Lets laugh together!
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Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife... she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over... women like that are hard to find."
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over... women like that are hard to find."
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Omigosh I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!!! 
And listened to it TWICE!!
What kind of mother am I?? I just forwarded this to my kids.
And listened to it TWICE!! What kind of mother am I?? I just forwarded this to my kids.
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The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked.
"Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone, I found that the cat had eaten it!"
"Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We can get a new cat tomorrow."
"Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone, I found that the cat had eaten it!"
"Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We can get a new cat tomorrow."
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A man who is on his way to work is pulled over by a highway patrolman for speeding. The cop looks into the man's car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat. "Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?" The man replies, "they are for my juggling act at the circus." The cop is intrigued by the man's answer and says, "if you can prove to me that you can juggle those knives, I'm going to let you off with a warning." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. The cop is impressed and says, "surely you are a knife juggler!" I'm letting you off with a warning. While the man is still juggling the knives at the side of the highway, a man with his wife are driving by and witness the act. The man (who is driving the car) immediately turns to his wife (with slurred words) and says, "I'm glad that cop did not pull me over...I would never be able to pass that sobriety test!"
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A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.
Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.
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Why men should not write advice columns...
Dear John,
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine died and the car shuddered to a halt. I forget my cell phone, so I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. I caught him red handed having an affair with the woman who lived next door! I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He explained that since he lost his job six months ago he's he been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling with me and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no dirt in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps.
John
Dear John,
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine died and the car shuddered to a halt. I forget my cell phone, so I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. I caught him red handed having an affair with the woman who lived next door! I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He explained that since he lost his job six months ago he's he been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling with me and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no dirt in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps.
John
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