Questions For Our Married Friends/People Who Have Experience With Marriage Who Hang Out in Singles

[Ruby123]

Years ago, we had a married friend who was gone for a while, then came back to tell us that they had always liked hanging with us singles but felt a bit sorry for us.

This person had kind of picked up in church that marrieds were the more mature members and singles were untamed drifters without a cause.

This person explained that in their absence, they had unexpectedly gone through a separation from their spouse, and it was a lesson to them to value single friends - because a married person might very well find themselves being single.

I've been single about 20 years now, and some of the people who patted me on the head back then and said I was just a baby are just now starting their own single journey, whether through death or divorce.

So now who is going to pat them on the head as they did to us and then welcome them to the club? (I don't, out of respect. But I long for respect to go both ways.)

The marrieds I appreciate most are the ones who realize we aren't much different, and they could be filling out shoes at any time.

To all our married friends who laugh, cry, study, ponder, and fellowship with us while seeing us as peers rather than lesser beings or children, thank you. ❤️

I really dont understand how SOME married people look down on singles.
You enter the world on your own, leave the world on your own and are answerable on your own.
It doesn't make you any more special being married, it just means you have companionship. I remember when I finished high school there seemed to be a mad rush for girls to meet someone, marry and have kids. Then they paraded it.
Roll on a few years and these very same girls were struggling as single mothers desperately wanting to meet someone else who could help raise the kids.
This of course was not everybody's story but it seemed to be the story of many.

 

[Lynx]

I really dont understand how SOME married people look down on singles.
You enter the world on your own, leave the world on your own and are answerable on your own.
It doesn't make you any more special being married, it just means you have companionship. I remember when I finished high school there seemed to be a mad rush for girls to meet someone, marry and have kids. Then they paraded it.
Roll on a few years and these very same girls were struggling as single mothers desperately wanting to meet someone else who could help raise the kids.
This of course was not everybody's story but it seemed to be the story of many.

It's the American Dream. If you marry, get a house and have kids that's supposed to be as good as life gets. Congratulations, you made it! Then you can pity all those poor single people who haven't made it there yet.

 

[tourist]

Thanks for your response. My daughter never wants to have children and that I can understand, the part I don't really understand is her never wanting to get married. She has lived with a guy and he did ask her to marry him but she didn't. They were together a little over 7 years and broke up. Commitment without commitment that I don't get at all.

I guess I can understand some are happy to live single and I also was happy 35 years of single between marriages, but I can say this once you find the one that fits you and gets you and loves you for who you are it can be good. Yes, there are times you might want to and be angry but you know you love them more than the anger and when you have found the right one they stay through the anger because they really love you too.

I agree, without commitment you don't have a solid foundation to base a marriage on.

 

[tourist]

I told them, I told them, I TOLD THEM SO!

Someone told me I should reply, as your question seemed custom made for my response. I said I'd rather not, as I know I'm still on your short list as a possibility for your daughter. But I said I'd read your post and maybe reply.

So I read your post and replied and I TOLD THEM SO!

I heard mentioned something about a flamethrower. Maybe we can roast marshmallows and make some S'mores.

 

[jennymae]

Years ago, we had a married friend who was gone for a while, then came back to tell us that they had always liked hanging with us singles but felt a bit sorry for us.

This person had kind of picked up in church that marrieds were the more mature members and singles were untamed drifters without a cause.

This person explained that in their absence, they had unexpectedly gone through a separation from their spouse, and it was a lesson to them to value single friends - because a married person might very well find themselves being single.

I've been single about 20 years now, and some of the people who patted me on the head back then and said I was just a baby are just now starting their own single journey, whether through death or divorce.

So now who is going to pat them on the head as they did to us and then welcome them to the club? (I don't, out of respect. But I long for respect to go both ways.)

The marrieds I appreciate most are the ones who realize we aren't much different, and they could be filling out shoes at any time.

To all our married friends who laugh, cry, study, ponder, and fellowship with us while seeing us as peers rather than lesser beings or children, thank you. ❤️

Over here single or married ain’t such a big deal like it is back in the states. I’m truly relieved about that. Nobody’s nagging about singles have to get married or that singles in any way are immature or untamed critters lol.

 

[Lynx]

Over here single or married ain’t such a big deal like it is back in the states. I’m truly relieved about that. Nobody’s nagging about singles have to get married or that singles in any way are immature or untamed critters lol.

Really?!

Say... Where is over there again? And do you have room for one more?

 

[JesusLives]

I just think when the time is right for marriage you'll know I do think ppl rush into it too early and make it harder for themselves. I think being single is a lot easier than being married for many people I mean...theres a reason for womens refuges which are not there for singles. Its there for women who literally have to hide from their partners.

Also I live in a country where domestic violence is very high. Nobody will really help you if your partner or spouse decide to beat you up or abuse you as the police take the mans side and getting to a place of safety is complicated. And before you say christians dont do that, well, not true, church members can be as violent and agressive as the next person. Or financially controlling or coercive.

in churches many people that do go are recovering from bad marriages. I think I know at least half a dozen where the wome got married in church and their husbands cheated on them. and thought it was ok to do that. Cos they are men and thats their right or something and the wives will just forgive them anything they do...cos they are christians right?

I have been lucky and never been in physical abusive relationships. Mentally abused a little. I had one guy slap me in the face but it was after I told him I had cheated on him with someone else. No not ok for him to hit me but in reality I felt I deserved it. So I feel very lucky.

Sorry you are in an area where it seems to be accepted or the norm. If I lived there I would try to change my location as I am not a person who wants to slap anyone around nor get slapped. I don't know your situation or if you'd be able to go to another country and it does happen everywhere and I know Christians are not immune from doing it also.

I think you also have to be very selective in who you choose because even in my non Christian boyfriends in my entire life I was only hit by one and I have dated quite a few men and been married twice and neither one of husbands ever hit me. We have had arguments but never ended physically and like I said I'm one of the lucky ones.

 

[Lanolin]

well children used to get hit (or smacked) but a law was passed against that. However parents even christian parents protested that they still wanted to hit their own children for discipline.

in many families you got a hiding if you didnt toe the line. or hit with a jandal.

There doesnt seem to be any law saying you cant beat up or rape your wife. If you are married to a person you have a right to violate their body anytime you want apparently.

 

[Lanolin]

most people just get divorced if that happens though a lot of couples when they split up one might go to australia, which is like coventry or siberia

Ive known many marooned divorcees where it didnt work out and the guy left them in nz lol (after taking them here to get married)
but otherwise judges just say you have to live apart. So you get many divorceees living in cheap apartments and rentals to be apart from each other . They might be only 5 minutes away from each other but they'll have a restraining order and cant set foot on the others property, but for some strange reason, they get full access to children. I never quite understood that...he abused you and hit YOU, but its ok to leave him alone with the children? How do you know he doesnt abuse and hit them too when you arent there?

 

[jennymae]

Really?!

Say... Where is over there again? And do you have room for one more?

Norway, Scandinavia, Europe. 😁

I think we’ve got room here, even for Tennesseans.😂

 

[JesusLives]

well children used to get hit (or smacked) but a law was passed against that. However parents even christian parents protested that they still wanted to hit their own children for discipline.

in many families you got a hiding if you didnt toe the line. or hit with a jandal.

There doesnt seem to be any law saying you cant beat up or rape your wife. If you are married to a person you have a right to violate their body anytime you want apparently.

I did spank my daughter when she was growing up with my hand not any object usually two or three swats. They hadn't quite started the time out when she was growing up yet. When she was very small I'd get up and remove her from whatever she might get hurt by. It makes me sad that women are treated so badly in certain countries. Like I said I'd work, save do whatever I had to - to remove myself from that place.

 

[JesusLives]

most people just get divorced if that happens though a lot of couples when they split up one might go to australia, which is like coventry or siberia

Ive known many marooned divorcees where it didnt work out and the guy left them in nz lol (after taking them here to get married)
but otherwise judges just say you have to live apart. So you get many divorceees living in cheap apartments and rentals to be apart from each other . They might be only 5 minutes away from each other but they'll have a restraining order and cant set foot on the others property, but for some strange reason, they get full access to children. I never quite understood that...he abused you and hit YOU, but its ok to leave him alone with the children? How do you know he doesnt abuse and hit them too when you arent there?

This is New Zealand?

 

[jennymae]

I just think when the time is right for marriage you'll know I do think ppl rush into it too early and make it harder for themselves. I think being single is a lot easier than being married for many people I mean...theres a reason for womens refuges which are not there for singles. Its there for women who literally have to hide from their partners.

Also I live in a country where domestic violence is very high. Nobody will really help you if your partner or spouse decide to beat you up or abuse you as the police take the mans side and getting to a place of safety is complicated. And before you say christians dont do that, well, not true, church members can be as violent and agressive as the next person. Or financially controlling or coercive.

in churches many people that do go are recovering from bad marriages. I think I know at least half a dozen where the wome got married in church and their husbands cheated on them. and thought it was ok to do that. Cos they are men and thats their right or something and the wives will just forgive them anything they do...cos they are christians right?

I’m surprised to learn that this is acceptable in NZ. I thought NZ was a country pretty much like the Scandinavian countries. Of course, there’s domestic violence here, but it’s taken very seriously by the authorities.

 

[Lanolin]

the exchange between nz and australia is funny though, domestic violence happens in both. Crims from england would go to aussie, and aussie crims would go to nz.
NZ crims really have nowhere to go lol

There is one island, Pitcairn where child abusers ended up.
Also there was Norfolk Island. Which was hostorically a prison, but its now tarted up and tourists can go there marvelling at the old jails.

 

[Lanolin]

I’m surprised to learn that this is acceptable in NZ. I thought NZ was a country pretty much like the Scandinavian countries. Of course, there’s domestic violence here, but it’s taken very seriously by the authorities.

I dont know what its like in scandinavia, but nordic crime is big there, judging by the amount of novels with slasher scenarios in them!

but Seriously, gangs are a big problem here and police spend more time cracking down on them then dealing with 'silly domestics'. They just want the couple to sort it out. But they often cant or dont.

we've had to have PET refuges so that people can get away and have safety for their pets as well.

 

[Lanolin]

if its happening next door (sometimes it did cos its a rental property) you'd call the police and theyd come and tell them off and then they would move on. But at the moment its relatively peaceful and our neghbours are pretty good now.

 

[jennymae]

I dont know what its like in scandinavia, but nordic crime is big there, judging by the amount of novels with slasher scenarios in them!

but Seriously, gangs are a big problem here and police spend more time cracking down on them then dealing with 'silly domestics'. They just want the couple to sort it out. But they often cant or dont.

we've had to have PET refuges so that people can get away and have safety for their pets as well.

Yeah I know. I don’t read Nordic crime because of that. I tried reading Jo Nesbo but I literally felt sick reading the book. It was awful.

 

[jennymae]

I dont know what its like in scandinavia, but nordic crime is big there, judging by the amount of novels with slasher scenarios in them!

but Seriously, gangs are a big problem here and police spend more time cracking down on them then dealing with 'silly domestics'. They just want the couple to sort it out. But they often cant or dont.

we've had to have PET refuges so that people can get away and have safety for their pets as well.

What is a problem here, though, is alcohol. People are getting so drunk they commit all sorts of stuff under the influence.

 

[Lanolin]

There was one book 'everyone' was reading, so I thought I would try it I think it was 'girl with dragon tattoo' but when got up to cats being gutted and killed I was like NOPE im not reading this junk

 

[Lanolin]

What is a problem here, though, is alcohol. People are getting so drunk they commit all sorts of stuff under the influence.

alcohol has always been a problem here but now we have more problems with meth and p. Not sure how they get it in but people were stealing cough medicine from chemists and making p from it apaprently.