, single moms, gender in leadership etc. People seem to see a different Jesus then I do...one that wants obedience but is for both male and female and for where their heart is and in telling genders they have specific roles that they must stay in their lane. Also, questioning if I can continue with my marriage where it feels I take care of everything and they forget, or they are no longer interested in faith which feels like its me pulling a huge wagon uphill. I'm just exhausted, I do devotions, pray but don't feel I am receiving anything but a depressed spirit that feels alone in their faith journey but am required to keep pouring from an empty cup.
I hope this makes sense to someone. Just is there actually a God, or have I been fooled all this time. Spending countless hours of study, prayer to something/someone that is not there....

Lets chat!

Does this prophetic word minister to you at all?

Do you feel this is from Jesus?

You have been called by name, child, and you are mine. You are uniquely talented, and you are a vibrant gift to the family of my beloved ones. When you first awakened to love’s call in your life, there was so much rapid growth as you depended on both me and my loyal lovers to teach you my kingdom ways. You developed quickly in the nurturing and wisdom of my love. You heeded the teachings of those who aligned their lives with mine, and you sought to be like them. Do not diminish the value of this time, for it set you up to continually seek me.

Do not forget the gifts that you received in the early days of your learning. They are still at work in your life. Practice them and use them for the benefit of others. No one else can offer what you do in the way you do it. Do not be convinced that another could fill your spot, for there is only one you. Let your light shine brightly as you live in the confidence of who I have created you to be. Use what you’ve received, and you will receive more. There is no shortage in me. Let love propel you, beloved.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Just really struggling with my faith as of late. I am an x pastor. But seeing abusive leaders in positions of power that are harming those trying to focus on Christ but are still in positions of power, or those that have sexually abused congregates but takes a while for them to be removed in their leadership roles. Or not having any Christian friends anymore or people to discuss faith with. Or the many differences in the Christian faith but specifically around people such as women, single moms, gender in leadership etc. People seem to see a different Jesus then I do...one that wants obedience but is for both male and female and for where their heart is and in telling genders they have specific roles that they must stay in their lane. Also, questioning if I can continue with my marriage where it feels I take care of everything and they forget, or they are no longer interested in faith which feels like its me pulling a huge wagon uphill. I'm just exhausted, I do devotions, pray but don't feel I am receiving anything but a depressed spirit that feels alone in their faith journey but am required to keep pouring from an empty cup.
I hope this makes sense to someone. Just is there actually a God, or have I been fooled all this time. Spending countless hours of study, prayer to something/someone that is not there....

I would start here as I did.
Hope this helps.

 

[TabinRivCA]

Welcome to CC and thank you for your frankness in the Intro! Lots of good advice and I will say life is short. I would have a talk w/hubby and ask him tbh w/you about his feelings then you do the same, if he's not the violent type. Maybe go to a marriage counsellor w/or w/o him. God left oodles of promises, find the ones relating to your situation and trust God for them. 'He watches over His Word to perform it'. God bless & keep you and your family🙏🌹

 

[tourist]

There are many scriptural references of women in positions of leadership and authority in the bible. I have the utmost respect for women and find that they are fully capable of being leaders and in all areas. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.

 

[ReverandRN]

Hello Follower7. Ouch! I've been there. Feel free to read my introduction (I just joined). Remember to keep your focus on God and don't allow humanity to become your engine of thought that empowers your thrust to pursue Him. If your focus on God begins with mankind, then your train of thought/concept of God is going to be way off track.
Secondly, take care of yourself. Do you have children? If so, take care of them too. I have just recently split from my wife of many years and the divorce is becoming final soon. I come from a conservative evangelical background, and my wife comes from a home that was highly abusive and toxic. These ACE's (a clinical term) totally affects the way she handles conflict and issues today. Ministry was not worth the troubles that they provided to me and my family. I shocked everyone when I left and went back to school. Because I have that intellectual ability, I went to nursing school and have been doing awesome. I have been able to take care of my family and ultimately, my wife still wanted a divorce and I came to a point of peace with it. I do not like being lied to and getting kicked around, and I want to protect my kids, so the divorce became reality. It is amicable, and I left her with our best car and the house. My income provides me with freedom to restart....a ton of debt, but I can overcome it in a few years. I 100% do not regret it. My kids are awesome, the struggle was real, but i would do it all over again without a doubt, because my kids are worth it.
You've gotta get out of your hole, man. When you are there, the only way out is by grabbing onto His lifeline and starting over. God makes all things new. My wife will deny her abusive behavior until her dying breath, and that's fine. When it comes to faith, it's ultimately sink or swim on your own choices, your own faith, if you accept what Jesus has done for you. But you are in the ministry. If you are in this kind of a hole, then maybe you aren't doing your flock any good, despite your original intentions. The church is there for your to love and tell them about Jesus. It doesn't exist so that you can have a run-down parsonage and menial income. I know dudes who got themselves into this position, and because they had no other options they were trapped. Clergy live in a provided house and a low income that barely sustains them. I just got sick of it. i took the leap to escape the clutches of the denomination and went to school. I worked tirelessly at a nursing home while going to school. I took the little kids with me as I went door to door to mow lawns and rebuild decks for little old ladies. I did all kinds of stuff to make ends meet.
If you don't have the skills then get some. If you don't have the intellect, then challenge yourself and push! If you can't take the leap like I did, then while still in your position, take some courses online and get a certification that can provide you with a second income. Computers, IT, pharmacy tech...these are all jobs in high demand and all have easily obtainable certifications online. More income provides freedom and a better opportunity to have a solid work/life balance. If your wife only pees in your bowl of cheerios, then that's tough. I've been there and have survived her most toxic of behaviors. You can too, little brother. Keep the faith!