Marriage question

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Again, I never said it was the other's fault. Why do you bear false witness against me?


Yes, you're the victim. Poor you. It's never your fault. That's why you have the special privilege of not having to take God's word about divorce and remarriage seriously.


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You're trying to appeal to me but I have no power to bless or condemn a possible third marriage for you.

It should be God that you talk to about this matter. But you know what He will say to you. And I guess that's why you're asking us.

I think I'm in an impossible situation.

Some Christians believe that if two people have sex, then they're Biblically married. If a young woman came and said her uncle r*ped her, they would also say, "That doesn't count." Thereby making allowances where the Scriptures don't.

Some would say "What is bound on Earth is bound in Heaven (like a marriage vow), and what is loosed on Earth is loosed in Heaven (like a divorce decree)"
 
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There is great wisdom and experience in what you're saying. And I COMPLETELY agree with you.

However, this isn't some person I met yesterday. I've grown to become great friends with this woman. We both know each other fairly well. I spend a lot of time at her house, and we've went on a lot of outings together.

Because I'm a compassionate person - and I was a mental health practitioner for a few years - my mother thinks a certain type of woman gravitates towards my personality (ever heard of the hot/crazy matrix? lol). I cannot help that.

Side note about the Matrix....they don't necessarily need to be HOT to be crazy but it does help. :ROFL:

There was a guy years ago that discussed in a book about the attributes in ourselves we broadcast in attracting others versus the ones that really matter to us. How sometimes they become all confused up and we end up attracting the wrong sort of people to ourselves instead of what we truly need as an equal life partner.

We don't lounge around in bathrobes/pajamas or shorts and ripped t-shirts when company is coming over....we dress up a bit so that we look nice.

But some women just love a man in uniform or wearing flannel shirts or polo shirts and dockers like he just came from the golf course. (Just speaking euphemistically here)

So if you are leading a small group Bible study you are wearing those clothes that reflect this. 90% of the time you don't wear those clothes. So does she.

And "life" happens when you are wearing your work, rest, and play clothes when no one else is around. Those clothes will not come out so much when dating. They come out when relaxed and focused on something else.

Stress comes immediately after the marriage vows happen as two independent people figure out how to live with this other person and get their needs met. Usually this period sets the tone for the household. ALL the time is spent arguing and in the bedroom it seems. And you Both will think that you made another mistake and it will be so easy to call it quits again due to the callouses formed by previous failed marriages.

However the fights come from Baggage that includes a laundry list of fears and wants and false expectations of what you thought you wanted versus what you really needed. EVERYONE has some pride which tells you "I can't live either that". Or "I don't understand what they want from me"

Then there's the kids which had no say in getting a step sibling....they may like or they may not and then the divided attention they get from their birth parent plus the step parent acting in ways the child will not expect will cause them to act out. Step Children can and will cause divorces....more than you would think. They don't just come along for the ride as willing passengers....they have input which they may not share or have the ability to voice very well. They can unwittingly make parents life very difficult and not even understand how or why they are doing it....even if they seem to really like the step parent. (Incomplete brain formations are difficult to understand)

This goes way beyond what the two of you want or can visualize...there are LOTS of viable reasons why 2nd and 3rd marriages fail so often.

So....you two could be experiencing wedded bliss but your kids absolutely miserable and failing life in every way possible....affecting their futures in permanent ways. But it's still labeled as a successful marriage.


LOTS of things to take serious consideration over.
 
I just wonder why I must be tormented to be single and lonely for the rest of my life due to the mental illness (or whatever the problem is) of my ex-wife and her refusing to move on or reconcile.

You've had 2 marriages and your complaining?! The whole reason that God gave man woman and Marriage was to teach us about having a relationship with Him.

How many dry runs do you need?! How long were you married (both marriages combined).

I was only married one time but I'm in no hurry to get married again. It sure is peaceful at my house now!
 
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I think I'm in an impossible situation.

Some Christians believe that if two people have sex, then they're Biblically married. If a young woman came and said her uncle r*ped her, they would also say, "That doesn't count." Thereby making allowances where the Scriptures don't.

Some would say "What is bound on Earth is bound in Heaven (like a marriage vow), and what is loosed on Earth is loosed in Heaven (like a divorce decree)"


You're bringing these issue into weird areas. Please keep it in God's arena. It's His opinion that matters because He is the only one that has the power to judge your actions and either bring about a blessing (if you obey Him) or judgment/chastisement (if you don't).


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You can choose to live in bondage, or you can choose to live in your freedom in Christ. I'm happily married now and I gained three additional children who I love and who love me.
Its not about bondage or not bondage so much. It's possible that you unwittingly walked into a great situation and three kids who love you.

I've seen some 2nd marriages where parents are happy but kids are miserable.

And it isn't about your understanding of your step-kids problems it's the kids ability to resolve their own issues with the step parent.

It doesn't work the way it did for you in the majority of 2nd and third marriages.

That why where I say Biblically it's allowed but that its a VERY VERY risky thing to engage in.
 
Its not about bondage or not bondage so much. It's possible that you unwittingly walked into a great situation and three kids who love you.

I've seen some 2nd marriages where parents are happy but kids are miserable.

And it isn't about your understanding of your step-kids problems it's the kids ability to resolve their own issues with the step parent.

It doesn't work the way it did for you in the majority of 2nd and third marriages.

That why where I say Biblically it's allowed but that its a VERY VERY risky thing to engage in.
It isn't for us to decide. You give good advice to consider everything regarding remarriage. I'm speaking to those who would forbid it.
 
I have a question for those who may be able to share their wisdom.

My first wife divorced me. Because of her actions, I was scripturally permitted to remarry. (That's all I need to say).

My second wife divorced me and there was no evidence of infidelity. She literally left and never spoke to me again. There was not even a conversation in which I was allowed to process this decision with her. I had to do so alone. I am unaware of her ever moving on or being with anyone else afterwards. For four years, I waited for her to see if she would repent and reconcile our Biblical marriage and she never did. I eventually gave up waiting and believing that she ever would.

I started a Bible study in my home two years ago and I invited my mail carrier. She showed up every week, and we became close friends. She has a daughter in the same grade of high school as my daughter. I became very close to her and her daughter and helped them through some difficult times and vice versa. Even though she grew to love me, I refused to get into a relationship with her because I wasn't sure if it was right given the circumstances surrounding my second divorce (i.e. there were no scriptural grounds for divorce per our Lord Jesus Christ.)

My second wife left me in a position in which she abandoned me and divorced me without infidelity. Am I scripturally free to marry this other woman?

Is she divorced. Jesus said, '...he that marries her that is divorced commits adultery.'

If I were you, I would remain celibate, and I know that can be difficult, especially if you are young. Some of the physical aspects of it would get a little easier with age, though a lot of the emotional aspects of it might remain.

That's how I think I would handle it, based on scripture.
 
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We are only hearing his side of the story, not hers. I really do wonder why she left. He says she has mental health issues, but we don't know if she really does have that.

Apart from divine revelation, we don't know if posts on here are true or pure fiction. Generally, though, I give people the benefit of the doubt, but realize one person's perspective may not be all that accurate, and try to avoid giving advice that would lead to sin if the person isn't giving a true perspective.
 
She was a believer. When you say, "bring God into your relationship and work things out with her", I'm not sure you understand that she left in April 2020, and our divorce was finalized in summer of 2021. She has refused to speak to me since April 2020. My postal worker friend began attending Bible study at my house around December 2023. It was sometime around April 2024 when I had finally given up hope that my second wife would ever come back to me. (And this was not an excuse to pursue a relationship with the postal worker. As I said, I'm avoided a relationship with her.)

I just wonder why I must be tormented to be single and lonely for the rest of my life due to the mental illness (or whatever the problem is) of my ex-wife and her refusing to move on or reconcile.

[These are all approximate dates, not 100% accurate.]
Sorry, but you made it sound like the divorce was all about her accusing you of cheating, but you didn't say anything that's pertaining to irreconcilable differences like if you're unable to pleasure her sexually or you have an addiction that it's hurting the relationship financially.
But when most wives accuse their spouse of cheating it is most likely that the husband isn't around spending time with his wife but out hanging around late at night with his friends;);):whistle:

And so, whenever your wife has the seven years itch, you must be there to scratch it or else if not, she'll think you're fooling around on her

1 Corinthians 7:1-16
Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. ...
 
Sorry, but you made it sound like the divorce was all about her accusing you of cheating, but you didn't say anything that's pertaining to irreconcilable differences like if you're unable to pleasure her sexually or you have an addiction that it's hurting the relationship financially.
But when most wives accuse their spouse of cheating it is most likely that the husband isn't around spending time with his wife but out hanging around late at night with his friends;);):whistle:

And so, whenever your wife has the seven years itch, you must be there to scratch it or else if not, she'll think you're fooling around on her

1 Corinthians 7:1-16
Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. ...
You still can't comprehend.
 
You still can't comprehend.

I was going to respond, but I'm glad you did instead.

Yea, I have no idea what he's talking about. Lack of reading comprehension.

Sex was not the issue in my marriages. Sex was one of the things I was definitely getting right lol.

I don't feel the need to sit here and explain every little detail of my marriages and my failure, their failures, etc. It's irrelevant.
 
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Is she divorced. Jesus said, '...he that marries her that is divorced commits adultery.'

If I were you, I would remain celibate, and I know that can be difficult, especially if you are young. Some of the physical aspects of it would get a little easier with age, though a lot of the emotional aspects of it might remain.

That's how I think I would handle it, based on scripture.

I'm 44. I've spent about six years of my adult life dating, in relationships with various girlfriends, sleeping around, and in abject sexual immorality. I've spent about nine years married. About 10 years single and celibate. [All mixed up at different times with years-long stretches.]

I've repented of my former lifestyle and try to live by God's Word to the very best of my ability. I have a committed and devout relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ and seek to do His will.

I personally feel like, maybe God has put this woman in my life to take as a wife - I mean she loves me and wants to be with me. It's reached a point in which I either lose a great friend forever, or I marry this woman. There is no other path and the time to choose is very short. I honestly was praying that God would send her a husband, so I didn't have to wrestle with it anymore. Now that she has been talking to other men, I began to think, "What if I'm making a huge mistake here and I should marry this woman?"

I do have the spiritual gift of prophecy and sometimes God makes things very clear to me. This...not so much. Like, the decision is in my hands.
 
Is she divorced. Jesus said, '...he that marries her that is divorced commits adultery.'

If I were you, I would remain celibate, and I know that can be difficult, especially if you are young. Some of the physical aspects of it would get a little easier with age, though a lot of the emotional aspects of it might remain.

That's how I think I would handle it, based on scripture.
If she is divorced and not a Put Away wife....
That's what Jesus was saying. In this instance the KJV is more accurate than most of the modern Bible's....it's kinda shocking. At least to me it is.
 
I have a question for those who may be able to share their wisdom.

My first wife divorced me. Because of her actions, I was scripturally permitted to remarry. (That's all I need to say).

My second wife divorced me and there was no evidence of infidelity. She literally left and never spoke to me again. There was not even a conversation in which I was allowed to process this decision with her. I had to do so alone. I am unaware of her ever moving on or being with anyone else afterwards. For four years, I waited for her to see if she would repent and reconcile our Biblical marriage and she never did. I eventually gave up waiting and believing that she ever would.

I started a Bible study in my home two years ago and I invited my mail carrier. She showed up every week, and we became close friends. She has a daughter in the same grade of high school as my daughter. I became very close to her and her daughter and helped them through some difficult times and vice versa. Even though she grew to love me, I refused to get into a relationship with her because I wasn't sure if it was right given the circumstances surrounding my second divorce (i.e. there were no scriptural grounds for divorce per our Lord Jesus Christ.)

My second wife left me in a position in which she abandoned me and divorced me without infidelity. Am I scripturally free to marry this other woman?

Only Father in you with risen Son Jesus (1 John 2:27) can answer this in you, for you. I'm elated you and this woman found each other. I do beleive God is too. Edification from God is for us all, It is not a show and tell as if one is better than another ever. To me at least from my walk, given me, by God simply loving us all through Son first. Who took away all sin first at that cross for us all (1 John 2:1-4) went to that for us all willingly once. To free us to love all, in the same mercy and truth given us each, by Son, that when that got done, Jesus yelled "It is finished" (John 19:30) new life is in the risen Son, not the dead Son! Love and mercy to all from God is the call, which in truth is in you teaching you new from God in God's Spirit and Truth (John 4:23-24) is love. (1 Cor 13:13) trust God's love for us all to get along and not harm anyone anymore. Even though we all have this truth, yer, are reprobates, and get put under Law (Romans 6,7,8) and might again and have done wrong still, why? How,?
Being in unredeemed flesh and blood, not 100% believing in being 100% God loved through risen Son, freed Col 2. God loves us so deep, wide and High, Son took our deserved place to be dead for us all. To give new life in his risen Life given this from God not self or anyone else. Father and Son for us all. To walk on with true Love 1.Cor 13:4-7, which Daddy, Father, PaPa imputes in you both too.
So, be dead and now alive, not under Law literal Law anymore and now upholding the Law of God's love for us all to get along and not accuse, abuse or excuse anymore, as the first birth flesh does. Be dead Romans 6:11-12 to first birth, alive in the second birth
Marry, Equally yoked in love to Father and Son first, and let each other remain free in trust to God once for all.
John 13:34
A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

You are not under Law, you are new in love to all, by God for you
Have blessed marriage if led to by God, not people, or religion(s)
Love to all from God for all as God requires mercy over sacrifice
Ezekiel 33:13, Micah 6:7-8
God wants the best for each of us Jeremiah 29:11