In need of Christian Dating Advice

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cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#41
Mar 26, 2014
4,425
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#41
azo said:
She is that kind of woman. I chose Valentine's Day to make my move to show her what she means to me but I really shouldn't wait that long to do that. I just wanted to do it right but maybe trying too hard..
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azo said:
But aren't women looking for Men that can be a provider? Not saying I have to have a bank load of money but do have to have the ability to be a provider. I just really want to be ready in that area too which I am working on..
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There's a great verse in the Bible that says love covers over a multitude of sins. And to totally twist it into an unusual interpretation, part of that I think includes that if this lady knows you well enough and already cares for you, you can make a complete and total idiot of yourself trying to ask her out and she'll still know you're a good deal and go out with you if she wanted you to ask.

I'd also say don't sweat the financial side of things too much at this point. Do you even know what her expectations or standards are in that realm? How you both approach money and managing it will be far more important to any relationship than how much money is available. And she may well have a job that supports her well enough that being provided for isn't nearly as much of a concern as it might be for a young gal who wants to stay home and raise her children. At this point she's most likely had to learn to provide for herself or do without. So be creative and fun and uniquely you, and rustle up some cheap ideas for outings that won't be a financial strain (and might reflect the kinds of things you would do for fun if you did end up together).

And yeah, you're just going to have to take the plunge and risk it, but especially if you can tell her several qualities she has that make her so wonderful and amazing, she's not likely to be upset with you for being interested even if she doesn't reciprocate.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#42
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
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#42
Start with asking, would you like to join me for lunch after church next Sunday? Then talk see if there's a connection and then ask her if she'd like to go on a date with you? No pressure the first time just friends having lunch. Then if you feel like there isn't going to be a connection no harm done. Good luck.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#43
Mar 13, 2014
42,558
17,027
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Tennessee
#43
Nothing ventured nothing gained. I would trust your feelings that this is a decent woman that is worth pursing but to do that you would have to allow yourself to become vulnerable in the event that she declines your invitation for a Valentine date.

The fear of rejection often prevents a relationship from even getting started. I'm sure that you have prayed about this and I have said a prayer for you as well. Talking from experience I would say that the financial aspects have a way of working themselves out in a relationship that may lead to love and marriage.

A lot of people are so fearful that they wait for all of the 'I' s to be dotted, all of the 'T' s to be crossed, and all of the lights to be green before even contemplating making a move.

My counsel is to cast your fears to the side and go for it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#44
Mar 13, 2014
42,558
17,027
113
69
Tennessee
#44
DCrawshawJr said:
First of all, I hope you've prayed to Jesus about this.

Secondly, just ask her out. Don't wait until Valentine's Day, just do it. Ask her out for a small coffee date. It doesn't have to be huge. Also, when you're doing this, please, I implore you, confess your feelings to her, and confess the challenges you have financially. Mainly, tell the truth.

But in all of this, do guard your heart.
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I agreed with your advice to 'manly' tell the truth. Not too sure about guard your heart part as a big element of starting a relationship is to allow yourself to become vulnerable to allow the other to really get to know you. It's a definite risk but it also says a lot about you because you are not allowing your fears to overcome you that would prevent a possible loving and enduring relationship to blossom and grow.
 
A

azo

Member
#45
Jan 16, 2017
42
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#45
Thank you all for your continued responses. It has been truly helpful in making my decision. I appreciate everyone's input. I really wouldn't stress so much about this with any other woman. She's a good person and someone I like to see if there is any compatibility but I am forgetting that I have to let God lead me as I have done things my way in the past with no good success or I should say done it the worlds way. I am going to take my over rational thinking out of this and let him guide me. Again thank you all for the responses..
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#47
Aug 20, 2016
542
15
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#47
Dude, you'll be fine. I agree, don't dump your financial junk on her right off.
Tell her when really matters and fits the conversation. That's appropriate for a certain progress of the relationship. Go casual bro, for the first time, not sure where you live, but some place you can move and talk. Maybe not too much schedule. Have a plan, but be flexible. A Valentine's date would be more appropriate after that once or twice. Plus those casual dates can easily be thrifty and fruitful.

Be yourself, she either likes your or not by now, so don't go changing up who she knows. That communicates insecurity. That is woman repellant, stay out of that zone. No pressure, just simply get her off to the side and ask, so would you like to go...........with me this week/weekend. Have dinner, lunch, bowling, mini golf, x- country skiing, disc golf, coffee, green belt, anythi anything but a movie or something like that where atmosphere is dark or impersonal. Look at the stars might catch her fancy. Unless you live near me.... She'd probably say no to 0 and below temps. Go for it. You'll never know otherwise.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#48
#48
If you have never made your feelings known or even hinted at them before,
then asking her for dinner on Valentine's Day, might come across as a bit
strong. Has she ever shown anything more than friendship to you or given any
indications she feels she is more than a friend?

If none of the above apply, why not just give her a valentines card but sign it so she
knows who it is from, then wait and see how she reacts. If it's positive then
ask her to dinner later on when it's not Valentine's Day.

At least that way you are just dipping your toe in the water rather than jumping in head
first with no get out clause for either of you. :)

Believe me she will be most happy just to get a Valentine's card.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#49
#49
Re your finances you owe it to yourself and any future wife to get into
shape financially. Draw up a list outgoings and income, take out things which
are not necessary and stick to a strict budget to gradually get out of debt.
 
A

azo

Member
#50
Jan 16, 2017
42
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#50
Thank you all again for you continued responses. Just to update you on what is going on. I did actually call the woman I was interested in up last night. I got her voice mail but left her a message for her to call me back. I didn't get a call back from her right away which I didn't let it get to me. The next day(today) still no response back which started having me thinking ok this is not good for me. As the day went on still nothing. It wasn't until the evening that I finally received a call back from her which I started to feel a sense of relief. We had a little small talk for about 10 minutes then I went ahead and invited her out to lunch with me. She told me that she couldn't because she was swamped with school work she has to do and that she would be swamped the entire week. I could understand that she is busy but before I can get in and ask her that maybe we can go out some other time she put in that she had something planned with her friends on Friday so I guess she is not that swamped as she says. Well it was hard to get turned down to say the least as it was hard enough just getting the nerve to call her and ask her out but I have to accept that she is not interested in me in any other way. Been kind of down the past few hours but I know things in life happen for a reason and this pain I am feeling will past. It is just hard to take right now as it is still fresh. I know that Tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities in life so have to stay positive and look forward now..
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#51
Aug 20, 2016
542
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18
#51
I'm sorry to hear that. At least you know. That's no fun. Been there.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#52
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
83
#52
azo said:
Well it was hard to get turned down to say the least as it was hard enough just getting the nerve to call her and ask her out but I have to accept that she is not interested in me in any other way.
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You see, all that worrying about your financial situation was for naught :)..
 
A

azo

Member
#54
Jan 16, 2017
42
0
0
#54
Dan58 said:
You see, all that worrying about your financial situation was for naught :)..
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Maybe so but I was thinking in terms of serious responsibility and commitment as I wanted to be ready for the right woman God put in front of me to settle with. Bringing financial stress to the table is not how I want to present myself to potential partner.
 
Gary

Gary

Senior Member
#55
Oct 23, 2011
246
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#55
hqdefault.jpg This is the best advice you'll get. Bring her to Taco Bell and split the $5 box lunch/dinner. Not very expensive and what woman doesn't like a good meal?
 
A

azo

Member
#56
Jan 16, 2017
42
0
0
#56
Gary said:
View attachment 164849 This is the best advice you'll get. Bring her to Taco Bell and split the $5 box lunch/dinner. Not very expensive and what woman doesn't like a good meal?
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Ok, not getting this?? She turned down my lunch request and came up with excuses that she is too busy.
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#59
Aug 20, 2016
542
15
18
#59
azo said:
They say time heal all wombs but this is feel like a very long time and they year is just beginning..
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Time doesn't heal. The Lord does. There is a time to grieve, take that time. Make sure you keep your head up,even if you have to force it. Keep your eyes on Him, don't get negative and keep walking in the light, serving and fellowshipping,and bible study and worship. It's medicinal, the Lord feels you, remember that.
 
A

azo

Member
#60
Jan 16, 2017
42
0
0
#60
lv2ski said:
Time doesn't heal. The Lord does. There is a time to grieve, take that time. Make sure you keep your head up,even if you have to force it. Keep your eyes on Him, don't get negative and keep walking in the light, serving and fellowshipping,and bible study and worship. It's medicinal, the Lord feels you, remember that.
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Yes I do feel like I am grieving now. But even threw what we are going threw I still give him praise..
 
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